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I love you
.

She’d said it. The three words that changed
everything.

And sure, they’d been made while in the
throes of passion, so technically they didn’t count—not in her
books anyway—but still. She couldn’t deny that she’d said them,
just as it was clearly evident that either Shane hadn’t heard
her—and that was probably a good thing—or he
had
heard her
and obviously wasn’t in the same throes that she’d been in.

He could have been riding in the
sex-with-no-strings lane, while she was cruising down the
oh-my-god-I-can’t-live-without-you hi-way.

“You’re an idiot,” she murmured.

“Good to know.” Shane’s voice rumbled and
vibrated through his body, tickling her nose. She shifted and gazed
up into eyes that were too damn pretty to belong to a man as
masculine as Shane Gallagher.

He smiled lazily and wrapped his arms around
her, holding her so tenderly that she had to look away, because the
tears that had been mere pricks of heat were now full and weepy,
and they slid down her cheeks.

“Hey,” he said softly, his hands in her hair
massaging her skull. “Are you okay?”

She nodded but didn’t answer because she sure
as hell didn’t trust her voice. With her eyes averted, she
carefully hid her sniffles and continued to trace his tattoo. A lot
of thoughts crowded her mind, a lot of things unspoken.

“Ah, Christ, Bobbi.”

Shane startled her and she turned her head,
exhaling as his large hands wiped away the tears that sat near the
corner of her mouth.

“Honey, we got carried away last night and
I’m sorry I didn’t think of protection.” He exhaled roughly and
swore under his breath. “I mean, I’m clean, there are no worries
there, but…”

His voice trailed off and she knew where his
mind was going. Another shadow of a past that wasn’t finished.

Bobbi cleared her throat and shut him down.
“If you’re worried about me getting pregnant, don’t.”

“You sure?” His finger exerted enough
pressure that she couldn’t look away.

“Positive,” she answered lightly.

Her voice drifted off and for a few moments
there was silence, broken only by the steady tick tock of the
Grandfather clock. When they’d tumbled inside the cottage the night
before they hadn’t made it to any of the three bedrooms. Heck,
she’d barely crossed the threshold when he was inside her again,
and they’d fallen onto the floor in front of the fireplace.

A twinge in her lower back only served to
confirm her performance had been, if nothing else, energetic. Maybe
too energetic.

Maybe she’d blown everything by going into
the evening at 200 percent and half-cocked. That was Bobbi Jo,
always jumping off the cliff without looking. Always thinking of
the consequences when it was too late.

“Shane, what happened to us?” she asked
suddenly, closing her eyes as she rested her head against his chest
once more and listened to his breathing.

Shane’s fingers continued to massage her
scalp and he shifted again, pulling the throw blanket they’d
snagged from the sofa near the fire place, up over her hips. He
settled her into his arms and the feeling of warmth and comfort was
so bittersweet a fresh batch of tears spilled out of her eyes as
they snuggled into the makeshift bed on the floor.

Quiet for a moment, he gazed at the ceiling
and she swallowed hard, trying to stem the tide of emotion she knew
was riding way too close to the surface. And why the hell was she
so sad or scared anyway? She’d had an amazing night with Shane.
They’d connected—really connected—and sure there hadn’t been many
words, save for her stupid declaration of love which she was
certain he hadn’t heard, but still…

Their bodies had spoken for them. She knew
Shane cared about her—you couldn’t make love the way they had and
not know that—she just wasn’t sure about the depth of his feelings.
Was he loving the sex and the way she made him laugh? Was he
reliving a past that had been, for the most part, explosive,
passionate and fun?

Or was he treading new waters as well? Was he
looking for something more than sex with no strings?

“Never mind,” she said suddenly, “Forget I
said anything.”

“No, we should talk about this stuff.”

“But what’s the point? It’s not like we can
change anything.” Panic began to gnaw at her. Why the hell had she
opened her mouth?

“There are a lot of things I would change,”
he said carefully. “And a lot that I wouldn’t. Some of my worst
mistakes are the ones that made me a better man. I didn’t know it
at the time, but I’m starting to figure that shit out now. Better
late than never, right?”

