Compete (63 page)

She always has been.

But all these years she was hiding.

And now she is out, at last—no matter how briefly, for tonight.

I end on a triumphant high note that blasts away the last shadow of doubt, and the orchestra concludes the framing sound.

The crowd screams wildly, even before the music is over.

On a weird impulse, I grab the carnation flower that’s tucked in my hair.

I try to locate Aeson Kassiopei with my gaze. But in that same instant I see him, he turns his back to me, moving almost violently, and starts walking away through the crowd, followed by Oalla and Keruvat.

I pause. . . . And I toss the flower out into the crowd, smiling widely at them—and in my mind, still at
him
, wherever he is, somewhere out there.

And even if he’s not, it doesn’t matter.

I started out singing for him, but I finished, singing for myself.

I
climb down from the stage, and Xelio is right here, waiting for me. He is staring at me with absolute wonder.

“You’re unbelievable!” he exclaims, while his eyes reflect emotion and a deepening complexity. “Gwen Lark, tonight you’ve managed to surprise me for the second time!” He shakes his head, as though to clear away the stunned emotion.

“You liked it?” I exclaim with a brazen smile. At this moment I’m riding a wild high, and nothing can bring me down.

“Are you kidding?” He shakes his head again, while a slow amazed smile comes to him. “I’ve never heard you sing properly, not like this. But you just blew me away there! What was that glorious song? This style, it is your Earth opera? I must learn more!”

“Come, I need a drink,” I say flippantly, throwing glances around us—at the teens in the vicinity who are still staring at me and clapping as I move past them. “And I’ll tell you all about it.”

We make our way to the perimeter toward the stations.

Toward Aeson and Oalla, I note with satisfaction.

Xel throws the CP and Oalla a daring grin and winks at me. “Wait here,
im nefira
, while I get your drink!” he intones loudly while nodding to the other Pilots. And off he goes in the crowd.

I stop before Aeson Kassiopei and Oalla Keigeri, as they stand off to the side, talking quietly. I’m still breathing much too quickly, my pulse is racing, and my eyes are sparkling with excitement.

Oalla glances at me and her one brow goes up, but she is smiling. “Wow!” she says to me. “Just, wow!”

And then I see Aeson. His face is averted slightly, and his arms are folded at his chest, while he seems to be examining something a few feet away.

Suddenly he turns to me. And—he is
cold
as ice. His expression is devastating. Oh, the frown, the barely leashed anger and accusation in his eyes!

He stands like a demon before me.

I am stunned.

All my joyous confidence and euphoria evaporates in the blink of an eye.

“
Lark.
We need to talk immediately.
Come!
” he says in a killing voice, and motions to me as he starts walking.

“Okay. . . .” I glance briefly at Oalla and follow him as we move off a few steps away. Here he stops and turns to me.

“What you did out there—that was extremely
inappropriate
,” he says in a hard voice filled with derision. “You used the
desire power voice
in public.”

My lips part. “I did what?”

But he does not relent.

“The
desire voice
is only to be used in private, and only with individuals with whom you have an intimate relationship,” he continues, his gaze boring down at me. “Do you understand what you’ve done? You’ve just shamed the crew, all these people, my entire ship—”

“Wait, Kass—what are you talking about?” Oalla interrupts him suddenly. She obviously followed us, and is now looking from Aeson to me with a slight frown. “But—she didn’t!”

Aeson Kassiopei suddenly grows very quiet and turns to looks at her. “What?”

“I mean, she
didn’t
use a power voice,” Oalla repeats, craning her neck at him curiously. “Admittedly, it was a very lovely and strong voice, and Gwen sang that classical piece beautifully, but it was just a normal unenhanced singing voice.”

“But—” he says, pausing. And suddenly his face flushes wildly. It’s a deep scalding
red
, such a strong flood of color that it’s noticeable even despite the brilliant red illumination in the room.

“I—” he says in a strange, quiet voice, and shakes his head. “I—I must go, excuse me. . . .”

And without looking at me, or Oalla, he turns around and swiftly walks past us, and continues toward the exit doors of the Resonance Chamber.

Oalla and I remain, staring at each other.

I am still reeling. “Okay. . . . What? What did I do? What happened?” I say breathlessly, while a bitter lump pushes at the back of my throat, so that I’m ready to cry.

Oalla pauses thoughtfully before answering me. She shakes her head slightly, bites her lips and says, “Don’t worry about it. You did nothing wrong. It’s all
him
. I’m sorry to say this—and
please
don’t quote me—but sometimes your commanding officer is a real idiot.”

My mouth parts at her reply.

Oalla throws a brief troubled glance in the direction that Kassiopei left. She then returns her attention to me. “In case I didn’t make it clear, Gwen, you did a
wonderful
job singing. Really, really well done, I’m impressed. Now, why don’t you go ahead and enjoy the rest of the dance. I am going to go after him and make sure everything is under control. If Keruvat comes looking for me, tell him I’ve left.”

And with a friendly nod, Oalla Keigeri walks away quickly.

I remain standing alone in the crowd.

My mind—I think I’ve misplaced it somewhere.

Okay, what just happened?

X
elio comes back with my drink just as the last mournful strains of “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen dissipate into silence, and the four teenagers who’ve just performed the ancient classic do a wild, head-banging bow to the suddenly roaring dance crowd.

