Come Pour the Wine (11 page)

“I live in that building,” he said.

She followed his gaze and counted with him up to his apartment on the twenty-ninth floor, all the while wondering if he would ask her up. But he didn’t. They walked on, stopping from time to time to look at the displays in store windows.

Much too soon she found herself in front of the Barbizon Hotel. For an awkward moment she stood silently looking at him, frantically searching for the right words and afraid she would blurt out the wrong thing and never see him again. She was saved when she heard him asking, “Are you busy Saturday night?”

Suddenly she remembered the airline ticket in her purse. And panicked. She wanted so badly to see him Saturday night. If she said no, would he ask her again? How many women were there in his life? It would be stupid to think for one moment that he was so taken with her that he would ever give her a second thought if she said no. And yet her parents were expecting her, and after Bill’s story about his father’s sudden demise she felt strangely compelled to see them, as if maybe it were an omen, a warning. It was nonsense, she knew, but the urge to go home was almost as strong, in its way, as her desire to see Bill.

“I was planning to fly home this weekend to see my family …”

“I see …”

Maybe it was her imagination, but he at least seemed a little disappointed. And then before she had a chance to answer she found herself being drawn into his arms, and gently kissed.

“I wish you didn’t have to go …”

“Me too … but, well, I just feel that I really should.”

“Well, you know best. This was the best evening I’ve had in a long time.”

She most assuredly
didn’t
know best, she thought.

He was looking at her intently. “I really mean it, Janet.”

“Oh, Bill, thank you … it was for me too.”

“Have a good trip,” he said, kissed her again, and walked off.

She lingered a moment, watching until he disappeared around the corner, and then quickly went inside. As soon as she’d closed the door to her room and sat herself down on the edge of the bed, she suddenly found herself crying. She knew she was probably overwrought after the emotional drain of the last few weeks, but tonight had changed everything. Hadn’t it? No, she was still confused … pulled two ways now … She wanted to be with Bill … needed to see her family …

What to do? She stared at the phone for a moment, then picked it up and called Kit.

Kit was home, thank God.

“Kit? It’s me. Janet. You sound breathless.”

“I just got in and flew to the phone, but you sound like Madame Butterfly when the captain said
sayonara.
What’s up?”

“I’m not sure. How can anybody be
this
happy and miserable at the same time?”

“That’s not so tough for you. All right, let’s hear it.”

Janet started relating the day’s events, beginning with how she had bought a ticket and had then felt impelled to wait for Bill in his office building. Then there was the romantic dinner, and how impressed she’d been by what he’d told her about his family—so much so that she recapped the conversation for Kit. “It just proves one should never go by first impressions,” she concluded. “I didn’t picture him as someone whose family meant so much to …”

It was a rare moment for Kit, but she couldn’t find her voice. She had a little difficulty squaring the Bill McNeil she knew with the Bill McNeil who had presented Janet with an image of unadulterated devotion. It was obvious he hadn’t told the truth and now he had Janet seeing him as Prince Charming on a white charger. Oh well, so what if he came out looking like the guy in the white hat. Why not? In a way she admired him for not making mama the heavy in the drama. Violet McNeil was one in a long line of mamas who had trouble coming to terms with the notion that their sons grew up. You didn’t have to be Jewish to be a Jewish mother. Truth to tell, except for her problem with weaning, she could really be quite a nice old lady. Sweet, even … But, also no question, murder on prospective daughters-in-law …

Kit was brought out of her reverie when she heard Janet saying, “I suppose I found it all so surprising because of the things you’d said about him.”

“Like what?”

“That he was a rat, for example. Well, he isn’t, Kit. He’s a sensitive person—”

“Yeah … well, sometimes I have a quaint way of putting things. Sure, you’re right, Bill’s a really nice guy. I just get a little sore at him from time to time.”

“Why, Kit?”

To hide the fact that he hurt me once and that I’m scared silly of giving him or anyone else an opportunity to do it again
… “I don’t know … maybe it’s because I’ve known him for so long I forget he’s not part of the plumbing fixtures. It’s only with a friend like that you can take out your frustrations. Enough. Let’s get back to you. Now, what’s the problem?”

