Coldhearted (9781311888433) (8 page)

A girl’s hand shot up.

“
Yes, Candie?”

“
That’s the one with
hallucinations, right?”

Mr. Ballantine hesitated, and then said,
“Well, hallucinations are just one of the many factors when
considering if someone is schizophrenic.”

“
But I remembered what you
said yesterday,” Candie said, obviously looking for
approval.

Mr. Ballantine humored her with a smile.
“Yes, Candie, that’s excellent you remembered.”

Candie giggled, ecstatic, and then twirled
her pink-dyed hair around her finger, trying to keep Mr.
Ballantine’s focus on her. It didn’t work but she kept right on
trying, undeterred.

Another girl’s hand shot up and she didn’t
wait to be called on. “Hallucinations are when you see or hear
things that aren’t there, right Mr. B?”

Mr. Ballantine answered her, but Edie
couldn’t hear his words. She was having a panic attack, wondering
where this lecture was going. Hallucinations? Schizophrenia? It
seemed more than just a mere coincidence. Was someone trying to
tell her something? Was that what was wrong with her?

Am I…schizo?

Edie grasped the scarf and necklace that was
encircled around her neck, needing comfort and courage. She
immediately calmed and her heart returned to its normal rhythm.

She felt someone nudging her arm. “Hey, are
you all right?” It sounded like Diana.

Edie looked up to see her
and Madelyn, concerned. Then Edie turned and saw that the whole
class was looking at her, even Mr. Ballantine. So…he was finally
making eye contact.
Kudos to
him
, she thought sarcastically.

“
Edwina, are you all right?”
he asked, concerned.

“
It’s Edie,” Edie corrected
him, when some of the girls started to giggle.

He gave her a small smile. “Edie, if you need
to get some fresh air or—”

“
No, I’m fine.” Edie
returned his smile. “Really,” she assured, lying.

Mr. Ballantine nodded and turned toward the
blackboard, beginning his lesson.

Edie was forced to tune him out when Madelyn
leaned toward her. “Are you really okay?” she whispered.

“
Yeah, why, what happened?”
Edie asked, concerned.

Diana furrowed her brow. “You were
shaking.”

“
And mumbling something,”
Madelyn added.

Edie shook her head. “I don’t remember any of
that.”

Diana patted Edie’s hand. “It’s okay.”

“
Yeah,” Madelyn added,
patting Edie’s other hand.

Edie forced a smile to show
them that she was all right. They believed it and turned their
attention toward Mr. Ballantine. Edie followed and watched him
write the word
schizophrenia
on the board, then a few more words, and
finally
hallucinations
.

She tried to remain calm and copied his
lecture into her notebook. When she reached the end of the page,
and then looked over what she’d written, she stifled a scream, not
wanting to draw any more attention to herself.

She hadn’t been writing the teacher’s lecture
notes.

Disturbingly, she’d written, over and
over:

You’re going
crazy
.

It was like Mrs. Featherstone all over again
with Fat Girl. They had no intention of writing such horrible,
damaging self-indictments. Yet…they had. And after, no memory of
what they’d written.

But Edie did remember one thing: while she’d
been writing, her hand had been flowing too smoothly across the
page, too fast; she hadn’t any control over her movements. Someone
else had written those words. Not her. But…maybe she had written
them.

Maybe I’m
schizophrenic
.

Or was writing mean, albeit meaningful words,
over and over, and not remembering, a symptom of a split
personality? Did she have someone else inside her head?

Edie looked up to see Mr. Ballantine writing
down tonight’s homework assignment. She glanced at the clock; there
were only a few more minutes left before class ended.

And she hadn’t written down a single word
from his lecture.

She was too embarrassed to ask Diana and
Madelyn for their notes. She closed her notebook, not wanting them
to see how crazy she was. She didn’t want to lose their friendship.
She’d just met Diana and Madelyn, but they meant so much to
her.

When the bell rang, Edie gave Diana and
Madelyn a smile, as if nothing were wrong.

“
We’ll walk you to your next
class,” Diana offered.

“
Edie, can you stay a
moment?” Mr. Ballantine called out.

“
Ooh, lucky girl,” Madelyn
said, winking.

Edie waved goodbye to Diana and Madelyn, and
then had to endure the hard stares of the other girls, who were
clearly jealous of her “alone time” with the hot teacher.

When the classroom was empty, Mr. Ballantine
made sure the door was wide open, and then came over to where she
was sitting, alone. He stood a few feet back, wary, as if she were
going to lunge after him.

