Combust (The Wellingtons #1) (8 page)

“Thanks, man. I’ll take your word for it. Stay safe over there.”

“Always do. Love and all that shit,” Knox says, grinning at me.

I give him a farewell, and the screen turns blank as he signs off.

I sit and stare at my laptop for a while before I decide to take his advice. Logging onto my favorite porn site, I slip my hand into my shorts, trying to make my fist as tight as possible. Glancing at the clock, I make note of the time. Operation Last Longer is now under way. Time to see how long I can prolong getting off with just my hand and hope like hell I can make it at least a fraction of that time with a woman.

THREE WEEKS have gone by without one single Andi sighting. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been looking. I sure as hell have been. Down every hallway, around every corner, my eyes were searching. Every time I’m in the quad, any time I go to the library or walk to and from classes, I’m on the lookout for her, but not once have I see her. My heart quickens whenever I see red hair in the crowd, but time and time again, I’ve been disappointed because it’s never her.

Since I know she hasn’t declared a major, I haven’t exactly been shocked that I never see her anywhere near the science department. That doesn’t mean that I’m not secretly hoping we’ll cross paths with some of our gen ed classes, but so far, I’ve had no such luck. Hell, I’ve even checked out record stores that are within walking distance of campus in hopes that I’d see her. Yeah, I was venturing into stalker like territory, but something about that girl just calls to me and I can’t rest until I see her again. I know I shouldn’t care. I should cut my losses. I’m an attractive, single, eighteen-year-old guy, and I should probably check out the other fish in the sea, but something about her draws me in and I need to see her at least one more time. To try and show her I can be more than what I was that night.

And that’s why I’ve found myself tagging along with Seth to yet another fraternity party even though I’d rather not step back into that territory. I should stay back in my dorm so I can work on homework since I took on an extra course this semester, but it’s been too long since I’ve heard her laugh, seen her smile. I know she said she doesn’t like those kinds of parties, but I can’t help the feeling that, if I want to find her again, that’s where I’ll have to go, especially since I feel like I’ve looked everywhere else. So when Seth mentioned going to the same fraternity as the night I met her, I agreed easily.

Now I’m wishing I hadn’t.

We’ve been at the party for nearly two hours and Andi still hasn’t shown. Seth’s off dancing with some chick, much like he’s been doing since we walked through the door. I’ve taken up residence against the back wall, taking it all in as I slowly sip on my beer. One turns into two until I finally lose count. My eyes never leave the front door, almost as if they’re willing her to walk through at any moment. I keep telling myself I can have just one more trip to the keg and then I’ll finally give up and head out, but even being as impatient as I am, I decide to keep waiting with each refill until I’m finally tired of holding up the wall. No more waiting around for a girl who doesn’t want to be found.

Truth be told, I should’ve given this up after she left without a word, but she’s gotten under my skin in the worst way and I’m desperate to see her again—which is pretty obvious since I’ve found myself at another frat party even though I’d rather be anywhere else. It’s official. I’ve turned into a pussy. I hate feeling this way, and I know it’s time to go. To give up this quest and move the hell on.

As I walk back in from the keg, my ears perk up when I hear that familiar laugh. My heart starts to race as my eyes scan the room, not stopping until they land on her. She’s coming down the stairs, and I barely register the fact that she’s trying hard to adjust her top. Ignoring a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, I start pushing through the crowd towards her. She doesn’t see me, and her face lights up as someone comes down the stairs behind her. I’m stopped in my tracks when some buff dude with perfectly gelled hair leans down and whispers something in her ear, causing her to laugh again—that damn infectious laugh that drew me to her in the first place. A stupid twinge in my heart has me feeling like an idiot, and I’m unnaturally pissed off that someone else is earning that laugh from her when it should be me. But that thought in itself is stupid because we met one night, but we had a connection. Or at least I thought we did.

