Coming Undone (19 page)

“She’s going to be a great friend to the baby. I’m glad my kid will have you both around.”

“The questions Rennie’s going to ask me are going to be
wonder
ful. I’m sending her to you for a few. I should send her into the de-livery room with you. Best. Birth. Control. Ever.”

Erin laughed.

And Elise began.

“When I was twenty-three, I met Ken at a cocktail party. He was everything I wasn’t. Bold and larger than life. He was a painter of some repute and in demand. He set his sights on me. You have no idea how flattering that was.

“It went very fast between us and we eloped to Vegas four months later. And then I met his family and it was totally clear why he hadn’t introduced me to them. Things were all right for a while, but what had been a tendency to drink too much became a much bigger problem. Within a few years he’d become a full-blown crack addict. Worse, it was my brother who used with him. They fueled each other’s recklessness. Ken went to rehab and cleaned up.

I thought he really had changed. We reconciled, I got pregnant.

And he slipped back into using and I’d had enough. He harassed me, called me, begged me to take him back, threatened to kill me, and then his parents started calling, telling me they’d take the baby. They refused to believe he was using again.”

Just thinking about that time made her skin clammy. Her life had been on the razor’s edge that summer going into the winter, as she got bigger and bigger, as Ken’s life spun more and more out of control. But it had been being pregnant that had kept up her re-solve to keep away from Ken.

“I filed for divorce and that was a horrible, ugly mess. But I won.

He couldn’t have any unsupervised visits with Rennie and he had to pass drug tests to be allowed to see her at all. His parents got visitation, but never without me. Thank God she was an infant then.”

She focused on Erin, really looked at her, and paused. “Honey, are you all right?”

“I’m fine. It’s just, you know, the terror when your child is being threatened. I have been there. It’s not a good place.”

“It wasn’t, no. In spite of that, things were good. I traveled the world and continued to do what I loved. My life was for dancing and for Rennie. I didn’t have time for anything else.

“In the meantime, my brother and Ken dragged each other down.

Both of them overdosed a few times, until Matty couldn’t survive anymore. After that Ken went on a binge and did eighteen months for breaking into my house, and I moved into a building with a doorman.”

Elise got up and poured herself a glass of wine. She’d never told this story before. Her parents knew because they’d been there, but she’d only spoken to the police with the details. Her hands shook slightly from the adrenaline and emotion of the story and of the telling.

Erin cleared her throat. “You don’t have to talk about it anymore. I know how hard it is to tell it. But I have to say, I’m glad I did it. I’m glad I shared it.”

“It’s . . . gah! Two months after he got out of prison, he broke into my building, killed the doorman and stole the master key. He got into my apartment and held me there for three hours. He beat me, threatened to kill me, raped me. The only thing that kept me from giving up was that Rennie was due home and I was sure he’d kill us all. So I managed to move enough to grab a nearby umbrella from the stand in the foyer and I hit him with it. I was . . . It was stupid, I don’t know why I didn’t try for something else, but he was blocking my way and I couldn’t stand. It surprised him. He moved to backhand me, but the gun fell from his pocket, along with his rig—the gear he used to shoot cocaine with and his pipe for smoking it, all that lovely stuff. He was a junkie, so he grabbed for the rig, forgetting the gun. But I didn’t. I went for it. I didn’t think, I just pointed and shot. I hit him in the head, a total fluke. About a minute later the cops burst in and they took me to the hospital and Ken to the morgue.”

“Oh dear god.” Erin rubbed her hands quickly up and down her arms.

“I wasn’t charged with anything. He’d beaten me so badly it was pretty clear it had been self-defense. He broke my leg in three places.

My right leg. He knew what he was doing.”

“Ended your career.”

Elise nodded. “Then over the next year and a half, his parents dragged me through the courts, trying to take Rennie. Threatening to harm my parents professionally and financially. They’re stupid rich. And they blame me for their son’s death. Technically they’re correct. I am to blame. It took eighteen months total to deal with the break-in, my recovery, the court bullshit and leaving the NBT

permanently. The day after I learned I’d not only won full custody but limited their contact with her to once a month via phone, I packed our new minivan with our clothes and some food, a moving truck came to our apartment to pick up the last boxes of things we wanted to keep, and we came here.”

