Coming Home (27 page)

The doorbell rang again, and I decided to get it so my mom and
Vicki could talk. I opened the door to Ryan and flung my arms around him. “Wow.
What did I do to deserve this?”

“You didn’t do anything. Come look.” I pulled Ryan to the wall of
photos and waited for his reaction.

“Yeah, I’ve seen it.” He looked at me. “What?”

I pointed to our picture and waited for his response. Other than
nodding his head, he didn’t have a response. “She put us on her wall.”

Ryan shrugged. “That’s nice. . . I guess.” I just looked at him.
“Isn’t it?”

Mom came up and patted Ryan’s arm. “He’s a guy, Becca.” She
wrapped her arm around my shoulders and looked at Ryan. “It’s not that he
doesn’t care; he just doesn’t get it.”

Vicki wasn’t kidding when she said she felt like having a party.
She invited everyone. Wade came with Mandy, Stacy came with Ben, and Heather
was invited so Ashley wouldn’t be the only kid. As we ate dinner and talked
about nothing and everything, I sat back and realized these were the people I
should care about being in my life. These were the people who wanted me in
theirs. They say you can’t choose your family, but the family that I have, chose
me. I knew in that moment that I was searching for answers, not family. I had
all the family I needed with me tonight. And no matter how that search turned
out, those answers wouldn’t define me.

I was walking Ryan to his truck, and he stopped and smiled at me.
“What?”

“You seem really happy tonight.” He put his arms around my waist.

I put my arms around his neck and kissed him. “Yes, I am. Being
surrounded by everyone I love at once will do that to me.”

“I really wish you would come home with me.”

I looked back at the house and saw mom and Vicki closing the
curtains really fast. “I do, too, but it’s awkward with my parents here. I know
mom won’t mind, but dad?”

“Say no more. You just killed the mood.” He took my hand and
started walking me to his truck again. “Call me after you’re finished tomorrow,
and let me know how it went.”

My parents came for the party but also so mom could help me go
through the remains of my apartment the next day. I needed to get it cleaned
out so I could move back in or so they could rent it out to someone else. I
still hadn’t decided what to do. Everyone wanted me to stay with Vicki until we
figured out who was behind the threats, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up
that apartment yet.

I agreed to text Ryan throughout the day to keep him updated on
the progress of the cleanup and to call him once we were done. I thought he was
hoping it was early enough so my parents would go back home and I could go home
with him. I loved having my parents here, but I kind of hoped he was right.

I walked back in and heard mom and Vicki talking in the kitchen.
Dad and Matt found another game to watch for more get-to-know-you time. I paused
in the hallway outside the kitchen and just listened to mom and Vicki. It
wasn’t as if I were spying or anything. I just really enjoyed listening to them
enjoying each other. I had big reservations about this friendship at first, but
now I couldn’t be happier for them.

This time I did feel as if I were spying, though, when Vicki
started talking. “So how long have you known?”

“The first time we had dinner here.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I wanted you to tell me when you were ready. I know how hard it
is to lose a child. I know the guilt eats at you that you could have done
something else—anything else and your child would still be with you. Every time
the doctors told me I was pregnant, I swore this was the one time I wouldn’t
fuck it up. And every time they would tell me again how it wasn’t my fault, but
I would still feel like it was.” Mom blew out a shuddering breath. “I still
grieve those other losses. Rebecca saved my life just as Ashley saved yours. I
just don’t know what I would have done without her.”

My mother rarely swore and to hear her use such a harsh word told
me this wasn’t a conversation I needed to listen to. I knew all about my
mother’s miscarriages before me. My mother often told me that there was no
reason for her to make the perfect child because I already existed. We were
meant to be mother and child. We just didn’t do it the traditional way. I went
back down the hall and up to Ashley’s room to let my mother and Vicki have
their moment.

Chapter 18

“Oh my.” My mom hadn’t seen the apartment yet. It was
actually worse because it sat there for so long until the people at the
insurance company pulled their heads out of their asses. Or until Matt pulled them
out for them. “Let me open a window or something.”

