Conflicted (17 page)

He grinned as he casually leaned his arm above me against the door and gazed down at me. “You better stop. We don’t have time for what I want to do to you, and you have work to do.”

I ducked under his arm. “You’re right. I have about a million questions and if you need this information by next week, we need to get started.” I sat in the chair where I always sat when I was in his office, but this time, everything was different.

This time, I knew how he felt about me.

This time, I’d cheated on my husband.

Officially.

Sex with Cole in the ladies’ room hadn’t been my classiest moment, but it had certainly been one of my most pleasurable.

There were no boundaries between us any longer. I couldn’t be sure where and when it would happen again; all I knew was that it was going to happen again.

And I hoped it would be soon.

Like soon as in maybe after he answered the questions I had about the MTC account.

But that, unfortunately, wasn’t the case.

Instead, we went over everything I needed to know, and then a call came in that he had to take. He dismissed me back to my desk (in a somewhat more polite manner than usual), and I got back to work.

He came out of his office a little before three, announcing that he had a meeting. I was disappointed that he was heading out, but I probably had a better chance of getting work done without him in the next room distracting me.

But instead of getting work done, I found myself distracted by thoughts of what we’d done. I hadn’t given myself the chance to really process the fact that I’d slept with another man.

A brief fear made my stomach clench. I didn’t know much about him, and it was irresponsible of both of us to get so caught up in the moment that we didn’t stop for a second to consider the potential consequences.

I’d cheated on my husband.

I suddenly felt like a different person. I wondered if I looked different. Could people tell what I’d done just by looking at me? Would John be able to sense my betrayal?

Cole was still in his meeting when it was time for me to head home, and I’d promised my mom I’d swing by the hospital and pick up Madi for dinner that night. When the two of us arrived home, I was surprised to find John already there.

John smiled at Madi and me when we walked through the door. I couldn’t imagine the shock on my face when our eyes met.

Could he tell?

He walked over to us. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Madi’s head and then, to my surprise, on my lips.

Could he tell from my rigid posture and cold demeanor that I’d slept with another man?

“I was thinking maybe it would be nice for us to spend the evening together. You, me, and Madi.”

I had zero interest in hanging out with my husband. But Kaylee had taught me that the first rule of parenthood was to put aside your own desires for the sake of the kid. Madi needed this. She needed us, her aunt and uncle, to show her a stable family while her own was falling apart.

And so, with a heavy heart, I nodded. “That sounds nice.”

John surprised me by grilling cheeseburgers, and once again we were the picture of a perfect little family.

But we weren’t.

We weren’t mommy and daddy doting over our little girl. We weren’t the husband and wife in the perfect marriage.

I’d had sex with another man.

Even without Cole in the picture, I wasn’t sure where John and I stood anymore. I tried to think back to the last time John had told me he loved me.

I tried to think back to the last time I’d told John I loved him.

Neither memory came to mind.

It was our reality, and we needed some good news at the hospital so I could sit him down and have the talk I’d been avoiding.

We ate dinner, and shortly afterward, my phone rang. I’d just finished polishing Madi’s nails while John read her a story.
April Levine
flashed across my screen. I glanced at Madi, who was blowing on her nails, and John, who was engrossed in some tale about going to the dentist.

“I need to take this,” I said, and I got up and rushed toward the office.

“Hey,” I answered quietly once the door was shut behind me.

“Hey.” His voice was quiet, too.

“What’s up?”

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. Was there ever a good time for him to call me when I was in the home I shared with another man? “It’s okay. Madi’s engrossed in a book about the dentist, so I’ve got a few minutes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For calling you at home. This can wait until tomorrow.”

“Stop. It’s fine. What’s going on?”

“I might need to meet with a client in New York next week. I was just thinking maybe you could come, too, and we could have that night in the hotel overlooking Times Square that we missed out on the first time.”

My mind and heart raced. Could I do it?

Physically, yes. Every last part of me ached to be with him.

