Read Colm & the Ghost's Revenge Online
Authors: Kieran Mark Crowley
C
edric hadn't been looking forward to driving the damaged rental car to Shannon airport, so he'd been putting it off for two days. He had a feeling that when Mark had asked him to return it in pristine condition, he hadn't meant with a broken windscreen, bald tyres, three minor dents to the bodywork, two major ones, damaged paintwork and the cigar burn that Kate had left on the car seat when they'd finally driven home after the night in the shopping centre. He knew he was in trouble too if the large number of increasingly irate voicemails Mark had left on his phone was anything to go by. Still, that problem could wait until later. Now that he was sitting here on Kate's ratty couch, he was happier than he'd been in a very long time.
âSo, is that it? Is the whole thing finally over?' Kate asked, interrupting his thoughts, as she shooed Mr Gilchrist away with her foot.
âYes, definitely,' Cedric replied emphatically.
âYeah, I seem to remember you saying that once before. You were wrong.'
âOK.'
âVery wrong.'
âI said OK,' Cedric snapped.
âThe Ghost is dead, right?' Kate said. She took a long drag on her Cuban cigar. Man, I missed these babies, she thought. âReally dead?'
âHe's dead,' Cedric said. âScout's honour.'
âJust wanted to make sure,' Kate said.
A fog of smoke, thick and almost impenetrable, wafted towards the ceiling.
âAnd before you ask,' Cedric continued, âProfessor Drake and a bunch of UCD scientists dropped the remnants of the shield and the Lazarus Keys into a giant vat of deadly hydrochloric acid, then sealed it in some sort of lead before burying it somewhere secret.'
âAnd that should have destroyed them?'
âNo, it would have given them a nice little polish so now they're all shiny and new. Of course it destroyed them. Drake is an expert and he's certain that only three ever existed. One from the Red House Hotel and the other two. One plus two makes three.'
âVery clever. Good to know you can count, Mr Patronising. See how many fingers I'm holding up? It's less than three,' Kate said.
âOh, that's charming,' Cedric said, glancing over. âVery ladylike.'
âI'm glad to see that wiry fella and the others got their comeuppance.'
âMe too,' Cedric agreed. âMaybe being blown to smithereens was a bit of a harsh punishment though.'
âNo way,' Kate said. âAnyone involved in the kidnap of innocent people deserves what's coming to them.'
âGlad you don't run the country with that attitude. Anyway, with The Ghost a goner, The Ark Detective Agency he opened to ruin our business will be closed down. Which means things will soon be back to normal for the Murphy & Finkle Detective Agency,' Cedric said.
âMurphy & Finkle? You're making me a partner?'
âI think it's about time, don't you? Wait. Are you actually crying?'
âNo. Shut up,' Kate said, giving Cedric a thump on the shoulder with one hand and wiping away a tear with the other.
âOw. You know, you look really classy with your streaming nose and the cigar clamped between your teeth like that.'
âI'm rubber you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.'
âVery mature, Kate. Very mature. I'm already reconsidering offering you that partnership.'
She ignored the jibe.
âSo this Ghost lad, what do you think his plan was? He never actually told anyone,' Kate said.
âI've been thinking about that a lot. He wanted to pay back anyone who happened to be at the Red House Hotel the night his brother died, so he got those thugs to destroy my business, caused Colm's father to lose his job and a whole lot of other stuff. But, according to what the others are saying, he must have changed his mind for some reason. He didn't care about destroying us any more, he just wanted to become immortal.'
âMaybe he was dying or something,' Kate said.
âNah, I doubt it,' Cedric said, not realising that Kate had actually hit the nail on the head.
âYou're probably right. You're better at this figuring out stuff than I am.'
âThat's why my name's going to be first on our letterheads,' Cedric said.
âI'm impressed that you managed to work it all out.'
âThank you,' Cedric replied, beaming with pride.
âOf course, I'd have been more impressed if you figured it out
before
it happened and stopped a lot of needless kidnapping and zombie fighting. Seems to me like that's what a proper detective would have done.'
