Conflicted (8 page)

A hostess led us to our table, a round affair with seating for six.

After I ordered my standard glass of white wine and Cole ordered some fancy bourbon I’d never even heard of, he said, “You’ll be my eyes and ears tonight, Ms. Cleary. I don’t plan on remembering too much.”

“Yes, sir.” I chuckled. So
that
was why he’d brought me with? So he could get drunk?

A man with a small entourage made his way to our table. The leader of the pack was probably around Cole’s age—late twenties, I guessed. He was attractive and rugged and definitely fit all the qualities of my type. Not that it mattered.

Cole stood and gave one of the men one of those bro-handshake-half-hug things. “Good to see you, man. This is my assistant, Lucy Cleary.” It was the first time I’d heard Cole actually use my first name, and I loved the way it sounded. I imagined him saying it in the throes of a heated moment.

I snapped out of it as the man extended his arm toward me. I took his hand in a firm grip.

“Vince Hanover,” he said.

“Nice to meet you.” I smiled, trying not to blush as his dark eyes bored into mine.

“Assistant my ass,” he said to Cole after he broke his gaze with me.

The whole “trying not to blush” thing was shot to hell with that comment as I waited for Cole’s reaction.

“Give me a break,” Cole said. “She’s married.”

I let out a disappointed breath, but he was absolutely right. I was married. I was off limits to all men, no matter what sort of attraction I found myself having.

Cole’s words sent an icy chill down my spine. He’d just confirmed that even if there was an attraction between the two of us, nothing ever could or would happen. He wasn’t going to get involved with a married woman, and he probably assumed that I wouldn’t get involved with him.

I wished I could say he was right.

But he wasn’t.

“These assholes came along for a free dinner,” Vince said, motioning to his “entourage” of three other men. He introduced them as Brock, Tanner, and Aaron.

We placed our orders as I stared at the men and memorized their names. All four of them ordered the same bourbon Cole was drinking. I wondered for a moment if that was why Cole had ordered it in the first place—did he know his clients that well and wanted to make them feel comfortable? Or was he drinking it because he actually liked it?

Cole and Vince seemed to go way back, but the other men appeared to be new acquaintances, which I assumed was why Cole had dragged me along.

“Tell me how the campaigns are performing in your eyes,” Cole said once the drinks had been served.

Vince smiled wickedly. “Getting business out of the way early?”

Cole shrugged. “If you want me to expense this meal, we have to touch on it.”

Vince nodded his head toward Aaron. “Aaron can fill you in. Or maybe I should have him talk directly to your assistant since you won’t remember any of this.”

“Fuck you, Vinnie,” Cole said. It was a clear joke and banter between friends, but it surprised me nonetheless to hear that sort of language fall from Cole’s lips at a business dinner.

The little shudder than ran down my spine told me I kind of liked it.

Why was I so attracted to him? He was such a douchebag.

Vince nodded in Aaron’s direction, who started in with a summary of our services. “Overall we’ve experienced a lot of success with your campaigns. Your market research was on point. We have four underperforming ads that we want your team to take a look at and revise.”

“Email the details to Ms. Cleary,” Cole said. “She will get it to the right people, and we will ensure those four ads are revised immediately.”

“Ms. Cleary?” Vince teased Cole. Cole looked away while Vince turned toward me. “I’ve known this asshole for a lot of years, and the only time he calls his assistants by their last names is when he’s attracted to them.”

Cole rolled his eyes. “I apologize, Ms. Cleary. Vince is drunk already and it was a mistake to bring you tonight. I’ll call you a cab.”

“Nonsense,” Vince boomed. “She’s staying. And we’re going to show her one hell of a good time.” He winked at me and raised his glass in the air.

Vince and Cole talked business through the meal, and the drinks kept coming for the men.

By the time Cole paid the bill, I had five semi-drunk and very loud men on my hands, and the one glass of white wine I’d guzzled at the beginning of the meal was doing nothing to help me control them—or their volume.

