Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) (35 page)

Damon could understand her father’s drive but he definitely took it too far.  He held her a little closer. 

She continued, “I remember I fell off my bike and scraped my knee once.  Of course I cried.  My dad said if it didn’t kill me, it made me stronger.  He told me he never wanted to see a tear again.  He said I was not weak but strong and I could do anything I put my mind to.” 

Damon let out a whistle.

“So he built up your confidence
.  He just took all the emotion out of it for you.” 

She let out a sad chuckle.

“
Something like that.  All of his kids are successful and we are all productive citizens of society but we all have one failed relationship after another because we never learned how to deal with our emotions.” 

He said, “Well this relationship isn’t going to fail because I’m not going anywhere.  You’re free to show all your emotions whenever you need to.

Her heart
overwhelmed she said, “I love you too Damon.  It’s really throwing me that after all this time we could find something real with each other.” 

He kissed her very gently and hoped she could feel just how much he truly loved her.

∞∞∞

Blake and Jasmine wer
e on the other side of the ship so they could discuss their options in private. 

Blake said, “Jasmine
, I’ve realized something tonight that I never really thought about.” 

“What’s that baby?” 

“You haven’t forgiven yourself for having that abortion.  That’s why this is such a challenge for you.” 

She looked away.  He gently pulled her face back to his. 

“Jaz, you need to deal with this.  You can’t torture yourself for the rest of your life.” 

“Blake
, my baby is dead.  I know that God has forgiven me but I feel like I just shouldn’t be let off the hook that easily.  If God sees fit to give us a baby then that’s enough for me.  Forgiving myself is just not a priority.” 

“
Jaz, that is crazy. You can’t continue living like this.  Jeremy may be in our lives forever.  What if they get married?  He will always be around.  What if they have kids?  You will have to see him loving those children and not the one the two of you made.  You need to free yourself from this otherwise you will snap and Lucy and everybody else will want to know why.” 

A little defensive she asked, “Don’t you think I’ve tried?” 

A little snap in his voice, “Obviously not hard enough.” 

Her face instantly showed attitude.
He threw his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, wait
. I’m sorry but Jaz listen.  We need to deal with this and you know I’m right.” 

“I took a life
, how am I supposed to just forget that?” 

This is the moment he feared all those years ago. 
He knew her compassion would always outweigh her logic no matter what she tried to make herself believe.  Suddenly a thought came to him. 

“You also gave life Jasmine.” 

She looked at him confused.

“What do you mean?
” 

He laughed a little because it was just like her not to even give herself credit for it
, one of the main reasons why he adored her. 

“Did you forget you gave my father your kidney and saved his life?” 

She blinked and said, “Oh yeah.  I mean but…” 

“But nothing
Jaz.  You saved his life and you saved mine.” 

She shook her head. 

He said, “Stop it Jasmine.  No you’re not perfect and yes you’ve made mistakes. Everybody has. We’re human.  You are going to let this go once and for all because you have to.” 

He rubbed her belly.

“You need to make sure your heart is ready to love the beautiful babies that God is going to bless us with.  You’ve punished yourself enough. It’s time Jaz.” 

She
said, “I feel like a fraud.  Ahmed gave me the power to make life or death decisions for him because I always did the right thing.  If he knew what kind of person I truly was I’m sure he would have made a different decision.” 

It broke
his heart to see her like this.  Even though he could understand her thought process he didn’t agree.  He reached out and hugged her.  He just held on to her for a while.  He didn’t have words but he hoped his touch would comfort her as he silently prayed for her. 

She
knew he was right.  She wanted more than anything to be a good mother to their kids.  She couldn’t bring this baggage with her.  Was this why God was allowing this all to happen now to prepare her for the seed she would soon be carrying. 

She said, “You’re right baby.  Today is the day that I am going to start putting this behind me.  If God can forgive me surely I
can forgive myself.” 

He pulled away to wipe the tears that he knew were there
but was shocked to see there were none.  He loved that she had that kind of strength whenever it was needed most. 

She smiled at him.

“God
, what would I ever do without you?” 

“Lucky fo
r you you’ll never have to know,” he said. 

She kissed him.

Their kiss was interrupted by the clearing of someone’s throat.  Jasmine turned to see Jeremy staring at them looking very uncomfortable.  Blake turned and prayed hard that he wouldn’t knock him out.  Jeremy cleared his throat again. 

Jasmine asked, “Where’s Lucy?” 

She is talking to Carmen about some bracelet Damon gave her.  Jasmine made a mental note to find out about this bracelet later. 

“What do you want?” 

“To talk to you,” his eyes shifted to Blake, “Alone.” 

Blake’s temper
flashed instantly.

“That’s not gonna happen buddy.
  So go ahead and say what you need to say.” 

Jeremy looked over to Jasmine
as if she could change his mind.

“You’ve met my husband Blake right?” 

Jeremy smirked.

“I see you’re still as feisty as ever
Jasmine.” 

“G
et to the point or get the hell on,” Blake said. 

Jasmine ran a ha
nd over Blake’s arm to calm him.

“It’s okay baby.”

Reluctantly Jeremy said, “I was just as stunned to see you in that limo as you were to see me but to be honest I’m really grateful.  Jasmine some time ago I gave my life to Christ.  I’ve been trying to be a good person but there was one thing I always carried with me, a regret I had.  That’s the way I treated you.” 