“But we were so awful to each other,” she
blurted out—“In the end.”

“Yeah. We were. And I could say that it was
because we were young and stupid, but that would be the easy
answer. Anyone who uses that as an excuse for behaving like a dick
is full of shit.” He paused. “And truthfully, I wasn’t all that
young. The thing is…” he exhaled and blew hot air across her
cheeks. “We pushed each other’s buttons all the time and maybe we
did it because all the fighting was worth the making up, but then
things just got crazy and out of hand and the hurting became the
normal state of our relationship. And then…”

Dead air filled the space between them and
Bobbi felt the pain of it all the way to her soul. Memories she’d
long buried rose and her throat closed tightly. She couldn’t break
down now. Not here with him. Not like this when she’d just spent
the most amazing night ever, connecting with Shane in a way she had
never thought would be possible again.

“The baby,” she whispered.

Shane glanced down at her, his eyes hooded,
his mouth no longer soft and relaxed.

“Yeah,” he replied hoarsely.

“Shane,” she whispered.

But he didn’t hear her. He was already
starting down that path, the one that led to before. The one that
might blow up in her face because if he knew…

“And let’s not forget Jane Lawson.”

Pain twisted inside her heart and the words
she wanted to say, the ones that she should have said all those
years ago, remained buried. Buried because she wasn’t ready to come
clean.

Buried because she wasn’t ready to face the
truth of her own lies.

“I didn’t screw her, you know.”

Bobbi glanced up sharply. “What? But I…but
you…” Confused she shook her head.

“After you walked in on us, I couldn’t go
through with it. Hell, I wanted to. I wanted to screw the fuck out
of Jane Lawson and I wanted you to know. I wanted you to see us. I
wanted you to hurt as much as I was hurting. But once I saw your
face I couldn’t.”

Bobbi was cold and she shivered even though
Shane’s arms were still clamped tight around her. Now was her
chance to tell him the truth.

Just tell him
.

She opened her mouth but Shane beat her to
it, his voice gone low as he took that stroll down memory lane.
Except it wasn’t exactly a fun stroll or a walk in the park. It was
a painful remembering of the events that had changed them both.

And she was helpless to do anything but
listen to him.

“I kicked her out, which was an asshole thing
to do, and then I proceeded to get drunk and stoned and anything
else that I could do in order to forget that look on your face. You
were just one more person I’d screwed with…one more person I’d
hurt.” He paused and though his voice reverberated with anger, his
touch was gentle, soothing on her temple.

“One more person I’d disappointed. But then,
in true Gallagher fashion I took it one step further. I screwed
with the one person who had always been there for me. My
grandfather.”

“Shane, let’s not…we don’t have to talk about
this right now.”

“I do,” he said suddenly.

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. For
the longest time he didn’t speak and when he did she winced at the
pain that laced his words.

“After what happened between us, I just kind
of lost it. Even Logan was disgusted in my behavior. I was drunk or
high every night. I started hanging out with the Shelton brothers
and we all know they’re bad news. At the time I thought they were
bad ass, always getting into bar fights and being total dicks. Now
I know they were just as pathetic as I was.”

The dead space inside Bobbi, the part of her
that was responsible for so much of this, twisted, and she
grimaced.

“I don’t know what set me off that night. I’d
been accepted to the Academy of Art but there was no way in hell I
could afford the tuition so I knew that dream was done. You were
out of my life and Logan was the golden boy while I was the fuck
up. Again, no excuse, but at the time it was all I thought about.
It drove me fucking nuts.”

He paused.

“I don’t remember going out to White Hall
which isn’t surprising.” He frowned. “I drove, if you can believe
it, and it’s a goddamn miracle I didn’t kill anyone because I was
so high and drunk.” A groan slipped from his lips and he ran a hand
across the stubble on his chin.

“I woke up on the floor with my grandfather
standing over me and a couple of cops on either side of him.
Apparently I had decided to spend the night in the studio where he
used to let my mother paint. God, how he loved her. Sometimes, I
think he loved her more than he loved his own son. The room was
just as she’d left it. The last thing she’d been working on, a
self-portrait, was still there on the easel, as if she was going to
walk into that room and pick up her brushes.”