“And look at you now. I admire you. I know what it’s like to have to go through all this legal stuff. It’s draining and frustrating.

I can’t even imagine what a custody battle must have been like.”

“Not much to admire really. My child has a dead parent and the other one is a murderer. I’m the reason she had to have play therapy for a few years. She had very little exposure to him over her life, but she did have exposure to his parents. I wanted her to have a relationship with them, and it ended up upsetting her. I caused it. I can’t erase my mistakes or I’d be erasing her. But they’re my mistakes, no way to deny it.”

“You’re not a murderer. You reacted to protect yourself and your kid. You’re a damned good mother. Your parents love her and they’ll be around for her. We’re all here for her. For you.”

Rather than cry, she managed a nod of thanks. “Now you know my story.”

“And you know mine. And, I have to say, we are two strong chicks.” Erin smiled. “We’re survivors, Elise. Two fucking thumbs up for surviving.”

“Amen, sister.”

“You should share this with Brody. When you’re ready, of course.

He cares about you.”

Elise nodded. “I know. I’m just . . . ashamed. Ashamed that I’ve made so many mistakes. It’s vain, I know. But I don’t want him to think less of me.”

“Why would he? It’s a horrible thing, but you’re not at fault here. You didn’t do any of this. You
reacted
to a host of things to survive. To save your kid. You did the right thing, Elise.”

“I have failed a lot of people. I’m not enough, never enough.

Couldn’t save my brother and I murdered the father of my child. I dance well and, all things considered, I’m a good enough mother.

But I’m a fucking washed-up failure at most of life, Erin. You’re a survivor. You’re strong and capable. I spend too much time reacting and pushing away my anger and resentment. I’m not good. I’m not strong. I’m just hanging on because Rennie needs it.”

“Shut up. Seriously, girl, shut the fuck up. Hanging on? Coming out here and starting your life over. Doing it in a way that enables you to be with your kid while still doing what you love, that’s not ‘just hanging on.’ Can you really not see how strong you are?

How successful and accomplished? How hard you work to make a better life for yourself and Rennie?”

“I just don’t see it that way. But thanks for saying it anyway.”

16

Erin had grown very close to Elise over the last eight months, and hearing that story at long last was illuminating. She knew there was tragedy, but the whole of it was huge. Brody had lucked out with this woman. She’d be a real partner when they both just finally admitted they were in love with each other.

Her brother was beyond smitten. In fact, she’d seen him smitten dozens of times. Brody was always smitten with women. He loved them, treated them well, had sex with them, and moved on in a few months.

But Erin had never seen him look at anyone the way he looked at Elise. The way he gentled around her. He came alive when he spoke of her or to her. And he adored Rennie. Her brother was quite convinced falling in love meant being
responsible
for someone else. And in a way, he was right. But it was that you
wanted
to be, not that you
had
to be.

And in the end, that’s why she wanted to have a baby with Ben and Todd. She wanted to have family with them on a whole new level. She wanted to anchor herself with people she cared about.

She unlocked her front door and put her coat in the closet and her bag on the table. Moments later she heard the groan and she ran hot, knowing just exactly what that sound meant. She undressed quickly and quietly, then headed up to the master bedroom and stopped at the entrance.

On the bed, Ben and Todd rolled, the sheets tangled through legs, as mouths clashed and bodies thrust against each other. Her heart sped. Both men were so strong and big. She knew the feel of those hands on her skin, of those tongues against her own and in other places too. Knew the taste of each, his own unique flavor.

Individually they were enough to make her weak in the knees; together, they brought her to them. She stood still and quiet, holding in a gasp of pleasure at the sight of Todd grabbing Ben’s hair, yanking him closer. Ben moaned, deep and taut. Erin barely managed to keep rooted to the spot and to not start masturbating as she watched.

The kiss broke and the hand in Ben’s hair shoved his head down.

Down to Todd’s cock. God, how beautiful were they there? She swallowed hard, watching as Ben grabbed Todd’s cock, harder than she ever did, angling it to his mouth and sucking it inside.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Todd whispered harshly as Erin dragged in breath. “That’s it, suck me harder, take more of me.”

