Coming Home to Love (Lakeside Porch Series Book 2) (29 page)

“The suggestion?” Joel’s eyebrows raised. “You mean when I
ordered
you to get help and
insisted
you call Gwen?” His eyes twinkled.

Justin barked a laugh. “That suggestion, yes.”

“So show me around this place.” Joel took a few steps inside and surveyed the space.

Justin pointed to the left. “Manda’s old studio apartment has been swallowed up by all this.”

“She loved that little place. We’ll have to warn her.”

Justin pointed to the bones of a gourmet kitchen at the far end. Joel limped eagerly toward it, and Justin scuttled ahead of him, shoving aside random hunks of wood and nails and drop cloths in his path.

“Hardwood floors, unless you say otherwise.”

Joel nodded silently.

“I didn’t want this kitchen to go too far without your input,” Justin said.

A straight line on the floor separated the living-dining space from the kitchen. Straddling it, a makeshift table held the construction plans.

Joel studied the design. “I like how open it is and how bright.” He turned toward the bank of windows on the north side. “No upper cabinets on that wall?”

“Exactly. Possibly shelves, maybe a rack for pots. We can use the other walls for as many cabinets as you need. With the windows, you have a view of the marina, the north end of the lake and the willows along the park. You can even see a couple of the islands if you stand at the sink.”

Joel squinted at the drawing and moved to the spot where the sink would be. “You’re right. This is great.”

Justin relaxed.

“How many bedrooms?”

“Two the same size as yours on the third floor. We’re thinking in terms of a master suite and a guest room. We could make the guest room into office space, if you prefer.”

“The side-by-side alcoves you gave us at the Manse are perfect. There’s room here in the living area for something like that. Then the guest room could double as a getaway place. Do both bedrooms have porches?”

“Yes.”

“Nice detail.” Joel gestured to three graceful archways that separated the living area from the bedroom hallway.

“We had to respect the load-bearing elements, so we made curving archways.

“I heard you’re bringing down the Cushman monstrosity.”

When Justin blanched, Joel clarified. “I meant the pink mansion you inherited.”

“I thought you were talking about my therapy again. The Justin Cushman Monstrosity is being dismantled, rest assured. It will take more time and effort with Gwen and AA—much more. But, to your point, the Cushman mansion is gone. They finished the cleanup last week. Did I go against your wishes?”

“God no. I hated that place, you know that. Let’s sit down. I’m not good at standing for much more than ten minutes.”

Justin muscled two folding chairs into the master suite, and they sat looking out at the lake.

“To be honest,” Joel told his uncle, “Manda and I went over there a few times last fall, and she really loves the grounds. We dreamed about getting rid of the eyesore mansion and building a place on that level area over by the tennis court. Do you know where I mean?”

The statement warmed Justin’s heart. “Yes, and I can picture you there. When Gianessa and I first saw it, she said she imagined your children playing on the lawn.” He dipped his head for a moment and got control of his emotions. “I love the area up by the birches. I’m planning to build a house up there. I had hoped to share it with Gianessa.”

“Don’t count it out, Justin. I’d love for the four of us to live on that property and raise our children there—you and Gianessa, me and Manda. Start a new Cushman generation and a new legacy. What do you say we work toward that?”

“You don’t think Gianessa and I are a lost cause?”

“No, I don’t. You’re in recovery now, and that was the missing piece, though neither of you knew it. Gianessa went to the trouble of establishing the paternity of her child. She knows she needs a father for this baby, and if you’re willing to step up—just as you have done at the college, and as you did with me after my family was killed—she’ll find a way to set aside her anger and her badly damaged pride.”

“And I’ll spend the rest of our lives making it up to her.”

“I think she just wants your love and your partnership. With you in recovery, and with the work you’re doing in therapy with Gwen, you have a chance. Don’t blow it.”

Justin nodded. “Care for a meeting tonight?”

