Condoned (Beauty And The Billionaire Geek Book 3) (6 page)

“I’m on your side,” Stacy said from the other side of the door. I knew she was. That didn’t mean I wanted her to interfere with my personal brand of self-therapy. I twisted the shower nozzle and listened to the sound of water falling on porcelain. All the stupid feelings I didn’t want to feel gurgled up from the bowels of my brain.

Tears flowed like the shower water, wetting my dirty t-shirt. I stripped it off while I tried to stifle the sound of crying. I didn’t want Stacy to know I was sobbing in here. I didn’t need any more pity. I’d told her Billy was the photographer at the freaky photo shoot and then taken to my bed.

I hadn’t cried. I hadn’t done anything but sleep and stare at the wall. I was numb, like an icy fog had descended over my brain, freezing out all my feelings. Whenever things got too hard, I went to that place in myself. It kept me from having to face the pain.

I washed my greasy hair and when I got out of the shower, I felt somewhat better. Wrapping myself in a robe, I slugged out of the bathroom and plopped down on the couch. I clicked on the remote and ignored Stacy as she sat next to me.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve got work, so I’m going out soon. But I want you to focus on the positive. I downloaded some motivational audiobooks onto your phone. Please at least try to listen to them.”

“I’m not making any promises.”

Stacy sighed and gave me a worried look before she turned to go. I clicked through the channels, not responding when she said goodbye. Stacy was too good a friend for the way I was acting. She didn’t deserve it, but I felt too depressed to be decent to her or anyone, even myself.

I slumped into the couch and settled on Jerry Springer. Watching people scream at each other somehow made me feel better. My own family life had been a little like this, except we had better vocabularies. I curled up in a fetal position and watched the woman scream in the face of her baby daddy. A shiver ran down my spine. At least I’d avoided
that
situation. There, that was a positive. Stacy would be proud.

My phone bleeped with a text message from the coffee table. I reached for the phone, bringing it in front of my face. Pressing the screen I read that I had to pay my phone bill or it would be shut off. Groaning, I rose to my feet and trudged across the room to where my laptop sat on the dining room table.

I had to check my bank account before I paid any bills. I had to make sure I could afford it. I clicked through the login screen to view my bank balance. I blinked. I blinked again. Then I rubbed my computer screen to make sure it was really there.

My bank balance was over one hundred and twenty thousand dollars. All the money I’d paid to the banks, plus the fifteen grand I’d been paid by William, sat in my bank account like a mirage.

I covered my face with my hands and groaned. There was only one way that money had been refunded to my bank account, and it made me furious. The last thing I wanted was his help. I dialed my bank, fuming.

The representative answered with a heavy Indian accent. I asked her exactly where the money had come from and she insisted it was a lump sum payment from a crediting agency. I told her I wanted to return it and asked how I could do it.

“I’m sorry ma’am. We cannot return the funds or refund them to the source. There are no avenues to refuse credited funds. I suggest you call the business directly and make repayment arrangements with them.”

Because of the language barrier, I had the distinct feeling she had no idea what she was talking about. It was almost impossible to understand what she was saying. Finally, after some confused exchanges, she gave me the creditors direct phone number. I called them as soon as I hung up the phone.

A secretary answered, and I informed her of my issue. I could hear the humor in her voice. She must have thought I was an idiot.

“Let me make sure I understand this correctly, you want to return a hundred thousand dollars?”

“Yes. I want to return it. Who do I need to talk to?”

“Please give me your name and social security number.”

I provided her with the information and she looked up my files. “You see, ma’am, the funds were returned to you after a judgment in your favor involving identity theft. The money is yours. We have no legal right to accept its return.”

“But… but… I don’t want it.”

“Might I suggest giving it to charity?”

“Okay. Thanks.”

I hung up the phone, thoroughly pissed. Billy was manipulating me, and he had the banks and the creditors on his side. Just because he could pay for a team of lawyers didn’t mean he had the right to fight my case. There had to be some kind of law against that.