I watch as her eyes flick around the room, and they fill with surprise when she finally spots me in the crowd. Our eyes lock, and as stupid as it sounds, for a few seconds, it feels like no one else is here. I really should’ve gotten out more in high school, because the feeling I get when I see her gaze on mine is unnatural for an eighteen-year-old college guy. But it’s there. I’m jealous of the asshole by her side. I want to cross through the crowd and pull her out of there so we can listen to the new Eminem album and analyze each track. But instead, I’m frozen in my spot, staring at her like a fucking lunatic who’s never seen a beautiful woman before. A faint, almost hesitant smile crosses her face, and it causes my own to form. Finally. After what feels like forever, I’ve finally found her again. My Ruby.

She’s not yours, asshole.
The thought runs through my mind, and as if to emphasize it, the guy behind her slips his arm around her waist and pulls her into his chest as he presses a kiss against her temple. Her eyes leave mine as she turns to look at him, and then she lifts up on her tiptoe to whisper something in his ear. Not to be melodramatic, but I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut, considering I was the one doing that just a few short weeks ago. Holding her. Kissing her. Making her laugh. I was the one who took her away from a frat party because she hated it. Okay, so I left the party and she ran after me. But damn, if that didn’t do something to my ego. Knowing she’d rather spend the night with me, a virtual stranger, than hang out with all the frat guys. And in the end, I was the one who took her virginity.

And just like that, I’m doused with a proverbial cold shower as my mind replays over the events of that night. Scoffing and berating myself for thinking she’d want me to be looking for her, I tear my eyes away from her, from them. I down the rest of my beer and turn away, pushing my way through the living room and out the front door, ready to get the hell out of there. This was a mistake. Thinking I could find her was a mistake. Expecting her to want anything to do with me after ruining her first time was a mistake. Holy shit. I’ve been making a lot of damn mistakes, and for a smart guy, I’m not really used to this.

Sighing, I shake it off as I bound down the porch steps. Laughter and music ring out all around me, but I don’t give a crap about any of it. All I can think about is Andi. Apparently, she has her frat guy, and my services are no longer needed. Not that they were worth much, but I thought we’d had a good time for the most part. It’s not like the entire evening was a disaster. Ninety-nine percent of it was incredible, and it kills me that one small—
okay, not small
—detail ruined the entire thing. The more I think about it, the more pissed off I become.

I know it’s probably the beer, but for some reason, I feel like punching something, but as I look around into the darkness, there’s nothing there to take my anger out on. It’s probably a good thing, because this is unusual for me. I don’t let girls get under my skin like this. And remembering the way I felt when I woke up alone, I decide that I need to be that guy again who doesn’t let girls affect him. The one who doesn’t sit in his dorm room, wondering where she is, what she’s doing, if she’s thinking about him. It’s exhausting, and I have no idea what it is about her that’s affected me so much, but I know I need to get over it. Over her.

I would’ve been better off studying than trying to seek out some chick at a frat party. I wince at the term.
Chick.
I’m starting to sound like Knox, and while I love my brother, I don’t see women like that. Andi’s not just some hot chick. She’s more than that, but she’ll never be more for me, and the sooner I get used to that, the better.

I start walking down the street to head back to my dorm, kicking rocks along the way like an adolescent throwing a temper tantrum. God, I really need to get a grip. Halfway down the block, I think I hear someone calling my name, but I shake the noise out of my head, knowing that no one from that party, other than Seth, knew my name, let alone would bother following me.

All of a sudden, a body slams into me from behind, nearly knocking me to the ground. When I whirl around, I’m caught off guard to see Andi standing there. Her chest is heaving like she’s out of breath, and I can do nothing but stare, too dumbfounded and confused to say a word.

“Jesus, Cohen. Is this how it’s always going to be? Me chasing after you? That’s the second time you’ve left me at a party only for me to have to chase you down the street.”

