Concealed Affliction (23 page)

“You sure about this Jay?”

I look down at the pictures I gave Jimmy. I had this idea for a while, and I see no better time than the present.

“Yes.”

I set my beer on the small table in front of me, and turn my back to Jimmy. He hasn’t seen it since the hospital, and even then I don’t think he saw all of it.

I take off my shirt, followed by my bra, and lay down on the towel we spread out over the chair. I’m slightly buzzed; a lack of sleep and a few beers will do that to you.

“You’ve healed pretty well, but this won’t tickle Jay. Especially with all the scar tissue.”

My scars aren’t wide, but they are long.

“I’m ready.”

I hear the buzz of the needle and Jimmy doesn’t hesitate to get to work. He knows I’m not into small talk, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have catching up to do.

“Shop doing good?”

“Yes, it is. Apparently somebody really loves me because just before you took off my rent became null and void and suddenly I owned the building.”

I smile a little inside.

“Yes, I guess someone does love you.”

“Funny thing, Laura no longer had a mortgage either. The mall didn’t see her coming when her next pay check came in. Neither did Frank’s when she bought half the bar’s tabs.”

I really do smile this time, thinking Laura would definitely go on a shopping spree and buy drinks for random strangers. God, I miss her.

“Thank you, Jay.”

I don’t say anything, I know I don’t need to. They’d do the same for me.

I bring my arms up and rest my head on them, trying to get a little more comfortable on the table.

“Damn, muscles. Where’d you get those?”

I know he’s referring to the size of my arms. My body has changed a lot since I’ve been gone.

“Personal trainers for the past few months.”

He continues with his buzzing on my back, starting up with more questions.

“Did you make it personal?”

That’s Jimmy’s way of asking if I slept with them.

“No. It wasn’t like that with them.”

“But it was like that with someone. Does he know?”

I don’t speak, just nod my head. Jimmy is silent for a few moments before he speaks again.

“You haven’t bothered to bad mouth him yet, which tells me there actually is something to bad mouth. Want me to kick his ass?”

I let out a small chuckle. Jimmy is not a small guy, but Ryder is definitely a lot bigger.

“Ex-military, Rambo-type security something or other. As much as I’d love to witness him take a blow, I think you might break your hand if you tried.”

Jimmy pauses in his tattooing. Readying himself to say something I know I won’t like.

“I know about Denver, Jay.”

I stiffen, wondering how the hell he’d know about that, seeing as I wasn’t there when he was. Jimmy answers my unasked question because he’s intuitive like that.

“I was down there four months ago. Spent a week at Remy’s shop and stayed at Blacktop again.”

I turn my head to the side, studying Jimmy’s face.

“I trust you Jimmy, but how much do you know?”

He sets the tattoo gun down for a moment and takes off his gloves to light up a smoke. He passes it to me and then gets another for himself.

“We were having a few drinks at The Top (
his short for Blacktop
) and Remy was talking about getting a dog. He wanted a Rottweiler for guarding the yard, but then he talked about this woman who stayed there with a nice white dog. Said she was beat up pretty bad and the dog guarded that woman like he wanted the Rottweiler to guard his yard at the shop, which made him realize it wasn’t just the type of dog, but how loyal it was to you.

“Anyway, a fuckload of drinks later and one of the young guys says Norma was a good dog and he missed having her around the bar. It took me a while, but I remembered telling you about those guys and what they did for the women from that strip club that needed new identification and to be relocated. I put it together, Jay.”

I take a pull off my beer and set it back down on the table.

“Did you ask anyone about that, about me?”

Jimmy shakes his head.

“I thought about it, but then I thought if the whole reason you were there was to hide, it wasn’t my place. I might’ve been able to get some info out of someone, but most likely that would need to be Tiny. I don’t for one second think he would’ve told me where you were. That man is loyal to a fault and may have just had me killed for asking about you, thinking it might’ve been me who did that to you.”

I reach out my hand and place it on top of his.

“He didn’t know where I went when I left, I preferred it that way. He could’ve told you the name I used, but that would be it.”

He looks at me sadly and nods his head.

“So, ex-military? Was it Remy? Because if so I’ll break that motherfucker’s jaw, no matter how big the bastard is.”

I shake my head at him, I barely met the guy.

“I was only there for a short time when I left here. I went back a few months later, after my surgery and picked up my identification. Left the next day.”