I didn’t think about the contents of the refrigerator and freezer
being all over the place until the stench hit us the second we opened the door.
“I think it’s going to need way more than an open window.” I covered my nose
and mouth.

“I don’t think we have any deodorizer in here.” Vicki started
looking through the bucket of supplies they brought. “Nope.”

Being a single woman, I had a few more personal items that I
didn’t want my mom or Vicki to find, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to
search for them without the two of them asking me what I was looking for. And I
for sure didn’t want my mother or my boss to come across B.O.B.—my battery
operated boyfriend. I really had no use for it now anyway since I had Ryan, but
still it was something I would have liked to find and get rid of on my own.

“Why don’t you two go out and get it and I’ll get started. I’m
almost used to it now anyway.”

Mom went over and tried to open the window. “It’s stuck. How in
the world is it stuck?”

“The stench from this place probably melted the paint.” Vicki put
her hand back over her face. She looked around. “Maybe we should get a couple
of shovels, too.”

“Okay, okay. You two go and I’ll get started. Get something
strong.”

Mom was walking towards the door before she started talking. “Are
you sure?”

“Yes, yes. Go.” I didn’t have to shove too hard, but I ushered
them out and closed the door. The second the door was closed, I ran to my
bedroom. I started tearing through things, trying to find this stupid thing I
never should have bought in the first place. I couldn’t find it anywhere, so I
decided to check the bathroom really quickly before running through the rest of
the apartment. The way the place looked, it really could have been anywhere.

I started going through what towels were left in the cabinet and
what had been scattered across the floor, and I heard my bedroom door shut. I
mentally yelled at myself for not going faster and finding this before they got
back. Then I heard pounding. I wasn’t sure why the door was locked, but they
shouldn’t have shut it in the first place.

“Just a second. I’ll open it back up.” I reached the door and I
realized they weren’t knocking, but hammering on the door. I tried to open it
and couldn’t. “Hey! Let me out!”

The pounding stopped and I instinctively backed up. Liquid was
poured under the door and even though the apartment smelled really bad, I could
still smell the gasoline. “This isn’t funny. What are you doing?”

I heard muffled laughter. It was like something was covering his
face. “I told you to leave and you didn’t. You only have yourself to blame.”

I started pounding on the door, trying not to step in the
gasoline. “Wait! We can talk about this. Why do you hate me?” I wanted to keep
him talking so I could try to figure out the voice. It was hard to make it out
through the door and the obvious mask he was wearing, but I still needed to
try. “You don’t want to do this. I’m not worth it.”

“You’re right. You’re not worth anything. It’s a little late for
you to figure that out. It’s all a little late for you. I know you tried your
best to fix everything. I give you kudos for that, but if you won’t leave, it’s
my job to get rid of you.”

The flame was quickly under the door once he set the fire. I
listened as his footsteps told me he was running out of the apartment. I was
dazed and in shock from the sight before me. I couldn’t try the door again because
the fire was already too big with the gasoline he poured there.

I looked around and ran to the windows. They wouldn’t open,
either. He must have sealed them, too. How long had he been planning this? What
if I hadn’t sent mom and Vicki out to get the deodorizer? Would he have killed
them, too?

I refused to die that day. No matter what he thought, he wasn’t
getting rid of me that easily. I looked for my alarm clock or my lamp and
neither were here. There was nothing I could use to break the window. Even the
drawers were gone from the room. I noticed they weren’t in my dresser when I
came in, but I didn’t realize he had taken them out of the room.

I ran into the bathroom and the same thing was there. Nothing
hard enough to break the window. I checked my pockets for my cell phone, but I
must have left it in the living room when I sent Ryan my first text. I was not
going to have my last conversation with Ryan be a joke about me trying to find
my vibrator. I thought about grabbing a couple of towels and soaking them to
try to stop the fire, but I knew that wouldn’t work.

