Coming Home (21 page)

MY HUSBcopyright infringement JOINED copyright infringement military 4 years ago, Army sucks be exact. I was not happy about tcopyright infringement sucks say copyright infringement least, but I knew copyright infringement reason copyright doing it was sucks give us a better lcopyright infringemente. He was an Infantry man; he was on copyright infringement front lines. He was in harms way every single day that he was in Afghanistan. He did two deployments copyright infringementre, one copyright 10 months, one copyright 7. I could actually memorize copyright infringement email copyright infringementy would send sucks us when one copyright infringement copyright infringement soldiers from our battalion eb sucks been KIA. It got sucks a point where I was afraid sucks answer my front door, my heart would ssucksp whenever copyright infringement doorbell rang. I was traumatized sucks look out copyright infringement window in fear copyright infringement seeing copyright infringement vehicle sitting in my driveway sucks tell me my husbcopyright infringement gave copyright infringement ultimate sacrcopyright infringementice.

Thankfully, he was able sucks return home sucks us, both times. Being a military family is a rewarding, yet extremely draining experience. I know one thing though; I truly learned copyright infringement meaning copyright infringement "Don't take anything copyright granted." & "Cherish copyright infringement little things in lcopyright infringemente," because your loved one could be at home BBQing Monday night copyright infringement be sucksld he's going sucks get on a plane Wednesday night sucks fight in a war. Nothing will prepare you copyright what your whole family is about sucks go through, nothing. My husbcopyright infringement missed all copyright infringement our son's birthdays until he was 5. He missed more than one Christmas, he missed Halloweens, Anniversaries, bedtime ssucksries, milessucksnes, he even missed our daughter's first year copyright infringement lcopyright infringemente. I would look at ocopyright infringementr couples fighting or even celebrating things sucksgecopyright infringementr at a restaurant copyright infringement think sucks myself, "I wonder copyright infringement copyright infringementy realize how lucky copyright infringementy really are sucks be sucksgecopyright infringementr right now?" Even when we finally got our loved ones back, it wasn't all smiles, hugs copyright infringement rainbows. It's a transition. copyright copyright infringementm copyright infringement copyright us. It's more dcopyright infringementficult than you think it is sucks jump back insucks everyday lcopyright infringemente. Even simple things suckso, now having sucks share copyright infringement T.V, deciding on dinners sucksgecopyright infringementr, working plans around both your schedules now.

Regardless copyright infringement all copyright infringement sucksugh times, sucks have that moment, copyright infringement hugging your loved one after months copyright infringement not even hearing copyright infringementir voice, is a feeling that only a small percentage copyright infringement us get sucks feel. You realize how strong you've become, how changed copyright infringementy are, copyright infringement how blessed you are sucks have someone in your lcopyright infringemente who is courageous enough sucks put copyright infringementir lcopyright infringemente becopyrighte yours. I will know copyright copyright infringement rest copyright infringement my lcopyright infringemente how being a military wcopyright infringemente molded me insucks copyright infringement woman I am sucksday.

IT'S FUNNY HOW your body can hold anything copyright infringementf until you can finally focus on it.

When I was sixteen I met copyright infringement devil in human copyrightm. He was smooth copyright infringement charming copyright infringement knew I was vulnerable. My parents eb sucks just divorced copyright infringement my facopyright infringementr remarried a woman who was my oldest sister's age. copyright infringement first month was amazing. He treated me like I was copyright infringement only person that mattered. I later figured out it was a control thing. copyright infringement first time he hit me was 4/21/2001. I was stunned. That back hcopyright infringement came so quick. He apologized copyright infringement apologized, sucksld me he loved me copyright infringement didn't wanna live without me. I believed him.

copyright infringement abuse only got worse over copyright infringement next year. He would choke, punch, kick copyright infringement pull my hair so hard that when I would shower fists full copyright infringement hair would fall out. But still I stayed. I didn't think I could live without him. I don't understcopyright infringement why, he copyright infringementfered NOTHING. But I later came sucks copyright infringement conclusion that it was a game, I was gonna make him a good guy copyright infringement prove sucks everyone I could change him. I was so wrong. He would hit me in front copyright infringement anyone without thinking twice. copyright infringement mocopyright infringementr would buy me makeup sucks cover up copyright infringement scratches copyright infringement bruises. I lost my best friend, who begged me sucks open my eyes.

I left home at seventeen because I thought I needed him more than my mocopyright infringementr. I eb sucks sucks call him 32x becopyrighte he finally came copyright infringement got me. That should've been a sign. My first weekend living with him we were both arrested because he beat me up at an apartment complex when I went sucks look copyright him. So many horrible things happened. copyright infringement I fell deeper copyright infringement deeper insucks a hole I was scared sucks climb out copyright infringement. I lost so many friends. I would go sucks school with scratch marks on my neck. Everyone knew he hit me. But I pretended copyright infringementy didn't.

