Complicated Relationships (The Southern Devotion Series Book 3) (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Feeling deserted

Once Angel's call was over, everyone began to clean off the table to get it ready for dessert. Leaning into Lanie, I whispered, "I don’t want you to feel deserted, but I need to go deal with Macy for a moment. Are you okay in here?"

She pressed her hand against my chest and leaned up to kiss my cheek. "I'm fine, go take care of her." She loaded her arms down with dirty dishes and followed Gracie into the kitchen.

Macy had given up the charade of thumbing through a magazine. She had curled up against the mountain of pillows on the bed. The bed sunk under my weight as I sat next to her. I ran my fingers through her hair waiting for her to begin speaking or to get annoyed with me. Instead, she stared straight ahead at the lava lamp on the bedside table.

After a few minutes, of rather awkward silence, she exhaled deeply, "I always thought lava lamps were soothing. Watching the bubbles transform into different shapes, forming as one giant bubble and then stretching out and breaking apart into two."

"I can see how that would relax you. Now that you're talking, do you want to tell me why you wouldn’t speak to Angel?"

Macy sat up pulling a pillow from the opposite side of the bed and curled her arms around it in a hug. "What's the point? She's another person I'd have to say goodbye to, and I'm tired of saying goodbye. Mom left me; dad left me, now Angel. You're the only one still here."
              "Angel is coming home in a week, Macy. She didn't abandon you. She's getting the help she needs for her alcoholism."

"What else?" Macy asked.

"What do you mean?"

"She's not only drinking, but also doing drugs, isn’t she?"

"No. Angel didn't want you to know this; she's been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It's  a disease that affects your brain and spinal cord. It's why you see her stumble so much. It causes you to be off balance; it can cause numbness, problems with her eyes are possible too. There is a lot that I don’t know about it myself. Together we can do research and learn how it will affect her and what we can do to help. She drank to mask the pain and to cope with the diagnosis. She loves you, Macy. We need to make sure she knows we all support her or she won't make it through recovery."

Macy began to panic, "Now she thinks I hate her because I didn’t come to talk to her. Can we call her back?"

I steadied her with my hands on her shoulders. "Not today. Don't worry. I told her that you were in the bathroom and that you love her."

Macy's mouth dropped open in shock, and she spouted, "The bathroom? That's not embarrassing at all!"

I threw my head back in laughter and mussed her hair. "It's Angel, Macy. It's not like I told Carter."

"Never tell Carter I'm in the bathroom…even if I am."

"Deal," I said pulling her in for a hug. "I'm going to pick up Angel next week. Will you come with me, please?"

"Absolutely. I'm sorry, T. I shouldn't have acted like a brat earlier."

"Hey, you rarely act like a bratty teenager, so I'll let that one slide." I kissed her forehead and got up off the bed. "Let's go back in and get some of that fantastic looking dessert. I think there was a chocolate pie even, I know that's your favorite."

Macy bounced back to her old self and sprinted into the dining room. We were just in time to find a table covered with pies and cakes ready to be cut. Lanie stepped over to wrap her arm around my waist. "Better?" she asked, without making a scene. I nodded and bent to give her a soft kiss. The touch of her lips to mine made me want so much more though. She uttered a gentle laugh on my lips when I pushed for a deeper kiss. Gently her hand pressed against my chest as she pushed me away.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I had to step away to answer it. I didn't recognize the number but did notice it was a Florida area code. I stepped outside on the front porch before answering. "Hello?"

An older woman's voice replied, "May I speak with Tristan Jacobs, please?"

"This is Tristan."

"My name is Trudy and I'm calling from Oceanside Nursing Home." My body tensed with the name of the facility that cared for my mother.

"Is my mother alright?"

"I'm afraid not. Your mother has reached the final stages, and we believe that she doesn't have much more time. She hasn't been eating on her own, and her organs are beginning to fail. We thought you and your family might want to come up and say goodbye. You are the only one listed as next of kin in her chart, can you contact the rest of her loved ones?"

There were no words to describe the level of despair I felt. I'd given up hope on seeing my mother again, but hearing that the end was so close makes it realer.

"Mr. Jacobs?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm here. I'll get the first flight out that I can. Call me if anything changes." I hung up the phone before she could even acknowledge what I'd said. Dizziness and nausea washed over me. I lowered myself to the cold concrete porch. My long legs bent, my knees were up to my chest, and I rested my elbows on my knees with my head against my hands. Memories invaded my mind as I pushed my fingers through my hair trying to decide what to do. I told the nurse I'd get a flight out, but how do I tell Macy? How do I subject her to saying goodbye again? Is it even worth saying goodbye to someone who doesn't remember us?

