Complicate Me (The Good Ol' Boys #1) (23 page)

“Lucas Brody Ryder,” she scolded and I winced.

“I don’t know what happened out there, but I do know that my daughter was worried sick the entire time. Jesus, Lucas, I have never seen her so scared before,” she sighed and I bowed my head.

The shame was too much to bear.

“I am so disappointed in you. So disappointed.” She handed me her cell phone. “You need to call your mama. The ambulance will be here soon.”

I grabbed the phone not being able to look up at her. I hit send and it rang three times before she answered. I know because I counted.

“Hey,” she greeted.

“Mom,” I said with a voice I didn’t recognize. The comfort in her tone brought me to my knees and I flipped out. Of course that caused her to flip out.

“Lucas? Lucas, honey, is that you?”

“Mom, I’m in trouble.”

“What do you mean you’re in trouble? What did you do?”

“I hit the pier with my surfboard,” I explained with nothing but dread in my voice.

“Why were you under the pier with your surfboard?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged even though she couldn’t see me. “I’m sorry.”

“Lucas, where are you?”

“At the beach, by the restaurant. The ambulance is on its way.”

“Ambulance?” she shrieked. “What’s going on? Oh my God, Lucas, never mind. I’m on my way.” She hung up.

I handed the phone back to Alex’s mom still not meeting her intense judgment.

“Cole, you need to call your parents.” She handed the phone to him next and I immediately saw the fear in his eyes.

“He doesn’t need to call his parents.”

They both looked over at me, shocked and dismayed.

“I’m hurt, he’s not,” I simply stated.

“Lucas, he needs to be punished for his involvement in this. You both do.”

“I’ll be fine. No need for both of us to get in trouble.”

She nodded in understanding. “Okay. I’ll go wait for your mama out front.

She left and the boys instantly hovered above Cole, who still hadn’t moved from his spot on the sand.

“You better stay the fuck away from, Alex,” Jacob warned, ready to strike if needed.

“Leave him alone.”

They all turned to me. “You can’t be serious?” Dylan chastised.

“I am. Leave him alone. It’s between him and I. Now give us a few minutes before my mom gets here and I’m grounded for the rest of my life.”

They all shot him dirty looks but took in my request and left.

“Man, I appreciate—”

“Shut the fuck up,” I interrupted, catching him off guard. “I don’t like you, you don’t like me. That much is obvious. I didn’t do this for you. I did it for Alex. As much as I hate it, she needs you in her life. You’re her friend in ways that I can’t be. At least not now.”

“I love her, Lucas.”

I nodded. “Me too. I hate that you’re around. I hate that she relies on you and no way am I saying I want you anywhere near her. And trust me when I say I don’t fucking like you, but who knows when I’ll be allowed to see the light of day again. So, take care of her this summer.”

“You have my word.”

“Now get the fuck away from me before I change my mind.”

He stood, peering down at me with one hand behind his neck. Rubbing the tension and anxiety that radiated off of him. “Lucas… I didn’t… I mean… I was running on pure adrenaline. I never thought… I mean…” he paused, trying to find the words to say to me. When he finally breathed out, “I’m sorry.”

I nodded again and with that he left.

I sat there thinking.

Not about Cole, or the pain I was in, or even how much trouble awaited me.

Alex and how everything she said.

Was right.

I didn’t give Cole the approval to be with her. I would never do that, but for the first time I thought about what she needed and right now.

She needed Cole.

End of story.

I stood there on the sidelines with my heart in my throat. I had never been so scared before. I knew when Cole left to go back into the ocean something was bound to happen. I felt it. I never thought that he would be the one to initiate it. He seemed more mature than that. When I watched him go straight to Lucas as soon as his surfboard hit the water it was like watching a train wreck happen right before my very own eyes. I couldn’t look away, even though everything in my mind told me to.

It played in slow motion, each second worse than the last.

I watched them fight for my attention and now I watched them fight for my love. How did things get so complicated? I never thought that I led Cole on. I was always honest with him. We were friends. He was what I needed this last year. I didn’t have to share him. I didn’t have to argue with him, and I didn’t have to explain anything to him. It was easy. We were simple. That was the beauty behind us. As I watched him provoke Lucas in ways that he knew he wouldn’t back down, I felt as though I failed. I couldn’t keep any of the men in my life from chaos.