I called the county court and found out the suit had been brought forth by the DA and it was all legit. I didn’t believe that for a minute as I slammed my cellphone down on the table. I knew William was behind this somehow. Money didn’t just walk back into someone’s account after creditors had taken it all. I laid my head on the table and moaned.

I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to think of what to do. The intense anger had snapped me out of my funk, and I’d already made three business calls. I sat up and looked around, sighing. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. It
was
my money. I hated that William had probably gotten it back for me, but at the end of the day, it was still my money.

I stood and went to my room to dress, my mind racing with a million different possibilities. As I brushed my tangled, damp hair, I spied a photograph of Claire and Rose on my desk. I needed to go home. I needed to feel safe and normal again.

I texted Stacy that I was going back to California tonight. She texted back with an exclamation point. After I paid a few bills, I booked a flight to California for later that morning. I threw a bunch of stuff in a suitcase, packed my laptop into my carry-on and called a cab.

Within two hours I was on a plane to California. I hadn’t gone to see Claire for almost a year. Being distracted with Andy and the burlesque troop, and then my financial downfall, had made it impossible to get back home. I hadn’t called to tell her I was coming, but I was sure she’d be happy to see me. She always was.

When I arrived in San Francisco, I rented a car and drove up the coast, silently watching the memories of my youth roll by outside the window. The yellow grasses of Mendocino turned into the lush green forests of Humboldt.

Leggetville had barely changed since I’d moved to Seattle five years ago. The Briar Diner still sat nestled between hippie gift stores across the street from Claire’s husband’s  tattoo shop. My heart hurt the way it only can when you go home.

I drove up the highway a short mile and turned down the paved road that used to be gravel when I’d lived there. Up the road, past familiar neighborhood homes, I pulled up to our house. They’d made a lot of improvements to the old place and it made me happy and sad at once. It was like somehow, I’d lost something that I’d never get back again. I shook my head as I opened the driver’s side door, not understanding my own feelings.

As soon as I emerged from the car, the front door of the house burst open, and Claire came running across the front lawn. Her eyes were wide with surprise and her mouth was opened with a gleeful smile. She had a measuring tape draped around her neck and her light auburn hair up in a bun. She’d lost weight and looked healthy and young.

“Zoe! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming,” she said with a little humph as she came through the garden gate and tackled me in her arms. Bradley barked from the door and ran toward me, sniffing around my butt until the mutt finally recognized me and began whining instead. Claire let me go and I leaned down to give Bradly a hug and a pat on the head.

“Come in! Tell me what’s going on in your world, Zoe. I’ve missed you so much.”

A school bus screeched to a halt in the road and a little girl with curly blond hair came bouncing down the stairs. When she saw me, she grinned so wide she looked like the Cheshire cat. She ran toward me with her pink backpack on her back and her My Little Pony lunchbox in her hand.

When she reached me she enveloped my waist with her little arms. I bent down and gave her a strong hug. Little Rose. I’d missed her so much. My heart felt that pain again. I’d missed so much of Rose’s life, only coming home a few times a year. But I’d been a huge part of her life when she was an infant. And she had been a huge part of mine. Since she’d turned about four, she’d decided I was the coolest thing since glitter glue. Having an aunt who was a fashion model, put her on the A-list in the preschool.

“How was school today?” Claire asked her, giving Rose a pat on the shoulder.

“We studied dinosaurs. Did you know that t-rex was as tall as the firehouse? That’s pretty tall.” We walked into the house and Rose dumped her things on the couch before spying a jar full of fresh baked cookies. “Can I have a cookie? Please!”

“One and then your homework.”

Claire handed Rose a cookie and the active little girl dutifully sat down to do her homework at the family’s ancient oak dining table. Claire reached out and took my hand. “I’m so happy you’ve come home. I’ve been worried about you lately. That mess with your ex. But you look good. I hope everything is okay.”