“Tony and Phil are bringing one to me at the Manse. Join us. Six-thirty.”

“I will. And this place will work for you and Manda for a year or so?”

“Until I’m able to walk down to the lakeshore and back. Then we’ll build on the Cushman grounds with you. It might be a couple of years. Things take as long as they take.”

Justin saw the signal from Phil. The women were in place, and the ceremony would begin as soon as Joel took his place.

Justin sat in the chair next to Joel. “Sure you want to stand for this?”

“Are we ready?”

“We are, and it’s your wedding, so play it however you want. These two chairs are here for you and Manda whenever you choose.”

“I’ll stand for the ceremony and sit for most of the photos. No procession out. Hors d’oeuvres and refreshments are ready for the guests in the Fireplace Room. No reception line until then.”

“I’ll see to it.”

“You have the two rings?”

Justin showed them to Joel. Joel touched each of them as if to convince himself this was all real. Justin watched as emotions played across Joel’s face when he looked from the rings to the rose arbor and up at the opening in the holly hedge.

He stood from his chair with no assistance, moved fluidly to his place under the rose arbor and turned to smile at the guests. The pastor signaled the string quartet to play the processional.

Justin stepped to his place near Joel’s left hand. His heart soared when Joel leaned toward him and said quietly, “I would not be here except for your love and determination.”

Justin met his gaze and nodded. “And I as well.”

Sara stepped into view at the top of the garden, a smile lighting her lovely face. Her hands trembled a little with the bouquet of creamy gardenias, blush roses and blue periwinkles. She processed gracefully across the upper level of the terrace, stepped down the three steps to the lower level, and paused. Justin spied Gianessa in the last row smiling encouragement at Sara.

When Phil stepped into the garden with Manda on his arm, Justin heard a rush of breath from Joel and the single word, “God.”

Manda was a breathtaking bride, from her elegant silk gown to the flowers sprinkled through her dark curls to the profusion and cascade of blooms in her bouquet—cream, blush, and periwinkle. As they stepped across the upper level, Manda turned toward Phil, and they shared a lighthearted exchange. They paused just a moment at the top of the steps. At the next bar of music, Sara came forward, and behind her Phil and Manda made their descent—smiling and confident—to the lower level. Gianessa reached a hand to Manda as she passed, and their fingers brushed. The guests focused on Manda as she and Phil processed toward Joel.

Justin focused on Gianessa, her radiant amethyst eyes, the soft, familiar planes of her face, her slender body that carried their child. Her breasts were fuller now, and her waist had just started to thicken. His eyes devoured her.

Gianessa looked straight at him, and he saw a warning in her eyes, with pain just behind it. When he did not turn away, her forehead creased with annoyance.

Phil cleared his throat and said, “I represent Manda’s family this morning.”

Justin had not heard the pastor’s question, “
Who gives this woman?
” He dutifully returned his attention to the ceremony. Manda kissed Phil’s cheek.

Manda and Joel shared a long, loving look.

When they turned to face the pastor, Joel did not falter nor wince. Justin felt sure he could stand for the remainder of the ceremony.

The formalities and the exchange of vows went quickly, just as they’d planned. On cue, Justin offered the rings. Manda’s voice was steady, while Joel’s shook with emotion. With their wedding bands on their fingers, the couple joined hands.

Justin felt their devotion as a force that flowed from them and beyond to fill the garden. His heart warmed. This was what his nephew had worked toward on his quest, and it was what Justin sought for himself.

When Joel and Manda shared their first kiss as a married couple, the guests cheered and clapped, and Tony let rip a whistle that raised a few eyebrows. Sara and Grace laughed and turned to each other for a quick hug.

Joel whispered to Manda, and she nodded to Justin. Everyone was on the same page with the plan. Justin faced the guests while Joel slid onto the nearest chair and Manda took her place protectively at his side. He heard Manda ask Joel if he felt strong enough to continue with the photography session, and he gave his assent.

