Coming Undone (31 page)

It had amused him, not that he’d ever say so out loud, to see her get so pissy when he brought Raven up. Jealous even. It also helped him to know Raven hadn’t said anything to her. Not yet.

“Why Rennie? Why not Reenie?”

She lazily poked her head up and then let it rest on his biceps.

“When she was an infant, my mom would come into the city to help during the week so I could go to rehearsal and get back into shape. Anyway, one of the costumers started calling her Baby Rennie and it stuck. My mother was not pleased”—she laughed—“but she’s been Rennie ever since.”

“Tell me about after the attack. You what? Ate a junior bag of Doritos and wept?” He liked teasing her.

“I should pinch you for that, but I’m so full of endorphins and afterglow I can’t work up the energy. Eating is an issue for many, many dancers. Eating disorders are common, especially with the younger dancers. It’s very harsh sometimes. The way a dancer might be cri-tiqued. I’ve been told I was too fat more than once. But overall, my metabolism is fast, so as long as I’m active, I can keep tone. But being in bed and then on crutches was hard. I didn’t have the discipline I had when I danced. I was depressed, so I ate and gained a bit of weight. I still carry it in my boobs and thighs. But the pressure isn’t there for me in the same way it was before. So I joke and all, but I’ll eat cookie dough anyway and not feel one bit guilty. Except for the raw eggs part. That’s bad, I know it.”

“Rebel.”

“You know it. Your brother stopped by earlier and brought Rennie a present. He’s very sweet to take the time, and she’s crushing on him almost as hard as she crushes on you.”

He laughed. “As long as I’m still in first place, I can accept that.

I can’t believe anyone would say you were fat. That’s a mind fuck.”

She shrugged. “It’s the way it is. How you look is important.

Your size is important because your partner has to pick you up. But I can’t lie and say it’s not part of what I hated and hate now with the girls I teach. There’s a line, you have to be aware of it and deal with it. Some of these mothers are my best advocates when I’m trying to drive home the importance of good nutrition; others are big supporters of crap diets to keep their kids thin. I’m glad Rennie wants to paint instead.”

“Good thing she’ll have us around to keep her grounded.” He smiled, thinking about what Rennie would be like as a teenager.

“I’ll need a full contingent of adults to back me up with her.

She’s already a force of nature at seven.” She snuggled into him again, warm and small and smelling so damned good. “I wish you didn’t have to go either. You feel so good and warm here in my bed.

By the way, when does summer start anyway? It’s still cold.”

“Welcome to Seattle, Shorty. We cruise into summer. Round about July it gets hot. We like it that way.”

“If you were in my bed at night, I’d be fine. You’re like a fur-nace.”

“I can wake up before Rennie and get out of here before she comes downstairs.”

“I wish you could. I know it doesn’t matter if I am the slut they’re trying to say I am, it doesn’t make me unfit. But they’re watching me. I know it’s stupid, but I’m so afraid. Afraid they’ll take her and something I did will give them a reason. My attorneys keep assuring me everything will be fine, but she’s my baby.”

He kissed her. “It’s okay. We’ll have plenty of time after this is all cleared up. I’m sorry you’re afraid. But your attorneys are right.

You have rights as her mother. They barely saw her when she was living right there, they’re negative influences on her. Just a little while longer and you’ll be free to live without looking over your shoulder.”

The Sorensons were robbing him too. Taking away his time with her, with Rennie. He hated that Elise had to think twice about stupid, everyday things when she was such a good mom.

“I should go soon. If I fall asleep, I’ll be out until the morning.”

She sighed heavily and sat up, mesmerizing him with the fall of pale hair over her shoulders. “I know. You need the rest, you have a big day tomorrow.” She traced under his eyes with the flick of her thumb and he leaned into the touch.

“We’ll see each other though. In the evening. How about we go grab burgers and then go see the new kid flick, with the robot. I saw an ad on television.”

She closed her eyes a moment and then licked her lips. “It means a lot to me, that you think of her the way you do. That you understand she and I are linked. It’s important to me.”

“Of course I do.” He sat up too, facing her. “I love your kid to pieces.”

“I know. But will you just be careful with her? She’s very at-tached to you.”