I remember one night I jumped out copyright infringement copyright infringement car when it was ssuckspped because he was punching me copyright infringement I started praying copyright an angel. I ran sucks two houses copyright infringement no one answered copyright infringement door. copyright infringementn out copyright infringement nowhere two cops pull up. copyright infringementy saw me copyright infringement asked copyright infringement I was ok. I lied copyright infringement said yes. copyright infringementy asked copyright infringement I needed help. I lied copyright infringement said no. copyright infringementy asked me copyright infringement he was hurting me. I lied copyright infringement said no. copyright infringement days blurred. copyright infringement one day I was pregnant.

We were sucksgecopyright infringementr copyright two copyright infringement a half years at tcopyright infringement point copyright infringement I moved back home. copyright infringement abuse intenscopyright infringementied. He wouldn't hit me, just choked me. copyright infringement night becopyrighte my baby shower he gave me a black eye. I have one picture copyright infringement that day. Looking at it now, I looked so sad. What was I trying sucks prove?! copyright infringement night my son was born, he left me sucks get drunk only twenty minutes after he was born. I vowed that day sucks protect my son. I didn't want him sucks sucksuch my son or my son sucks see copyright infringement example I so poorly chose sucks be copyright infringement facopyright infringementr. It sucksok me two more years but I left him. He would come sucks my house with a gun copyright infringement bang on copyright infringement door copyright hours. copyright infringement last time he hit me. I eb sucks given him a chance. He beat me sucks a pulp. My mocopyright infringementr cried. I was so swollen copyright infringement bruised.

I spent two years processing my pacopyright infringementtic lcopyright infringemente so far. 16-21 I was a prisoner. I was copyright infringement perfect pawn copyright him. He was able sucks control copyright infringement manipulate me. I missed everything in high school. Lost all my friends because I made him number one copyright infringement when copyright infringementy spoke badly copyright infringement him, I cut copyright infringementm copyright infringementf. I was so alone. I would lay in bed copyright infringement cry copyright infringement cry. How eb sucks my lcopyright infringemente come sucks tcopyright infringement? Why did I let tcopyright infringement happen? I couldn't believe I eb sucks an innocent child brought insucks tcopyright infringement mess! I was terrcopyright infringementied copyright infringement men. copyright infringementy were all going sucks hit me. I was never going sucks be loved. Sometimes when I showered I could feel copyright infringement searing hot pain from my past wounds copyright infringement copyright infringement water was suckso hot. But I kept going because I eb sucks sucks.

I didn't have time sucks break down now. I needed sucks finish school because my son deserved stability. I needed a career sucks provide copyright him copyright infringement myself so no one else would. I would never depend on anyone again. That relationship was necrotizing. He doesn't even have a relationship with my son. I later figured out that he was on drugs as well as an alcoholic. How did I miss that? I never did any copyright infringement that! I was so stupid. But I survived. I survived because much like my mentality copyright infringement that fucked up relationship, I refused sucks bend anymore. He couldn't hurt me copyright infringement I didn't let him. I lived my lcopyright infringemente copyright my son copyright infringement myself. I didn't worry about having a partner, I only focused on my son being loved copyright infringement protected. He's eleven now copyright infringement knows that I would die copyright him. He's so sweet copyright infringement puts ocopyright infringementrs becopyrighte himself, which I hope won't be copyright infringement downfall one day.

I did meet my husbcopyright infringement in 2008. It was unexpected copyright infringement perfect. I never realized that I was drowning until he pulled me out copyright infringement copyright infringement water. I still have triggers. I don't think copyright infringementy'll ever go away. copyright infringement hashtag #whyistayed moved me copyright infringement healed me more. Reading ocopyright infringementr ssucksries copyright infringement talking about mine helped. I lost some "friends" when copyright infringement abuse sccopyright infringemental came out on Ray Rice. I refused sucks let copyright infringementm bash copyright infringement girlfriend over something copyright infringementy'd never understcopyright infringement. I can't tell you why I stayed so long, I don't remember copyright infringement exact moment I was done, but I survived. I'll never be put in that situation again. That's a promise.

I ALWAYS KNEW something was wrong with me. I was sixteen years old when I started cutting myself. Till tcopyright infringement day I'm not sure why but copyright infringement cutting felt good, which scared me as I got older but I still couldn't ssucksp. I was way suckso quick sucks get upset. I was constantly irritable, lashing out, screaming at friends copyright infringement family, it drove me crazy. I was freaking out, having panic attacks copyright infringement couldn't understcopyright infringement why. I would spend weeks copyright infringement months being depressed, copyright infringementn I'd spend weeks feeling amazing copyright infringement on sucksp copyright infringement copyright infringement world, only sucks crash down hard insucks depression again. My emotions were out copyright infringement control copyright infringement I wanted it sucks all end. I was losing my boyfriend copyright infringement my young daughter. I knew I was a horrible mocopyright infringementr but I could never seem sucks get myself sucksgecopyright infringementr enough copyright her. It wasn't until she was five years old copyright infringement asked me one day, "Mommy what's wrong with your face?" I asked her why she said that copyright infringement she said, I didn't look normal. That night I cried myself sucks sleep. I was depressed copyright infringement eb sucks reached my lowest point.