Todd was a naturally dominant man—sexually too. Normally he and Ben both topped Erin, but watching Todd top Ben was on her list of very favorite things in the world. Men touched each other differently, with more surety, with more edge and strength. She loved to watch them together.

The light in the room was low, but the bedside lamps were both on, casting a golden glow against all that hard, male skin as Ben’s mouth moved up and down on Todd’s cock. Each deep suck he gave tugged within Erin; her clit bloomed, the scent of her own arousal met her nose, and that’s when Ben’s eyes opened and he met her gaze.

He licked the head after pulling off, and Erin caught her bottom lip between her teeth, still not moving.

Todd’s eyes remained closed. “You going to join us, beautiful, or do you plan to watch like a perv in the doorway?”

She grinned and moved into the room. “You knew I was here the whole time?”

“You yelled that you were home when you came in. We might be horny, but we’re not deaf.” Todd reached up and grabbed her, pulling her down to the bed, and she found herself wedged between two very aroused men.
Score
.

“Ben, get back to my cock.”

Ben pressed a kiss on her lips, and then on her hip, before he settled between Todd’s thighs and began to suck him off again.

Erin couldn’t take her eyes from it. So Todd sat up. “His mouth feels so good,” Todd whispered in her ear. She turned her head and he kissed her, hard, possessive. The way he always kissed her, like she was as necessary to him as breathing.

His hands slid around her waist, pulling her close. She swallowed a deep groan, broke the kiss and looked down to watch him flex his hips, fucking into Ben’s mouth.

Erin moved so that she was behind Todd, pressing her breasts to his back as she dragged her nails down his chest, over his nipples, bringing a hiss from him. He leaned his head back onto her shoulder.

“I’m gonna blow. Take it all,” Todd said, his body leaning against hers while his hands held Ben’s head, fingers sifting through his hair.

She let all her breath out as Todd’s body totally relaxed and Ben sat up, that smile of his on his face as he looked toward them.

“C’mere, you. I’m dying to get inside you.”

She kissed Todd’s shoulder and went to Ben, into his arms, the heat of his skin enveloping her.

“I see we share common goals.” Sliding her body against his, loving the friction, she kissed him, tasting Todd when she swiped her tongue along the seam of his lips and then inside.

He sucked her tongue and then broke off to kiss her jawline, down her neck and to her nipples, tugging hard on each ring there, just the way she liked it.

“Let me taste her before you fuck her.” Todd rolled toward them.

“Greedy bastard. You just came,” Ben teased.

“When it comes to eating Erin’s cunt, I’m most definitely greedy.

I’m just going to make her come and then you can fuck her.”

Before Ben could argue, Todd pressed her thighs up and then out, exposing her totally, before falling on her, devouring her.

One of her hands held Ben to her and her other held Todd. “Oh, yes. That’s sooooo good.” Pleasure sparked through her from nipples to clit.

Todd wasted no time; he drove her up hard and fast, his mouth on her punishing in the press to bring climax. The edge of Ben’s teeth scraped against her nipples just right. She drowned in them, until all those sparks united and exploded.

She cried out, her back bowed, and climax rushed through her; and before she stopped coming, Ben had moved Todd out of the way. He knelt and brought her up where he needed her, his cock pressing against her entrance as he slid home in one thrust.

“Damn, nothing feels as good as this,” Ben moaned as he began to fuck into her body.

Todd rolled to his knees, kissed Ben and turned his attention to her nipples. The man had a serious thing for her nipples and the jewelry she wore in her piercings. Many of the rings and bars were those he’d given her.

“Mmm, been thinking about these all day long. Had to rub one out earlier, and then of course Ben helped me just now. But now my day is complete, now that you’re home too.” He tongued around the rings bearing heavy beads. Beads he’d added that morning because it had pleased him to know they’d make her horny all day long. Pleased him to know he’d be easing all that pent-up desire when she came home. The man was fabulously diabolical that way.

She laughed. “We had sex before I went to the café this morning; it’s not as if you haven’t had it in weeks.”