“Thanks,” I say, taking the drink, while Xelio glances back at the stadium screens shaking his head with amusement.

“Your Earth music,” he says. “It is so diverse and astounding.”

“I’m not sure why everyone seems to be singing these really ancient songs tonight,” I mutter with a smile. “Maybe because we’re all a little homesick, and the old stuff has deeper roots.”

“Where’s everyone?” Xel says. “Did the CP take off already? Not surprising.”

“Oh yes, he did,” I say casually. “Oalla left too.”

Xel laughs. “Their loss. Meanwhile, the dancing is about to resume. Ready for more zero gravity?”

I nod pleasantly as I stand sipping my drink, looking at him, listening to him absentmindedly, while my thoughts and my focus have been derailed completely. Right this moment I’m still trying very hard to understand
what
it is that just happened a few minutes ago, and whether it’s a good or bad thing.

I decide eventually that it’s a little of both.

First, the
good
:

I now know to a great degree of certainty that my commanding officer, Command Pilot Aeson Kassiopei definitely has
feelings
for me. Not sure how much of it has been achieved by my own provocative performance this evening, and how much has already existed beforehand, but the primary objective of this evening has been achieved—
I know.

And now the
bad
:

The tragic aspect of knowing, is that now there’s nothing much to be done about it.

That’s it.

Nothing has changed, except maybe the fact that I’ve deeply embarrassed him on a personal level. But that’s a sacrifice I was willing to take in order to learn the truth, going into this thing with all my passion and yes, my gorgeous war paint on.

I guess I’ve won the battle.

But the war is still going to overwhelm me in the end.

So let me just enjoy the rest of this Red Dance with a handsome, attentive, red-hot partner.

Because tomorrow—and in the days and weeks ahead—I must still face
him
every day, the Imperial Crown Prince of Atlantis. And he must face
me
.

Right now, I must confess, I have no idea how we’re going to manage. However, I’m guessing sadly, it will be all things as usual.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

T
he very next day at the CCO confirms my expectations.

I arrive just before 8:00 AM with a hammering heartbeat and a queasy feeling in my gut, and the two aides are not in yet.

A few minutes later, Kassiopei walks in.

My pulse goes wild. . . . Nervous cramps start tearing at me.

I’m not sure if he expected me to be there alone so early, or if he simply took a chance. But he takes one step, then sees me and goes very still. For just a fraction of that first instant, his face reveals the remnant of an intensely vulnerable, almost
frightened
expression. And then a wall slams down, and he becomes blank, unreadable—the usual.

“You . . .” he says quietly.

All the colorful events of last night flash before me in the blink of an eye.

“Command Pilot. . . .” I bravely look him in the eyes.

“I—” He starts to speak, and then suddenly I see his face begin to flame with the same furious blush I’d seen yesterday.

He shakes his head, as if he could shake it all away. And then he turns his face from me and simply goes to sit down at his desk, without another word.

I suppose there will be no apology forthcoming either—an apology for needlessly reprimanding me.

Something insane makes me get up from my seat and approach his desk. I stand before him and he glances my way, without meeting my eyes.

“I hope you’re not upset about last night,” I say softly.

“There is nothing to be upset about,” he replies in a steady voice, looking at his computer screen.

“But you seemed to be—”

“I overreacted.”

“I’m sorry if my song was too much.”

In that moment he looks up at me with his lapis blue eyes. Oh, the look in those eyes!

“Everyone seemed to enjoy it.” And he glances away again.

I bite my lip. “But not you?”

Suddenly he looks at me again, fiercely. “Lark, what do you
want
from me?”

In that moment, I don’t know what to do with myself. My turn to blush like crazy—and I do. “Nothing,” I mutter, as my pulse continues to beat wildly.

And then I return to my seat. All the while he watches me move, with a searing gaze that wants to swallow me whole.

I feel its impact along the surface of my skin, as my fine hairs stand up on end, and electric waves engulf me. . . .

Eventually he looks away.

And we get to work.

A
fter that single outburst, the Command Pilot treats me with icy, aloof politeness and does not acknowledge anything that happened at the Red Dance.

At some point later, when I am able to think rationally again and analyze things, I wonder if Oalla ever caught up to him last night—and if so, if they had some kind of “talk.”

I’ve lost count of the number of times over all these months, that I’ve wondered how much of a friendship there is between them. Seems to me like all the four Pilots on ICS-2 are the CP’s “buddies” in one way or another. I suppose I will learn more eventually, as time goes by.

Meanwhile, not only does Aeson
not
acknowledge his feelings for me, or anything else that happened (and neither does he offer that apology for reprimanding me for something I didn’t do) but he doesn’t seem to show any reaction or concern over the fact that I had a fantastic date with Pilot Xelio Vekahat.

About that date—after the CP and Oalla left the Red Dance, Xel and I danced almost every dance and stayed till closing. Xelio, being in charge of things, had to stick around to make sure his crew wrapped things up properly. But right after midnight, he walked me back to my cabin, and just before I went inside, he stopped me.

“Gwen Lark,” he said, leaning closely over me. “I thank you for a perfect night.”

I expected a cheek-peck kiss maybe, or even a sweet kiss on the mouth. But Xelio took my hand, turned it over, wrist side up, pulled up my sleeve slightly and brought the hand up to his lips. He then kissed the inside of my wrist and his mouth lingered intensely . . . and oh wow, it sent a million electric currents throughout me.