I can feel my eyebrows rising in confusion, and my voice rises inadvertently. “What the hell are you talking about? I didn’t
leave
you anywhere. You looked like you were having a grand old time without me back there. I didn’t want to interrupt and I had no other reason to stick around, so I took off. What else was I supposed to do?”

She reels back and then folds her arms over her chest. I notice that she’s dressed differently. Instead of tight jeans and a concert T-shirt, she’s in a short denim skirt and a halter top that shows off her cleavage. I like the other look on her so much better.

Before I can question it, she responds. “What are you talking about? I saw you for five seconds before you ran out the door without even giving me a chance to say hi.”

“Really, Ruby? You wanted to say hi?” I scoff, laughing at the idea. “You could’ve said hi anytime over the last three weeks. You know where I live. You could’ve sought me out at any time, but you didn’t, did you? I wanted to, but could I say hi? Could I find you? No. And why is that? Oh, that’s right. You snuck out of my dorm room without leaving me any way to get in touch with you, and you haven’t contacted me ever since.” I know my tone’s accusatory, but I can’t help it. Now that she’s here in front of me, I realize how pissed I am that she left without a word.

She at least has the decency to give me a remorseful look, but it does little to calm me. She reaches her hand out and places it on my elbow, and I want to pull my arm away, yet I want her to keep touching me.

“Cohen, look. I know I shouldn’t have left that way, but it was just awkward. You know, after everything? It was easier to slip out before you woke up and things got even weirder between us.”

“So that’s it then? What am I? Your embarrassment? Your dirty little secret? I may not have rocked your world with my dick, but I have a pretty damn good memory of you moaning as my mouth was on you, my fingers inside you. I know I didn’t imagine your orgasm and the way your fingers were gripping my hair relentlessly as you came. But was that not enough? Even after everything, I’m still a failure in your eyes? Oh, but let me guess. It’s all good. Now you’ve got your frat boy who’s probably so much more experienced than I am. I’m sure he’ll do a much better job of fucking you than I did.”
Shut the fuck up, Cohen,
my brain warns, but it’s too late. The words have all come out and I’m not quick enough to take them back

She gasps, and I’m not shocked when her palm connects with my cheek. I deserve that slap. I’m being a melodramatic asshole and it’s pissing me off that she can affect me this way.

“I don’t know if it’s the booze or what, but you’re being an asshole right now, and regardless of how I left that night, I don’t deserve your implications. I’m not some tramp that jumps from bed to bed, so you can fuck off, Cohen.”

Sighing, I let the sting of her slap sober me up just a little. I surprise her, and myself, when I pull her into my arms for a hug. “I’m sorry, Ruby. I was out of line, and my mom would kill me if she knew I said that. It’s just… I’ve been looking for you ever since I woke up without you, and I guess I was surprised to see you with someone else already. I know I don’t have any ownership, no right to call you mine, but…that was one of the best nights of my life, and as crazy as it sounds, I’ve been missing you. But it looks like I’m a little too late.”

Her eyes soften and she reaches her arm out towards me, but then we’re interrupted. Almost as if on cue, frat guy walks out to the street and calls her name. She cringes as she turns to him, lifting her finger up to tell him that she’ll be right along.

“Look, I had a good time that night, too. Despite everything.” She has the decency to wince as her words register, but it’s too late. They’re already out and hanging over us like a dark cloud. Despite everything? I thought everything was great except for that small, little hiccup, but apparently, she thinks differently. “We have a lot in common, and you made me laugh more than anyone has in a really long time. I’d really like it if we could be friends.”

With an incredulous laugh, I feel my shoulders fall. “No, Andi. I don’t think we can be friends. In fact, I don’t want to be just your friend. Even after just one night, I know being your friend would never be enough—
despite everything, after everything.
You’ve said that twice now, and I know it’s always going to be some weird elephant in the room if we continue to be friends. And it seems as if I’ll always be the guy who ruined your first time. Forgive me if I don’t want to stick around and watch someone else give you what I couldn’t.”