Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You) (9 page)

His gaze captured mine before his fingertips traced down my cheek, swept along my jaw, and barely glanced over my lips. “You grew up on me, Aly,” he murmured, the words rough, almost in awe.

“You were gone for a long time,” I whispered against the fingers he fluttered along my bottom lip.

“For too long.” He seemed to blink away the thought, as if he didn’t want to believe the truth that had just fallen from his mouth. He rolled to his side. Intuition made me follow, and I turned to lie face-to-face with him. In silence, I stared at the boy who had held me hostage in my heart and mind for so long. My secret.

Could anything be more surreal than the fact that he now lay in my bed?

Thankfulness swept through me in a torrent of joy.

Smiling softly, he reached out and pressed the pad of his thumb to my chin. The notion was sweet, but it did things to me that I didn’t quite understand. I mean, I did. I understood desire, the overwhelming need that built in the pit of my stomach and longed for more. But this was so much greater than that.

“I bet whatever you keep hidden in the pages of those books is absolutely beautiful, Aly.” He swallowed, diverting his gaze to the far wall before he dropped it to meet mine. A tender palm came to rest on the side of my face. He caressed his thumb over the apple of my cheek. “How could it not be? Look at you… you have to be the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”

Pain reverberated in his words. Still they wrapped around me like the warmest embrace.

My fingers ventured to his chest, twisting in his shirt. The strong throb of his pulse thundered under them. “Everything I love is in the pages of those books, Jared.”

The admission sounded like a confession of my heart. I realized that was exactly what it was. On some level I wanted him to know what he wasn’t ready to hear.

Stark sunlight blinded my eyes. I squinted and adjusted my sunglasses as I settled back in my chair and lifted my face to the intensity of the summer sun. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I bathed in the comfort seeping into my skin.

Megan slurped from her iced coffee beside me. “I’m sweating like a dog over here, Aly.”

I tossed her a grin. Her blond hair was all mussed and piled in a mess on the top of her head as she fanned at the back of her neck. “You are such a wimp.” I lifted my face back to the sky. “Are you ever going to get used to the heat or am I destined to hear you complain about it for the rest of our lives?”

“Um, yeah, you’re probably going to hear me complain about it for the rest of our lives. There will be no shaking Rhode Island from my bones just like there’s no shaking Phoenix from yours.”

“Touché.” I smirked, and she laughed before she leaned her elbows on the small bistro table between us.

“I feel like I haven’t hung out with you in forever. I miss you,” she said. She took another sip from her straw, and I went for mine. We sat outside a little coffee shop on Mill, watching people as they ambled down the busy street. This was the first day we’d had to ourselves since the night when my life had been tilted on its axis.

Thrown, really. I no longer knew where I stood.

Megan and I had shared a few texts, but our work schedules seemed to always conflict, and we hadn’t really connected in the three weeks that had passed.

“I know. It’s ridiculous I haven’t talked to you in so long.” My brow piqued in question as I turned in her direction. “So, how are things with Sam?”

She shrugged and busied herself with her straw. Sadness wove through her sigh. “I always promised myself I’d never be that girl… the needy one who’d do anything to win that little bit of attention that some guy is willing to give her.” She released a bitter laugh. It was a little angry and a lot disappointed. She offered me a telling smile. “I didn’t make him work for it, Aly.” She blew out a breath. “I should have listened to you. Now it’s like I’m sitting around waiting for… something…
anything
. Sometimes it seems like he’s totally into me, and the next it’s like he couldn’t care less that I exist.” She shook her head at herself. “So stupid.”

I swiveled toward her and leaned on the table. I couldn’t stand this coming from her. Guilt twisted in me, because I should have realized something was going on when I received her texts. I should have been there for her.

She chewed at her lip. “You know that’s not me, right?”

“Megan.” I frowned and edged in closer. “I’m not going to judge you. You know me better than that. We never know how things are going to turn out, and more important than that, we can’t help how we feel.”