He kissed her. “I know she is. Do you think I’m not keeping her safe? When she’s in my car, I use the booster seat. I don’t think I let her play with knives or anything.”

“No, no, not that. It’s just, when you walk away, give her time.”

She thought he was walking away? Anger flashed through him.

“You think I’m gonna make your kid love me and dump you both?

Is that what I’m giving off now?”

She backed up a bit, alarm on her features, but relaxed a tiny bit after a moment. “I-I don’t. I just, I know you’re not looking for two more people to take care of.”

“I’m asking you here, is that what you think I am? What I’d do?”

“You
said
that’s what you’d do.” She punched the mattress before getting up and pulling her clothes on.

“When the hell did I say that?” He joined her, getting dressed quickly.

“When we first started sleeping together, you said you weren’t looking for forever, that you were too busy! What else was I supposed to think? You said it yourself.”

He hauled her close and she shuddered. “Fuck, fuck, I’m scaring you. I’m sorry. It’s just, I’m
not
walking away from you. You or Rennie. It’s important to me that you know it.” She relaxed into him and he let go of his anxiety.

“I said a lot of things a year ago. But I didn’t know you then. I know you now. I know you, Elise, and I know your daughter and I cherish you both. If you’ll let me, I have no plans to stop.”

“Oh.” She blinked up at him.

“Just so we’re clear.”

She nodded and he couldn’t help but grin.

25

Elise sat on a lounge chair and watched Rennie and Nina swimming with Brody and Adrian. Erin, now fully showing and happier every day, sat across the pool with Ben and Todd, laughing with everyone. It had been a lovely summer day. They’d come over to Erin’s to swim and then they’d have a picnic on Erin’s terrace afterward.

It had been wonderful until Raven showed up. Elise noticed the crowd was split between the Raven lovers and the Raven haters or distrusters. Adrian was firmly in the anti-Raven camp, and it didn’t seem like Ben liked her much either. Over the last month or two, she’d noticed Brody having cooled toward her considerably. She’d left town, and Elise had been looking forward to a few months of peace, but she returned just a few weeks later.

And now she’d decided to take the seat next to Elise.

“How’s it going?” Raven said after they’d both been silent for a few minutes.

“Good. You?”

“So everything with whatever personal shit Brody’s all caught up in, that’s all fine now?”

Elise whipped her head around for a moment, but then moved her gaze back to Rennie. “What the heck are you talking about?”

“Brody was going on and on about having to be
present
for you and the kid, so he couldn’t go out with his friends and stuff. Stuck at your place or something.” Raven shrugged.

Elise was struck dumb for several moments as she weighed what Raven had said. She knew it wasn’t true, but deep down it had been a fear of hers, she could admit it to herself.

“What’s your problem?” She took another quick look at Raven before looking out over Rennie again.

“I don’t have any problems. I just call ’em like I see ’em.”

Elise snorted. “What a crock of crap. You know what kind of people are fond of saying things like that? People who like to confuse blunt with mean and petty. So why don’t we just cut the aforementioned crap and you tell me what your deal is.”

“Oh, so fucking perfect, aren’t you? You come here with your education and your money and you waltz right in using your kid to get attention. I know your game.”

It was so absurd it cut through her fears about Brody and cleared her head. And left her fighting mad. It was time for a Come-to-Jesus with this bitch.

“My game? I don’t have a game and I didn’t
use
my kid for anything. Brody is with me for
me
. That’s your deal. You managed to convince him he was better off with fleeting, no-strings relationships so he’d always be available to you when you got bored. Now he’s not and you can’t handle it. Brody wants me and not you, and even though you slept with all those people, you can’t stand it that you can’t have him.”

“I can’t have him? Really now?” Raven moved so that she leaned into Elise’s vision.

Elise put an arm out and pushed her back. “I’m watching my child in the pool, don’t get in my way.”

“Don’t you touch me. You’re a fake and a phony. You play it up for sympathy.”

Ben interrupted, approaching them. “What the hell is going on?”

Raven turned to him. “Little Miss Perfect is just full of shit. If she touches me again, it’s on.”

“Drama much? If I wanted to hit you, I’d have hit you.” Elise rolled her eyes but kept her voice down.

