Colorado 03 Lady Luck (19 page)

And I couldn’t handle it.

“Ty,” I vaguely heard Maggie call,
“somethin’s wrong with –”

I took another step back and my arm went out
to find purchase because if it didn’t, I was going to go down. I
knew it. My head was swimming, my vision was blurred and my system
couldn’t process what was happening.

I felt a burning sensation at the small of
my back, the beer slid out from between my fingers and I heard a
deep rumble in my ear saying, “Lex.”

I turned and saw a wall of black.

Ty’s t-shirt.

I lifted my hands and my fingers curled into
the material right before I did a face plant in his chest, my legs
gave out and I burst into tears.

His long, powerful arms closed around me and
they did this tight.

“Baby, what the fuck?” I heard in my
ear.

“I can’t… this isn’t happening… I can’t
process… presents… cake… chicken,” I stammered crazily then tilted
my head back, saw him through blurry eyes and whispered, “Ty,
honey, you know good things don’t happen to me. They don’t happen
to me. I can’t take this. I don’t know what to do with it.”

Then I lost sight of him because the wet was
too much to see through so I shoved my face in his chest again and
my body shook against his with my sobs.

Then I was up in his arms and I
automatically adjusted, pressing my wet face in his neck, wrapping
my arms around it, we were moving but I was deep in the throes of a
massive crying jag, didn’t see where we were going and wouldn’t
have cared anyway.

I felt myself settled in his lap as he sat
somewhere, his arms moving to wrap tight around me but I kept my
face in his neck, my arms around it though I pushed my torso deep
into his, held on hard and kept crying.

Eventually, one of his hands drifted up my
back, under my hair to curl hot around my neck.

“Lexie, baby, calm down,” he whispered in my
ear.

I nodded but kept crying.

His fingers squeezed gently. “Baby, you
gotta get a handle on this.”

I nodded again and sucked in a broken
breath. Then I sucked in another one.

Then, face still in his neck, I mumbled,
“I’m sorry. I just never… something like that…” I took in another
broken breath and whispered, “It was unexpected.”

“Got good friends,” he murmured.

I nodded again because he did, he had good
friends, the kind of friends you didn’t just get, the kind of
friends you earned.

And I didn’t know what to do with that
either.

I kept my face in his neck and held on.

Then I took in another breath, this one
didn’t break and my voice wasn’t trembling but it was quiet when I
said, “I’m glad you have that.”

“Me too.”

I held on awhile longer.

Then I swallowed. Then I admitted, “Maybe I
am part-goof.”

“Total,” he replied on another squeeze of
his fingers at my neck with a corresponding squeeze of his arm
around my back. “Total goof.”

“Not total. Part.”

He didn’t reply.

I drew in a last breath through my nose and
finally pulled my face out of his neck. His head came back and his
chin dipped down so he could look at me.

And God,
God,
he had beautiful eyes and their beauty increased
exponentially when they were close up.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t be,” he whispered back.

“
I know…” I started, stopped, pulled up the
courage and started again, “I know it’s fake but thank you, Ty. I
never expected to have anything that nice and it
is
nice, no matter what. So thank
you for giving it to me.”

He didn’t speak but his eyes changed, one of
those changes I didn’t know, didn’t yet understand but this one was
meaningful. They all were but this one was more meaningful than the
rest.

A lot more.

And then I couldn’t stop myself, his eyes so
close, that look in them, my arms moved from around his shoulders,
my hands framed his face, I leaned up and whispered, “Thank
you.”

Then I pressed my lips to his.

I meant to give him a soft kiss of
gratitude. This was not to say I didn’t want to give him a long,
hard, wet kiss of something else. And just what I wanted to give
him and what that would lead to had also been filling my headspace
the last couple of days but that wasn’t where I intended to go just
then. Not yet. Not with a houseful of people downstairs waiting to
eat fried chicken.