We moved into the living room, and I sat down while Claire poured us glasses of iced tea and brought them out. I took a sip of her homemade herbal iced tea and smiled. I could taste the fresh mint from the garden and a hint of honey. Claire had retained so much of who we were growing up, the things I’d lost along the way. In a way, I envied her.

We chatted about Rose and the house until Damien came home, and we all had dinner together. It was nice to watch their family. Everyone loved each other so much. Claire and Damien teased each other gently and made each other laugh until Claire’s face lit up like a candle. Damien was a tattooed biker but underneath all that, he was sweet and kind of goofy.

After Claire put Rose to bed, Damien opened a bottle of old scotch that had been a gift from the leader of his bike gang. After he’d only had one shot, someone called and he had to leave. He gave Claire a deep kiss on the lips and road off into the night on his Harley.

Claire picked up the ice filled glasses and the bottle and took it outside to the Adirondack chairs facing the garden at the back of the house. The air smelled of green things growing. The rosemary bushes Claire had planted three summers ago had grown lush and bushy around the garden fence. The herbal aroma mixed with the earthy smell of the forest beyond our family’s land.

Claire poured us more shots and leaned back in her chair. I sipped my drink, letting the warm liquid burn down my throat and into my stomach. It felt good to relax under the stars with Claire. Bradly wagged his bud around our chairs. He was getting older, but was still a rascal.

A moment of clarity hit me as I drank my third shot. “Do you remember five years ago when I came for Thanksgiving, right after I moved?”

“Yes. You didn’t seem happy, but you never told me why. I always felt like I’d lost you after that.”

“You never told me that,” I whispered.

“I always wanted to be supportive. You know that. But I missed you a lot.”

“Do you use OpenPortal?” I asked.

“Who doesn’t? Regan told me you introduced her to William Black. I can’t believe you know him. But what does that have to do with Thanksgiving five years ago?”

“The thing is, I’d been dating Billy. William. Back then. It was a short but very intense relationship. So much so that I never forgot him. I never really got over him. I don’t know how to say it, but I need to get it off my chest. When I came for Thanksgiving that time, I’d been pregnant.”

“Oh Zoe. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I know it’s stupid, but I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t take care of myself.”

“Of all the people I know, you are the last person I would think that about. But what happened?”

“I was going to get an abortion. Billy was talking about marriage, but I just didn’t want to tie myself down so soon. I was only eighteen. I couldn’t do it. He’d been in the middle of getting investors for OpenPortal and giving his Master’s presentation.

“I probably blindsided him. I admit that now. But I was angry. I thought he got me pregnant on purpose. He wanted me to wait, and I didn’t want to. So he broke up with me after I called him from the clinic.

“It wasn’t fair of me, I know. He was about to go into an investor’s meeting. I couldn’t think straight, I wanted his support. Billy can be so oblivious to other people’s feelings.”

Claire reached around my shoulder and pulled me into an embrace. I felt a tear threatening to creep out of my eye, but I kept going. “I started crying so much after he broke up with me that the nurse told me to go home. A few days later, I had a miscarriage. I never told anyone, not even Billy, for five years.”

“Oh Zoe,” she said, rubbing my back. “That must have been so hard for you. No wonder you’ve been so distant all this time. And to think, he became one of the richest men in the world. It must feel horribly humiliating. And you had to bear it all alone.” She sounded closer to tears than I even felt. I reached over and hugged her tight. The weight that had been on my chest for so long, felt a thousand times lighter. “So you’re seeing him again?”

“I was. Kind of. I was hesitant to get back into a relationship with him. When we were together, it consumed me. I could barely think of anything but him. I couldn’t stand to be away from him. When we broke up, I barely survived. I dropped out of school and almost lost everything. Like when mom died. It was bad. I didn’t want to go through that again, but I still… I still loved him.”