Common Sense Doesn't Become Me (26 page)

Chapter Two

"The first time I drove all the way to LA, by
myself, I might add, never seemed this long as this drive back
home. Having our flight delayed didn't help any. I swear the minute
we got in this minivan; time has come to a slow tick-tock. Maybe
it's because I am scared out of my wits of what everyone will think
about me back home." I got a 'hmm' sound out of my sister.

"I think the short blonde wig and colored
contacts, along with the pj's kept the media at bay from catching
on to who I was. Thank God those tickets were in my real name. I
don't think a LA soul has any idea what my real name is. You are
the best." I got another 'hmm' sound out of my sister as I shook my
hair again from the wig and put my frizzy hair up into a ponytail
with a pink hello kitty holder I found in the cup holder of my
sister's minivan. I didn't think too much of the quiet 'hum's' from
my sister. She was lost in deep thought and most likely
concentrating on the dark stretch of highway heading back home. I
had a lot of my own figuring out to do and talking about random
things was helping - some.

As we drove the long stretch of quiet
darkened highway at a quarter to midnight, I saw my sister yawn,
and I tried to keep her talking. We had less than an hour to go,
and I knew she could make it. She was one determined woman when she
wanted to be. She was determined to marry Ron at the age of five,
and she did so promptly after high-school graduation, exactly three
months later. Ten months later, they had the twins. She was
determined to make Ron the manager at the grain and feed plant, and
he was now the manager. She was determined to be the top sales rep
at her job and did so three years running. Right now, she was
determined to get me away from my personal holocaust and bring me
back home to make things right. Who was I to argue with a baby
sister that seemed to have it more put together than I did?

Her voice broke my thought and concentration.
"You know Bubba is back in town. Has been for over a year now. He
managed a farm up in Montana for his uncle, but he's back and
running a successful business. Maybe you could give him a
call."

Ok. Here's the scoop. Bubba was my high
school sweetheart. He was to me, what Ron was to Claire. Bubba is a
man now, but he was a boy when I fell in love with him at the
tender age of ripening hormones for a girl, ten years old. I was a
scrawny-legged, ghost of a girl, as he often referred to me. It
wasn't until high school when my chest blossomed a bit that he
considered asking me out. We dated all of three weeks, two of them
fighting and one of them making up by kissing and making out in the
loft of his daddy's barn.

"Oh!" Her voice sounded so excited. "You'd
never guess who Shelly Wright married last month. This man moved to
town about a year ago, and he was a hot ticket item. Some dot-comer
from New York, looking for a place to settle back and relax after
selling off his business. Shelly Wright married Mr. Wong. Get it
Wright and Wong. Boy did we have a hoot of a time making fun of
that one. And... The Snip-N-Shoot did a remodel after moving to the
new building down on Franklin Street."

The only family-owned business I know of that
you can get a haircut and shave then go next door and buy a
gun.

"Then the Nelson girls opened up a bridal
shop down on main. They are working in cahoots with their aunt
Tilly, who has that huge estate out on Ralston Road. They've gone
and turned that place into a wedding destination. It's actually
very nice. Mr. Wright and Wong got married there."

That is when my sister's tired laughter
started in. The laughter she got when she was really tired, and it
would start and not stop. Once she started laughing at her own
jokes, she couldn't stop. She was laughing so hard she barely got
out one long breath of a sentence. "Oh my garsh, I am going to pee
my pants. I can't stop laughing at that... Miss Wright married Mr.
Wong." She kept on laughing right on until we pulled into the
Stop-N-Go, just a half hour out of town. She jumped out and ran to
the bathroom, while I slowly got out and stretched my legs.

This particular Stop-N-Go was a high school
favorite stop on the way to the boondock, a party spot we all found
so exciting back then. Now, I would not be caught dead there, just
like I hoped I wouldn't be caught dead in these clothes and my hair
in a ponytail mess with no makeup. In LA, these types of
comfortable casual clothes were to only be worn in the privacy of
your own apartment, otherwise my normal attire of three to four
inch heels, and the latest fashion, was about all I was seen in and
that was after I spent an hour on my hair and makeup. I wondered if
anyone back home did Brazilian blowouts. I was due soon, and I did
not see me going back to LA without one. That is if I went back to
LA.

