Complete Plays, The (348 page)

Holofernes

Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away!

Exeunt

S
CENE
II. T
HE
SAME
.

Enter the Princess, Katharine, Rosaline, and Maria

Princess

Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings come thus plentifully in:
A lady wall’d about with diamonds!
Look you what I have from the loving king.

Rosaline

Madame, came nothing else along with that?

Princess

Nothing but this! yes, as much love in rhyme
As would be cramm’d up in a sheet of paper,
Writ o’ both sides the leaf, margent and all,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid’s name.

Rosaline

That was the way to make his godhead wax,
For he hath been five thousand years a boy.

Katharine

Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.

Rosaline

You’ll ne’er be friends with him; a’ kill’d your sister.

Katharine

He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;
And so she died: had she been light, like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
She might ha’ been a grandam ere she died:
And so may you; for a light heart lives long.

Rosaline

What’s your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?

Katharine

A light condition in a beauty dark.

Rosaline

We need more light to find your meaning out.

Katharine

You’ll mar the light by taking it in snuff;
Therefore I’ll darkly end the argument.

Rosaline

Look what you do, you do it still i’ the dark.

Katharine

So do not you, for you are a light wench.

Rosaline

Indeed I weigh not you, and therefore light.

Katharine

You weigh me not? O, that’s you care not for me.

Rosaline

Great reason; for ‘past cure is still past care.’

Princess

Well bandied both; a set of wit well play’d.
But Rosaline, you have a favour too:
Who sent it? and what is it?

Rosaline

I would you knew:
An if my face were but as fair as yours,
My favour were as great; be witness this.
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron:
The numbers true; and, were the numbering too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground:
I am compared to twenty thousand fairs.
O, he hath drawn my picture in his letter!

Princess

Any thing like?

Rosaline

Much in the letters; nothing in the praise.

Princess

Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.

Katharine

Fair as a text B in a copy-book.

Rosaline

’Ware pencils, ho! let me not die your debtor,
My red dominical, my golden letter:
O, that your face were not so full of O’s!

Katharine

A pox of that jest! and I beshrew all shrows.

Princess

But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumain?

Katharine

Madam, this glove.

Princess

 
Did he not send you twain?

Katharine

Yes, madam, and moreover
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover,
A huge translation of hypocrisy,
Vilely compiled, profound simplicity.

Maria

This and these pearls to me sent Longaville:
The letter is too long by half a mile.

Princess

I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart
The chain were longer and the letter short?

Maria

Ay, or I would these hands might never part.

Princess

We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.

Rosaline

They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
That same Biron I’ll torture ere I go:
O that I knew he were but in by the week!
How I would make him fawn and beg and seek
And wait the season and observe the times
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhymes
And shape his service wholly to my hests
And make him proud to make me proud that jests!
So perttaunt-like would I o’ersway his state
That he should be my fool and I his fate.

Princess

None are so surely caught, when they are catch’d,
As wit turn’d fool: folly, in wisdom hatch’d,
Hath wisdom’s warrant and the help of school
And wit’s own grace to grace a learned fool.

Rosaline

The blood of youth burns not with such excess
As gravity’s revolt to wantonness.

Maria

Folly in fools bears not so strong a note
As foolery in the wise, when wit doth dote;
Since all the power thereof it doth apply
To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity.

Princess

Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.

Enter Boyet

Boyet

O, I am stabb’d with laughter! Where’s her grace?

Princess

Thy news Boyet?

Boyet

 
Prepare, madam, prepare!
Arm, wenches, arm! encounters mounted are
Against your peace: Love doth approach disguised,
Armed in arguments; you’ll be surprised:
Muster your wits; stand in your own defence;
Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.

Princess

Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they
That charge their breath against us? say, scout, say.

Boyet

Under the cool shade of a sycamore
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;
When, lo! to interrupt my purposed rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addrest
The king and his companions: warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
And overheard what you shall overhear,
That, by and by, disguised they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conn’d his embassage:
Action and accent did they teach him there;
‘Thus must thou speak,’ and ‘thus thy body bear:’
And ever and anon they made a doubt
Presence majestical would put him out,
‘For,’ quoth the king, ‘an angel shalt thou see;
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.’
The boy replied, ‘An angel is not evil;
I should have fear’d her had she been a devil.’
With that, all laugh’d and clapp’d him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder:
One rubb’d his elbow thus, and fleer’d and swore
A better speech was never spoke before;
Another, with his finger and his thumb,
Cried, ‘Via! we will do’t, come what will come;’
The third he caper’d, and cried, ‘All goes well;’
The fourth turn’d on the toe, and down he fell.
With that, they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
To cheque their folly, passion’s solemn tears.

Princess

But what, but what, come they to visit us?

Boyet

They do, they do: and are apparell’d thus.
Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess.
Their purpose is to parle, to court and dance;
And every one his love-feat will advance
Unto his several mistress, which they’ll know
By favours several which they did bestow.

