Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (24 page)
We rolled up to my parked car in the empty parking lot. I started to drop my hand from his but he tightened his grip to pull me toward him. By the passion in his eyes, he was going to kiss me. I wanted that moment with him more than my next breath. His face was within inches of mine. The cool mint of his breath wafted across me. My heart started to beat in time with the butterflies going berserk in my stomach. I started to lean into him when my eyes caught the company logo. I halted my forward movement and closed my eyes for a second.
Mia! You can't do this! You can't be with him! Don't even think about it.
My very last ounce of sense beat down every wanton part of me. It squashed the butterflies. My heart slowed down but that had more to do with agony of having to push him away from me. I opened my eyes and inhaled a deep breath of air.
"Ethan, I'm so grateful for what you did for me today. We can't cross any more lines. My life is complicated enough without adding something like this happening," I pleaded.
The pained expression in his eyes ripped me apart. He held my hand for a few more minutes and then let out a heavy sigh before releasing it. I gathered my things and got out.
He rolled down the window and asked, "What about your board?"
"Why don't you hang on to it for me? It'll give me a reason to bug you to take me out there again," I suggested with a half-hearted smile.
Christ, what is wrong with me? I just said I don't want to complicate things any further and then throw out a line asking for another outing like today. I need help.
I turned away from him to find my keys. I unlocked the door with an eagerness to leave before I said or did anything else idiotic. With my stuff secured behind me, I straightened in my seat to close my door when his hands stopped it. Ethan opened the door and leaned towards me as his eyes scorched mine. My brain stopped working with that look. I didn't realize that he had pulled me out of my car and pressed me up against it. He gripped my neck with his other hand before delicately placing his lips over mine. Ethan ran his lips across every part of my mouth before he deepened the kiss.
My lips ignited the second his were around them. It was raw and passionate at first but he pulled back to appreciate every aspect of them. He brought my bottom lip down ever so slightly. Ethan caressed it with his tongue before doing the same thing to my top lip. I gave him full access to lick and stroke the rest of my mouth. My body had been yearning for him for so long that I threw myself into the kiss as much he had when he initiated it. My hands found their way into his hair as our lips savored every inch of each other. He pulled me so close that I felt his heart beating just as fast as mine as we continued to get lost in each other's mouths.
I had no idea if it was seconds or minutes that we explored each other's lips and bodies. My body burned with desire as he ran his hands down my back before settling in the lower part of it. His lips gently kissed the lines of my jaw. A small moan escaped as he continued kissing along my throat. Each lick of the tongue from him was hungrier for more. My hands slid down his sides to find his hips. My body went from burning to a dead ache for him.
I tried to get my brain to start working again. I didn't have much longer before giving him every part of me. With my eyes closed, I released my grip on his hips. His lips stopped moving when I tilted my head to the side. I opened my eyes to face the disappointment that I knew would be in his. I placed one last tender kiss on his bottom lip before whispering I had to go. Ethan nodded and let me get back in my car. His parting gaze smoldered every part of me.
As I pulled out of the parking lot, tears started to stem in my eyes. From the moment I met Ethan, he awakened feelings inside of me that I'd never experienced and couldn't explain. I was more alive than any other moment in my life because of him. My hands banged against the steering wheel as the first tears fell. I never anticipated that I'd start falling for him and that was exactly what happened today. I thought it was lust but it was so much more. He made me forget about all the problems that life threw at us. It wasn't his appearance that brought my heart out of its slumber. It was simply Ethan. The part that hurt my heart the most was that he wanted me too. We wanted each other but it wasn't part of the plan. On that thought, the tears flowed freely. If I gave into a relationship with him, I'd be in way over my head without a chance of coming out of this deal unscathed.
My drive went rather fast but that was due to the continuous tears. They streamed in time with a thousand different emotions that coursed through my exhausted body. Parking in our driveway, I hoped that everyone was either out or in their rooms.
If only I could be so lucky.
As I made my way through the front door, Bri and Trey were on the couch watching a movie. She lifted her head of Trey's chest and gave me a bright smile.