She nodded, but the small jerks of her head resonated with shame. “But you’ve always been so strong. You’ve never allowed yourself to become vulnerable like that. I mean, sometimes it makes me worry about you and I get scared you’re never going to find someone to love because you won’t put yourself out there to be loved. But mostly, I’ve just admired you.”

Another stab of guilt. I’d always been vulnerable. I’d just never been honest enough to allow her to see it. “I guess I’ve been holding out for the right guy, Megan. We all find them at different times and in different ways.”

Only I found mine when I was fourteen. A flutter swam through my being, Jared’s youthful smile forever etched in my mind. Really, I’d known him my entire life. I
found
him in almost every memory I had.

Confusion creased Megan’s brow. “How will we ever know when it’s right?”

Pursing my lips, I took a chance at what I knew as my own truth. “I think we’ll just know.”

She groaned and dropped her forehead to the table. “But this feels so right… and so completely wrong.”

Quiet laughter spilled from my mouth. “You have it bad, Megan.”

She grinned up at me from her resting place on the table. “Pathetic, aren’t I?”

“Nah.” I shook my head. “It isn’t worth it if it doesn’t hurt a little.”

She rose, nodding as if those were the most important words I’d ever said.

Or perhaps the most foolish.

“So, what about you? Have you been hanging out with Gabe?”

Pausing, I searched for what to say before I finally answered. “No. I’ve been busy at work and at home.”

Speculation lifted her brow, and I knew the questions were coming. “Busy at home, huh? Does this have anything to do with this mysterious visitor who showed up a couple of weeks ago? One I’ve never even heard of before? Hmm?” She drew this out in a suggestive prod. She struggled for a look of offense. I thought she might be too innocently beautiful for it ever to work.

“He’s just an old friend, Megan,” I said with the least amount of defensiveness I could inject in it. No need to raise more suspicion than I already had.

“And not important enough that you ever thought to mention him to me?”

No. It was completely the opposite. He’d been so important it seemed impossible to utter his name.

“It’s not that, Megan,” I admitted. “We were all really good friends when we were younger… We grew up together. Even though Christopher was his best friend, he was
my
best friend. You know?”

I searched her face, wondering if she could understand. Her expression told me maybe she did. Sadness clouded my tone. “In one day, he lost it all, Megan.”

“What happened?”

“There was this accident… ” I shook my head. “He could never see past what happened and he started making some really bad choices. We all watched him fall apart and we couldn’t do anything about it. He ended up getting arrested and sent away.” I lifted one shoulder in resignation. “That was the last time I saw him.”

“So he’s the one,” she mused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Just because you keep secrets, Aly, doesn’t mean I don’t know you have them.”

I couldn’t say anything. My throat was suddenly dry.

“You care about him a lot, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I have no idea how long he’s staying, so I’ve been spending as much time with him as I can.” I didn’t mention that I would be devastated when he left.

Since we’d watched that movie in an attempt to drown out another of Christopher’s conquests, Jared had snuck into my room every night. Two weeks had passed since the night after when he’d first touched me, the hand on my face rocking something loose deep inside me. Every night he’d come to me, his knuckles lightly rapping against my door before he would silently enter into the dimness of my room. He always came when it was late, an hour or two after I’d told him and Christopher I was going to bed. I’d say good night, then lie awake in my room listening as the apartment slowly fell into silence. It was as if I could anticipate him in the moment before he knocked on my door from, a subtle tension filling the space as I waited. Why he felt the need to sneak into my room, I didn’t really know. But it was like he got it, too. The time we spent together felt like something that was our own, a secret shared between friends as the trust between us grew. I’d come to expect him just as much as he seemed to expect me, and a slow trust had begun to build between us.

We’d talk for hours about nothing and everything. I’d glide along the banks of his sadness, dipping my toes to test the water but without ever diving into the torrent where I knew Jared continued to drown. My mouth was continually dry, begging to be opened, to ask the questions I so desperately wanted to know.

But I was scared, didn’t want to douse this weak flame that had been lit. If I pushed him beyond the place he seemed comfortable taking me to, I was sure he’d stamp the fire out just as quickly as he’d struck it.