But when my mouth hit his, he didn’t give me
the chance to give him a soft kiss of gratitude. Instantly, his
fingers slid up into my hair, cupping my head and his mouth opened
over mine making a demand. Mine complied. Then his tongue spiked
into my mouth and I liked the taste of it, I hadn’t had it in what
seemed like a decade, I missed it and he tasted so fucking good my
body pressed into his and not just because his arm around me grew
super tight.

Then I was twisted, on my back in what was,
I noted vaguely and was unbelievably happy for, a bed. His torso
was on mine, his hips beside mine, his long, heavy leg moved to
tangle with mine as his tongue moved in my mouth and I wrapped one
arm around his back, one around his shoulders, my hand moving to
cup the back of his head and hold him to me.

God, he couldn’t kiss. He could
kiss.

And spending days and days with his
beauty, his generosity, his teasing, his attention, his fabulous
body, hearing his deep, rumbling voice, trying to find sleep beside
him in bed at night, seeing him stroke himself in the shower,
knowing he could use his mouth, I wanted that. I wanted all of it.
I wanted it naked and moving on me,
in
me. I wanted all of him.

To tell him this, I pressed up into his body
and his arm slid up my back then moved out so his hand could slide
down my side from pit to waist, his thumb extended so it brushed
light against the side of my breast and just that simple touch sent
shocks of electricity between my legs so strong, I thought for a
second just with that, his weight on me, my arms around him, his
leg tangled with mine, his tongue in my mouth, I was going to come
and do it hard.

Then I suddenly found myself on my feet by
the side of the bed, teetering because I didn’t know how I got
there and the loss of all the beauty I’d just had was a brutal
shock. I only remained standing because Ty’s big hands were cupping
my jaws, his thumbs moving through the wetness still on my cheeks
but his big body was held distant, the few feet between us seeming
like miles.

“Christ, I’m sorry,” he whispered and I
blinked up at him in profound confusion.

“What?” I whispered back breathily.

“I’m sorry, Lexie. That won’t happen again.
I promise you, it won’t happen again.”

I blinked again, his hands dropped away, I
felt the loss of them like a blow and I watched, I…
actually…
watched
as he
closed down. Completely. He snapped the shutters tight and the Ty
I’d been getting to know disappeared behind that impenetrable wall
that had been up when he’d walked out of prison five days
ago.

“Bathroom’s in there, you wanna clean up,”
he told me, jerking his head to the side. “Take your time. They’re
cool. They’ll get it. Come down when you’re ready.”

Then, without another word or glance, he
walked away.

And I stood there in what I realized was a
huge bedroom, watching him disappear down a flight of stairs
wondering what just happened and hoping it wasn’t what I thought it
was.

Hoping at the same time knowing that it
was.

Because good shit didn’t happen to me.

Lady Luck played with Ronnie and she also
played with Ty, giving and taking, not in equal measure but they
got their chance to taste sweet.

But she didn’t like me.

Not at all.

Still Feeling Hollow

I opened my eyes and saw Ty’s pillows beside
mine, the down depressed from his head resting there but his head
wasn’t resting there as it hadn’t been the morning before or the
morning before that or the morning before that.

I knew it was stupid but I looked for a note
on the pillow, his nightstand, my nightstand but there wasn’t a
note as there wasn’t the morning before or the morning before that
or the morning before that.

I flopped to my back on the bed and looked
at the wood paneled and beamed arched ceiling.

I should probably be thankful I had a few
days of it, a few days of sweet, a few days of teasing and soft
voices and endearments.

But I wasn’t.

Because if you don’t know how good something
can be, you don’t know how bad you’ll miss it when it was gone.

I sighed, stared at the ceiling and let the
last few days sift through my brain.

When I finally got back to the party,
everyone was a bit watchful and a bit friendlier (if that could be
believed), handling me with care though doing it without prying. I
tried to relax and pulled on my game face. I was a newlywed married
to their Ty, happy, giddy and about to help my man put the past
behind him and start a new life.