"Hey Miii...aaa," Bri broke off after seeing my flustered face.
I gave her a forced smile on my way upstairs. I reached the landing and kept a quick pace on my way to my bedroom. I tossed my stuff onto the floor before flopping onto the bed. I brought my arm over my face and closed my eyes. Minutes later, Bri tapped on my doorframe.
"Mia," she said softly. She entered my room and sat at the end of my desk after turning on the light. "Mia, what's wrong?" Bri asked.
I kept my face out of her line of view. When I told her what was wrong, she would be disappointed in me.
Hell, I'm disappointed in me. What the hell am I doing?
"I really fucked up today," I breathed.
Bri leapt off the desk and settled on the pillow next to me. She brought my arm down and held my hand tightly. The tears started to build in my eyes again. Bri was on her side waiting for me to answer. The unwavering concern in her eyes reminded me how very lucky I was to have her as a best friend. I was glad that she was my person that I could go to with anything without fear of losing her in my life. I loosened the grip that she had on my hand because in a minute she'd have her nails imbedded into my palms.
"Well, you know how attracted to Ethan I am right?"
"Oh Mia, please tell me you didn't sleep with him," Bri snapped.
I caught her out of the corner of my eye. She narrowed her eyes insisting for denial or confirmation. I blinked allowing a deep breath to pass through me.
"No, I didn't sleep with him but I may as well have. He kissed me and I kissed him back."
"Wait.
What?
Why would let him kiss you? How is that even possible when you're at work? I thought you were staying away from him!" Bri shrieked.
I bit the insides of my cheeks at her growing irritation with me. "Well, that's the thing. I spent the entire day with him out of the office."
Bri sat up in a rush shooting me a glare. "Mia! Why would you agree to a day alone with him when you damn well know that you have a hard enough time being in a public with him? I swear sometimes I'm talking to a wall when I talk to you. Have you heard anything I've warned you about when it comes to him? Why would you do that to yourself? And
why
would you let him kiss you!" she yelled not trying to contain her volume in the least.
"My brain screamed stop but it wasn't doing the talking for me. I didn't let him kiss me. I sidestepped his first attempt. The second attempt took me by surprise because I didn't see it coming. Once his lips touched mine, I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to," I confessed.
I peeked over to determine where she stood on the anger meter. The harshness behind her glare wavered as she took a drawn out breath.
"Start from the beginning and tell me how the hell this all happened," Bri grumbled.
My eyes went back to the ceiling. I spent the next half hour recapping my day with Ethan. I thought about our various conversations, the desire in his eyes, his touch, his laugh, and the tenderness of his lips on mine. My body warmed with the desire he brought out in me. As I explained my day with Ethan, I glanced over to gage her reactions. The annoyance across her face lifted as she became more reflective with each detail I gave to her.
"What am I going to do?" I asked unevenly.
I began to twist my hands together. I sighed at the clusterfuck my life had become in the last twelve hours. It was at my own doing no less. Bri was quiet for a while and kept her focus towards the window. The wind had picked up with a storm on the way.
"Mia, for as long as I've known you, it's always been about logic and reason with you. I don't think you've made very many decisions where you just followed what your heart wants for you regardless of what reason had to say."
Bri stopped my anxious hands as her lips slipped into a content smile. "This thing with Ethan is different for you. I've seen it with my own eyes. Your heart has taken over agreeing to things that you normally wouldn't if you dwelled on it."
I gaped at her. She laughed and snapped my jaw shut. This was why I loved Bri. She had a way of seeing more in you than you could ever see in yourself. With Ethan, it was my body and its unexplainable pull towards him that dictated my actions. My heart had become just as drawn to him as my body and that made everything even more complicated. A single tear slid down my cheek. She reached over to wipe it away and gave my cheek a gentle squeeze.
"Bri, this isn't just what am I going to do about Ethan. What am I going to do all together? This is such a fucking mess," I whispered. My bottom lip quivered as I fought back the tears.
