Complete Works of Fyodor Dostoyevsky (590 page)

“How did she settle the question?”

“I didn’t send the letter.  She decided that I should not send it.  She argued that if I did send the letter I should, of course, have been doing an honourable action, sufficient to wash away all the filth of the past, and far more, but she doubted my having the strength to endure it.  It was her idea that no one would have the strength to bear it, for then the future would be utterly ruined, and no new life would be possible.  It is true Stepanov had suffered for it; but he had been acquitted by public opinion, as it was.  It was a paradox, of course; but she restrained me, and I gave myself into her hands completely.”

“Her reasoning was jesuitical but feminine,” I cried; “she had begun to love you already!”

“It was my regeneration into a new life.  I vowed to change, to begin a new life, to be worthy of myself and of her and — this is how it has ended!  It has ended in my going with you to roulette, in my playing faro; I could not resist the fortune, I was delighted at being in the swim, delighted with all these people, with racehorses. . . .  I tortured Liza, to my shame!”

He rubbed his forehead with his hand and walked up and down the room.

“We are both, you and I, stricken by the same Russian curse, Arkady Makarovitch; you don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what to do.  If a Russian deviates ever so little from the rut of routine laid down for him by tradition, at once he is at a loss what to do.  While he’s in the rut everything’s clear — income, rank, position in society, a carriage, visits, a wife — but ever so little off it — and what am I?  A leaf fluttering before the wind, I don’t know what to do!  For the last two months I have striven to keep in the rut, I have liked the rut, I’ve been drawn to the rut.  You don’t know the depth of my downfall here; I love Liza, but at the same time I’ve been thinking of Mme. Ahmakov!”

“Is it possible?” I cried in distress.  “By the way, what did you say yesterday about Versilov’s having instigated you to behave in a mean way to Katerina Nikolaevna?”

“I may have exaggerated it, and perhaps I have been unfair to him in my suspiciousness as I have been to you.  Let us drop the subject.  Why, do you suppose that I have not been brooding over a lofty ideal of life all this time, ever since Luga, perhaps?  I swear that ideal has never left me, it has been with me continually, and has lost none of its beauty in my heart.  I remembered the vow I made to Lizaveta Makarovna to reform.  When Andrey Petrovitch talked about the aristocracy to me yesterday, he said nothing new, I can assure you.  My ideal is firmly established: a few score acres (and only a few score, for I’ve scarcely anything left of the fortune), then absolutely complete abandonment of the world and a career; a rural home, a family, and myself a tiller of the soil or something of the sort.  Oh, in our family it’s nothing new; my uncle, my grandfather, too, tilled the soil with their own hands.  We have been princes for a thousand years, as aristocratic and as ancient a name as the Rohans, but we are beggars.  And this is how I will train my children:  ‘Remember always, all your life, that you are a nobleman, that the sacred blood of Russian princes flows in your veins, but never be ashamed that your father tilled the soil with his own hands — he did it like a prince.’  I should not leave them property, nothing but that strip of land, but I would bring them up in the loftiest principles: that I should consider a duty.  Oh, I should be helped by Liza, by work, by children; oh, how we have dreamed of this together, dreamed of it here in this room.  And would you believe it? at the same time I was thinking of Mme. Ahmakov, and of the possibility of a worldly and wealthy marriage, though I don’t care for the woman in the least!  And only after what Nastchokin said about Büring, I resolved to turn to Anna Andreyevna.”

“But you went to decline the match?  That was an honourable action anyway, I suppose!”

“You think so?” he stopped short before me.  “No, you don’t know my nature, or else there is something I don’t know myself, because it seems I have more than one nature.  I love you sincerely, Arkady Makarovitch, and besides I am terribly to blame for the way I’ve treated you for the last two months, and so I want you as Liza’s brother to know all this.  I went to Anna Andreyevna to make her an offer of marriage, not to disown the idea.”

“Is it possible?  But Liza told me . . .”

“I deceived Liza.”

“Tell me, please, you made a formal offer and Anna Andreyevna refused it?  Was that it?  Was that it?  The facts are of great importance to me, prince.”

“No, I did not make an offer at all, but that was only because I hadn’t time; she forestalled me, not in direct words, of course, though the meaning was clear and unmistakable — she ‘delicately’ gave me to understand that the idea was henceforth out of the question.”