Justin kept his smile in place and raised his hands to the honored guests for quiet. He announced, “At this point in the festivities, Joel and Manda and the wedding party will stay here for formal photographs and will join you very shortly. The reception is in the Fireplace Room, where light refreshments are waiting for you now. Please feel free to take your time on the return to the Manse and enjoy the grounds. We’re so pleased that each of you has joined us here for the wedding ceremony.”

Grace handed back Sara’s bouquet and waited for her cue. Justin nodded to her and to Gianessa. The shepherds directed their flock, touching an arm or grabbing an elbow as needed, smiling with charm, while Tony, a dashing figure in a morning coat, welcomed guests to the golf cart. Justin gave him a wave of thanks.

When Justin turned back, someone had shifted the bride and groom’s chairs so the rose arbor made a backdrop. Joel sat in the groom’s chair, his arm braced along the back of Manda’s, his face pale but relaxed.

“Are we ready?” Justin asked and motioned the photographer into place. Relieved, he stepped out of his director role and stood near Joel to await instructions. For the first time, he caught the scent of the roses and let his head fill with their promise of love.

The photographer circled his finger to direct Phil and the pastor behind the couple, under the arch of roses. The flash fired, and the tableau changed around Manda and Joel, who stayed in their periwinkle, cloth-covered chairs, as different groupings assembled behind, beside, and in front of the couple.

Finally Manda stood alone under the arch of the rose arbor, and Gianessa fussed with the hem of Manda’s dress and the angle of the bouquet. As Gianessa stood to take a step back, Manda saw the truth. She blurted, “Ohmigod, you’re—”

Gianessa saw it coming and rushed her into silence. After a hug and a whispered conference, Manda turned accusing eyes on Justin. Gianessa squeezed Manda’s hands and coached her into a glowing smile. Joel stood up and beamed a smile at his bride. Gianessa stepped out of the picture.

Justin knew the right thing was to muster a proud smile for Joel and Manda, but he turned away in shame. With his gaze on the lake, his mind replayed the scenes from the weekend in New York—in the bridal shop, in Henri’s jewelry shop, at their restaurant, in their suite—and the nights of passion with Gianessa since then.

Manda was right to censure him. He was every bit as responsible for this child as Gianessa was, and he’d had the audacity to act like the aggrieved party. Gianessa hadn’t tried to trap him into marriage; she’d only insisted that he take financial responsibility for the child. And she’d had to retain a lawyer and finagle DNA testing to insure that he did.
What an ass I am.

How could he have thrown away all the tenderness and excitement and dreams they’d shared? He thought of the moment they’d stood near the birches on the Cushman grounds, when she’d realized—made him realize—he wanted to build a house and a future there. Knowing there was a child on the way, he should have formalized his commitment to her and shortened whatever timetable he had in his head. Instead he’d sullied their love and their relationship and all they’d been together.

Phil’s gravelly voice behind him brought Justin back to the present.

“Justin, Joel would like a shot of the two of you.”

Justin couldn’t trust his voice, so he nodded, put on a smile, and turned to find Joel. At the far end of the terrace, he saw Gianessa, Sara, and Grace step into Tony’s golf cart. With a
putt-putt
, they headed uphill.

The photographer motioned Justin to take his place beside Joel, who was on his feet, but pale and strained. Justin met Joel’s eyes and saw doubt and concern. Justin nodded his shared concern. The two Cushman men turned to the camera, their smiles grim. Justin knew this photo would not make the wedding album. Instead, it would always remind him of the many ways he had diminished the joy of Joel and Manda’s wedding.

Chapter 13

She knows who I am.
Lyssa’s stomach flip-flopped. A beautiful pregnant woman in a creamy linen dress floated toward her, the same woman who was with Manda and that man at the restaurant. What was her name? Vanessa or something like that. Gianessa, that was it.
Is she going to throw me out? I should have brought my invitation.