As unprofessional as their raucous laughter and totally inappropriate language were, I couldn’t help but think how fun and unexpected it was to see Cole let loose. I always saw him in his professional role as the hard-ass, demeaning boss, so seeing him as a normal guy who could act like an immature idiot with his friends was oddly comforting.

Vince continued to make suggestive comments about Cole and me throughout dinner, and Cole continued to ignore those comments. I, however, ate them up. It was all in good fun.

Because, as Cole had mentioned earlier, I was married. And he wasn’t interested.

After dinner, Don drove the six of us to a bar Vince recommended. The music was pumping, and there was no way I was going to be able to hear any of the discussion. So I had two choices: sit around bored or participate in the fun.

When they all ordered another round of bourbon, Vince looked in my direction. I nodded, and the waitress donning little more than a bikini brought me my very own tumbler filled halfway with amber liquid. I watched Cole’s eyes flick toward her ass as she walked away, and I felt a wave of envy.

I took a sip from my tumbler. The bold and spicy flavor warmed my throat as I swallowed it down. I’d never had straight bourbon before, so this was a brand new experience for me.

It didn’t take long for the alcohol to hit me. I was used to drinking wine, and the alcohol content of bourbon was much higher, thus making me a total lightweight.

And tipsy Lucy plus sloshed Cole equaled what could have become one hell of a hot mess.

Vince ordered me another on the second round, but I nursed it. I kept an eye on Cole because I suddenly felt responsible for him. I wanted to take care of him. I wanted to make sure he got back to the hotel room safely.

I watched as he got louder and louder with his buddies. I watched while he exclaimed that he was the CEO of Benson Industries, as if that made him untouchable and indestructible. I watched while his eyes kept sneaking glances in my direction as he fended off gorgeous, drunk women and waitresses in bikinis.

And as Don pulled up to the hotel at the end of the night, I watched as Cole’s lips moved toward mine.

CHAPTER NINE

“Cole, we can’t,” I whispered, pressing my hand to his chest to halt his forward progress toward my lips.

What the hell?

Why was I stopping him?

This was what I wanted, wasn’t it?

While it was definitely what I wanted, this wasn’t
how
I wanted it. I wanted sober Cole to kiss sober me because he wanted to kiss me, not because he was drunk and stupid and ready to make a mistake.

If I was going to put my entire life in jeopardy by kissing a man who wasn’t my husband, it wasn’t going to be because one of us was drunk.

He stared at me for a beat, and then he backed off. “Sorry,” he muttered, and then Don opened the door beside me and I slid out of my seat while Cole took a moment to himself in the back of the car.

He got out and we headed together to our room. I slid the keycard into the door and opened it, and then I walked Cole to the couch—his bed. I went to the bathroom, and when I came out, Cole was asleep…but not on the couch.

He was asleep in the bed. The bed that I was supposed to be sleeping in.

I weighed my options as I slipped into my tank top and shorts. I could take the couch, which would give me a stiff back and make me miserable for the next few days, or I could slip into bed beside my boss. The bed he’d insisted I take when we first checked in.

My husband snuck into my mind. He was at home, completely unaware that his wife was considering getting into bed with another man.

It was completely innocent. Well, mostly innocent. I wanted to be close to him in case he needed me. Cole was pretty wasted, and what if he got up in the middle of the night and needed something? If I was out on the couch, I wouldn’t be able to help him.

It was a poorly constructed justification, but my tired mind bought it fairly easily.

I slid into bed beside Cole, who slept soundly.

And I lay awake, staring at the ceiling for the entire night.

I probably would’ve gotten more sleep on the couch, but I convinced myself that Cole shouldn’t be alone.

I finally fell asleep when the first rays of sunlight started peeking through the sides of the heavy curtains.

“Ms. Cleary?”

The confused voice broke through my dreamless sleep, waking me.

I opened my eyes to Cole Benson’s handsome face. In the morning after a drunken night, slightly hungover and still half-asleep, Cole managed to be totally swoon-worthy. His sleepy eyes were gorgeous, and I was sure I looked as frightening as usual first thing in the morning.

His eyes widened as he sat up quickly. Too quickly, apparently. His hand came up to his forehead and he massaged his temple.