"Tristan?" Lanie's voice pulled me from my turmoil. I turned to face her, and she could instantly tell something was wrong. "Was that phone call a bad one?" I shook my head without uttering a word. She lowered herself down on the porch next to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was the nursing home where my mother is living. If you can call it living. She has no clue who anyone is from one day to the next.  She doesn't use the bathroom on her own, someone has to wipe her ass, and now she's not even eating and her organs are failing." It all spilled out of me, each word getting angrier until I was screaming. It hadn't occurred to me how loud I was until Ashton and Derrick both stepped on the porch.

"You alright, T?" I was standing now, and they took note of the anger in my face. Derrick stepped down in front of Lanie putting himself between us. "Calm down, man."

Lanie patted his shoulder, "He's not angry, Derrick. He's grieving." She wrapped her arms around me and all emotions I felt spilled out of me as I shook in her embrace. I let the tears flow, closing my eyes tightly.

"Grieving who? What happened?" Ashton asked concernedly.

"Can you guys give us a few minutes. I promise I'll fill you in once I know." Lanie kept her arms tightly around me as she explained this to them. The next noise I heard was the sound of the screen door shutting behind them as they went back inside. "I'm here when you're ready to talk, Tristan. Take your time."

She had held me for a few more minutes before I felt calm enough to talk. I filled her in on everything the nurse had explained to me. "What should I do?" I wanted her opinion, mostly I wanted someone to make the decision for me.

"You have to go. She's your mother."

"She doesn't remember that though. What's the point?" I knew that I sounded heartless, but I didn’t mean to be. No one can understand how difficult it is until you go through it.

"The point is that you will never see her again. I know you had made peace with that before, but there is a reason you received that call to say goodbye. You can get closure for yourself, for Macy. Tell her you love her. Everyone wants to feel loved."

"How do I put Macy through that again?"

"She is one of the most intelligent fourteen-year-olds I've met. Ever," Lanie began.

"She's still a kid, Lanie. She didn't want to talk to Angel earlier because she told me that she felt that Angel will be one more person to desert her in life. How do I ask her to go say goodbye to the woman who has unconsciously caused her the most pain in her life? As smart as she is, no can comprehend why their mother can't remember them."

Lanie pulled her phone out and said, "Give me a minute." She walked away to make a call and when she came back, she explained, "I'm off work for the next week, family emergency. Let's go make reservations for a flight."

Chapter Twenty-Seven

We are a family

Before we left the Collin's house, I took Mary Jane to the side and explained everything to her in private so that once we left she could fill in the others. After I had dropped Lanie off at her house, I sat Macy down to talk to her.

"It's time to go say our goodbyes to Mom, Macy." She didn’t need a big explanation, like me she knew this day would come sooner rather than later. She took the news with strength and silence. No tear shed, no words were spoken. A simple nod of understanding before she went to her room for the night. I didn’t push her into saying anything. Before bed, I called Lanie to let her know everything went as well as expected.

"How's Macy?" Lanie asked the moment she picked up.

"She's fine. She took it better than I did."

"It doesn't make you weak to show emotions, honey. You're human."

"I like when you call me honey," I encouraged a subject change and it also felt good to hear the term of endearment from this beautiful woman.

She chortled tenderly, "I like how it sounds myself. Are you sure you want me going with you and Macy on this trip?"

"Absolutely. I'll admit it's probably not the ideal way to meet your boyfriend's mother, but I'd like you to be there. Even if she isn't aware of me, I want to let her know I'm happy."

"You are?" Lanie asked, not sounding surprised as much as questioning whether it was because of her.

"I love you, Lanie. Besides all the craziness going on with my friends and family, I've never been happier than when I'm with you."

I could hear the sound of her fingers tapping away at a keyboard and then she said, "Tickets purchased. We leave in the morning."

My mind raced all through the night with how things would go once we arrived at the nursing home the next day. Tossing and turning, I couldn't get a moment's rest. Daylight shone through the curtains the moment I finally obtained some rest it seemed. The alarm on my phone began to blare out the
Bohemian Rhapsody
. I rubbed my eyes and tried to smack the phone to make it stop. Instead, I hit snooze and rolled over to take advantage of the next eight minutes of silence.

After two more snoozed versions from Queen, I reluctantly rolled from the bed. The hot spray from the massaging shower head gave me the ability to feel more human and less zombie-like.

After showering until the water ran cold and started to make me less of a man, I dried off and slid on my jeans. The doorbell rang, and I heard Macy shout, "Tristan! Get the door, I'm in the shower!"

