Commitments (44 page)

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

few minutes of introductory chitchat during which she apparently deemed them worthy confidants, Cynthia poured out a story that rivaled the one told by Janet Lavine. Cynthia had been married to a career army man assigned to the Pentagon when she'd interviewed to clerk for Ballantine. She had her law degree. She was qualified. But something happened during the interview - and it was mutual, she was quick to add. Taking a job elsewhere, she'd begun meeting Ballantine at odd hours in one hotel or another. He'd excited her. And she had the perfect cover. Yes, his sexual tastes were a bit unusual, but she'd been finding her husband borin& so she hadn't minded. If Ballantine was rough sometimes, that was part of the lure. Knowing who and what he was had always given her a compensatory measure of assurance. After four months, he'd moved on to another woman. But she'd been hooked. Three months after that, her husband found her in bed with the house painter held hired the week before. They separated soon after, then divorced. Since then, the bulk of the money she earned practicing law went to the therapist she saw twice a week. Cynthia was angry. Eight years after the fact, she was still angry at Lloyd Ballantine, angry at the mess he'd stiffed up in her life. 450 o, she'd never seen nor heard of a set of private es that the min had kept. Nor did she know anything t his having been corrupt. She'd always thought the epitome of righteousness on the bench. Off bench, he was something else. The one thing that amazed her, she said, was that held never been sed as the womanizer he was - pretty remarkable, claimed, given that held fathered an illegitimate ter. e small children hearing the reindeer's hooves on roof, Derek and Sabrina had trouble containing cir excitement after leaving Cynthia Conroy.

"Solid, I Derek said as they walked briskly to the car. t's solid. What more perfect a lever in Greer's hand an illegitimate child. Women, Ballantine could e denied. They came and went in his life. A child child stays. It would be the kind of scandal that no . no married man would want, least of all a justice the United States Supreme Court. If Greer had ehow learned about the child and threatened to ose her existence - which would have led to expoure of the whole sex thing - I'd bet Ballantine would more than willing to deal.' He opened the car door r Sabrina. ' where are the files?' she asked, slipping into the t, then looking up at him. ' you really think the other would have them?"

"We have nothing to lose by asking/ he said. Bracing ne hand on the roof of the car and the other on the Aop of the door, he leaned down.

"Ballantine's wife esn't have them. His kids don't. I've called his law lerks, his secretaries, his partner during the years he was in private practice, those men who were closest to him in the justice Department not a one claims to 451 know of the files' existence. That could mean either that they don't exist after all, or that they're hidden away safe and sound.' Straightening, he closed the door, rounded the car and slid behind the wheel. ' about it. if you'd been Ballantine, if you had a child whose paternity you had to deny, if you felt guilty about that and wanted to do something extra for that child, what better way than to give her a firecracker to beat all firecrackers and let her light it when and if she saw fit? You know what the publishing world is about. Those files would be worth a cool million as the basis for a biography, and what better person to either write or co-wtite it than one of Ballantine's blood kin?, Sabrina was still reeling from knowledge of the child. ' you think Cynthia was on the up-and-up?' ' knew we'd check things out.' ' if Greer paid her to mislead us?' ' would mean he's one step ahead of us, and if that were so, we'd have sensed it from some of the others we've spoken with. They'd have been more uneasy. Cynthia would have been more uneasy. But she wasn't uneasy. just Page 164

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

angry..And she volunteered that information. If Greer had paid her, she would have simply acted dumb. But she gave us a name.' He frowned. '

she didn't use it herself to blackmail Ballantine when he dropped her is beyond me.' Sabrina was perhaps more able to understand the female mind.

"There's a fine line between hatred and love. She may have despised Ballantine - and still despise him - but adore him a little at the same time., Derek was perplexed. -Why Ballantine told her in the first place is beyond me.' ' said he was really depressed one night. Crying. Maybe he had to tell someone or he'd burst.' 452 Derek sighed.