He shuddered and his voice lowered. “It was
the only thing that I didn’t…”

“Oh Shane,” she whispered. No one really knew
what had gone down the night Shane was arrested. All that had made
the local papers was that he’d been charged with several offences
and thrown in jail.

“It was the only thing I didn’t destroy.” His
voice was harsh now and Bobbi winced.

He sat up and brought her with him and in
that moment Bobbi Jo would have sold her soul to erase the pain in
his eyes.

“I trashed the fucking room, Bobbi.
Everything was gone. Destroyed. Every beautiful thing that my
mother ever created was gone.”

The pain in his eyes tugged on her something
fierce. She reached for him but he shook his head and looked
away.

“My Grandfather had me arrested for breaking
and entering and vandalism and you name it. Drug possession. Public
drunkenness. The list of charges was longer than I remember. He
leaned over me and told me that he was putting me in jail because
if someone didn’t do something, I’d end up dead. I remember him
trying to help me up and I shoved him away. I think I even took a
shot at him and to this day I can’t remember if I hit him or not.
You know what I told him?”

“Shane,” she whispered, her hands cupping his
face.

“I told my grandfather to go fuck himself.”
His voice broke and she gathered him into her arms, running her
hands along his shoulders soothingly.

“I told him to go fuck himself,” he said
again. “That’s the last thing I ever said to the man I loved more
than my father.”

“He knew you didn’t mean it. You have to
believe that, Shane.”

But he ignored her. “He told me that he was
going to call his buddy, Judge Newcombe and that he was going to
make sure I got jail time. He told me that he hoped it was enough.
That one day he hoped I would see that pain isn’t the answer. He
told me that losing my mother was enough for him and there was no
way in hell he was going to stand by and watch me destroy my life.
I hated him for so long and by the time I realized that he had
saved me, that maybe I could become the man he knew I could be, it
was too late. He was gone.”

The Grandfather clock chimed seven times, the
first stroke making them both jump.

“Shit,” Shane muttered. “Not exactly great
conversation for the morning after one of the best nights of my
life.”

Bobbi gazed into his eyes. She smoothed his
hair away from his forehead and kissed him tenderly. Her lips slid
over his as she gathered him close to her and she spoke with her
tongue, with her fingers and eyes.

I love you. I need you. I’m sorry
.

All of these were phrases that were pretty
much self-explanatory and yet they were just smoke and mirrors. In
reality she was begging for a forgiveness she didn’t deserve.

How could she?

Her lies and selfish need to hurt had led
Shane down the path that had nearly destroyed him. He didn’t know
the entire truth about the baby or the hurtful things she had said
to him. And sure, he’d been an asshole, but he’d never lied to her.
Not once. If he knew what she’d done…what she’d let him believe
there would be no forgiveness.

And for the first time since he’d returned
home, her mind and heart were listening to what her body had said
the day she’d left Gerald at the altar. She belonged to Shane
Gallagher and always would. It was as if she’d only been half alive
without him. Half alive and blind.

So the question was…if he knew the truth—if
he knew what she’d done—would there be a Shane and Bobbi?

Was she brave enough to find out?

The door slammed shut with a bang and Bobbi
winced. She rubbed her forehead and muttered, “Did you need to do
that?”

“Sorry, I didn’t know it was defective.”

Bobbi glanced up at the clock on the wall
across from her and then through the glass window that gave her an
unfettered view of the ice. It was nearly lunch time and she’d had
her head buried in work for several hours.

“You look busy,” Betty said casually,
fingering the end of her dark chocolate leather jacket.

“I have a job, Betty,” she said sharply. “You
do remember what that word means?”

Something flashed in her sister’s
eyes—hurt?—and Bobbi felt a pang of remorse. She sighed and shook
her head, leaning back in the chair. It seemed as if she wasn’t
getting anything right these days. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to sound
like a bitch. I’ve been doing updates to Billie’s website all
morning and it’s getting to the point where I want to throw this
computer out the window.”