I can see the relief flood his face. He’s thankful it wasn’t his friend who fucked me over.

“Can I ask you somethin’ babe?”

I watch him put on his gloves and pick up the tattoo gun to commence my mild torture.

“You love him?”

I lower my head and stare at the wall in front of me, wondering if I was even capable of loving Ryder.

“I don’t think I’m capable of that anymore Jimmy, or at least not right now.”

I absorb the sting of the needle, still not feeling much.

“We’ve still got about two hours to go. You decide you want to talk about it, I’m listening.”

I realize it’s been a long time since I just sat and vented to a friend. Years to be exact. I didn’t complain about much after my family died. Didn’t talk much either. Neither was going to bring them back. After the attack, I just became a body. Moving, walking, eating and drinking. Just not actually
living.
Which means I shut everything off and everyone out.

I decide it’s now or nothing. I continue staring at the sketches on the wall and decide to bare it all. Let it all out. From the time I met Ryder, to his finding me in Indy. I tell him about Becker and Claudia. I tell him about Denny and Brock. My voice is pretty mono tone throughout the whole thing, not wanting or able to express emotion with my words.

By the time I’m done, I feel like a weight has been lifted. He didn’t ask questions. For once Jimmy was just silent and listened, not putting his two cents in.

“You ready?”

I frown, noting the silence.

“Ready for what?”

“I finished about ten minutes ago, babe.”

I realize I really must’ve wanted to get that shit off my chest and obviously I’m more numb than I thought because I didn’t notice the needle quit piercing my skin after four hours.

I stand up, holding the towel to my chest. I stretch out my body a bit, noting the tenderness on my back. It’s nothing compared to what I’ve felt before, so I don’t complain. I turn my back to the large mirror behind me and look at the one Jimmy is holding in front of me.

My mouth goes dry.

It’s beautiful
.

The cherry blossom branches completely cover the long marks of my scars. There are a few random branches sprouting out from the big ones, filled with small buds. Among the tree are mostly light colored flowers, but there are four bright blooming ones representing those I’ve lost. It’s absolutely stunning; Jimmy didn’t put a stencil on my back, mostly because he’s that good, but also because there’s no stencil for my life.

It’s not something that could be kept between premeditated lines and colors. This was random, it was outside the box. It was following the nightmares on my back to create something incredibly beautiful. Something I’m not afraid to see. I’ll no longer dread someone seeing my back, because from afar you can’t see the scars anymore. Only if you’re up close—and only if you’re touching them.

“It’s perfect.”

I look up to Jimmy and realize my vision is blurry. Apparently, just because I don’t feel emotions right now, it doesn’t mean they won’t escape my eyes.

He grins down at me and places a kiss on the top of my head.

“Glad you like it, babe.”

I grin back at him, once again thankful for the amazing people in my life.

Chapter Twenty-one

I come out of the bathroom and see that Jimmy is still sound asleep. He left a message last night for his clients saying he would need to reschedule his appointments today. He has two bikes downstairs that he’s been painting. Since they aren’t due to be finished until next week it means we have the building to ourselves.

I head into the kitchen and grab us each a cup of coffee before heading back toward the bedroom. I set Jimmy’s on his nightstand and crawl back into bed with my own. This is normal, me sharing a bed with Jimmy. It’s never sexual, it’s just us. I couldn’t count how many times we’ve fallen asleep in this bed drunk and laughing. He has always been there for me and even kicked a wench or two out of his bed when I came knocking in need of a friend.

He starts to stir. I knew he would once he got a whiff of his morning brew. I look over and his half-open morning eyes stare back at me.

“Brown?”

He’s commenting on my hair that I just finished dying.

“Blonde sticks out like a sore thumb.”

He nods his head in understanding.

“What’s your plan, Jay?”

Jimmy grabs his coffee and sits up to lean against the headboard mirroring me. I rest more on my side facing him, due to the tenderness of my back.

“I have some guys trying to locate Andrew’s brother. I’m going to call them today and see if they found anything.”

“What do you need me to do?”

God I love this man. There’s a reason we’ve stayed so close over the years.

“I need a burner to keep in contact with them. I was going to stop on the way last night but I just wanted to get here.”

Jimmy nods.

“No worries, I’ll get you one this morning. Anything else?”