Still pissed Blake said, “Well you should have felt b
ad, knowingly taking advantage of her innocence and then tossing her aside like she was nothing.” 

As busy as Blake’s sex life had been he had never bedded a virgin. 
He knew he was full of crap back then and so he required a consenting adult that knew exactly what she was getting herself into. 

Remorse showed
on Jeremy’s face. 

H
e said, “I know I took advantage of you and I’m sorry.  I was young, stupid and arrogant but there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t regretted what I did.” 

Sarcastically
Jasmine said, “Oh really there has been several days gone by that I haven’t heard you express that regret.” 

“I deserve
your anger and so much more, but Jasmine I prayed that God would let me find you so that I could apologize and make it right.” 

“
There isn’t anything you can do to make it right Jeremy.  Our baby is gone and it’s not coming back.” 

He took a deep swallow and was
staggered at the sudden sadness he felt.  He’d assumed as much but knowing was different.  He found his voice.

“Jasmine
, I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you and I won’t try.  I’m sorry for whatever part I played in your having to make that decision but we can’t go back.  All we have is today.  I’m here and I’m sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.” 

“I forgave you years ago but that doesn’t mean I have to like you or be friends with you.”

“No it doesn’t, but the fact remains that I am very much in love with Lucy and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.” 

Jasmine felt like the wind had been knocked out of her
. 

Blake said, “If you hurt Lucy we are going to have some problems.” 

Jeremy was sick of Blake.  He wanted to punch him in his face but he couldn’t blame him. He was just protecting his loved ones.  It’s not like he hadn’t given the man plenty of reason to dislike him. 

“Look
, I understand where you’re coming from but let’s just chill.  I love Lucy and I am not the same person I was back then.  Lucy means the world to me.  I want a life with her, kids the whole nine.”

Jasmine took a deep breath.

“
Do you plan on telling her about us?” 

“Yeah
, that’s why I’m here.  I don’t want anything to be between us.  I can’t keep something like this from her.  I know you guys are practically best friends but I don’t want my marriage built on lies.” 

Jasmine said, “Okay look, you can tell her about our very
brief
relationship but the part about the baby is mine to tell and I won’t be telling her.  I won’t be telling anybody is that clear?” 

Jeremy showed
reluctance on his face.  He honestly wanted full disclosure. 

He sai
d, “I can’t agree to that. You’re asking me to lie to the woman I love.” 

Jasmine got into his face light
ning quick.

“I am n
ot asking you to lie to anybody. I am telling you that you do not have the right to give anyone information you know nothing about.  The woman you love?  Be careful how you throw that word around because your track record says you don’t know what love is.  Do you honestly think Lucy will stay with you if she knows the truth about what you did?” 

She saw the confidence he so passionately spoke with
fade a little. 

“Not so sure are you?  Is it really worth the risk Jeremy? 
Let’s face it. This isn’t about you being honest with Lucy.  This is about you clearing your conscience.  Nothing you say or do is going to bring our kid back or the moment you put your hands on me.  You want to make this up to me?  Well fine, this is how you do it.  You tell Lucy we had a very
brief
relationship freshman year in college.  You can tell her we had one sexual encounter that was only satisfactory for you and we broke up shortly thereafter.  For your sake I’d stay away from the fact that I was a virgin who you said you loved but clearly didn’t.  I would also avoid telling her it resulted with the conception of a baby, that you hit me and that you discarded me and your unborn child like we were yesterday’s garbage.  Are we clear on how this story goes down?”

Jeremy stared into her eyes.  Through the bravado he saw the very real plea in her eyes.  It wasn’t what he wanted but he did owe her a debt he could never repay.  What good would it do for Lucy to know about that? 
He was not that person anymore. It still pained him to know that he hit her in a moment of anger.  Under the heavy weight of his misguided youth he hung his head for a moment and then looked her in the eyes.

“Okay.  You got it.  You have my word
. I won’t tell her about the baby, just that we briefly dated and slept together once but it didn’t work out.” 

He saw her visibly relax. 

She said, “Thank you.  Lucy will want to talk to me after she talks to you. For the record I’ll tell her to not let this stand in the way of her happiness.  It’s ancient history that means absolutely zilch to me.” 

Defeated,
Jeremy nodded and turned to walk away.  Jasmine turned to Blake.

“Tell me I’m doing the right thing?” 

“This is a sticky situation baby. You’re doing what you feel you have to do to protect everyone involved.” 

“If she finds out one day who will she blame?” 

Blake swallowed hard.

“She will feel betrayed by both of you.  It’s
hard to say who will get the brunt of her anger but neither one of you will walk away unscathed.  You will likely be the one to lose her because she would have pledged to him two days past forever.” 

Jasmine nodded.
Her heart was so torn.  She didn’t know if she was protecting Lucy or herself.  She couldn’t tell if she was being a true friend or a selfish one.  She prayed she was doing the right thing. 

She slid her arm into Blake’s and said, “Let’s head back.”
 

As Jasmine and Blake approached the other side of the boat they passed by a smiling Carmen and Damon heading in for dinner.
  Carmen held out her wrist that displayed a very fabulous diamond tennis bracelet.  Jasmine gushed with Carmen while Blake nodded his approval to Damon.