I decided to fill up my sister's blue minivan
for her while she was inside tinkling her laughter out of her. She
did not let me pay her back for the plane tickets, and I was not a
charity case. I had a good handle on my finances and knew that I
had at least six months' worth of expense money to get me by. If I
sold my condo in LA, I could get by for at least two years but that
was far from my radar.

With my luggage tucked neatly in the back of
the minivan, I decided to take a peek for the very first time
inside the car that my sister practically lived out of for her job.
I was too tired when I crawled into the passenger seat after the
airplane ride to notice before, but now as I opened the sliding
back door, I noticed the world from which my sister lived in. The
world I was about to thrust myself into until I got my wits about
me.

There in the minivan was two pink booster car
seats or what was once pink but now multiple shades of 'is that
grape jelly' I said aloud to myself. There were unmatched pink or
yellow shoes, various kinds of socks, none of which appeared to
match. There was an open DVD case to a Dora The Explorer movie and
three bags from fast food, still with food in them.

I reached my hands above my head in a yoga
stretch, and my pink tank top rose above my belly. I then bent down
to touch my toes and let out a long breath. There, while I was bent
over examining my need for a pedicure in my pink flip-flops, was
the edge of a cowboy boot in my vision. I could almost sense who it
was before I stood up.

"They all wear pink pj's with kitties on them
over there in LA, or you starting a trend here in 'Bama'?" His
words were like a honey in one sense and nails on a chalkboard in
another. I had always had this push-pull feel with Bubba Champ, but
leaving 'Bama' put him far off my radar. Living the life I did in
LA, had put Bubba in the far recesses of my brain until the minute
my sister had mentioned his name, and my skin felt the feel of his
hand brush over my skin without him being here. That is what Bubba
did to me. It turned my brain to mush, my senses on high alert and
my mind back to the last time we were necking in his daddy's barn.
The night I told him that I was saving myself for someone special
when I got to LA to start my acting career, not some hillbilly like
Bubba in 'Bama'. The night I tried to push him so far away from me
emotionally, that I could head on out to LA without a guilty
thought to what I was doing. A huge part of me wanted Bubba to
convince me otherwise that night and come running after me to stop
me from leaving 'Bama', but he didn't. Little did I know that there
was no one special in LA, just a casting director and an old
leather couch that smelled.

I slowly stood up and turned to face the man
whom I fell in love with long ago but just didn't know how to get
along with. I had a hard time not letting my eyes roam over his now
very mature manly body. Those weren't high school muscles he was
packing anymore. His dirty blonde hair was looking long as it
curled up a bit under the edge of his hat. He had a goatee beard
going on, and it might be sexy, but I didn't like my men with hair
on their face. Ok, on him, it was damn sexy. His blue eyes that I
loved were hidden among the shadows of his hat.

"Why I do declare if it's not Bubba 'da'
Champ. How's rodeo life or farming life or whatever it is you
redneckers do around here?" My voice was laden with soft sexual
undertones; my eyes twinkled with hope, but I knew how to piss em
off just right. In one fair swoop, I wanted to swoon Bubba and
smack that sexy dimpled grin right off of his face. Instead, he
looked right at me with sorrow, the last thing I wanted from him.
Then he told me that he was doing all right. That his momma was
looking forward to me stopping by for a sweat tea. Then he walked
over and stopped the gas pump just as it was about to overspill. He
pulled out the pump and returned it to its place. He put in the gas
cap to the minivan and walked back around to me, tipped his tan
dusty cowboy hat, wished me a safe drive on home and sauntered over
to his brown dually Chevy truck and climbed in. I stood there like
a deer caught in headlights. Then a sound of a camera cell phone
caught my attention as that sound had me on guard. My sister looked
at the picture she just took of me, and she was off and laughing
again.