Gianessa smiled like the Mona Lisa, but that didn’t mean anything. Who knew what the Mona Lisa was thinking?

In spite of her fear, Lyssa put on a smile for Gianessa, and something made her reach out her hand. She stammered. “You look beautiful, Gianessa.”

“Thank you, Lyssa. I needed to hear that today.” Gianessa amped up her smile. “And you are a million times healthier than when we met.”

“I’m clean and sober.” Her voice caught. “By some miracle.”

“We’re all miracles in AA.”

“You, too?”

Gianessa nodded.

Lyssa blurted out, “I’m so ashamed of how I acted and how I ruined Manda’s happiness. I don’t know how I can ever make it up to her.” She brushed at a few tears.

“Let’s see.” Gianessa gave her a quick hug. “You didn’t crash her party, did you?”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Kidding. Manda invited you to the reception because she wants to heal the rift between you. And you showed up, clean and sober.” Gianessa gave her the once over. “You couldn’t be more beautiful for your sister’s special day. You’re here for her, and you love each other.”

“So I’m already making amends, you’re saying?”

“Yes.”

Gianessa’s eyes shifted.

Lyssa followed the direction of her gaze to the reception line.
He’s the man who drove that day, the rich one
. “Your husband is very handsome in his morning coat.”

Gianessa’s gaze flew back to Lyssa’s face.

So much anger and pain
. Lyssa was unnerved by the way it twisted Gianessa’s features.

“He’s not my husband,” Gianessa informed her in a cold voice.

Lyssa stammered. “But you’re pregnant.”
Just shoot me.

Gianessa’s hands fluttered to her face, and Lyssa saw her struggle against tears.

“I am so sorry.” Lyssa reached out a hand and touched Gianessa’s arm.

“So am I, believe me.” Gianessa shook her head. “Not about being pregnant. I’m very happy about that. But Justin and I are not meant to be.”

“He can’t take his eyes off you.”

“That would be his problem.”

Lyssa worried about the mercurial changes in Gianessa’s mood. Maybe hormones played a part, but she was pretty sure she was seeing a resentment. A serious, unhealthy one. She had a bunch of those herself, and it scared her to see how ugly Gianessa’s resentment made her previously beautiful, serene face. She said a silent prayer—something she was doing a lot lately—that she could help Gianessa somehow.

She opened her mouth and said, “You know, I really appreciate the way you forgave me just now. I believe, from everything I saw when we met, that Justin loves you with all his heart. Whatever he’s done, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive him. I think you’re meant to be together. And I think your baby needs its father as much as it needs you.”

Gianessa stood with her fingertips pressed against her forehead.

“I’ll shut up now and get in the reception line, since there are only two people left and Manda’s giving me the eye.”

She gave Gianessa’s arm a gentle squeeze and edged toward her sister’s wedding party.

The girl in the pretty blue gown held out a delicate hand. “Hi, I’m Sara.”

“Lyssa,” she mumbled, “Manda’s horrible sister.”

Sara giggled and shook her head. “I know she’s really excited that you came. You look gorgeous, Lyssa. That shade of green is so perfect with your hair. I do hair, you know, and I love the way that short, natural style shows off your curls. Like Manda’s, only copper.”

“You’re a sweetheart. Thanks for being a wonderful friend to my sister. You’re a beautiful maid-of-honor.”

Sara shook her finger playfully back and forth. “And I
will
catch the bouquet, so don’t even think about getting in my way.”

“Trust me, I won’t be anywhere near it.”

“Do you know Justin Cushman, the best man?”

Sara handed her off, and Lyssa licked her lips nervously.

Justin gave her a stern eye. “Lyssa.”

Taking a cue from his formal tone, she said, “Sir, I want to thank you for getting me into treatment. I don’t deserve the compassion you showed me, and I’m deeply ashamed for the way I behaved toward you and Manda and Gianessa.”