And it made me wonder if I was the hurricane not Lucas.

The more they ambushed and goaded each other, the worse the winds picked up around me. Like the Universe insinuated what I felt, was right. The boys paddled out of the water and came running directly toward me. In that second I didn’t have to wonder if they knew.

They just proved it to me.

They hovered around me like I was a glass doll that was about to break. Each of them offering reassurances that it would be okay, but I knew in my heart.

It wouldn’t.

My heart dropped when I saw them paddling toward the pier, nothing good could come of it. I swear I stopped breathing the moment Lucas jumped off his board to avoid hitting Cole or worse the pier itself. My whole life flashed before my eyes.

A life without love.

A life without happiness.

A life without Lucas…

It took everything in me not to run to him. I was terrified he wasn’t going to come back up, that the treacherous waves had taken him under and I was never going to see him again. That this was the end of our story. When I didn’t even feel like it started in the first place.

I was in a daze when I watched him ride the white water back onto the shoreline. The boys ran to him and I should have too, but I couldn’t get my feet to move from the place in the sand where I stood. It offered a false security that if I moved I would crumble.

Right then and there for everyone to see.

When I heard the doctor say he needed stitches and an ambulance had been called it added to the worry and hurt that I felt all around me. Hearing the boys yell at him that he could have died, that it was so dangerous, what was he thinking…

It reaffirmed all my fears that flashed before me in the blink of an eye. Everything hit me at once. All the emotions that I felt throughout the years erupted and crashed into me, exactly how the waves did to him. It was one right after the other. I drowned in them.

He lay there trying to catch his breath and calm his surroundings. I ached the same way.

I never felt so exposed, so vulnerable and I hated it. At that moment, I hated him.

For everything he had ever put me through and for everything he still hadn’t…

When my glare shifted to Cole, he hovered above Lucas with worry, concern, and guilt written all over his face. I just reacted. I let my emotions completely take over and I booked it. I ran as fast as I could toward him with all the strength I could muster and I pushed him. The way his large frame fell into the sand mimicked the way my heart dropped when I thought I would never see Lucas again.

The words spewed out of my mouth, one by one, and I had no control over them. They came off my lips effortlessly with tears fast accompanying them. It infuriated me further that I broke down in front of my boys, and a bunch of people I didn’t even know.

Adding to the pain they both caused me.

I said my peace to both of them and ran. It was fight or flight and once the fight was over, I fled. I ran away like the scared little girl they made me feel I was.

“Half-Pint, slow the fuck down,” Aubrey yelled from behind me.

I immediately ceased, dead in my tracks. She lost her footing, almost falling over me from my sudden change of pace.

“Don’t call me that,” I immediately reprimanded.

Her eyes widened as she steadied herself and found her composure. “Alex,” she coaxed with sad eyes and a frown on her face.

“Why would he do that to me, Aubrey? Why?” I pleaded while my heart broke into a million more pieces.

“Oh, Alex, come here.” She pulled me into a tight hug and I let her. It was nice to have someone comfort me for a change.

“They’re just being stupid fucking boys. That’s all. They would never want to hurt you.”

I fervently shook my head on her shoulder, fresh tears falling down my face. “That’s not true! Lucas hurts me all the time. When is it ever going to stop, Aubrey? When is it going to be enough?” I sobbed.

“Oh, Half-Pint,” she wallowed.

“Please don’t call me that anymore, it hurts so much when you call me that.”

She rubbed my back, trying to soothe me. “Shhh… it’s okay, it’s over now. He’s fine. Lucas is going to be fine.”

“It doesn’t matter, nothing is going to change. Not one thing. I hate Cole for what he did to him. I hate him so much right now. I hate both of them.”

“I know and you have every right to. But it will pass, I promise.”

“It doesn’t feel that way,” I bellowed as the hurt in my chest dispersed throughout my entire body. I couldn’t stop crying, my body shuddered with tears.

I hated that the most.

Aubrey just let me cry for as long as I needed. When I finally opened my eyes, lifting them up, I locked intense gazes with Cole. Who appeared exactly the way I felt.