âShut up, Kate.'
âYou wouldn't catch Sherlock Holmes letting the criminals get away with taking him hostage, locking him up in a shop, and only coming to his conclusions when it was all done and dusted and the bad guys were dead.'
âI said: shut up, Kate.'
Cedric looked at her. As the early morning light streamed through the dusty curtains, after all they'd been through, she'd never looked more lovely to him. Her thick fringe of hair nestled on her bushy eyebrows, and a smile â or the delayed reaction from the onion rings she'd eaten for breakfast â played on her lips. She was almost beautiful.
The doorbell rang, interrupting the moment.
âI'll be back in a second,' Kate said.
He heard the front door creak open. This was followed by the sound of excited voices. Young voices. Teenage voices. Oh no, not them, Cedric thought.
Kate ushered The Brute and Lauryn into the living room. Cedric didn't bother to get up.
âYou two? How did you find us?' he asked.
âYou're not the only detectiveâ' Lauryn began.
âKate invited us over ⦠oh, right, you were trying to make us look good,' The Brute said.
âYeah, thanks for that, Mikey,' Lauryn said, giving him a withering look.
âDo you two want a drink or something to eat?' Kate asked.
Lauryn glanced around the apartment. It wasn't the type of place that was likely to win any hygiene awards. âNo thanks,' she said. She wasn't even sure if she'd be happy sitting down on the couch. It looked like it came from a dump.
âShouldn't you be in school?' Cedric asked.
âMid-term break,' The Brute replied.
âFantastic. I'm delighted for you. Kate, can I have a word,' Cedric asked.
âIt's OK, Ced. There's a reason I invited them over. A reason I invited you over too,' Kate said.
âIt wasn't just because of my natural charm and amazing conversational skills?' Cedric asked, pretending to be surprised. âYou know, if I had known these two were turning up, I wouldn't have called over. I have a lot to do. I'm a busy man.'
âYou're sitting in your friend's flat on a Tuesday morning,' The Brute said. âHow busy can you be?'
Kate suppressed a snigger.
âWe need your help,' Lauryn said. âYou heard about Colm, right? He's sick.'
âYeah, I heard. Sorry,' Cedric said. âBut I'm not a doctor, so I don't thinkâ'
âThat's not the kind of help we need. What Colm has, well, let's just say traditional medicine isn't likely to provide a cure. According to the Prof, we have about three days to save him,' Lauryn said. âAnd we're going to save him, right?'
âI still don't see what this has to do with me.'
âWe need a detective,' The Brute said.
âFor what?'
âRemember when the UV light came on and destroyed all the undead that night in the shopping centre?' Lauryn asked.
âNo, why don't you jog my memory?' Cedric said.
âWow, you're so sarcastic. How do you put up with him, Kate?'
âI'm a saint,' Kate replied, belching a smoke ring.
âBack to your reason for coming here,' Cedric said, tapping his watch.
âRight. The UV light didn't destroy every member of the undead. One of them survived it. We don't know why, but the Prof reckons that we may be able to save Colm if we can figure out how this guy survived when all the others didn't. At the very least we'll be able to buy him more time,' Lauryn said.
âAnd you need me because â¦'
âHe's disappeared. We need to find him and fast.' Lauryn handed him a photo. It was a screen grab from the CCTV footage. âThat's the guy we need to find.'
Cedric looked at the picture of Fintan Wickerly.
âYou want me to go zombie hunting?'
âTechnically, he's not a zombie â¦' The Brute began.
âI don't care what he is. I'm not going to help you. Every time I meet you two it means trouble for me and this time I'm putting my foot down and saying: No Way José. Not on your Nelly. Count me out.'
There was a rumble as Kate cleared her throat loudly. Cedric looked over at her. âI'm helping them, aren't I?'
âOh yeah.'
âFine. Let's get our coats. It's time to go to work,' Cedric sighed.
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