“Well, as I told you, Bill asked me out this Saturday but I said I couldn’t because I had to go home—”

“But the reason for that is gone, since you got up enough steam to take the initiative. So why not stay?”

“I don’t know … something else tells me I should see my folks—”

“Really? And what’s this something else?”

“My instincts, I guess, and something else … After Bill told me how suddenly his father died I got frightened … it was almost like a warning signal—”

“For God’s sake, Janet, don’t take everything as though it were a sign from heaven. I’m beginning to think you’re more afraid of seeing Bill than this fate you’re always so worried about.”

“How can you say that when you know how I feel about him—?”

“I know how you feel, and I suspect that’s why you’re afraid.”

“Honestly, Kit, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“I think it does. You want him and you know he’s attracted to you, but you’re afraid to put out because you want a commitment. The problem is that you’re not in junior high, waiting for some guy to pin you before you’ll let him hold your hand. When you play with grownups you wind up in bed, and take the chance that it’s either the beginning or the end of a glorious affair. You’re a big girl, Janet, time you learned you can’t have it both ways.”

Startling though it was, Kit had read it right. Yes, she
was
afraid that Bill would take her to bed once and then brush her off. Kit had warned her that Bill majored in one-nighters.

“So what do I do now?”

“That’s up to you, baby. Just be sure you understand that if you have an affair with Bill it’s not likely to be ‘and they lived happily ever after.’ He doesn’t allow himself to become involved. When a girl gets too palsy-walsy he backs off. So don’t say I didn’t warn you if and when that happens. On the other hand, you’re going to have to take that plunge eventually, whether it’s with Bill or someone else, and as long as you remember that Bill is a confirmed bachelor you couldn’t choose anyone better. He’s a decent guy and lots of fun but you’ll have to remember to play it cool, take it as a terrific experience and be willing to walk away saying it was worth the trip.”

Kit knew even as she was speaking how ridiculous all that was. Janet was in love and a woman in love never walked away without scars. Well … at least she had been warned. (Which was more than anybody had done for her.)

There was a long silence. Then Janet asked, “Kit, I’d love to see Bill but what can I do now? I told him I was going home.”

“Phone tomorrow and say you changed your mind. It’s still a woman’s adorable prerogative.”

B
ILL WAS HAPPIER THAN
he sounded when she called the next morning. “I’m glad you decided to stay. Now, what would you like to do?”

Go to the moon with you. “Whatever you feel like.”

I feel like taking you to bed. “Do you like Mama Leone’s?”

I could skip dinner. “That sounds wonderful.”

“Great, I’ll pick you up at eight.” God, he thought, now I’m doing rhymes….

By eight o’clock Janet was a nervous wreck. In the last hour she had changed five times and was still not sure she was wearing the right thing. Should she dress to look demure or sophisticated? She finally settled for demure and now wore a pale lilac chiffon that enhanced the delicate coloring of her skin and brought out the violet in her eyes. She was studying herself in the mirror when the phone rang. He was in the lobby waiting for her. She grabbed her purse and wrap and ran to the elevator.

She had, apparently, guessed right. When he saw her coming toward him his broad smile told how much he approved. He took her by the arm and before she knew it they were sitting side by side in a taxi.

At Mama Leone’s the maître d’ showed them to a quiet corner. The dinner was marvelous although neither ate much. The conversation was light, nothing of consequence. As they sat across from each other in the soft candlelight they were both thinking only of what lay ahead of them that evening. Bill was eager to get dinner over with and it was difficult to keep himself from simply taking her by the hand and walking out of the restaurant before they’d finished their meal. As for Janet, it seemed to her there was now no doubt that he’d take her home to his apartment. It would be a hugely important night to her. It would be the first time she’d made love to Bill McNeil. The first time she’d made love to anyone….

Once again they were in a taxi, only now he held her hand. Just that simple gesture made her, God help her, turn to jelly.

