Conditional Offer (16 page)

"I need…." She gasped, unsure how to put into words what it was she truly needed at that moment. Wishing more than anything that she could.

"I know." He reached behind her to open the door, and they kissed and groped their way down the dark hallway to their room. He grabbed her around the waist and tossed her upon the tall, creaky bed. Candles were already lit. A bottle of something sat chilling in a silver stand. She smiled at the sight of a bowl of Reese's Pieces, sitting on the bedside table.

She giggled and moved her hips, making the bed moan and sing out a rusty sounding tune. Craig eyed her as he unzipped his khakis and yanked his already unbuttoned shirt off, dumping everything on the floor. She put her hands behind her head, watching and marveling for the millionth time at his amazing body. His tall, lean strength was encased in a slender yet wiry build, with cut abs and broad, swimmer's shoulders. A minimum of soft blond body hair led a nice trail straight to his sex, which at that moment was fully erect, its impressive length always a beautiful, breathtaking sight.

"Lovely." She whispered as he put his hands on hips, keeping his distance. "What are you way over there for?" He smiled, and her heart pounded in her chest. "Craig…I…." she bit her lip. He stayed put, not doing his usual jump in, undress and fuck her silly. He obviously wanted her to make the first move, but she was sure it wasn't something physical he wanted then, despite his body's obvious need. Her throat closed up but she forced herself to speak. "This is very special. Thanks for arranging it." The candles flickered from an invisible breeze in the slightly drafty room.

"No problem." He kept his voice low and his position across the room from her. "It's kind of a bizarre set of circumstances, but worth the getaway time."

"Yeah." She stood, slipped the straps of her sundress down, letting the soft silk pool at her feet. It had taken her a long time to come to terms with her own body, after what she'd been through. And she'd broken the heart of a very special man in the process. But it had brought her here, to this moment, with this very different man. And for that she was wholly grateful. She opened her mouth and let the words tumble out, keeping her inner self-editor in a strangle hold. "I love you. So much. So much I'm terrified. And I can't figure out why." Tears pressed behind her eyes but she kept them at bay.

He stepped into her space, ran his hands up and down her now freezing arms. She wrapped herself around him, loving the sensation of his warm skin, his sex pressed between them, his lips on her hair. His innate calm, the laid-back way he approached pretty much everything he did soothed her a lot more than those early days of frantic physicality with Blake. She knew his presence had helped her at that particular time in her life. But it had also hindered her ability to cope on her own. By burying herself away with Blake, ignoring the world and her part in it, she'd made it worse. So she'd ripped herself from him, hurting them both in the process. But now… she sighed, kissed Craig's chest, worked her lips over to the erect pink bud of one nipple.

"Mmm hmm…" he threaded fingers in her hair as she lapped and nipped at his flesh. "Hang on." He tugged her over to the bed, opened the side table drawer and pulled out a small velvet box. She shut her eyes.

"No, don't, please. I can't…."

But he put her hand to his lips, kissed her there, worked his way up the inside of her wrist, making her whole body break out in erotic tremors. He nipped the inside of her elbow. The light hit his dark eyes as she watched him kiss his way up to her shoulder. He pressed her back onto the bed, his hands cupping a breast, flicking a nipple. She put one foot on the bed as he finally reached her lips. "Open up," He whispered.

She closed her eyes, trusting him completely, and bit down on the crunchy, peanut chocolate candy combination. He had a handful of them, and put them one by one on her chest, making a little trail down between her breasts to her stomach. She giggled when he dug one out of her navel, then gasped when he ran out of them already anticipating his lips on her sex.

But he raised his head, eyebrow cocked, and put another line of the stupid things up her body, reaching her lips and putting one, then another into her mouth. She sighed as he ran his hands over her now aching nipples. Teased her clit a half second, just long enough to make her whimper and lift her hips. "Open your eyes, Suzanne." His voice was rough with repressed lust. She knew it when she heard it. She opened them, not even remembering when she closed them and saw it. The small, velvet box, now perched between her breasts in place of the candy.

She bit her lip, put her hands behind her head and stared at him. "So you're bribing me? Holding out until I answer this question?" She nodded to the jeweler's box.