But
should
I do it?

Aside from the obvious reason why I shouldn’t, I had to consider my family. They needed me.

“Next week?” I asked, buying time to try to figure this out.

“I just need to go for one night, but we could turn it into two or three nights. Just you and me, Lucy.”

God, I wanted it.

I didn’t want to go into work and find his office empty. I wanted to be by his side instead, in his arms, in his bed.

But I couldn’t leave, not when Kaylee was in the hospital and Kevin’s future was so uncertain. I finally told Cole that with a heavy sigh.

“I understand,” he said, disappointment evident in his voice. “Maybe next time.”

“If Kay gets out before you leave, maybe we could make it work.”

“It’s okay. Get back to your niece.”

“Yes, sir.”

He chuckled softly. “Today was…” he trailed off.

“The best,” I finished, thinking back to his body moving hotly over mine. Tingles raced up my spine just at the thought of what we’d done.

“The best,” he echoed. “Goodnight, Ms. Cleary.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Benson.”

I stared at the phone for a few seconds, and then I gazed toward the door as I thought about what waited for me just on the other side.

CHAPTER TWENTY

“What’s on the agenda for today?” I asked Cole the next morning. He looked painfully beautiful in another suit as he sat behind his walnut desk. His gaze fell on me, and my heart beat a little faster.

“I need you to pull together a focus group for MTC. I emailed you the details. Send me a draft of your ideas by the end of the day. I also need you to review my schedule for the week of the fifteenth. Vince will be in town all week, and I need to fit him in for a dinner. Pick somewhere semi-classy. I don’t care where or when. Reservations for six, including yourself.”

When I got back to my desk, I got started on the list Cole had rattled off in his office. His tasks kept me busy through the end of the day, and I couldn’t help but feel the pull of desire as the clock ticked toward five and people started leaving the office for the day.

I gathered up my stuff to leave and peeked into Cole’s office, hoping for a repeat performance of the day before, but he was on the phone.

He looked up at me with raised brows, and then his face smoothed into a smile meant for me. I couldn’t help but lean against the doorframe to steady myself. He was so damn handsome that sometimes my knees gave out just looking at him.

And he wanted
me
.

He’d ravished
me
the day before.

He wanted
me
to leave my husband to be with him.

He continued with his call, pointing to the phone and rolling his eyes. I pointed to my watch to indicate the time, and he nodded. He waved as if to tell me to have a good day, and I waved back with a smile.

Disappointment filled me as I rode the elevator down to the first floor. I’d been hoping for a goodbye kiss, at the very least, if not a goodbye shag.

Instead I’d gotten a smile and a wave. On any other day, it would’ve been enough. I would’ve been delighted with that.

But today…today I needed more. I craved more. I craved Cole.

I arrived home to an empty apartment as usual. I changed into leggings and my comfiest t-shirt, pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail, and set about mopping the kitchen to work off some of the energy that I’d built up over the course of the day.

I worked up a good sweat, and I’d just finished cleaning the dirty water out of the sink and was wiping my face with a wet paper towel when I heard a knock at my door.

I blew the strands of hair that had come loose from my ponytail out of my face and opened the door without even looking through the peephole.

Big mistake.

Cole stood in front of me in all of his clean and non-sweaty glory. His suit was as crisp as when I first saw him that morning, but his scruff was a little more grown in and his hair was a little messier from a busy day of running his hands through it at the office.

I wanted to jump into his arms. I wanted to run to him and press my lips to his. I wanted him to strip me naked and thrust into me right in the doorway.

But I was a sweaty, disgusting mess, and my husband could walk through that door at any moment. He already had his suspicions, and I couldn’t imagine what he’d say if he found Cole in our apartment.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

He grinned and leaned casually against the doorframe. “I didn’t think it was possible.”

“What?” I asked, smoothing my hair back in a futile attempt to look somewhat presentable.

“That you could look just as gorgeous casual at home as you do in those sexy outfits you wear to work.”