To her surprise, Justin had a twinkle in his eye. “You rehearsed that speech?”

Lyssa let out a laugh and teared up at the same time. “But I mean it, from my heart. Thank you.”

“We’re all glad you’re here today, healthy and, if I may be so bold, clean and sober?”

“Yes, and it feels good.” Lyssa smiled with happiness.

Justin patted her arm and turned to his left. “Manda is more beautiful than any bride I’ve ever seen, don’t you agree?”

“Yes.” A smile bloomed on Lyssa’s face. Her sister radiated love and happiness.

Manda said goodbye to a bosomy blonde then pulled Lyssa into a tight hug. “I’m so glad you’re here, Lyssa.”

The sisters rocked back and forth. Over and over, Lyssa said, “I’m so sorry. I love you so much.”

Lyssa felt a hand on her shoulder. Justin informed them, “The reception line is finished, ladies, so do what you have to do. I’ll move the festivities along.”

Someone put a bunch of tissues in Lyssa’s hand. She held them to her face as the musicians switch from classical to swing.

An arm came across her shoulders. “Welcome, sis,” a husky baritone voice said.

She saw a younger version of Justin, standing with a protective arm around her sister’s waist.

Lyssa trembled. “Are you Joel?”

“I am.”

They eyed one another. This was the hottie that won her sister’s heart. Lyssa saw the sharp mind and inner strength behind his eyes. She blurted out, “Thank you for taking care of her and for loving her.”

“It’s my pleasure.” A smile played around his lips. “Glad you could be here today to celebrate with us.”

“Joel’s got to sit down,” Manda said, “and I’m a little shaky, too. At least half of the guests are sober in AA, so just introduce yourself and you’ll feel right at home. I want you to enjoy the food and the fun.”

Lyssa looked around and wondered how she would tell who was in AA and who was not.

A big hand clapped her on the shoulder. “Heard you might be a friend of Bill W.”

Lyssa laughed. “I guess that’s how I’ll find my people.” This one was wearing a morning coat, and his arm was around a perky blond with big boobs.

“Tony P.,” he said, “and this is my good friend, Sunny. How about joining us at our table? It’s all AA people.”

“I’d really like that.” She turned to Sunny. “I’m Lyssa, Manda’s screw-up sister.”

Halfway through a slow number, Tony swung Gianessa around, and she landed in Justin’s arms. Her smile froze.

Justin drew her close. “I need you to listen for half a song. Please.”

When she didn’t fight him, he bent his head close to her ear. “If this is the last time I hold you, so be it. I need you to hear that I love you with all my heart. I want you to have abundant happiness and good health. I intend to do everything I can for our baby, and I am honored that you are the mother of my child. I know you will be a wonderful mom. Gianessa, if you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I want us to marry and make omelets and tromp all over the Cushman grounds with our children.

“I’ve been working very hard in therapy. I am so deeply sorry for the way I behaved, for my insane thoughts, for doubting you, for accusing you of things you would never do. I mean to be healthy and whole, and it will take much more work. I’m in AA now, too, where I should have been for the past seven years.”

He held her until the song ended. She looked torn. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.

“I need to be able to trust you,” she said. “And I can’t right now.”

Justin let out an agonized sigh of surrender. “Please be happy, sweetheart, and know that I love you. Perhaps in time?”

She searched his eyes for the briefest moment, before her tears brimmed over. “I love you, Justin, but it hurts so much right now. I need to take care of myself and the baby, for now. Please let me be, just for now.”

Justin felt a wrenching in his chest as Gianessa ran from him, slipping through the partygoers, fleeing with his heart and their baby and all he had dreamed about for their future together.

He started after her but paused when Sara caught up to her, wrapped her in a sisterly hug and led her toward the parking lot. Justin wanted to be the one whose arm wrapped around Gianessa's shaking shoulders and comforted her and took her home, not the one who caused her pain.