"There's no question in there. Just a present."

She narrowed her eyes.  She'd already turned down one proposal from him. Declared herself unwilling to even consider marrying again, no matter who asked. That had been several years ago and his willingness to stick it out, to stay with her, go at her pace, and at every turn making her blissfully happy in mind and body had gone a long way. But… "I can't."

"You can't what? Open a box?"

She shifted up so her back was against the headboard and the small gift now in her hand. Her whole body shook. The word "yes" was on her lips. She opened it and smiled at the sight of a gorgeous emerald pendant, framed by two diamonds, all set in an art deco design of platinum. A tear dropped onto her leg. Damn the man.

She looked up, and held it out. He fastened it around her neck and the beautiful gems settled onto her chest. "It's perfect." She whispered. "You're perfect."

"Huh, about damn time you figured that out."

She grinned and grabbed his hand. "You're right. Now, bring that perfection over here mister and do what you will to me. Quick. Before I explode."

He grinned and crawled up between her legs, lapping at every inch of her skin starting low and ending with her lips, shoving his tongue between them, sweeping inside at the exact moment he penetrated her with a long, luxurious stroke of his hips. "Ah God…" she wrapped her legs around him, took him even deeper, her body stretching to accommodate him.

"Look at me, Suzanne." Craig whispered as he propped himself up. She put her hands to his face, ran her thumb across his lips, tilted her hips making him blow out a breath and groan. "Good God woman you are enough to make a man lose control."

"Lose it, Craig. Don't hold back. Please…" She gasped when he shoved into her, pulled out then went even deeper. "I…oh…" she arched up, tightened her grip. His thrusts got faster, but he held her gaze, then, at the last moment when her own release teetered on the horizon, threatening to bowl her over again, he kissed her so hard the orgasm roared up from her core. And she finally realized all the fuss about "seeing fireworks." Her body pulsed, spasmed and clutched at him.

He tore his lips from hers. She put her hands on his face, loving the intensity of his release. "I feel you inside me Craig. Feel you coming." A powerful vision flashed across her mind just then, making her heart stutter. Her body rolled through the climax, milking him, but her head ached as images of a child, a baby she would never be able to carry made tears leak from her eyes.

"Holy hell," He gulped in deep breaths, leaned down to kiss her neck as his hips kept moving. "That was…hey," He stopped, seeing the tears. "You okay? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head, furious with herself for ruining an incredible moment and determined to salvage it. "No, no, you know, girls. We cry at the strangest moments." But she lay awake long into the night.  Later, after they'd shared the Imperial stout he'd been chilling and eaten more of the candies, he had fallen asleep watching a movie in the big creaky bed. He'd rolled over, tugged her close, curving his body around hers. But the clear as day images of a baby with a shock of blond hair and hazel eyes, looking up at her as she held it to her breast made her breathless. She finally had to slip out of bed and sit in the chair to stop the sobs racking her body.

She watched Craig sleep as she accepted two very important things at that moment. She did love him. But she could never be his wife. He deserved someone whole, who could give him a family. He would be the most amazing father. And she could never be a mother.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Craig groaned and hit the alarm, but the damn thing kept wailing, making him clench his jaw and sit up. The familiar anger of the past six months settled between his eyes, took hold of his chest as he took in the empty bedroom. His empty bedroom. His empty life.
Dammit. What was that fucking noise?
He rolled out of bed in search of the phone that must be in the other room.

He ran a hand down his rough face, noted blearily the ER number and answered.

"Doctor," his colleague chirped into his weary brain. He dropped into a chair and listened to her, recalling the moment he realized she had the hots for him and had been flirting her ass off for months trying to get his attention. Lynn Park was a slight woman but not one to be underestimated. She had more innate smarts, common medical sense and energy packed into her small frame than an entire department full of grown male doctors. He'd learned that the hard way.

He put a hand over his eyes, remembering their quick encounter a few nights ago, after a long, stressful shift. He'd been sitting staring at the wall. She'd put a hand on his, and he'd snapped. Completely lost it, yanking her to her feet, kissing her, tugging her into the proverbial supply closet and fucking her brains out. He groaned. It had been a mess ever since. She kept her distance and he felt like a shit. Made for a very nice work atmosphere. And his frustration at Suzanne's withdrawal from him over the last half-year had reached a fever pitch.