The worst of it was how badly I ached, and each night it only grew. I
wanted
him, more than anything I’d ever wanted in my life. It didn’t help that he was constantly brushing his fingers along my face, weaving them through my hair as he wound my confusion higher.

But it never went past that.

Megan tilted her head as she dug a little, a whisper of a grin threatening at her mouth. “Is he hot?”

“Megan,” I scolded, before I laughed and shook my head. Slanting my eyes in her direction, I gave in. “Incredibly.”

It felt really good to admit it. To hell with raising suspicions.

She snorted and sat back in her chair. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush before, Aly Moore.”

“I’m not blushing,” I insisted, even though I could feel the heat on my cheeks. Damn it. “It’s just hot out here.”

“Sure it is.” Her smirk deepened before she gentled it into a smile. “I’m glad your best friend is back, Aly… even if he is encroaching on my best friend territory,” she teased, although there was nothing that even suggested jealousy in her words.

It wasn’t hard to see why she’d so easily become mine.

Megan and I parted with a huge hug in front of our cars. “See you soon,” I said before I dropped into the driver’s seat of my car and headed home. Anticipation spurred me forward. Going home had become what I looked forward to most.

Was it ridiculous I could hardly wait to see Jared again?

Maybe.

But like I’d told Megan, I had no idea how long he would stay, how much time I’d be granted.

I wanted every second I could get.

Pulling through the apartment gates, I wove through the complex and parked in my space. My steps were light as I crossed the pavement. The sun hung low on the horizon, the evening’s promise of the coming darkness. Pink rays stretched far across the sky, painted the clouds every color of pink and blue and orange. The edges of the clouds lit like a burning rim of fire before they were swallowed by the approaching night.

Gorgeous.
 

I hurried up the steps and let myself into the apartment. Christopher was in the kitchen. Making dinner. I fumbled to a standstill, taken aback. A slow smile slid across my face. What was going on here?

Jared sat at the bar, the heels of his boots hooked on the barstool, sipping from a beer. God, was he beautiful.

He looked up as I entered, this welcoming smile crossing his face that touched me from across the room. “Hey,” he said.

Christopher peeked at me from over his shoulder. “Aly! Where have you been? I thought you were off today.”

I dropped my purse to the floor and tossed my keys on top of it. “I was. I was just hanging out with Megan this afternoon.”

“I was getting worried. I’m making you dinner.”

I shot Jared a worried glance, then turned back to Christopher. “You’re making dinner, huh? Should I be concerned?”

He laughed. “Nope. No reason for concern. I just feel bad you’re feeding us all the time. Figured it was my turn.” Christopher leaned in to smell the pot. “And this is going to be fucking delicious. Just wait.” He grinned at me. “See, no need to worry, little sister.”

Wandering into the kitchen, I grabbed a soda from the fridge. I closed the door with my hip and leaned back against the cool metal. Jared sat directly opposite me, something playing around the edges of his mouth. He shook his head before he lifted his bottle to drain the rest of his beer, exposing the underside of his muscular neck. I wanted nothing more than to press my mouth to it.

I wondered what he’d think if he knew my thoughts, if he saw what I continually played out in my mind. Did he want it as much as I did? Did he think of me when he left my room to take his place on the couch while I lay on my bed, wishing he were sharing it with me instead?

He lowered his bottle, eyeing me over the top.

I hoped he did.

When I sensed Christopher watching me, I dropped my attention to the floor. Whatever he was thinking, he shook off, and he grabbed some plates from the cupboard. “Okay, this is ready, you two.”

I walked up behind Christopher and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Thank you. This was really sweet of you.”

He handed me a plate, smirking. “Don’t get used to it.”

I covered my heart with my hand. “I wouldn’t dare.”

We all moved to the table and ate the stew Christopher had made together like the family we had once been. Satisfaction churned in my depths. I peeked up at Jared as I took a bite, and that same place deep inside me clenched.

How badly my heart wanted him to stay.

My gut warned me he would not.