Princess

And will they so? the gallants shall be task’d;
For, ladies, we shall every one be mask’d;
And not a man of them shall have the grace,
Despite of suit, to see a lady’s face.
Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,
And then the king will court thee for his dear;
Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine,
So shall Biron take me for Rosaline.
And change your favours too; so shall your loves
Woo contrary, deceived by these removes.

Rosaline

Come on, then; wear the favours most in sight.

Katharine

But in this changing what is your intent?

Princess

The effect of my intent is to cross theirs:
They do it but in mocking merriment;
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several counsels they unbosom shall
To loves mistook, and so be mock’d withal
Upon the next occasion that we meet,
With visages displayed, to talk and greet.

Rosaline

But shall we dance, if they desire to’t?

Princess

No, to the death, we will not move a foot;
Nor to their penn’d speech render we no grace,
But while ’tis spoke each turn away her face.

Boyet

Why, that contempt will kill the speaker’s heart,
And quite divorce his memory from his part.

Princess

Therefore I do it; and I make no doubt
The rest will ne’er come in, if he be out
There’s no such sport as sport by sport o’erthrown,
To make theirs ours and ours none but our own:
So shall we stay, mocking intended game,
And they, well mock’d, depart away with shame.

Trumpets sound within

Boyet

The trumpet sounds: be mask’d; the maskers come.

The Ladies mask

Enter Blackamoors with music; Moth; Ferdinand, Biron, Longaville, and Dumain, in Russian habits, and masked

Moth

All hail, the richest beauties on the earth!—

Boyet

Beauties no richer than rich taffeta.

Moth

A holy parcel of the fairest dames.

The Ladies turn their backs to him

That ever turn’d their — backs — to mortal views!

Biron

[Aside to Moth]
 
Their eyes, villain, their eyes!

Moth

That ever turn’d their eyes to mortal views!— Out —

Boyet

True; out indeed.

Moth

Out of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe
Not to behold —

Biron

[Aside to Moth]
 
Once to behold, rogue.

Moth

Once to behold with your sun-beamed eyes,
—
with your sun-beamed eyes —

Boyet

They will not answer to that epithet;
You were best call it ‘daughter-beamed eyes.’

Moth

They do not mark me, and that brings me out.

Biron

Is this your perfectness? be gone, you rogue!

Exit Moth

Rosaline

What would these strangers? know their minds, Boyet:
If they do speak our language, ’tis our will:
That some plain man recount their purposes
Know what they would.

Boyet

What would you with the princess?

Biron

Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

Rosaline

What would they, say they?

Boyet

Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

Rosaline

Why, that they have; and bid them so be gone.

Boyet

She says, you have it, and you may be gone.

Ferdinand

Say to her, we have measured many miles
To tread a measure with her on this grass.

Boyet

They say, that they have measured many a mile
To tread a measure with you on this grass.

Rosaline

It is not so. Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile: if they have measured many,
The measure then of one is easily told.

Boyet

If to come hither you have measured miles,
And many miles, the princess bids you tell
How many inches doth fill up one mile.

Biron

Tell her, we measure them by weary steps.

Boyet

She hears herself.

Rosaline

 
How many weary steps,
Of many weary miles you have o’ergone,
Are number’d in the travel of one mile?

Biron

We number nothing that we spend for you:
Our duty is so rich, so infinite,
That we may do it still without accompt.
Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face,
That we, like savages, may worship it.

Rosaline

My face is but a moon, and clouded too.

Ferdinand

Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do!
Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to shine,
Those clouds removed, upon our watery eyne.

Rosaline

O vain petitioner! beg a greater matter;
Thou now request’st but moonshine in the water.

Ferdinand

Then, in our measure do but vouchsafe one change.
Thou bid’st me beg: this begging is not strange.

Rosaline

Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon.

Music plays

Not yet! no dance! Thus change I like the moon.

Ferdinand

Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?

Rosaline

You took the moon at full, but now she’s changed.

Ferdinand

Yet still she is the moon, and I the man.
The music plays; vouchsafe some motion to it.

Rosaline

Our ears vouchsafe it.

Ferdinand

But your legs should do it.

Rosaline

Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
We’ll not be nice: take hands. We will not dance.

Ferdinand

Why take we hands, then?

Rosaline

Only to part friends:
Curtsy, sweet hearts; and so the measure ends.

Ferdinand

More measure of this measure; be not nice.

Rosaline

We can afford no more at such a price.

Ferdinand

Prize you yourselves: what buys your company?

Rosaline

Your absence only.

Ferdinand

 
That can never be.

Rosaline

Then cannot we be bought: and so, adieu;
Twice to your visor, and half once to you.

Ferdinand

If you deny to dance, let’s hold more chat.

Rosaline

In private, then.

Ferdinand