"Mia, what you're going to have to ask yourself is what you're willing to live without. You can't have what Harrison offered you and Ethan. You're going to have to figure out which choice doesn't leave you with any regret," she replied, letting her head fall to my shoulder.
I rested my head against hers. "As strongly as I feel for Ethan, I don't fully trust him. It's impossible knowing what I do about his company. I don't have any idea where he fits in all of it and there is a part of me that wants to find that out. I'm not ready to decide one way or another."
Bri chuckled. "I'm glad to hear that despite how intense he makes you feel that you do question him. In the end, you're going to have to make a choice."
She pulled her head back with concern in her eyes. "With how things are progressing, I urge you to make that choice sooner rather than later. Lord knows what it's going to do to you when you do end up sleeping with him," she murmured.
I scoffed. Bri cocked an eyebrow with a sharp glare that silenced me.
"You'll end up sleeping with him. I can see that already. You're just going to have to figure out which one breaks your heart the least. I can't help you with this choice but I'll always be here to listen with a shoulder to cry on when you need it."
"I do have some self-control you know," I said, poking her in the side.
"Mia please, I've seen the two of you together. It's only a matter of time," she teased, tossing a pillow towards me.
My face spread into a sheepish grin and she laughed. I groaned loudly into the pillow. Man, when I wanted a mess, I sure didn't go for a small one. I went for an all-out catastrophe. Her giggles subsided and the room had become silent. I looked over to see the humor disappeared from her face. Bri was uneasy about something.
"I know you don't want to hear this but I'm going to say it any way. You need to talk to Micah. He obviously has something to tell you. Shutting him out isn't helping you. You've been really off and it's because of him. You should talk to him to get closure."
I broke away from her anxious gaze. She fiddled with the rings on her fingers. I inhaled deeply and hugged the pillow to my chest.
"Bri, there's something I have to tell you about last Friday."
She shot up in a worried frenzy. "What are you talking about Mia? I thought you hung out at home while we were at the bar."
"I was at home. What I didn't tell you is that Micah broke in."
Bri gasped. "What happened?"
I tossed the pillow aside. The entire night had been on replay in my head throughout the weekend. I trembled every time I hit the point of the night that left me scared to death of him.
"He was higher than a kite on coke which is why he probably broke in. I tried to get away from him but he ended up grabbing me before I could safely lock myself into a room. It got physical. Before anything terrible happened, Trey stopped him," I confessed.
"Why didn't either of you call the cops?" Bri asked nearly shouting.
"Trey wanted to but I wouldn't let him."
Bri huffed with her hands tossed in the air. I narrowed my eyes to cool her down.
"I may hate him but I'd never be okay with not doing the right thing which is making sure he gets help. He's hanging on by a thread. If I called the cops or got a restraining order, it would push him even farther off the edge," I reasoned.
Bri groaned. "Mia, why do you care about what happens to him?"
I exhaled at what was starting to become a popular question. "I don't care. I'm angry but I'm not heartless. If you were in my shoes, would you nail him to the wall with vengeance or would try to take the high road by helping him from a distance."
"Mia, you're confusing the hell out of me. He shattered you. Leaving you...well for lack of a better term...completely fucked up for a long time. If you're willing to go out of your way to help him with getting clean, then why aren't you willing to hear him out?" Bri snapped.
"His return blindsided me. I need the closure and so does he but I'm not quite ready yet. I need some time before I'm around him again. If he hadn't broken in here last Friday, I probably would've talked to him by now."
Bri glared. "I'll say it again Mia, the
sooner
...the
better
. How many walking time bombs do you need in your life?"
"I never said that my life was boring," I said with a guilty smirk. Bri scowled. I gave her shoulder a nudge to get her to loosen up. "After spending the day with Ethan, I know that whatever Micah does have to say isn't going to hurt me. It's not like he is a thought of the past. I just know that there is so much more out there to experience than what I did with him. Ethan evoked feelings in me that I never knew were possible," I admitted.
