Coming Home (Only Time Will Tell #1) (18 page)

I don’t care how old you get. When life feels shitty, the only person who can pick you up is your Mom. I don’t know what I’d have done without mine, or my Dad, but I think my Mom helped me more than anything through my toughest times. She knew what it felt like—to some degree.

I couldn’t get home fast enough after work, rushing out the door the moment the clock hit five so I could get home and call her. I really need this to survive.

The screen lights up with my Mom’s face and I breathe a sigh of relief that she’s still an addict when it comes to Facebook gaming. “Hey, Sweetie, you just caught me, I was just going to bed.” She yawns.

Great, make me feel guilty.
“Hi. Sorry, I know it’s late for you. If you want to go to bed, I don’t mind.”
 

I’ve tried to keep my expression as neutral as possible but I’m going to call it, mother’s instinct, when something just clicks inside you and you know that your child isn’t right.

“You must think I’m stupid,” she laughs, sarcastically. “If you really think I’m going to leave you with a face like a wet mop, you’ve got another thing coming. Spill. Man trouble? Health issue? Both?”

“No. But seriously, it’s not important,” I lie. “I don’t want to keep you up, I’ll call you over the weekend.”

She sits up straighter and casts me daggers from her eyes. “Catalina James,”
oh shit.
“You’re spilling the beans, now.”
 

Taking a shaky breath I start, “It’s Kody. I just feel lost over him at the moment. I know we have this talk all the time but something happened and I just wish I was there so I could be near him.”

She sighs and her shoulders slump. “I know. I knew this wouldn’t be easy for you being over there and being miles away, but you know and I know you
had
to do this. Do you think Kody’s happy knowing that you’re questioning your life over him or knowing that he’s the reason you put your life on hold?” she asks. “He knows you love him and just because you’re not here to be near him like you used to be, you still think of him. We take flowers every week like you asked and yes, I’ve sent you your bill.” She smirks. “You don’t have to be in England to be near him. He’s always going to be in your heart. Always.”
 

Damn moms. They know how to make the waterworks start. “I know,” I sniffle. “It was just easier to know that I could walk there when I needed him. Over here all I have is what’s in my head, and sometimes that’s not a safe place to be.”

“I’m aware, you have my genes. It’s bound to be scary in there.” She laughs trying to lighten my mood. “Sweetie, can you please try and do this for yourself for a while longer. I’m not trying to keep you away from here, but I’d rather you give it a good shot at being over there. If you don’t like it in six months, then fine, come home. You know the door is always open. I just want to see you be yourself again. You’ve been a shadow for years and it scares me. I’m sure Kody would be happier if he knew his Mommy was happy.”

“His Mommy would be happier if he was with her. His Mommy would be happier if she got to see his face and see him grow up, watch him take his first steps and say his first word,” I bite out, not at my Mom, but at my life.

A tear rolls down her cheek but she quickly wipes it away to hide her own hurt. “Cat, some people are too precious for this world and God wants them back sooner than we’d like. I know that we think of it as, ‘we only got a few weeks with him,’ but you have to at least be thankful we got to see him at all.”

“Trust me, I am.” I mutter. “But it isn’t sticking in my head.”

“I don’t suppose it is.”

Going to work when you’ve had no sleep is like gouging your eyes out. Not fun in the slightest.

After talking with my Mom last night I crawled into bed, grabbed the scrapbook that Kyle had gotten out and stared at every picture in detail. Counting his fingers, counting his toes, staring at the veins on his eyelids and memorizing them as if the pictures would disintegrate the moment I stopped looking. It only felt like yesterday that I was holding him, cherishing the one thing I had left of Kyle and yet it’s been seven painful years. I tried to picture what he’d look like now, but that caused more pain than anything. It hurts to know that I’ll never actually find out.

“Earth to Cat? Are you with us today?”

Unfortunately
“Today? I thought I’d been gone all week?”
 

“Almost, it’s only Thursday,” she says, laughing slightly. “I know I haven’t said anything but I’m really starting to worry about you. I thought you’d snap out of this mood, but I was wrong.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay.” I smile, looking back at the computer and trying to get some work done but the screen just seems blank. “And I’m sorry for worrying you, I’ll be okay though. I guess I’m just feeling home sick.”

She gives me a closed lip smile and starts twirling her pen between her fingers, which seems to get my attention more than the work I’m meant to be doing. “You know, you could always ask for some time off. Go and visit your family.”

