Conklin's Corruption (#3) (Conklin's Trilogy) (27 page)

“I didn’t know Tyler and the guys were coming!  Maybe we could all go out tonight?” Jamie said excitedly.

“That would be so much fun!” Heather squealed.  “And you could stay with Grandma, little missy!”  Josie giggled in her car seat and threw her hands in the air with excitement.

I sat quietly in the front seat, biting my nail.  With how Tyler had been acting, I doubted he would want to go out in the Chicago nightlife. 

Jamie sensed my apprehension.  “Maybe it will help them unwind with everything that’s been going on at work.”

I gave her a soft smile.  I confessed to Jamie everything that Tyler had told me, but only because she already knew.  Nathan had filled her in, wanting her to keep an eye on Mitch since he had been traveling to Miami more frequently.

“I’m still amazed they all took a Friday off.  You know how those men work!” Heather huffed.

It was shocking that Tyler, Nathan, Mitch, Ray, my brother Michael, and my father all weren’t working.  I felt like the world might stop.  Guilt spread through me for having doubt that Tyler might not want this.  Our entire families were putting their lives on hold for this shower and fittings, and our families never took time outs for anything. 

Mary had been hanging onto this wedding tightly ever since RJ’s death.  It was the only thing that seemed to keep her together.  She had called me every other day, asking what she could do and what my thoughts were on all the details, flowers, cake, centerpieces, favors, any small detail that involved a wedding.

Everyone seemed to take this wedding seriously, except for Tyler.  Whenever I’d bring up the wedding, Tyler would just say, “Okay,” or, “Whatever you want.”  He didn’t care at all.

Jamie pulled into the parking ramp for Belle Vie, and we were greeted with warm smiles from the receptionist.  Both my mother and Mary were already there.  Mary was practically jumping with excitement, hugging me tightly.

“Becca, I’ve been looking forward to today!”  She let go of me then turned me in the direction of who I assumed was the designer. 

She had a big smile, but her eyes wandered over my body, making me shrivel as I shook her hand.  My self image was better than it used to be but would always be damaged.  Tyler being so distant didn’t help either.

“Hi Becca, I’m Acra.  It’s so nice to finally meet you.  Mary has been talking up how you are going to make a beautiful bride.  Now that we’ve met, I completely agree!” She smiled while shaking my hand.

I smiled back, wondering if that was her traditional line for a new client.

“Well, let’s get started!  I pulled some dresses from what Mary said the two of you talked about, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to pull some more once I get a full look at your figure.”  I nodded then put my head to the ground.  Worry struck my nerves believing this might be more challenging than I pictured in my head.

Heather and Jamie both looped an arm through each of mine and gave me encouraging smiles as we followed Mary, my mother, and Acra to the fitting rooms.

The surroundings were so white and pure.  Large mirrors and chaise loungers were placed throughout the space while soft music played in the background.

“Becca, stand on this pedestal.  This is your day after all,” Acra said kindly.

I slowly stepped on the pedestal, feeling awkward as I looked down at my family and future mother-in-law staring at me with doting smiles. 

I tried not to fidget as Acra circled me, her mouth pierced and her expression of deep thought as she studied me.  “Hmm… I think I have a few that will be perfect,” she said then took off on a mission.

“Do you girls have your dresses yet?” Mary asked both Heather and Jamie.

“Yes, they came in a few weeks ago.  I love the plum.  It looks really good on Jamie,” Heather said.

“Oh, please!  You only saw a picture from your camera!” Jamie said.

Heather laughed.  “At least it matches your complexion!” Heather whined. “But I’m not going to complain because I made Becca wear yellow.”

My mother laughed.  “Yes, that wasn’t the best color for Becca at the time.”

I shriveled on the pedestal.  Tyler loved me in yellow.  Maybe it was because I was pale and overweight for Heather’s wedding and that was why I didn’t look good.

“Becca,” Jamie said sternly, causing me to lift my head in her direction.  Her smile was strong, telling me to stop listening to my head.  I gave her a gracious look.  It’s amazing how a best friend can read your mind and with one look tell you they understand and to stop listening to the monster inside your head.