"Certainly does add fuel to the suicide theory - depression, guilt, fear.' They sat for a minute in silent contemplation of the ',,emotional low required for that. Needing to think ,,more positively, Sabrina asked, ' we head for ',S. eattle?' ' head for Seattle.' He turned his full attention on her. ' you up to it?' They were getting close. She could feel it. And the more involved she was, the better she -felt. ''m up for @it/ she said with a smile. In her mid-forties, attractive, petite and soft-spoken, , Farrell was the least probable-looking candidate for a kinky sex liaison that Sabrina, for one, would ever have expected to find. Derek, too, was slightly unbalanced, for in the well-modulated tone of her voice, the gentleness of her eyes, the features that radiated a quiet inner strength, Gayle reminded him of Sabrina. @ Still, he conducted himself with the same aplomb that never failed to amaze Sabrina. She wasn't sure if it ' the eloquence of his eyes, the temptation of his smile, the deep and flowing timbre of his voice, but something about him inspired people to talk. She half suspected that, despite Derek's claim to the contrary, it was the fact that, dressed in blazer, tie and slacks, he was once again the Derek Mcgill of Outside Insight, all dashing good looks and prestige. And talent. As an interviewer, his instincts were faultless. He knew when to talk softly, when to laugh, when to . or prod or accuse or back off. Much later, Derek was to say that the time had been right, that Ballantine's death was just distant enough, that the Janet Lavines, the Cynthia Conroys, the Gayle 453 Farrells of the world were simply ready to talk and would have done so regardless of who had been at the door. Sabrina chose to credit Derek with the coup. Gayle Farrell felt no anger toward Lloyd Ballantine. Though she'd been married at the time of the affair and the marriage had fallen apart soon after, she felt she had emerged a far stronger woman. on her own, she had taken a job at a bank and worked her way from teller to vice-president, something that would never have happened if she'd been married. Sabrina and Derek exchanged puzzled glances before looking back at Gayle. When Derek dared ask about the child, Gayle smiled - that serene smile of hers that reminded Derek so much of Sabrina - and said that she had the best of both worlds, a rewarding career and a wonderful daughter, but that if they wanted to meet Alexis they would either have to wait a month until the semester's end or travel East. It seemed that Lloyd Ballantine's illegitimate child wasn't eight or nine or ten years old, is Derek and Sabrina had expected. Alexis Farrell was nineteen and finishing her freshman year at Yale. Gayle didn't have the files, of course. If anyone did, Derek and Sabrina reasoned, it was Alexis. So they flew back to Boston, retrieved the Saab and headed for New Haven. They took the shore route, which, though longer, allowed for regular detours that would shake a tail; but there was a dual purpose, to it. The shore route was more scenic, more relaxing. With tension building alongside anticipation, Derek needed that as badly as did his pregnant wife. One of the most incredible things was the physical resemblance between Alexis Farrell and the man in 454 photograph that Sabrina carried in her large leather shoulder bag. There was no doubt that Lloyd Ballantine 1@ @'had fathered Alexis. Page 165

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

Nor did she deny it. Though every bit as soft-spoken as her mother, Alexis had neither the maturity nor the serenity. She was a serious young woman who walked the campus alone, and she was distinctly wary of Sabrina and Derek. ' don't understand why you're here/ she said. She was leaning against a broad tree trunk in the quadrangle where they'd finally reached her, and looked a little cornered. ' one ever approached me before. No one ever cared who my father was. Why now? Why at all?' Strangely, while Derek had been perfectly comfortable using a cover in his dealings with the others ' he felt a compulsion Ao go with the truth on this one. ', because I've just now learned of your existence. At all, because it needs to be done. We suspect that a very powerful man had illegal dealings with justice Ballantine. Ballantine's gone, but that man isn't, and he is about to gain even more power unless we learn the truth. The only way we can learn the truth is through a set of files that we were told exists.' ' papers were left to the University of Chicago.' ' were his official papers. These are different. They detail those illegal dealings.' ' illegal dealings/ Alexis said. Derek stood corrected by the young woman he now saw to be sharp as well as bright. ' illegal dealings. Lloyd Ballantine was your father. You may hate his guts for never having acknowledged you, but he was your father. We have conclusive proof that he led a double life, and everything points to the fact that he committed suicide. If he did that, he had to have 455 cause. Fear of exposure through blackmail would have bei@n a strong enough one to do it.' Alexis hugged the armload of papers she held closer to her chest as she looked from Derek's face to Sabrinals. ' I don't understand why you've come to me. I didn't even know the man was my father until after he died. How can I possibly help you?' Ve thought that your father may have left you those files/ Sabrina said. Vhy would he do that? I Alexis asked quickly. Derek answered in a low, calm voice. ' give you something of value. To make up for all he hadn't done for you during his life.' But Alexis was shaking her head. ' don't know anything about any files, and even if I did, what would possibly be in it for me if I turned them over to you? I ' was your father. If you hated him, you'd be pleased to see his dark side exposed. If you loved him, you'd want to see the demise of, the man who brought him to his knees.' ' what's in it for you?' It was a minute before Derek answered. ' personal satisfaction that I think, if you try, you can understand/ he said. ''m an investigative journalist. TMhe same man who I believe blackmailed your father was indirectly responsible for a man being killed and directly responsible for my spending two years in prison. I didn't like being there. But I like to think - in my more positive moments - that things like that happen for a purpose. Believe me, I've had trouble finding a purpose for my spending two years in jail - other than to put the fire under me to go after those files.' He paused, eyed her assessingly, tipped his head and 456 challenged her by sayin& ''re young. You're idealistic. What if I were to say that my wish is to spare this country another corrupt leader? I ''d say/ Alexis answered, '