“We didn’t…” He trailed off, eyes cast down to the comforter.

I paused a beat, wondering what he would say if I told him that we
had.

“No,” I said, shaking my head.

“Thank God,” he muttered, still refusing to look at me. He’d gone from rubbing his temple to holding his head in his hands. “Then why are we...?”

“You passed out in the bed. I stayed in case you needed help.”

“Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

“Yes, I did. I’m here as your assistant, and I considered it part of my duties.”

A frustrated chuckle slipped out from between his lips. He still hadn’t looked at me. “It’s not. I apologize.”

“It’s okay. What can I get you?”

He finally looked over at me. “Some ibuprofen and a big glass of water. Did you drink last night? Or are you always this perky when you wake up?”

I giggled as I got out of bed, checking the clock. We still had two hours before we needed to check in for the conference.

I headed toward my suitcase to grab ibuprofen. “I had a glass of wine and some bourbon.”

“And I had somewhere around twenty or thirty glasses of bourbon.”

“Maybe seven or eight.”

“Fuck,” he muttered. He glanced up at me. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s fine.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

I went into the bathroom to fill a cup with water. I handed it to him along with the pills before answering. “You had plenty of fun last night, but clearly you’re paying for it this morning.”

“Thanks.” He took the pills and sipped the water slowly.

“I’m going to go type up what I remember from dinner before I forget. Go take a shower and I’ll take care of ordering breakfast. What do you want?”

He stood and stretched, still wearing the black pants he’d been out in the night before. He’d managed to remove his shirt before passing out, and he wore just a white undershirt. As he stretched, the shirt rode up, offering me a peek of his stomach. I saw just a glimpse of that carved, tight abdomen I’d seen in Jack’s photos, and I took in a sharp breath at the sight. I forced my eyes away, but that patch of skin was burned into my mind as I tried not to pant.

“Toast.”

“Just toast?”

He thought for a moment. “Bacon, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. And some strong coffee.” He started toward the bathroom to take his shower.

“Yes, sir,” I said with a smile.

He smiled back, causing my heart to flutter before he turned and shut the door behind him.

I sighed for one dreamy moment as I stared after the door, and then I called room service to place our order for breakfast.

I dug through my suitcase to get everything I’d need to get ready for the day, and then the bathroom door opened.

I looked up, and my jaw dropped. I really hadn’t expected to see what I saw when Cole emerged.

He’d just gotten out of the shower and barely toweled off. His hair was damp, and a few droplets of water glistened on his smooth, broad chest. He sported just the tiny hotel towel around his waist, and if I thought that little patch of skin from his abdomen a few minutes earlier was burned into my mind, this was a sight I’d surely never forget.

My mouth watered hungrily for him. He was gorgeous, but his body was spectacular. He was athletic without being hulking, all hard lines and smooth skin.

The abs in the picture had nothing on the abs in person.

Nothing.

They must’ve been carved from marble.

I was staring. And possibly drooling.

I couldn’t help it, and I couldn’t stop. He moved through the room past me, leaving a trail of his delicious scent behind. He stopped in front of his suitcase.

Apparently he’d forgotten fresh clothes in his quest for a shower. His forgetfulness was definitely my gain.

I cleared my throat. “Are you, uh, done in there?”

“You can use it. I’ll finish when you’re done.”

I nodded as I clutched my clothes and stared at him. Finally, I spun around and ran into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me, got into the shower, and got right down to business.

And by “business,” I didn’t mean freshening up with a shower.

I meant relieving the ache that had been building between my legs since I’d first seen Cole sitting on that couch staring out the window the night before.

I hadn’t felt real desire in a long time. But with Cole, everything was exciting and new.

Forbidden.

I shouldn’t have been so attracted to him. I should have been fighting harder against it.

But each passing moment brought me closer to doing something that I wouldn’t be able to come back from.

Maybe it was time for me to take a leap. To stop being so safe. To do something completely out of character.

Maybe it was time to let Cole know I was more than interested in him—that I wanted him. If he denied me, well, so be it. But if he didn’t, maybe he could be the one who would finally relieve the ache of desire.

