Commitment (32 page)

“So what do yo
u think?” Tracy was asking her.
“
Do you think you could live here, or do we want Iris to show us a couple more places
?”

Riley
laughed, wiping her face
with the back of a hand.

“Of course I could live here.
And I think I’ve lo
oked at enough high-priced real
estate to last me a lifetime, thank you very much.
”

“Okay then.
So let’s go make that woman’s day
and
go have
some
pad
Thai
.”

They went to one of
Riley
’s favorite places in the Village, a Thai restaurant decorated like a country diner but serving the best food
of its kind in
Manhattan
f
or more than reasonable prices.
At least once a week when they’d first moved to the city after college, Tracy and
Riley
ate there, just to feel hip and cosmopolitan.

“Want to call Brian?” Tracy asked while they were waiting to orde
r.
“His apartment’s like what?
Four blocks away?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?
Don’t tell me Shawn has you that trained already.”

“It’s not that.
I just
still feel funny about everything
that happened, and you know, that time when I asked him to meet me at the café
.”

“
Riley
,
I told you I spoke to him and he’s
okay
.
I think when he had a chance to sit with it for awhile, that last talk really helped him too.
”

“Yeah, but
I
still feel weird about this.
I’m not even sure I can face him.
”

“It’s a little late to star
t feeling guilty.
Besides,
you’ve a lot of the same friends. W
hat’re you planning to do, avoid him all your life?”

“No, but . . .”

“Then I’m calling him.”  Tracy
pulled out her mobile and started dialing
before
Riley
could protest.

The conversation was brief
.
“He’ll be here in ten minutes.
”

“Did
he ask if
I was with you?”

Tracy nodded.
“
Yes he did
.
And it’s p
robably the only rea
son he’s dragging himself out
.”

“So basically, he’s coming
just to watch me squirm
.
”

“Why would you squirm?
He’s just coming to wish you the best in your new marriage,” Tracy said innocently.

“Yeah,
sure
.
I don’t feel ready for this, Tracy.
”
 

“You
need to get over yourself.
I think
by now
he’s able to get
out of bed every
morning without weeping.”

Riley
rolled her eye
s.
“Fine.”

The waiting was tense, and
Riley
ordered and drank two glass
es of wine before he showed up.
She
had just polished
off the second when Tracy waved him over from the front door where he stood looking about for them.

“The old married lady,”
Brian
said to
Riley
as he sat.

“
How
are you
?”

Brian paused to
kiss Tracy on the cheek
.
“Nothing much
going on with me.
L
ife is good.
Oh
. . .
if you don’t count my ex-girlfrien
d getting married to a rap star.
”

Riley
’s sh
oulders sagged.
“Brian, we’re not going to
do
this
again,
are we?”

His
face becam
e serious.
“I just never thought it would last, that’s all.”

Riley
looked down at the table to avoid his eyes
.
He wasn’t alone there.
She
hadn’t believed
it would last either.
Like everyone else, s
he thought Shawn was a
thing
she was going through.

When she looked up, Brian was gazing at her with genuine affection in his eyes and she noted something else. The hurt that had been there the last time she’d seen him had begun to recede. She smiled and he reached across the table, touching the side of her face.

“You look good, Riley,” he said. “You look really good.”

“Let’s order,” Tracy said, raising
a hand to summon the waitress.

g

It was after eleven when Tracy
finally
dropped Brian off and
they headed back to
the hotel.
O
nly as they pulled up in front and
Riley
felt the keycard for the suite in her pocket
did she remember
that
no one else could get into the suite without it
.

“Oh
crap
,” she said, almost to herself.

“What’s the matter?
Missed your curfew?”

“
Don’t start.
I have the only key.
Shawn said he’d be back by ten
and I totally forgot
to leave it at the front desk
.”

“They have to have another key,” Tracy
said
un
interestedly.
“
See you at yoga tomorrow
.
Say
hi
to Shawn
for me
.
Or not.
”

Riley
was already opening the door and getting out. 