Sounds like a perfect idea. “I know but we have to give two weeks notice don’t we? By the time that comes around, I could be feeling better.”

“That is true. However, I think you might be able to play on Mr. Johnson's heart strings. Just make up something sappy.”

“Sappy? Like what?” I scoff.

“I don’t know, but you could try making him feel sorry for you, you’re a woman. Flutter the eyelashes.”

Typical. Her way around everything, just add a little sweetness. “I don’t know, it doesn’t feel right.”

Her eyebrow cocks up at me and her mouth screws up to one side. “Cat. Women were given these assets to use them to their advantage. Just go and ask, the worst he can say is no, but what will you lose if he does?”

I’m going to get a sign to stick above her head. She’s full of wise words at the moment. “Good point, I’ll go and see him.” I say and then stay seated which earns me a paper ball to the head and a few encouraging nods. “Fine, I’ll go now.” I get up out my seat and head towards his office, my legs shaking, along with my hands.

After a couple of knocks, Mr. Johnson shouts for me to enter and I feel like fleeing but, like Nod said, “I’ve got nothing to lose.”

I enter and quietly and quickly close the door behind me, standing just inside and waiting for him to give me permission to take a seat. He eventually looks up from behind the huge, dark, wooden desk and waves for me to take a seat. “There’s no need to stand over there, I can’t be doing with shouting.”

Giving him a quick smile I follow his order and go over, each step feeling like I’m taking two backwards. “Thank you and sorry for bothering you, I’m sure you’re busy.”

“Nonsense. That’s what I employ people to be,” he says, giving me a huge glistening smile.

“That’s true,” I joke. “I’ve come to ask you for a favor.”

It gets his full attention as he looks away from the computer completely and looks at me, leaning against the desk on his forearms and linking his fingers together. “I’m intrigued.”

“Okay, so I know that it’s short notice and so I understand if you say no, but I was wondering if I could have a few days off if I can get a flight,” I ramble on. “It would mean I leave tomorrow though.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Tomorrow? That is short notice and not the two weeks that’s outlined in the company policy.”

“I’m aware of that and so I understand that this could be a complete waste of time, but I really would like to go and see my family. I miss them and it’s my cousin’s wedding this weekend and he’s marrying my best friend. I thought I’d be okay not being there but as the time looms, I feel like I need to.” I lie. Okay, it’s not a lie, I do actually regret not making plans to go over for the wedding but it was the only thing I could think of using to pull at the heart strings.

“Family is very important Catalina, but company policy is, company policy,” he irritates.

I can’t help the fact that I sigh in defeat, losing the will to live and wishing I’d thought of a better excuse than that. I can’t possibly tell him I want to be close to my son, because Kyle needs to know about him first.

Back in the office, I sit at my desk and Nod’s straight there. “Did you ask? What did he say?”

“I asked but he’s got to think about it, I’m not holding my breath over it though… might as well have said no.”

“Oh.” She slumps. “At least you know though.”

I hear nothing for the remainder of the morning, or for the couple of hours after lunch. I think I’ve resigned to the idea of not going home and being close to him and to missing the wedding, but it pinches at my chest dramatically.

My phone rings with the internal tone, dragging me out of my work. Seeing Mr. Johnson’s name pop up on the screen I squeeze my eyes shut as I pick up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Catalina, do you have a minute.” The stern tone pushing all of my hopes off a cliff.

“Sure, I’ll be through in a moment,” I inform him, hanging back up.

I finish my current job, so I don’t forget the figures before I head back to his office and so I can prolong hearing the bad news. I really need this to get through the foreseeable future.

Tapping on the door with my knuckle I wait for him to grant me access. When he does, I puff out my chest, ready to ward off the rejection. Hiding my defeated mind as much as I can.

Retaking my seat I clasp my hands together, twisting them nervously in my lap out of his line of vision. I don’t want him to see my nerves this time.

“Right, I’ve had a good think about it,” he says, not beating around the bush. “And I’ve made my decision. Now I understand you haven’t booked a flight, is that correct?”

My hope has just hit the rocky ground, splattering all over the floor. “That’s right, like I mentioned, I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

He nods his understanding head. “That’s okay then. I’ve arranged for the company airplane to be ready for take off tonight at ten. When you arrive at Heathrow tomorrow, a car will be waiting for you to take you home.”