Come Undone (21 page)

‘You don’t have to be sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s not your fault.’ Xane shuffled into a sitting position with his back against the headboard, and his arms folded across his chest. ‘I knew something was up when they stayed behind in Vegas after the gig there. Jilly turned up, and she’s not been interested in the band since she left. I figured her and Steve were just catching up. Turns out she was there to be his best man. I suppose I should be grateful that they didn’t ask me to fill the role.’

It was really no wonder he’d walked off stage.

‘Ash thinks we can mend everything by making like nothing happened and carrying on as normal, but it won’t work. I don’t want to be in the same town as them, let alone on the same stage. It’s not as easy as replacing them either. Sure, we can hire other musicians, but that doesn’t transform history. I’ll still be reliving it every time we perform.’

‘The songs … some of them are about her, aren’t they?’

Xane ran his thumb and forefinger below the line of his eyelashes. He pinched the brow of his nose before answering. ‘Yeah.’ He let out a slow, hard breath, and then pulled back his shoulders. ‘And some of them are about Steve too. We’ve been friends since primary school.’

She thought for a moment that he meant to say more, but in the end he shook his head. In the meantime, she forgot to ask him which songs. ‘I guess the rest of the band are pretty pissed off with them too right now.’

He made a small ‘hmpf’ sound, and then covered his mouth with his hand. ‘You think.’

‘You mean they’re not?’

Xane curled his fingers, leaving only his thumb pressed against his lips. The sheen of the lamp reflected off his pupils, giving the impression of fragility. He was fighting to maintain his composure, but a deep wrinkle nevertheless formed in the centre of his brow.

‘They don’t necessarily approve, but they don’t disapprove either. Spook doesn’t believe in taking sides. Paul’s Elspeth’s BFF and Ash doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself. Do you know, not one of them has asked me if I’m OK? It’s all about what’s best for the band, meaning what’s best for them.

‘“Write some songs, Xane. Do this for us, Xane. Give some more of yourself. Give all of yourself.” It’s a friggin’ miracle I’m not zoned out on a cocktail of drugs and alcohol.

‘You’re the only one who gives a toss about me, Dani. The only one.’ His voice cracked as he reiterated the point, making her heart well up with sadness.

‘I’m sure that’s not true. I can’t believe they’ve so little respect.’

‘Believe it.’ He solemnly shook his head.

Dani straddled his lap so they sat facing. She ran her hand through his long hair, teasing it back off his face. He looked drawn and weary. A thin veneer of stoicism overlaid a fractured, fragile core. ‘Is that why we’re here, because of their attitude?’

‘Elspeth crowing about the wedding was the final straw. But if it hadn’t been that, then it would have something else, probably once we were in the studios laying down tracks. Tensions always ride pretty high then.’

Dani cupped his face and pressed a gentle kiss to his full lips. He was trembling slightly as they parted; she could feel the shiver running just beneath his skin. She kissed him again, this time more deeply. It wasn’t a sexual kiss, more a show of affection and support. She hoped he understood.

‘Xane, have you ever used?’ she asked, gripped with a sudden fear for his safety. To her relief, he shook his head.

‘I’ve far too big a self-preservation streak. I don’t even smoke, Dani, and I never have. Although that’s not to say I’m any sort of saint. I’ve my weaknesses.’

‘Booze?’

‘Sex,’ he said, breaking into a sheepish smile. ‘And I shouldn’t grin about it, because it’s not actually funny.’

‘Is that what we’re doing?’

‘No – no. Please don’t think that. I’m talking about mindless fucking – sex for the sole purpose of losing myself, and of being too numb to care. And it’s the easiest thing in the world to come by. You’ve seen what the fans are like. Three, four, five girls a night.’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘It’s not fun, it’s meaningless.’

‘It’s why you were so irritable last night, when you thought I was only after your body?’

‘I’m sick of being used, Dani. I’m sick of the expectations. I love the music and the glamour, the theatre of it, but sometimes you need to turn off the lights, go home and be normal; eat pizza and veg out. My problem is that, expectations being what they are, indulging in downtime doesn’t fit in with anybody’s game plan.’

Dani nodded as she considered his words and found her perception of the band had been redrawn. They weren’t a tightly knit band of brothers, more like a collection of overgrown, egotistical teenagers. Also, much as she despised Elspeth for what she’d done, she couldn’t help being a tiny bit grateful to her. If it wasn’t for Elspeth’s actions she would never have found herself here with Xane.