It was that final thought that pushed me over the edge, spiraling toward bliss as my own fingers gave me the release I’d been seeking.

But as soon as I came down from the high, the ache was present again. I was pretty sure that the only one who could alleviate it was currently in the next room wearing just a towel.

And my God, I bet he could
really
alleviate it. Over and over.

And over.

Before I turned off the water, I picked up one of the travel-sized bottles he’d left in the shower. I unscrewed the lid and breathed in deeply. It was the clean, fresh scent that followed him everywhere he went. It was his shower gel, and the scent was all sex and man and lust. I breathed it in a few more times, taking a moment to memorize it.

I wanted to smell like it—but not because I’d borrowed his shower gel. I wanted to smell like it because his body had been all over mine.

I dressed quickly, not wanting to be that girl who took forever to get ready. I did my make-up speed-style and dried my hair as fast as I could, opting to braid it and stick it in a bun.

I emerged from the bathroom to find that Cole had disappointingly put on clothes.

He wore khaki dress pants with a navy blue button down shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I couldn’t help but notice that we matched as I glanced down at my navy dress with a tan belt.

I had the sudden urge to stand beside him and look in a mirror to see what we’d look like as a couple.

It was a ridiculous thought that I immediately brushed off.

I needed to get a grip on reality.

And to make matters worse, I finally remembered that I never checked my text from the night before. I’d been so distracted by Cole that I hadn’t even thought to look at my phone.

I went over to my purse and pulled it out. It was from John:
Glad you’re safe.

That was all it said.

Glad you’re safe.

No
I miss you.
No
I love you
. Nothing to show it was a husband communicating with his wife. Nothing to show a relationship at all.

The text left me feeling empty, and as my eyes moved toward the man sitting on the couch tapping away at his laptop, I wondered if he could make me feel whole again.

I started toward him. I wanted him. I wanted his fingers between my legs, pumping in and out of me as he alleviated the ache that was just for him. I wanted his hard body that I’d glimpsed just a few minutes earlier writhing against mine. I wanted the mouth I’d stupidly stopped the night before hot on mine.

I wanted it all, and I wanted it now.

I was standing over him. I opened my mouth to speak, not sure what exactly I should say except to invite him back into bed with me.

And just as the first squeak of a syllable emerged from my mouth, a knock at the door stopped me.

“Room service!” the voice on the other side of the door said.

I shut my eyes and took a breath.

“Breakfast is here,” Cole said, not looking up from his laptop.

Clearly he expected me to get the door. I was back to being the servant, the lowly assistant who was lucky to be on this trip in the first place.

I’d been about to seduce this man, and he was so engrossed in whatever he was doing that he couldn’t even be bothered to stand and walk the ten feet to the door to open it.

It was why he’d brought me along.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine what a relationship with him would be like. He’d constantly be treating me like I was beneath him, because that’s how he viewed me. His simple words telling me that breakfast was here was a command in disguise, and he expected me to drop what I was doing to succumb to whatever he told me.

Maybe I was overthinking it.

Maybe he’d really just announced that breakfast was here.

But every time I turned a corner and thought I had the right answer, something else crashed over me to tell me I was wrong.

I opened the door and the server rolled in a cart with our food on it. He unloaded it onto the table, and once I’d signed the bill, charging the food to the room with an inordinately large tip since Cole was paying, he finally closed his laptop.

We ate in silence so loud it started to become uncomfortable. I wasn’t used to spending this much time with Cole, let alone in such close quarters.

And I wasn’t used to the pull between us constantly coming at me all day long. 

It was taxing, but I’d signed up for it when I’d agreed to this trip—just not in one hotel room. I needed a space of my own to get away from him and my irrational feelings.

He glanced up from his plate, and our eyes locked. I looked away first, back at my plate of food. I poked my fork around, pretending to eat my omelet when really I was trying to find something—anything—to say to break the silence.

Cole spoke first. “We’ve got about a half hour before we need to head down. I’ve got some work I can do, and I’d like you to review the presentation for tomorrow.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. A half hour would be plenty of time to take care of what I really wanted to do, but this was Cole’s show.