if you were young and idealistic, I iould buy it; but at your age I'd assume your real interest is revenge.' Stifling a chuckle, Sabrina looked at Derek. ''s-a toughie, this one is.' '/ he drawled in the spirit of the thing, ' so am P He turned back to Alexis. rwhat do you say? Want to help me spare this country another corrupt leader?' But Alexis wasn't quite into the spirit of the thing. Again she insisted that she knew nothing of either the files' existence or location. And though, between Derek and Sabrina, they reiterated each of the arguments and made their most poignant pleas, she stuck by her claim. They knew she was lying. They didn't know how - and maybe it was desperation, because without Alexis Farrell's cooperation they were back at square one - but they knew it. Still, they couldn't tie her to the rack and torture her until she confessed. The best they could do was give her the name of the hotel where they'd be spending the night, then give her their Vermont address, should she want to talk more. That night, Sabrina Page 166

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

and Derek were more discouraged than they'd been since they started their search. They had run into a brick wall in the form of a nineteen-year-old coed, and they weren't sure how best to break through. The only thing they were sure of was that they weren't giving up. Apparently, Alexis Farrell sensed that. Or maybe it was hatred or love, or a night spent soul-searching. Or maybe she was every bit as young and idealistic as 457 Derek had suggested she was. Whatever the case, she phoned the hotel early the next morning and, shortly before nine, met Derek in the lobby and handed him the Ballantine files. Neither of them saw the man who folded his paper, rose from his chair and headed for the bank of public phones.

Chapter 19.

The atmosphere at the farmhouse

was euphoric. Not only had Derek and Sabriua returned victorious, but the fledgling institute for Investigative journalism had sold its first three stories. And to top that, J.B. had finished his book. It was J. B. who formalized the celebration, inviting everyone to be his guest `;07.' for dinner at a nearby inn, elegant and expensive. And that was only the start of the evening. Later, back in the bam with the precious papers stowed safely away, Derek and Sabrina, 1. B., Ann and Justin and the three others who rounded out the crew raised glasses to toast their success. it was well after midnight when the last of the laughter had faded away and the liquor had taken its toll. Everyone was asleep except Sabrina, who hadn't had more than half a glass of the stuff. She was wide awake. Her body was at rest, quiet beside Derek's sprawled form, but the motor in her mind wouldn't stop. She was reliving that day, reliving the moment of realization that the files were finally theirs, reliving the excitement of reading them 4nd finding in them evidence against Noel Greer as incriminating as they had hoped. But her mind didn't stop there. It worked through the writing of the story, worked through the possible markets and the timing of the release. Then, of its own accord, it switched gears and considered the baby. The test was scheduled for the following week, and then the real waiting would begin. 459 Sabrina thought about J.B. Is courage in fighting his nightmares. She thought about Derek's courage in fighting Noel Greer. And then she thought about something else - what Derek had told Alexis about things happening for a purpose. Nicky's fate was tragic, but did the experience have its up side? Was she a stronger person for it? Was her relationship with Derek stronger, her love for him greater after what she'd been through with Nick? And were the feelings she had - yes, she had them - for the child forming in her belly different from those she'd felt for Nicky? Would she be appreciating this child, treasuring each small sign of growth, savoring each step in its development that much more? Would she be smelling the roses of life, really smelling them for the very first time? Shaking herself free of those thoughts, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but the thoughts returned. Derek ... 1. B ... Ann ... Alexis ... were they that much bolder than she?