She snuggled up against him and squeezed him tight.

Xane scraped his hand through the front of his long hair. ‘Can we stop talking about me now? Let’s talk about you? Who is Dani Fosbrook?’

Dani, completely averse to talking about herself, snagged hold of the duvet and wrestled it back onto the bed and around her shoulders. ‘You know who I am. I’m just me. Just ordinary.’

‘You’re not ordinary.’ His gaze dropped to the girdle of marks around her hips. He pulled her tight against his body, so his heat warmed her skin and her breasts squashed against his pecs. ‘And everyone has a story.’

‘You’ve seen where I live. You’ve met my flatmate.’

‘Have you living parents? Siblings?’

He wanted to ask about the marks. She knew he did and was endlessly grateful that he didn’t. So grateful she actually spat out a few truths about herself.

‘There’s only mum and me. Dad left when I was eleven. I came home from school one day and he’d gone. Everything he owned, just carved from the house like he’d never existed.’

Xane found her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘I assume they divorced.’

‘Actually, no. Mum’s deeply religious, so they’re still married, even though they haven’t seen each other for nearly ten years.’

Dani brought their joined hands up to her mouth and kissed their fingers. ‘It’s weird telling you this stuff for real. I used to talk to you all the time about it, just so that I had someone to offload onto.’

‘Sounds as if I’ve things to catch up on.’

‘No, it was nonsense, most of it.’ To quieten him, she dipped her head and tugged one of his nipple piercings with her tongue, which actually caused him to groan, not shush.

Dani released his nipple. ‘Quiet now or maybe I’ll use some of that tape on you.’ She licked a trail down the centre of his abdomen.

Xane shuffled down the bed at the same time, so he reclined beneath her when she finally reached her goal. He stiffened quickly in her mouth, coming to full attention in seconds. ‘Dani, you don’t have to.’

‘I want to. I want to make you feel good. I want to show you how much I love … touching you.’

Close. She’d almost made the mistake of voicing what he surely already knew but definitely wouldn’t want to hear.

He’s not for keeps, she reminded herself as she sucked him off. It didn’t matter how hot they were together, or how much pillow talk they shared, she’d only be setting herself up for disappointment if she dared imagine anything permanent.

Dani woke to the sound of Xane’s scream. It was more a sound of triumph than an expression of pain or she’d have sat up a whole lot quicker. Dazedly, she squinted at her surroundings, trying to locate him. The howling appeared to be coming from the lounge, but Xane still occupied the bed beside her.

‘Make it stop,’ he grumbled, pulling a pillow over his head.

Damn! It was her phone shrieking its way through ‘Midnight Wych’, not Xane.

Reluctantly, Dani crawled to the foot of the bed. The only clothing within reach was a pair of Xane’s socks, so she made a daring sprint through to the lounge, where she grabbed a throw off the sofa in order to cover herself.

‘Dani?’ Ginny squealed into her ear. ‘You are alive. That’s a relief. I thought I was going to have to notify Interpol. What happened to my update, eh, girl? As soon as you arrived, you promised. You didn’t even send me a text.’

‘Sorry,’ she croaked, still squinting at the brightness of the room. They hadn’t closed any of the curtains last night, so sunlight poured in despite the voiles. ‘I was kinda tied up.’

‘What, like genuinely?’ Ginny’s shriek pulverised her eardrums. She winced and held the phone away from her head. Even so, Ginny’s reaction came through loud and clear. ‘Oh, my God! What’s he into? Spill all, babe. Is he freaking you? He’s into rope bondage, isn’t he? Tell me he’s into bondage. Did he tie you up and do you while you were restrained? I bet he has one of those tables that looks like a rack, or a bondage swing. Girl, if he did you in a bondage swing I swear I’m going to murderise you when you come back.’

‘Gin – I only meant that I was busy,’ Danny interjected, gingerly returning the phone to her ear. Ginny didn’t need to know that Xane had used tape to restrain her, not rope. Details like that could wait until the pair of them were enjoying a girly night in, or a squirmy night in, as she often thought of them, given Ginny’s love of getting explicit. Also, it seemed rather crass to share details when Xane was only in the next room.