“Think, think.” I started coughing. I was trying to calm down my
thoughts so the panic wouldn’t rise and suffocate me more than the smoke was
starting to. I was sure someone had called the fire department by now. I
wondered if they would get here in time.

I went back to the bathroom to grab a towel and run back to the
window. I wrapped it around my fist and start pounding on the window. I was
hesitant at first because I was afraid of the glass, but I started to put more
weight into it because I could deal with a few cuts if I got out. I couldn’t
deal with the consequences if I didn’t.

I gave it one more hard punch and yelled as I did it. The glass
finally broke. I knocked the broken glass out of the way as best I could and got
out on the fire escape. I was shaking so hard that I could barely hold onto the
railing on my way down. Once I hit the pavement below, I collapsed and passed
out.

~*~

My head hurt and I felt like I smoked a pack of
cigarettes. I really shouldn’t have let Stacy talk me into going to the bar
anymore. I never enjoy it as much as she does and I definitely didn’t enjoy the
morning after. I started to sit up to go make coffee, but it was harder than it
should be. Then I remembered it was the fire and not a night out at the club
that made me feel this bad.

Did mom and Vicki ever come back to the apartment? I sat straight
up. “Mom!”

“I’m right here.” I felt her hand on my shoulder.

I was finally able open my eyes to see the hospital room with mom
and Vicki on either side of me. I started crying. They gave me the space to cry,
and even though it was obvious they’d already been crying, they shed a few more
tears with me.

“I’m glad you guys are okay. I thought maybe you were still in
the apartment.”

“No, we came back as you were climbing down the fire escape.”
Vicki answered since mom was still too choked up to speak. “How are you
feeling?”

“My head is a little foggy and it hurts to breathe.”

Mom made me lie back down. “We should have never left you alone.”
My mom started crying again.

“Mom, I’m fine. Please don’t cry.” I tried to reach out and my
arm hurt. I looked down to see my entire forearm wrapped.

“You have a few stitches. You cut your arm when you knocked out
the window.” Vicki was still answering for mom.

“I didn’t even feel it.” I kept looking at my arm, wondering how
bad it was.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll feel it in the morning.” The doctor came
in and introduced himself.

Once my oxygen levels were good and I didn’t show any signs of
lung complications, they let me go home. Home for a few days was back with my
parents. It killed Ryan to be away from me, but he understood. Stacy told me he
was hitting the batting cages a little more while I was gone.

The only good thing that came of this was that everyone on my
team was accounted for when my apartment was set on fire. The only bad thing
about that was I really had no idea who it could have been. I hadn’t had time
to make friends outside of work. The police were investigating the angle that
it was someone from the apartment building, since no one really knew we were
going to be there. They thought even though the place was prepared with the
windows being nailed shut it was a spur of the moment incident that was set in
motion only when I showed up.

I was thankful that I’d sent mom and Vicki out for the deodorizer
so they didn’t have to face the man and potentially have been hurt as well. I
couldn’t have lived with myself if that happened. I kept going over what he
said, trying to come up with some clue. I wasn’t sure what I tried to fix that
wasn’t good enough.

When mom was finally convinced that I was going to live and have
no further scars, other than what I may have on my arm, she agreed to let me go
back to Dallas—on one condition: I was never to be alone again until this
lunatic was caught. I was to remain at Vicki and Matt’s, and they would see
that I got to and from work on the days Ryan visited the boys. I was going to
miss seeing the kids with Ryan, but I didn’t want to risk the chance of them getting
hurt, so I agreed it was best to stay away for now.

Vicki didn’t want me to use my arm that much, so I still had two
more days of forced medical leave before I could go back. At least with my
parents I could go to the bakery with mom, but Vicki insisted on keeping me
safe in her home with her and Ashley. I was starting to get a little stir crazy,
and it was only the first day. I decided to look at the pictures on the wall
again.

“Haven’t you gotten enough of that yet?” Ashley came bouncing in
the room. “I thought we could watch a movie or have that talk we were supposed
to have a long time ago.”