“Where would you like to go? There’s a place on 94th that plays lovely music.”

“If you like.”

“Actually, I prefer my place.”

“I think I would too.”

The rest of the ride passed in silence. As they entered Bill’s building she was conscious only of the warm pressure of his hand on hers. She wasn’t aware of the echoes of voices and street noises, of the doorman who opened the door for them or the click of her footsteps across the marble floor on the way to the elevator. She snapped out of it only when she stood inside Bill’s apartment.

It was startling, spacious and masculinely furnished. The walls of the living room were a deep blue. An extraordinary array of modern art hung over the leather sofa that flanked one wall, and an enormous glass and brass coffee table sat on a plush carpet the color of autumn leaves. There were two large chairs in plaid corduroy on either side of the fireplace, and bookshelves with a built-in stereo and bar occupied the remaining wall. The dining room was austerely but appropriately furnished and it looked out onto a balcony from which could be seen an expansive view …

Janet turned from the sight of the city lights when she heard the stereo.

“Champagne okay?” Bill asked.

She laughed. “Do you think I should? You wouldn’t want to ruin another suit.”

He looked very serious. “I’ll take the risk if you will.”

As he handed her a glass he said, “I’m glad you changed your mind about not going home this weekend.”

“So am I.” Wonderful boring understatement, she thought.

There was a moment of awkward silence. More out of embarrassment than curiosity she wandered across the room to look at the modern paintings. She had taken the last drop of her champagne when Bill was beside her pouring more into her glass. She watched as the bubbles danced, then looked up at him. Only a month ago she had been sure she would never see him again. If this was a dream, she didn’t want to wake up.

Taking the glass from her hand, he placed it on the table and took her in his arms. He kissed her gently and then with more urgency, and when he sensed her response his tongue separated her lips. Just when Janet thought she couldn’t stand it anymore he took her up in his arms and carried her back to the bedroom.

As he set her down in the darkened room he stood for a moment with his hands cupping her face, taking in each detail in the soft illumination cast by the city lights outside.

Janet was acutely aware of the sound of her own breathing, and his. He traced the outline of her nose, eyes, forehead, the nape of her neck, until his fingers found the first button of the chiffon bodice. He kissed her while his hands slowly ventured downward until the front of her dress was open. He slid it from her shoulders to the plush carpeted floor. He unfastened the lace bra and slipped it over her arms, then held her rounded breasts and brushed her nipples first with his fingers and then with his lips and tongue. Janet gasped at the sensation, and from there on it was a kaleidoscope in slow motion. She felt, she was pleased to discover, no shame standing nude before him.

When he had undressed he held her against him, then picked her up and carried her to bed. He lay facing her, kissing her gently, caressing every contour of her body. Without words he guided her hand down to his groin and placed his hand over hers for a moment, moving it slowly up and down until Janet felt him harden and grow under her fingers. His tongue played over her lips, probed to meet hers. The taste of her was like honey. She heard the sigh of her breathing, the soft moan as his fingers teased down the front of her body and between her legs, pushing them apart. Then he moved on top of her and slowly began putting himself inside, pushing deeper and deeper still until he momentarily halted. She did not sense his uncertainty when he realized she was a virgin. Should he stop? Could he withdraw? No, not now … not now … Gently he moved forward … a muffled cry … a sharp pain for her, and then incredible release. For a moment neither moved. Then she arched her back to receive him. He responded, thrusting faster and faster until an explosion seemed to build inside her and erupted …

He lay still on top of her, their moist bodies clinging together. She
never
wanted this moment to end. His breathing still heavy, he kissed her and said almost in a whisper, “Sweet Janet, lovely sweet Janet…” then rolled over on his back. They lay there for a while, holding hands. The silence was broken only when Bill said, “I wish I had known, Janet. I wish you had told me before.”

“And if I had, would you have still wanted me?” she responded contentedly.

“Oh
yes,
but I would have handled it differently.”

“But I wouldn’t have wanted you to. I love you, Bill—” The moment she’d said it, Kit’s warning sounded in her head. She knew she’d made a bad error.