‘So, he didn’t … you know …’ Ginny huffed, evidently disappointed that Xane hadn’t lived up to her sordid fantasies. ‘But you are still with him, and he’s treating you OK?’

OK didn’t really cover it, but it would do for the purposes of satisfying Ginny’s curiosity.

Dani’s gaze strayed back to the bedroom. Through the archway that separated the two rooms, she could see Xane’s feet poking from beneath the duvet. She experienced a strange urge to throw away the phone and go and climb astride him. Maybe she’d hold him hostage for a while, torment him, until he agreed to let her watch him shower.

Xane plus soap suds were guaranteed to be sexy. People would pay to watch him lather up with foam. Hell, they already paid to watch him splash around the odd pint of fake blood. Women would certainly pay more for tickets if they got to see him starkers.

‘Erm, did you phone for any particular reason other than to check up on me? Because I’d quite like to get back into bed now.’

‘I see you’ve adopted the rock-star lifestyle pretty fast.’ Ginny mocked. She laughed good-naturedly. ‘It’s past midday, missus, in case you hadn’t noticed, and that’s accounting for the time difference.’

No way, she never slept this late.

‘And actually, I did call for another reason. Listen, is Xane with you now? Because I have someone here who really needs to speak to him.’

‘Who?’ Dani demanded, ceasing her search for a clock to confirm the hour. Whom did Ginny know who would possibly need to talk to Xane? And why, if it was important, hadn’t they called him direct? For that matter, how did they even know she was with Xane, unless Ginny had told them?

‘If this is some reporter you’ve struck a deal with, I’m not being part of it.’

‘It’s legit, OK. So stop getting your knickers in a twist. His band mates are with me, you know, the other members of Black Halo. The ones that play the instruments and that Xane is stitching up by being there with you having kinky sex, instead of being here sorting out all the mayhem he’s caused.’

Dani bristled at the insinuation. It was Xane who was responsible for writing all those double stops and solo licks the guys were famous for. Plus, it was plain unfair to blame him for the current trouble. If anyone had instigated it, that was Elspeth – although she knew the situation was far more complicated than a tiff over a wedding. All things considered, Xane’s response had been remarkably restrained. A less controlled man would probably have resorted to violence by now.

‘If they’re his mates, then presumably they have his number. Why haven’t they called him, instead of using you to get to me?’

‘Babe, he’s not answering. Do you really think I’m interested in being the go-between for a group of rock stars?’

Dani shook her head at the phone. Although if you removed the ‘go’ and replaced it with ‘in’ then Ginny would totally be game. That girl liked nothing better than a good tussle.

‘Dani, is he there with you?’

‘Hm.’ She’d spotted Xane’s phone lying on the table, minus its battery and sim card, but she still didn’t feel inclined to put him on.

‘Please, Dani. The guys only want a few words with him.’

‘He’s sleeping.’

‘Then wake him up.’

A scuffle seemed to break out on Ginny’s end of the line. Dani frowned at her phone, wondering if she ought to hang up, or at least take some time to pull on some clothes. Even though Xane had seen her sin marks now, and promised not to question her about them, and even though he’d proved his attraction to her repeatedly, it still felt wrong to be wandering around in only a glorified shawl. She didn’t think she’d ever be entirely happy frolicking about in the altogether.

‘Daniella, is it?’ A throaty male voice replaced Ginny’s. ‘This is Paul Reed. Put Xane on. I don’t care if he’s asleep, hung over or even taking a crap. I need to speak to him, right now. Please.’ He added as an afterthought.

Rock Giant, she realised. Mister tall, scary and weirdly sexy, if you liked guys built like tree trunks.

‘You know this is not all his fault,’ she remarked, determined to defend Xane. She wasn’t going to let him take the rap for this. Xane was a victim as much as the other guys. They ought to be hounding Elspeth Shriik, or questioning Steve Matlock, not yelling at Xane. After all, what sort of arsehole stole his mate’s girlfriend? And what sort of bitch broke up with someone by flashing him a wedding ring?

‘What are you doing?’ Xane asked from the bedroom.

Dani paced towards him with her phone held in her outstretched hand. ‘Rock Giant wants to talk to you.’

‘Tell him to piss off.’

‘Um,’ she hesitated, reluctant to relay that particular message. She wasn’t sure how being rude was going to be useful. ‘Maybe you should tell him yourself. Or even, maybe, talk to him.’