“So it was the same as your not making her an offer, and your pride has not suffered!”

“How can you reason like that!  My own conscience condemns me, and what of Liza, whom I have deceived . . . and meant to abandon?  And the vow I made to myself and my forefathers to reform and to atone for all my ignoble past!  I entreat you not to tell her that.  Perhaps that is the one thing she would not be able to forgive me!  I have been ill since what happened yesterday.  And now it seems that all is over, and the last of the Sokolskys will be sent to prison.  Poor Liza!  I have been very anxious to see you all day, Arkady Makarovitch, to tell you as Liza’s brother what she knows nothing of as yet.  I am a criminal.  I have taken part in forging railway shares!”

“Something more!  What, you are going to prison?” I cried jumping up and looking at him in horror.  His face wore a look of the deepest gloom and utterly hopeless sorrow.

“Sit down,” he said, and he sat down in the armchair opposite.  “To begin with, you had better know the facts; it was more than a year ago, that same summer that I was at Ems with Lidya, and Katerina Nikolaevna, and afterwards at Paris, just at the time when I was going to Paris for two months.  In Paris, of course, I was short of money, and it was just then Stebelkov turned up, though I knew him before.  He gave me some money and promised to give me more, but asked me in return to help him; he wanted an artist, a draughtsman, engraver, lithographer, and so on, a chemist, an expert, and — for certain purposes.  What those purposes were he hinted pretty plainly from the first.  And would you believe it? he understood my character — it only made me laugh.  The point is that from my schooldays I had an acquaintance, at present a Russian exile, though he was not really a Russian, but a native of Hamburg.  He had been mixed up in some cases of forging papers in Russia already.  It was on this man that Stebelkov was reckoning, but he wanted an introduction to him and he applied to me.  I wrote a couple of lines for him, and immediately forgot all about it.  Afterwards he met me again and again, and I received altogether as much as three thousand from him.  I had literally forgotten all about the business.  Here I’ve been borrowing from him all the time with I O Us and securities, and he has been cringing before me like a slave, and suddenly yesterday I learned from him for the first time that I am a criminal.”

“When, yesterday?”

“Yesterday morning, when we were shouting in my study just before Nastchokin arrived.  For the first time he had the effrontery to speak to me quite openly of Anna Andreyevna.  I raised my hand to strike him, but he suddenly stood up and informed me that his interests were mine, and that I must remember that I was his accomplice and as much a swindler as he — though he did not use those words, that was the sense.”

“What nonsense, why surely it’s all imagination?”

“No, it’s not imagination.  He has been here to-day and explained things more exactly.  These forged documents have been in circulation a long time, and are still being passed about, but it seems they’ve already begun to be noticed.  Of course, I’ve nothing to do with it, but ‘you see though, you were pleased to give me that little letter,’ that’s what Stebelkov told me.”

“So you didn’t know, of course, what for, or did you know?”

“I did know,” Prince Sergay answered in a low voice, dropping his eyes; “that’s to say I knew and didn’t know, you see.  I was laughing, I was amused.  I did it without thinking, for I had no need of forged documents at that time, and it wasn’t I who meant to make them.  But that three thousand he gave me then he did not put down in his account against me and I let it pass.  But how do you know, perhaps I really am a forger.  I could not help knowing, I am not a child; I did know, but I felt in a merry humour and I helped scoundrels, felons . . . helped them for money!  So I, too, am a forger!”

“Oh, you are exaggerating; you’ve done wrong, but you’re exaggerating!”

“There’s some one else in it, a young man called Zhibyelsky, some sort of attorney’s clerk.  He, too, had something to do with these forgeries, he came afterwards from that gentleman at Hamburg to see me about some nonsense; of course, I didn’t know what it was about myself — it was not about those forgeries I know that . . . but he has kept in his possession two documents in my handwriting, only brief notes — and, of course, they are evidence too; I understood that to-day.  Stebelkov makes out that this Zhibyelsky is spoiling everything; he has stolen something, public money I believe, but means to steal something more and then to emigrate; so he wants eight thousand, not a penny less, to help him on his way.  My share of the fortune I had inherited would satisfy Stebelkov, but he said Zhibyelsky must be satisfied too. . . .  In short I must give up my share of the fortune and ten thousand besides, that’s their final offer.  And then they will give me back my two letters.  They’re in collusion, that’s clear.”