“Shut up,” I mumbled, turning from the door and motioning for him to come in.

He chuckled and followed me in, kicking the door shut behind him. He caught up to me and pulled my arm, spinning me around, and then he cupped my neck with one of his big hands.

“Cole, I’m a sweaty mess,” I protested.

“You’ll be sweatier after I’m done with you,” he growled. His mouth crashed hungrily down to mine, and he kissed me like he needed me in order to survive. 

His tongue battered fiercely against mine, all of the pent-up desire from our day of sitting ten feet apart coming to a head. His hand remained on my neck as his other arm twined around my waist, and my arms moved as if by their own accord around his shoulders. I clung to him, never wanting to let him go.

His hand trailed down, and he pulled me closer against him with a firm hand on my ass. He came up for air only for a second to growl, “Fuck, I need you. Now.”

I backed away, ready to lead him into my bedroom, but I stopped. “But he might come home at any second.”

His eyes were wild with longing and anticipation. “I don’t care.”

We stared at each other for a few beats, and then I grabbed his hand and led him down the hallway.

At the last second, I cut off into our office. There was nothing ethical about what we were about to do, but it felt even more wrong to take him into the bedroom I shared with John. The bedroom was sacred ground for a husband and wife despite the sins I’d committed.

His hand clutched mine as he looked around the office. I shut the door behind us, and I locked it for good measure. His eyes focused in on the chair.

“Is that where you were sitting when…?” he trailed off.

“When just hearing your voice got me off?” I finished for him, and he smiled lazily, his eyes still hot with lust. “Yes.”

“Let’s see if I can do it with my cock this time.”

His dirty words sent a bolt of need down my spine. I knew he’d be able to get me off with his cock. He had the day before, and my body vibrated with hunger for him. I couldn’t wait until he shoved it into me. I couldn’t wait until he filled my body again. He was a drug, and I was addicted after one hit.

He led me over to the chair, taking charge in my own home. He unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants, and lowered his zipper, each movement painfully slow as it heightened the ache between my legs.

He sat in the chair, and then he pulled himself out of his pants. I stared, my mouth watering, as he stroked his hand up and down a few times and gazed at me as if inviting me to hop on.

I hadn’t had the pleasure of really seeing him the day before. We’d fucked so quickly that it was all over before I’d had the chance to see just exactly how big the cock he’d shoved into me was.

I knelt on the floor in front of him, craving a taste of him. I had no other thought in my mind except pleasing him. I didn’t even care if he reciprocated, but I knew he’d never take pleasure without giving it back.

I pushed his hand away and took hold of him, stroking lightly a few times. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, a sexy groan vibrating his chest. I sucked him into my mouth gently at first, and then I gained momentum, picking up speed as his moans goaded me on.

I felt his hand on my shoulder, pushing me away. I looked up at him, our eyes meeting, and he gazed down at me with a raw tenderness I’d never seen from him.

“You’re good at that,” he said, catching his breath.

I grinned. “Thanks.”

“Too good, and I want to fuck you. If you keep doing that, I won’t be able to.”

“I want you to fuck me.”

“Take off your clothes.”

I did as instructed as he watched my every move. Heat crept up my neck as I stood exposed before him. I’d never felt more naked, but it wasn’t just the absence of clothes. It was his penetrating gaze.

He admired my body with appreciation. “So fucking gorgeous.”

I moved closer to him, and he leaned back as I lifted one leg and looped it over his. He helped me get my other leg up, and then he lifted my ass as I braced myself on his shoulders.

He grabbed his thick cock in one hand and then guided himself through my wetness a few times before plunging into me.

We both yelled out at the pleasure of his entrance, and he stilled inside of me for a few beats, his eyes burning into mine. “God, you feel perfect,” he said.

“So perfect,” I whispered, and then he unleashed the desire that had built between us since the last time we’d been together.