“That’s enough, Raven. If you upset Elise, I’m going to kick you out of here. Just chill.”

“Just perfect. Then she’ll have her way. This is bullshit. Why can’t you people see through this act?”

Elise didn’t bother responding; Raven had ramped up on her little tirade, and Elise had done the tirade thing enough over the course of her life. She wasn’t going there again. It had caught Brody’s attention, though still he kept with the kids. She appreciated that, even though she knew he was dying to come over and intervene.

Not so encumbered, Adrian climbed from the pool, inserting himself between them. “There are children here. Keep it down,” he said to Raven.

“Oh sure, blame me. We used to have adult fun, now there are kids everywhere and we have to watch our mouths.
Boring
. By the way, Brody kissed me not too long ago. Don’t think I can’t have him if I want. I
have
had him. I’ll have him again. You can’t hold him, you have nothing to offer.”

Raven stood up and headed for the door Elise turned to Adrian. “Please watch Rennie.” She hurried away as Brody called for her. “No. Stay here with the girls. Keep playing.

Let me handle this.”

She caught up to Raven near the elevators. “Wait up. We’re not done.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” In the light of the windows nearby, Raven was pretty, but she wore her anger like a gar-ment. Elise felt sorry for her, wanted to see what Erin and Brody saw in her, but that didn’t mean she’d be taking any more crap.

Raven punched the elevator button repeatedly. Elise had her effec-tively trapped. Good.

“
I have
. You don’t love him. You just don’t want anyone else to have him. And that’s selfish. If you cared about him, why wouldn’t you be happy he was happy? They still care about you, you know.

I’m not displacing you.”

Raven jerked to a stop. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Bingo
. That was it. “Erin loves you. You’re her friend. I’m not taking that from you. She and I are friends, sure, but that doesn’t diminish what you have with her. And Brody still cares about you.

Make no mistake here, you can’t have him. He’s mine, and as long as that’s true, I’m holding on tight. But I wouldn’t stop him from being friends with you. I’m not trying to push you out. You’re part of their family.”

Raven stared at her until the elevator opened up and she got on, leaving without another word.

“Jeez,” Elise mumbled before going back to the pool deck.

“Everything all right?” Adrian asked when she sat back down.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry for making a scene.”

“You didn’t. She did. She was out of line, Elise. She shouldn’t have been like that at all, but especially in front of the kids. But she’s always been a spoiled bitch. Sometimes it’s amusing, other times 

not. She’s not all bad, she’s been good to Erin and Brody both. But there’s something inside her that drives her to make bad choices.”

He shook his head, but all Elise could hear was that Brody had kissed Raven.

“I don’t think she’s all bad. Clearly Erin and Brody care about her, and that means something. But I’m no one’s whipping boy and I won’t bring my kid around her. That’s a lot of negative emotion.

Rennie has had enough negative outbursts in her life.”

Adrian nodded. “That’s totally fair. She didn’t notice much, not that I saw. Brody kept her and Nina entertained.”

She shrugged. While she was willing to try and see another side of Raven, while she’d actually
seen
part of that today in the hall near the elevators, she wouldn’t expose Rennie to Raven again anytime soon. In fact, dealing with that kind of angry irrationalism made her stomach hurt. Reminded her an awful lot of what it had been like with Matty at times.

They all had their past wounds to get over. Raven was just as human as Elise was, she knew that. But she also knew she wasn’t lining up to be abused again. Not ever.

“Are you all right?” Brody asked as they sat out on Erin’s very large deck later on.

“I was just hungry. And agitated.”

“Raven? I’m sorry. I didn’t expect her to flip out. Ben said she got pretty mean. I don’t know where this is coming from.”

“You don’t? Really? Because you’ve lived under a rock for the last umpteen years? You don’t know why a woman you once dated would flip out on the one you were currently dating?”

“Okay. Okay, that’s probably part of it. Although she’s never been like this before.”

“Did you kiss her?” she blurted.

He sighed. “Sort of.”

She raised her brows. “
Sort of?
Which means what?”

He laughed and then stopped, putting his hands up in surrender. “Don’t hurt me. We had this heated discussion at the shop.