Shawn was nowhere in sight
in the lobby
, thankfully
.
She
ran toward the elevator and curs
ed
herself the entire
ride
up
.
She paused before
letting herself into the suite.
Music from the television greeted her as she entered, and the sight of Shawn lying on his back on the bed, fully clothed, his boots still on.

“H
ey you,”
she stretched herself along the length of him, kissing him firmly on the l
ips.
“Sorry about the keycard.
I
totally
forgot.”

“I
almost had to get another room
,
Riley
.
Y’know how
tired
I am?
”

“I know.
I’m sorry.”
She
stretched out next to him and
kissed him along his neck.
“How was
your
thing?”

“Loud as fuck.
People grabbing me.
”

He
was
irritable, the way he always was afte
r these kinds of appearances.
Some performers claimed to be energized by contact with their fans
en masse
, but unless protected by the buffer of the stage, Shawn hated it
.

“How was the place?”
he asked, sitting up.

“The view is amazing, the rooms are hu
mongous
and the bathrooms
incredible
.
And the second bedroom suite
is
a loft
, so it’s big enough for
you to set your music stuff up.
You could pract
ically build a studio in there
if you wanted to
.
Tracy
liked it too.”

“
So she
did go
with you
?”

“Yeah.
After we looked at the place we went to get something to eat with Brian in the Village
and then we went for drinks and I
completely
lost track of the time
.”
She
kicked
off her shoes
and started massaging her feet.

“Brian.”
It
was clear he wasn’t pleased.
“
What’s he still
hanging around
for
?”

“We called him,”
Riley
said slowly.
“I hadn’t
seen him since
. . .
”

Shawn grabbed her left hand, holding her fingers up so that her engagement ring and wedding band were directly in her face.

“He see this?
He know what this means?”

Riley
wrenched
her hand away.

“
Jesus
, Shawn.
Of course he knows.”

“
Then what the fuck
does he want
?”

“
I thought we’d been over this ground,
”
she said
keeping her voice level
.
“He’s a friend. That’s all. A friend.”

“
And y
ou’re my
wife
.
M
ake sure he
understands that shit.”

He pushed himself up off the bed
and
Rile
y grabbed the tail of his shirt, exasperated.

“Where are you going?”

“Right now, anyplace but here.”

He held her hand and pried open her fingers to release himself.

Riley
sat on the edge of the bed staring at the door
for several minutes after he left.
The problem with Shawn was that she was never sure whether these outbursts were a power struggle or common old jealousy. If it was the former, she
had to hold her ground; she
would not let him dictate who her friends could be – she was her mother’s daughter after all. And if it was the latter, s
he couldn’t pretend it
wasn’t
exciting to have someone
this
fiercely possessive
of
her
.

But god, didn’t he get tired of it ever? All this angst about something that had been so definitively resolved? Tracy was right – he’d won, and yet he still wasn’t satisfied. She’d gotten married –
married
– something
she hadn’t even begun to contemplate
for herself
until he gave her an impossible choice; and yet he still wasn’t assured of her commitment to him.
What was it going to take?

E
ven after a hot shower and turning off all the lights and television, s
he couldn’t even begin to
think of sleep as a possibility
until she heard the door to the suite open sometime around
two
a.m.
Riley
closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing, listening
as
Shawn
undress
ed
and
go
t into bed.
It was maddening how he affected her; when he was around, all of her senses seemed sharper, all her nerve endings humming, and when he was gone, they dulled.

Her
breath stilled w
hen she
felt
his hand,
warm
through
her gossamer-
thin cotton nightshirt.
Without a word,
Riley
turned and kissed him back when his lips
pressed into
her neck
.
Her body warmed in response to him. He
tasted like beer
, and maybe something stronger
.
When h
e
raised her shirt over her head
and
parted her legs
with his knee
she
instinctively
tilted her hips upward
to receive him.