“It’s obviously absurd!  If they inform against you they will betray themselves!  Nothing will induce them to give information.”

“I understand that.  They don’t threaten to give information at all, they only say, ‘We shall not inform, of course, but if it should be discovered, then . . .’ that’s what they say, and that’s all, but I think it’s enough!  But that’s not the point; whatever happens, and even if I had those letters in my pocket now, yet to be associated with those swindlers, to be their accomplice for ever and ever!  To lie to Russia, to lie to my children, to lie to Liza, to lie to my conscience! . . .”

“Does Liza know?”

“No, she does not know everything.  It would be too much for her in her condition.  I wear the uniform of my regiment, and every time I meet a soldier of the regiment, at every second, I am inwardly conscious that I must not dare to wear the uniform.”

“Listen,” I cried suddenly; “there’s no need to waste time talking about it; there’s only one way of salvation for you; go to Prince Nikolay Ivanitch, borrow ten thousand from him, ask him for it, without telling him what for, then send for those two swindlers, settle up with them finally, buy back your letters . . . and the thing is over!  The whole thing will be ended, and you can go and till the land!  Away with vain imaginings and have faith in life!”

“I have thought of that,” he said resolutely.  “I have been making up my mind all day and at last I have decided.  I have only been waiting for you; I will go.  Do you know I have never in my life borrowed a farthing from Prince Nikolay Ivanitch.  He is well disposed to our family and even . . . and has come to their assistance, but I, I personally, have never borrowed money from him. But now I am determined to.  Our family, you may note, is an older branch of the Sokolskys than Prince Nikolay Ivanitch’s; they are a younger branch, collaterals, in fact, hardly recognized. . . . There was a feud between our ancestors.  At the beginning of the reforms of Peter the Great, my great-grandfather, whose name was Peter too, remained an Old Believer, and was a wanderer in the forest of Kostroma.  That Prince Peter married a second wife who was not of noble birth. . . .  So it was then these other Sokolskys dropped out, but I. . . .  What was I talking about? . . .”

He was very much exhausted, and seemed talking almost unconsciously.

“Calm yourself,” I said, standing up and taking my hat; “go to bed, that’s the first thing.  Prince Nikolay Ivanitch is sure not to refuse, especially now in the overflow of his joy.  Have you heard the latest news from that quarter?  Haven’t you, really?  I have heard a wild story that he is going to get married; it’s a secret, but not from you, of coarse.”

And I told him all about it, standing, hat in hand.  He knew nothing about it.  He quickly asked questions, inquiring principally when and where the match had been arranged and how far the rumour was trustworthy.  I did not, of course, conceal from him that it had been settled immediately after his visit to Anna Andreyevna.  I cannot describe what a painful impression this news made upon him; his face worked and was almost contorted, and his lips twitched convulsively in a wry smile.  At the end he turned horribly pale and sank into a reverie, with his eyes on the floor.  I suddenly saw quite clearly that his vanity had been deeply wounded by Anna Andreyevna’s refusal of him the day before.  Perhaps in his morbid state of mind he realized only too vividly at that minute the absurd and humiliating part he had played the day before in the eyes of the young lady of whose acceptance, as it now appeared, he had all the time been so calmly confident.  And worst of all, perhaps, was the thought that he had behaved so shabbily to Liza, and to no purpose! It would be interesting to know for what these foppish young snobs think well of one another, and on what grounds they can respect one another; this prince might well have supposed that Anna Andreyevna knew of his connection with Liza — in reality her sister — or if she did not actually know, that she would be certain to hear of it sooner or later; and yet he had “had no doubt of her acceptance!”

“And could you possibly imagine,” he said suddenly, with a proud and supercilious glance at me, “that now, after learning such a fact, I, I could be capable of going to Prince Nikolay Ivanitch and asking him for money?  Ask him, the accepted fiancé of the lady who has just refused me — like a beggar, like a flunkey!  No, now all is lost, and if that old man’s help is my only hope, then let my last hope perish!”