I pulled away from Aubrey and she combed her fingers through my hair, away from my face. Her eyebrows lowered and her lips pursed when she met my eyes, following my stare that was locked with Cole’s. She looked back and forth between us and I nodded my head, giving her silent approval to leave. She did but not before she kissed my head and warned Cole with an angry glance that had him wince and nod his head.

We stood there staring at each other for I don’t know how long. Time just seemed to stand still for a minute.

“I fucked up,” he confessed, breaking the silence. “I fucked up really bad. I’m sorry, Alexandra.”

I didn’t move. I didn’t say anything. I just sort of stood there and watched him, trying to accept his sincere apology that sounded more like words than anything else. When he realized he wasn’t getting what he needed out of me, he stepped forward and I instinctively stepped back.

He bowed his head with understanding. “I wish I could tell you why I did it, but I don’t know the answer to that,” he sort of mumbled. I saw his chest puff out as he sucked in a big breath of air, almost like it was the first time he started to breathe again.

“Yes, I do. I’m lying. I don’t want to lie to you anymore.” He took a few more deep breaths and then lifted his sorrowful eyes to me. If I wasn’t so pissed at him, I probably would have felt sorry for him.

“I like you a lot, that can’t be a surprise to you. I tell you all the time. You don’t really talk about Lucas, but I see the way you look at him. You look at him the way I look at you. I see it all the time.” He shrugged, appearing defeated. “I snapped. I hate that he has you and I don’t. I hate that he treats you the way he does and you’re still there for him. I hate that I don’t ever know where we stand. And I hate more than ever that we may never have a chance to find out what this thing between us could be.”

Silence.

“Darlin’, I’m sorry. It got out of hand. One thing led to another and accelerated at warp speed. Before I knew it he was jumping off his board and into the ocean. I feel awful, but there’s nothing I can do to change what’s been done. All I can do is apologize to you, and hope you believe me. I would never want to hurt you, and I know somewhere deep inside. You know that.”

More silence.

He sighed and his shoulders slumped forward. “I know you feel something for me, but you won’t give into it. Part of me understands and then another huge part of me doesn’t. What do I need to do? I’ll do anything.”

My expression hardened. “Stay away from me, Cole.”

He violently shook his head, stepping toward me again, except this time I didn’t step back.

“You don’t mean that. You’re mad at me and I completely deserve it, but you don’t mean that.”

I willed myself to breathe because my heart raced so profusely. It resonated in my temples. “I need some space from both of you. You need to respect that.”

“For how long?”

“Does it matter?”

“It does to me.”

I crossed my arms over my chest in hopes that it would make me appear more confident. I sure as hell didn’t feel it. Every fiber in my body seemed tense and clenched, it was hard to feel anything other than the pain they both caused me.

“I’m so fucking sorry. Please believe me,” he bellowed as if he could read my mind. His eyes gleamed and his lips shook as he said it.

I could feel my resolve breaking. “You hurt me,” I simply stated, trying to remain strong.

He winced and shut his eyes. “I know.”

“How can I trust you to not do it again?” As soon as the words left my mouth my heart sped up, anticipating his response.

“I can’t promise you that I won’t fuck up again. I’m not perfect and I’m not going to lie to you by saying I am.”

I didn’t have much time to appreciate his words because my attention turned to Lucas’s mom who walked behind the two paramedics supporting Lucas, one on each side of him. I’m sure he refused to be placed on a stretcher.

He frowned when he saw me. I could physically feel the anguish radiating off of him and onto me. Our connection had always been like that. Unlike Cole who had to tell me his regret and remorse, I could actually sense Lucas’s.

It was a part of me.

We were a part of each other.

As much as it confused and overwhelmed me, it provided the comfort that I needed at that moment. His soft baby blue eyes were calm, his hurricane once again sedated. I nervously shuffled around, the mere presence of him causing me to feel everything that I desperately tried to hide.

The boys were staring at us.

Everyone was staring at us.

While I stared at the center of my existence and vice versa, stirring open wounds that would take years to heal, for both of us.

I wish I could tell you things changed after this.

They didn’t.

This was the beginning of the end for us. Except it wouldn’t be Lucas’s fault.

It would be mine.