It wasn't until we were five minutes away
that I got that phone out of her hand without causing a wreck and
saw the picture she took. I looked horrid. Brunette hair all a
mess. My face pale, my eyes still a bit red and puffy and my pink
lace bra showing from my tank top that was all off kilter. Lovely.
Just friggin lovely. I swore to myself that the next time Bubba
Champ saw me; I would look LA hot and every man in Alabama was
going to want me.

Who was I kidding? I was still the top news
story at five o'clock. I needed a hiding out game plan. A disguise
if you will. Then I felt my sister's hand upon my arm. "Don't
worry. This will be exciting news for a bit, but everyone adores
you. According to them, you made it big in LA. Not to mention you
are going to be super big in nine months. I can't wait."

But I could. I was still sitting on the
teeter-totter of decisions, and I knew that discussing my other
option with my sister would be hell to pay, so I changed the
subject quick.

"What kind of sedative did you give
Snickerdoodles? I've never had her be this quiet in any car ride
I've taken her in."

"Vet Johnson gave it to me. You remember
Colton Johnson. He's a vet now. Mostly, barnyard animals but I told
him that I was bringing you and that white fluff ball back home,
and he gave me a little something in a kitty treat that will have
her sleeping the whole plane ride home. He guar-an-gosh-darn-teed
it."

That brought a laugh to my smile. I
remembered Colton. He was a shy guy back in high school, but he
always had a caring nature around animals. He was serious about his
four H stuff, talked about it nonstop. I had no four H interest,
just wanted a chance at stardom in Hollywood. Boy was I a star now
and not in the way I wanted. However, I could easily work this to
my advantage; being pregnant with Mr. Hollywood's baby was a start.
Not that I wanted to keep the baby decision based on how it would
help me get my start in Hollywood.

Then my sister did it again. "So Colton is
single. He's quite the catch these days. Ladies are awaiting if you
know what I mean. I mentioned picking you up, and he mentioned he
was available for Sunday dinner. Looks like your return barbeque is
going to be one fun time. I invited Bubba, but he mentioned he was
busy. Colton, now he's interested. Doesn't care a gosh darn thing
about your LA mess. In fact, he says he'd be happy to raise your
munchkin as his."

That stung. Both ways. One that my sister was
trying to find me a husband and keep me in Alabama, pregnant. And
the other way, well it was the fact that Bubba said he was
busy.

I had to speak up. Not the whole truth, but
just enough to keep my sister from meddling in something I didn't
want to start, maybe. "Listen sis, I just want to relax for a week
or two until this passes over, and then I'm catching a flight back
to LA."

"Uh huh." She didn't sound convinced.

"I don't think I will be doing much dating
while I am here. I just want to hang out with my nieces and spoil
them rotten and return home."

"Uh huh." Even less convinced.

"I just think I'll relax, make a game plan
for my return to LA. I don't want no fancy return BBQ. Just a nice
relaxing break from all the starlight of Hollywood and a glass of
sweat tea with Mrs. Champ. You know, out of respect for momma.
Seeing as they are best friends."

"Uh huh." We pulled into the driveway of my
sister's ranch-style home with the split-rail fence and toys all
over the yard; a swing set in the side yard and Ron's silver four
door Chevy truck parked out front. Claire turned to me as soon as
the car was turned off. "As long as I have known you, you have
never done anything laid back or relaxing. There has always been
drama attached to your life and as far as this baby goes, I doubt
Mr. Hollywood is planning on marrying you. Raising a baby on your
own is no simple task. If you want our help, Ron and I, and Mom and
Dad, are there for you, but it's here on our turf, not out in LA.
Besides; LA is not a place for a southern baby to be raised. Am I
right?"

Was she right? Could I do this on my own back
in LA or did I want help from my family here in Alabama? Did I even
want to live in Alabama again? Did I want to give up my life in LA?
Then again, with a baby in tow, I didn't see me hitting the party
scene and making my way up the ranks of journalists in the
entertainment business, not to mention those few measly parts in
movies I was promised by my manager not so long ago that have never
transpired. I was smart enough to know that my time may have come
and gone. In less than the two minutes, it took for Mr. Hollywood
to inseminate me.