The good thing was, with that many people,
all of them wanting Ty’s time and to get to know me, distance from
him didn’t seem unusual, so I nursed that as best I could. He was
in huddles, I was in huddles. Sometimes, we’d find ourselves in the
same huddle and his arm would move casually around my shoulders and
I’d smile bright and listen hard so I didn’t miss anything but
mostly so I wouldn’t dissolve into tears again.

And those tears I was holding back were
because his arm slid casually around my shoulders, tucking me to
his side, a place I liked to be but no matter our physical
closeness, he was gone. I saw it in his impassive face which he
didn’t only give to me. He was going through the motions and I
wasn’t the only one to notice this. Tate caught it early on,
Krystal not long after and Wood not long after that.

But they didn’t say anything. They watched
but said not a word. We ate, we drank, we cut the cake which Ty
flatly refused to do in a traditional wedding way no matter how
much everyone was teasingly trying to push him to do it. I ended up
doing it, saying stupid shit about how the superhero Mr. Humongo
was above cutting cakes and didn’t use the laser beams he could
shoot from his eyes for trivial purposes, making people laugh and
doing all this in an effort to cover for him.

Then we opened presents. Like Ty, his
friends were generous. A whole set of brand new, stylish, expensive
stoneware including serving platters, bowls, creamer and sugar, the
whole enchilada. It was awesome, the tops and insides a shiny,
dusky sky blue, the backs and outsides a gorgeous matte dark gray.
Also a whole set of beautifully shaped glasses including drinking,
wine and even martini glasses. And a whole set of unusual but
kickass cutlery. And, last, a new KitchenAid coffeemaker.

“Ty’s got good shit but he’s a man. Men buy
expensive TVs and mattresses. They do not think of stoneware,”
Maggie explained to me after I’d opened everything (Ty also didn’t
open presents) then to Ty with a wicked smile she said, “Goodwill,
honey. That’s where your old stuff is. Kiss it good-bye.”

Ty sighed. I forced a laugh that I hoped
didn’t sound forced.

“And Tate told me Ty told him you liked your
coffee,” Laurie whispered in my ear, surprising me with this news.
“So I sent Pop and Jim-Billy to the home store to get you a good
coffeemaker so you’d be covered.”

There it was again. Good people. Generosity.
Thoughtfulness. Kindness.

I smiled at her and it wasn’t forced but my
eyes were again wet.

Her return smile was warm and she gave me a
hand squeeze. I knew she saw the wet but thankfully she didn’t
mention it.

Presents didn’t herald the end of the party
though, night fell and they kept on going. I liked them, they were
fun, their vibe was good enough to cut through my worry but I still
wanted them to go so I could talk to Ty.

They eventually did but by that time, I was
slightly drunk, dead on my feet and Tate, Wood, Bubba and Deke sent
their ladyfolk home with others and they moved to the front deck
with Ty getting close to me and saying, “Go on up. I’ll be up
later,” then not waiting for an answer and following the men.

It was time for a man huddle. I knew a
woman never messed with that. And with those men, I knew she
never,
never
messed
with it.

So I went on up and fell asleep before he
came up.

I woke up with him gone and no note.
Mid-morning, my cell rang and it was him saying he had the Charger
and was “seein’ to shit” in town and didn’t know when he’d be back.
I didn’t get that single word in edgewise before he
disconnected.

I spent that day getting used to his house
and phoning my girls in Dallas to see how things were
progressing.

Ella told me three boxes of stuff were
already in the post, shoes and clothes. She was still sorting and
would get back to me.

Then I gabbed with Bessie handing her the
same story with the same omissions I gave her Mom, skirting pointed
questions because Bessie could smell bullshit a mile away and
finally steering her into talking about herself, telling her I
didn’t want to think of that shit and wanted us just to act normal.
I felt shit about doing this. She was my best friend and I never
kept anything from her but with the way things were with Ty and me,
I didn’t have it in me to go into full disclosure. Bessie gave in
but I knew she didn’t like it nor did she buy it. She was worried
about me. That made me feel more guilt but I set it aside. I was
feeling too much, something had to go and Bess had been through the
thick and the thin of it with me. She’d stick through a new
thin.