With no shirt on and my hair sopping wet, I opened the door to Lanie. Her mouth fell open as her eyes raked over my half naked form. She stumbled over her words, "I…um, hi. I…here." She handed me a paper bag and a cardboard carrier with three drinks in it.

"You brought breakfast? Thanks! Come inside, beautiful," I said as I moved aside to let her in. Setting the food and drinks down on the kitchen table, I turned to give her the proper greeting. Her hands roamed my back as I kissed her.

"Go put on a shirt please, we don't have enough time for me to get worked up." Lanie gave me a push toward the stairs. I chuckled at her adorable shyness and sprinted upstairs to grab a t-shirt. While upstairs I decided to pack my bag so that we could eat breakfast and leave for the airport in time.

Tapping Macy's bathroom door with my knuckles, I called out, "Lanie's here. Get your bag packed and meet us downstairs for breakfast. We only have about an hour before we leave."

"Be right out!" Macy yelled back.

Staring at my closet wasn't getting my bag packed, but I couldn't seem to move. A light touch on my shoulder caused me to turn around swiftly almost knocking Lanie down. "Did I scare you?" she asked. "I called your name twice but you didn’t answer."

"You did? I never heard a thing." Somehow I completely blocked the world out for a few minutes.

Lanie took my hand and led me over to the bed to sit. "You were staring at your closet pretty intensely. Are you nervous about today?"

"This is going to sound stupid but I was looking for something nice to wear. She hasn't seen me in over a year."
              "That doesn’t sound stupid to me."

"Really? She isn't going to remember me being her son, let alone remember that it's been a year since she saw me. I doubt she'll judge me on my choice of t-shirt and jeans as attire instead of a dress shirt and slacks." My tone illustrated the deep sadness that was surrounding me. At least it wasn't coming out as anger this time, I suppose.

Without a sound, Lanie stood and walked to my closet. She pulled out a few plain colored t-shirts and nice jeans. Lastly, she pulled out a dark maroon button down dress shirt and black slacks. "It's not stupid, Tristan. She may not remember you, but you remember her. Saying goodbye is for you, in this case. If you put this stuff in your bag, I'll go check on Macy and see if she has the same dilemma."

I went to check on the girls after my clothes were packed. The door was cracked open, and I stopped when I heard Lanie speaking softly to Macy. "Tristan would never make you speak to her if you didn’t want to. Tell him how you feel."

Macy sniffed back tears, "I don’t want to disappoint him."

"You could never disappoint him. He loves you more than anything in this world, Macy. He'd never make you do anything that would cause you pain. I'm going to tell  you a secret though. If you go with him, it will give him the strength he needs to say goodbye too. He's more scared than you are."

"He is?" Macy asked looking up at Lanie with confusion. Though I didn’t want to admit it to myself or anyone how afraid I am, Lanie had it right. She apparently saw through my tough façade on the entire thing.

Macy asked Lanie to help her choose a dress to wear, so I eased away from the door and let them have a few private moments. Time ticked away as I sat on the couch with my bag packed.

"Hello?" Mary Jane called out as she opened the front door. She saw me on the couch and came to sit beside me. "You ready to go?"

"I thought Derrick was driving us to the airport?"

"He wanted to, but I asked him to let me. I wish I could go with you. I hate that you and Macy are doing this on your own."

"They won't be alone," Lanie commented as she came down the stairs.

Mary Jane appeared surprised to see her and then replied, "Oh good. I'm thankful you're going with them; I had no idea."

Lanie gave MJ a quick hug as she sat down next to her. "I decided last night. Like you, I couldn’t bear to see them go through it alone. Macy is upstairs finishing her packing, but I gave her a two minute warning."

When Macy came downstairs with her bags, I took them outside to fill the minivan up. We each had only one bag for a carry-on because we only planned to stay down there for two days.

Mary Jane let us out at the drop off spot in the airport. Lanie and Macy started inside with their bags, and I stopped to give Mary Jane a hug. "If you need to talk or anything, don’t hesitate to call me. I wish I could be there with you. I love you both."

"We love you too, MJ. I'll call you after I see her. Don’t have that baby before we get back." I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and made sure she got back in the car and drove off without any issues before I ran to catch up with Lanie and Macy.

Once through the security gate, we still had an hour before our flight. The holiday weekend brought quite a crowd in the terminal. Every restaurant had lines that contained at least ten to twelve people and they didn’t seem to be moving quickly. Lanie had thought ahead, and she pulled out a box of pop-tarts handing us each one.

The seats at the gate didn’t allow for much cuddling, but Lanie still managed to wrap her arm around me and lean her head in staying as close as possible. It's what I needed right now to keep from falling apart. Mostly I was terrified of how Mom would react and whether this would be worse for Macy than not saying goodbye at all.