“I’m sure you both will look beautiful,” Mary said, grinning from ear to ear.  “And you too, Miss Josie!”  Josie smiled brightly.  She loved her flower girl dress.  Heather said she was constantly trying to wear it around the house.

Acra came back with two assistants holding dresses in bags then placed them in the changing room.  “Ready to get started, Becca?” she asked.

I nodded and took her hand to walk into the dressing room.

I think I tried on at least a dozen dresses.  My mother made a face at each and every one of them.  It was fine because none of them felt perfect to me. 

Some were long and very narrow through the hips.  I didn’t like the mermaid look they gave.  Some were too puffy while others were too plain.  Normally I liked sweet and simple.  It matched my personality.  But this was my wedding dress, and I didn’t want any second guesses, even if it felt like the groom was second guessing me. 

I was beginning to get discouraged, until Acra brought me one more dress.

My mother sighed, “I don’t think that one is going to work for your figure, Becca.”

“She should still try it on,” Jamie said, helping Acra hold the train as we examined it from the hanger.  It was strapless with very intricate beading across the bodice and down the hips.  It intrigued me enough to step off the pedestal and take off the gaudy dress covered in tulle that I was wearing.

“I think this one will fit, too,” Acra said encouragingly.  None of the dresses we tried on fit, most of them were too small for my size six self.  I guess that’s what you get when coming to a designer who does weddings for movie stars.

“I think this one will take everyone’s breath away, including yours,” Acra whispered in delight as she zipped up the back.  It actually fit and amazingly felt a little loose.  “We’d have to take it in a little, and some from the bottom, but that’s easy.”

I closed my eyes, preparing to see at least one set of disappointed eyes in the tough crowd in front of me.  Acra pulled back the curtain to the fitting room, and silence filled the room as she helped me step on the pedestal.

Afraid to open my eyes, I took a deep breath and was stunned to see their expressions.

“Oh, Becca…” Heather choked.

“It’s beautiful. You look beautiful,” Mary said, her voice thick with emotion.

Jamie nodded her head, tears of happiness threatening her eyes.

“Auntie B, you look so pretty!” Josie squealed.

I blew out air as I turned to my biggest critic who was standing by the three way mirror.

My eyes glistened as I saw myself.

The dress fit perfectly through my waist and hips, snug and flattering.  I didn’t feel huge or disgusting but pretty and graceful.

Acra must have noticed my stunned face, as she quickly grabbed a head piece.  “Just to get an idea,” she murmured so only I could hear.

I hadn’t met my mother’s eyes yet. I was terrified my happiness would be shattered with her disapproval and impeccable capability to squash my good feelings.  Finally, she stepped in front of the mirror, head cocked as she studied me.  A lone tear escaped her eye as a small smile played on her lips.  “It’s perfect.”

I met her smile as I blinked hard.

Then all of my pent up emotions with Tyler and the Conklin mess rushed my head.  A large lump formed in my throat as I did everything in my might to keep my chest from jolting and my tears from escaping down my cheeks.

I found the perfect dress and have gotten approving eyes from everyone I loved.

Except I doubted my groom's feelings for me.  I doubted if he would ever be able to crawl out of the dark and dreary hole he found in his head with his father and grandfather.  I bit my lip, trying to contain it from quivering.  Sniffling once, I put my head down to try and hide from my onlookers, but it was nearly impossible when all eyes were on me.

“It can be overwhelming when you find the perfect dress,” Acra said while smiling.

I nodded my head, hoping everyone else would buy that as the excuse for my emotions

Jamie stood and walked over to me.  “Are you okay?” she asked quietly.  I couldn’t nod or say yes but looked back down towards the ground.  Heather felt Jamie’s concern and walked to my other side.  “What’s wrong?” she asked, not as quietly.

I shook my head.  “I’m fine.  Just happy to have found a dress everyone likes.  I just hope…” I closed my eyes.  A tear betrayed me and fell down my cheek.