They had not been together for nearly a month by the time he'd jumped Lynn's bones in the early morning hours of the ER. He loved Suzanne to distraction but was within days of telling her to take her emotional constipation and shove it. He could not take it anymore. Sympathy for Blake bloomed in him a lot lately. But the words that Doctor Park spoke did not bode well for that man either.

"It's Rob Freitag, Craig. He's in the ER and his, erm, the woman that, ah…"

"Lila." He started pulling on scrubs he'd just abandoned a few hours before. "Is she in labor?"

"Yeah I sent her up to OB but Rob is here, and he is in really bad shape."

"I'm on my way."

By the time he made it back to the emergency room that had become his second home, the familiar sights, sounds and smells invigorated him. Made him realize why he'd gone to medical school in the first place. He bypassed the triage area and ran back to the curtains, finding Rob in the middle of a horrific coughing fit. Lynn was there with him, her stethoscope pressed to his back her eyes dark with concern. Nurses had hooked up IV's and were injecting, what Craig hoped, were painkillers. The guy really didn't have much hope left unless a donor was found and that was a nearly one in a million shot at this point. He took a set of vitals and made sure he was resting as the morphine slowly eased into his bloodstream.

"The baby. Blake, and Lila…is everyone okay?" Rob's voice was so breathy Craig could barely hear him. He put the oxygen mask back over Rob's mouth and nose.

"I'll check, I promise, and get right back to you. Leave this on, Rob. You need it."

Rob nodded, shut his eyes, and Craig watched his chest rise and fall, realizing the effort the man's body was making just to get at that life giving air. He patted Rob's leg, grabbed his phone and sent Suzanne a text out of habit. Not really thinking she'd make the effort to come here, not after their last huge blow-out fight. But knowing Rob was her friend,  she would want to know what was going on with him.

He walked past the main ER desk without a word to anyone including the attractive, dark haired woman who stared him down. He hit floor seven in the elevator and leaned back against the wall, exhausted in body and mind. The words he and Suzanne had thrown at each other flashed across his memory banks, making him wince.

"Stop looking for another excuse to push me away."

"I don't need an excuse Craig. It just won't work."

"But I…you…we…Jesus, woman. We love each other. Why is that not enough for you? It's plenty for me."

She'd kept her back to him, ignoring him. He'd yanked her around, harder than he meant to. But the look in her eyes wasn't fear. It was resolve. "Just go." She ground out. "You and Blake both thought you could fix me. Well you can't, okay? I'm damaged. I'll always be damaged. I can't have children. I can't give you anything resembling a normal family life. I…."

He'd gripped her arms, stared into her eyes. "I don't need kids Suzanne. How many fucking times do I have to say this for you to believe me? Why won't you listen?"

He'd let her go. They'd stood, both of them breathing heavy, the putrid smoke of unspoken words coiling between them. "You say that. But you don't mean it. I know you Craig. You would…you will be an amazing father. But you can't, don't you get it? Not with me. So go. Here. Take this." She'd tried to hand him the necklace but he'd stepped away from her, fury nearly blinding him and making him say some incredibly stupid shit.

"You know what, you're right. You are damaged. Beyond repair, it seems. Or maybe you just  aren't willing to be woman enough to own up the fact that a man loves you for you – not for your potential as a baby maker or for your supposed normalcy. Just for you. And that is sad and getting old. Stop feeling sorry for yourself,
Suzanne. And maybe, just maybe,
someday someone will stick around longer than me, so you can be happy."

"Craig." She'd gulped, tears standing in her eyes. But he held up a hand.

"No. You're right. You go on living your pity party. I don't want to hear it anymore. If you can't see what's right in front of you – what has been right in front of you for nearly six years now, well, I give. Uncle. I'm done." He'd stomped out and nearly passed out drunk at a downtown bar. He'd found himself being led out of the place by none other than the estimable and saintly Blake himself.