A flash from the bar grabbed Justin’s attention. The bartender flourishing a bottle of something amber that captured and spun the light and made the crowd laugh. He remembered there were three receptions today, and only Joel’s was a sober wedding.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a summery green dress move toward the bar. Lyssa. He watched her halting steps. She took in the jovial crowd in the bar, just as he had, then glanced around nervously, and spotted Justin watching her. He gave her a knowing smile. She lowered her head, came up with a half-smile and sauntered in his direction.

“It looked good for a minute,” she admitted as she came nearer. “I’m really nervous and uncomfortable here today, even though it’s a lot of AA people.”

“Let’s grab something non-alcoholic and amble down to the water’s edge. What do you say? I’d enjoy getting to know you, now that we’re family.”

Lyssa studied his face. He was careful not to show any censure or animosity. He was, after all, just another drunk, and she’d saved him from a drink just now.

“You’re not going to throw me in the lake?”

His face split with a grin. He remembered his threat back on the canal path when they’d first met. He gestured to a table with deep blue, quart-size, chilled bottles of Saratoga water. At her nod, he grabbed one for each of them and ushered her out the French doors and across the veranda.

“Did you know,” he asked her halfway down the lawn, “I, too, have a doctorate in economics?”

“No shit?”

“God’s honest truth.”

“So we have something in common.”

“How did your defense go?”

“It was pretty rough. My committee was disgusted with me—no surprise. But the work was solid, and in the end they signed off with no revisions.”

Justin gave a whistle of admiration. “What are your plans?”

She hesitated two steps behind him.

He turned back. “Is the lawn a problem?”

She kicked off her heels, one at a time, and hitched up her dress a few inches. “Not any more. Let’s go for that bench.” She pointed across the lawn to the only unoccupied bench at the water’s edge. “Did you know the garden and the benches were my sister’s idea?”

“I did not.”

“Everyone was thinking gazebo, but Manda knew how talented the gardener is and how much Joel likes nature, so she suggested a terraced garden and a few picturesque stopping places along the shore. And today they got married in her garden.”

“Sounds like you admire her.”

“I do. I love my little sister. I’m glad she didn’t cut me out of her life, even though I almost ruined her wedding.”

Justin knew how that felt. “Yes, that was quite a scene a couple of months ago. I’m glad you took us up on the rehab. Not everyone would take that step.”

“And I guess not everyone gets it when they’re given the chance. It’s a good facility, you know.”

“So I’ve heard.” He raised his bottle to her. “And you did the work, Lyssa. You made the commitment to be sober.”

Lyssa clinked her bottle against his. “But I almost blew it today. I almost forgot what my sponsor says.”

“What’s that?”

“That you have to do the work every day. If you want a good life, it’s one day at a time.”

“And do you want a good life?”

She paused, took a long pull on the bottle of Saratoga water and laughed. “That’s not a hard question, I know. It’s just hard to imagine what it will look like. I’ve been so obsessed with being my father, keeping his memory alive. I don’t know how to think about my own life.”

“Your father’s gone?”

Lyssa nodded and heaved a sigh. She sat back and crossed one leg over the other. Her top foot kicked a nervous rhythm.

Justin saw grass stains on the hem of her dress and the bottom of her bare feet.

“He and our mother were both alcoholics, and they died in a drunk driving accident when Manda and I were almost finished with high school. I never accepted their death. I was a lot like my father, and I couldn’t stand it that he was gone, just like that.” The snap of her fingers was so loud, two little birds flapped out of a nearby bush.

Justin watched their panicked flight and saw them settle quietly in a tree a few yards away. “Tell me about him. How were you like him?”

“Dad was a college professor—economics—at a small college where we lived.”

“Which was where?”

“Olean, down near the Pennsylvania border.”

Justin nodded.

“He was wicked smart, and he loved theories about money, but mostly he loved the psychology of why people buy things they don’t need and get into trouble with money and worry about money and care about money more than about people.”