Jamie tilted her head in understanding while Heather looked worried.

“Becca, why don’t you let me help you out of the dress,” my mother said quietly.

I was afraid to meet her stare.  Her tone meant she knew something was wrong.  I reluctantly stepped down, Jamie showing concern for letting me go in that room with my mother.  Most likely she was fearful of my mother saying something to make me completely lose it.

“I think Becca needs a mother-daughter moment,” she said kindly, ushering me to the changing room.

Stepping down from the pedestal, I walked to the dressing room, not meeting anyone’s eye.  Even Mary looked nervous now.

My mother followed, closing the curtain behind me.  “Becca, you look beautiful in this dress.  This is the one.  If there were any time I wanted you to believe me, it’s now sweetheart.  I mean it when I say you will take everyone’s breath away.”

I choked back a sob.  Her words were liberating from her usual judgmental self. 

“Are you getting cold feet?” she asked sympathetically.  “It’s perfectly normal.”

I shook my head.  “He’s different,” I croaked.  “He won’t talk to me.”

She took a step towards me, putting her hands on my biceps.  “Sweetie, I think he’s going through a very difficult time right now.”

“I know, but I want to be there for him.  But he keeps hiding in his work.  You’ve seen how often we’ve been together the past six weeks.  I’ve slept in your basement more then I’ve slept with him,” I sniffled, feeling odd for admitting I was actually sleeping with him.

“Baby, he’s a businessman like your father.”

I shot my eyes to the ceiling, unsure if I should say what I was about to let spill from my mouth.  “I know… but I don’t want to marry someone like Dad.  I don’t want your life.  I want my husband to be there for me and for me to be there for him.  I don’t want to live separate lives.”

She bit her lip and stared for a second before she responded to my confession.  “I know you kids wished your father was around more when you were growing up, and I tried to be there for you.  I know I didn’t always say the right things or treat each of you how you needed to be treated, but I tried Becca.  Your father was there for me, more than you know.  Physically, he was gone a lot, but we always communicated.  Not for a second did I doubt the love we had and still have.  Just because someone isn’t there in the flesh doesn’t mean they aren’t in your heart.  I know Tyler will always be there for you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he found a way to be around more if you talked to him.”

I nodded my head, a rush of relief that she didn’t take what I said the wrong way.  “I wish he would open up to me, that’s all.  I think we could be okay if that happened.”

“Sweetheart, men don’t open up easily.  From what I’ve seen, Tyler opens up to you more than anyone else.  He’s calm with you, at least that’s what Mary says.  But if you don’t want this, you don’t have to marry him.”

I looked into her dead serious eyes.  “You’d be okay if I didn’t marry him?” I asked, surprised.

“Becca, you have to be happy.  All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.  I don’t care who you marry, as long as they treat my baby with respect and build her up, not put her down.”  She looked to the ground.  “I know I didn’t do a good job building you up, and I’m so sorry.”  Tears were in her eyes now, and guilt filled my chest.

“Mom, that’s not true.”

“Don’t defend me because you feel bad.  It’s the truth.  I’ve vowed to myself that I’m not going to be that mom anymore.  But baby, know I’ve always loved you, more than anything.”  Her voice was choppy now, and I automatically reached for her, as though I was a little girl wanting to be comforted by her momma.  She was always there for my siblings and me.

“I love you Mom,” I said into her shoulder as I squeezed her thin frame. 

I felt her shudder once then say, “I love you too.”  She backed away and looked me over again, with pure happiness in her wet eyes.  “I know you love Tyler, and I know he loves you.  I’ve seen how he looks at you.  Your dad looks at me the same way.”

We both let out small laughs then our eyes met again.  “What do you think?” she asked softly, yet encouragingly.  It didn’t feel like she was encouraging me for something she wanted, but because she knew I wanted to marry Tyler.  And I did. I knew we would jump over this hurdle, just like we had jumped all the other hurdles to get to this point.  I was going to have to be the one to give the push start this time, and fight, as he had fought so hard for me before.