He thrust into me in an unforgiving frenzy, bringing both of us to the precipice before he slowed. He circled his hips, hitting every pleasure point inside of me, and let go of my ass, his fingertips moving to my hips and digging in.

I needed the friction.

I needed more.

I used his shoulders as support as I moved up and down over him, feeling him glide in and out with a pleasure that was almost too much to handle.

“Christ, this is so good,” he muttered, his gorgeous face contorting with satisfaction as I watched him. I moved my mouth over his. His tongue immediately thrust against mine, fucking my mouth with his as I continued to maneuver over him.

He was right. It was
so good
.

It was better than I’d ever experienced before, and if I could stay right there for the rest of my life, connected as one with him, I’d die happy.

Cole started to drive upward. He yelled out a string of obscenities, and I matched his cries with my own as we flew headfirst together into our climaxes. I collapsed against him, my head resting on his shoulder and my face turned in toward his neck.

We didn’t move for a few heated moments as our cries quieted. I breathed in his scent as my heart rate slowed back to normal, and he simply held me in his arms.

“You should go,” I finally murmured, not moving.

He sighed. “I know. But I don’t want to.”

“He could be home any second.” I didn’t say his name. We both knew who I was talking about.

“So? Then he’ll know.”

I sat up. “He can’t find out like this.”

Cole took my face in his hands and his eyes searched mine. “You’re right. But you will tell him, won’t you?”

I nodded. I would. “Soon, Cole.”

I hated using Madi as an excuse, but I legitimately thought I was doing the right thing.

“Okay,” he conceded. His demeanor changed from bliss to sadness.

He clutched me against him, his hand buried in my hair as he held me close. “I hate this, Lucy,” he said, his voice full of this intense frustration.

“I do, too. As soon as we get good news on Kay and Kevin, I’ll talk to him.”

He pulled back and nodded.

“Lucy?” A voice called from the other side of the door. “You home?”

“Oh, fuck.” I stiffened, my heart stopping for a second as my husband’s voice registered.

I jumped off of Cole and raced to put my sweaty clothes back on. “Fuck,” I whispered over and over. He tucked himself back into his pants as if everything was normal, almost like he was moving in slow motion while I sprinted around the room like a maniac.

I scanned the room wildly. The office looked the exact same as it had when we’d walked in, but it wasn’t the same.

“Get under the desk,” I hissed.

“Are you serious?” he hissed back.

I gave him a wide-eyed pointed look, and he sighed in frustration as he crawled under the desk. I checked to make sure he couldn’t be seen from the doorway, and then I took a deep breath and opened the office door.

“In here!” I yelled, and then I stepped out of the office and closed the door behind me, my heart racing violently.

“What were you doing in the office?”

“Just cleaning,” I said, hoping he’d buy it. “I just finished mopping.”

“That explains the sweat,” he said, looking me over.

“Yep, that explains it.” My voice came out all shrill and weird.

He gave me a strange look. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah! Great.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Whatever. I haven’t thought about it.”

“I’ve got some work to do.”

“In the office?” Fuck. Not in the office. Fuck. I forced my breathing to even out, but panic was starting to edge in and I wasn’t sure how to control it.

“Well, if it’s clean…”

I interrupted. “I’m not done in there. I, uh, still need to, um, vacuum. And the desk! I have to dust the desk.” I rambled with the first thing that came into my head.

“Fine. I’ll work on the couch. I’m just going to go change.”

“Sounds great!” My enthusiasm was out of the ordinary, but I couldn’t help it.

I was a terrible liar.

I shouldn’t be doing this to my husband. I shouldn’t be hiding my secret lover under the desk in the office while my husband was on the verge of catching us.

The second John was out of the room, I ran into the office and found Cole crouched under the desk. I felt like a total asshole.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, grabbing his arm and helping him up from the floor.

He shot me a dirty look.

“I need to get you out of here.”

I checked both ways before ushering him toward my front door. I got him out the door and stood in the hallway with him for just a second.

“I just…” He cut himself off. “Never mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.”