“
What’s wrong?” she asked,
staring into his dark, gray eyes.

“
Oh, nothing, Edie, you’ve
done nothing wrong. I just wanted to let you know I’m aware of your
recent losses. I’m sorry. Also, if you ever need to talk, my door
is always open.”

“
Are you…a qualified
psychiatrist or something?”

He smiled, embarrassed. “Uh, no, but I have
training. I mean, I’m not going to diagnose you with anything. I
can’t prescribe you anything. I’m just offering an ear, if you want
to talk, about anything.”

“
Oh,” Edie said, not
sure.

He took a tentative step forward, testing the
boundaries. “I heard about Mary, I mean Mrs. Featherstone today. I
watched over her class until she came back.”

“
Oh, you’re Russell?” Edie
blushed. “Sorry, Mr. B.”

He waved a dismissive hand. “It’s all right.
We’re not a military school. But…don’t call me Russell in front of
the other students. They’ll get…ideas.”

Edie nodded, understanding.

“
So…can you tell me what
happened with Mrs. Featherstone?” Russell asked. “I’ve heard
rumors, but I don’t know the facts. You and Mason Fenwick stayed
with her until Principal Jennings arrived, is that
correct?”

Edie hesitated, not wanting to betray Mrs.
Featherstone, but then she decided Russell was an okay guy. “She
wrote ‘fat girl’ over and over on the blackboard during class. The
students laughed at her. Mason and I stayed with her. I…erased what
she’d written; I didn’t want anyone to see the…evidence. In the
nurse’s station, Mason and I overheard…” Edie trailed off, not
wanting to admit that she and Mason had eavesdropped.

Russell took another step forward. “Heard
what, Edie?”

Edie shook her head. “Nothing.”

He reached out and touched her hand, but then
quickly pulled away, realizing his mistake.

“
It’s okay,” he coaxed. “You
won’t get into trouble.”

Edie sighed, and then told him what she’d
overheard.

Russell thought on what she’d said, and then
divulged, “Mary has always seemed fine. Thin, but fine. We get
along well. I know her family; they’ve been in Grimsby for
generations.” He paused, and then continued, “I didn’t realize
she’s on antidepressants…or hasn’t been on them, I should say.”

“
In your expertise could the
fact that she wasn’t taking the medication lead her into some sort
of trance, writing ‘fat girl,’ over and over, even though those
words were a reminder of the pain in her past?”

He took another step forward, and then sat in
Diana’s desk, across from Edie. He was getting bolder. “Well, I’m
not an expert, so I’m at a loss about her behavior. However
medication can have side effects. Antidepressants, when suddenly
stopped, can do unpredictable things to people. Everyone is
different, I think. And considering the fact that she barely eats,
well, malnutrition, perhaps dehydration too, and the sudden
cessation of brain-altering medications may have led her to pull a
painful memory from her past, and put in on display, as she did.”
He leaned forward and furrowed his brow. “You said she had no
memory of this event?”

Edie leaned back, not
wanting to arouse anyone’s suspicion. “Yeah, she didn’t remember
writing it. Just like...” Edie quickly shut her mouth, about to
say,
just like me
.

Russell caught it. “What’s wrong, Edie? Just
like what?”

Edie shook her head, a bit too fast, and got
a head rush. She clamped the heel of her hand against her forehead,
as if she were having an ice cream headache, and massaged it.

“
Nothing, Russell.” She
lowered her hand. “I’m just…I need to get to class.”

She shot off her seat, which exacerbated the
pain inside her head, but she managed to stay on her feet, and
turned to leave.

Over her shoulder, she said, “Thanks for your
concern, but I’m fine, really. See you tomorrow.”

“
You forgot your notebook,”
he reminded her, as he stood up, holding it in his
possession.

Edie wanted to snatch it from his hand, but
she remained calm and retrieved it, placing it inside her backpack
for safekeeping. “Thanks.”

“
Don’t tell anyone but I
plan on having a pop quiz tomorrow on today’s lecture
notes.”

Edie frowned. “Um…Russell?”

“
Yeah?”

“
I kind of…well, I may have
missed some of your lecture.”

Well, really all of it.

Russell gave her a smile. “You weren’t paying
attention?” he teased. “I can honestly say I don’t have that
problem with my students. It’s just the opposite, in fact. They pay
too much attention.” He shook his head. “They even notice when I
switch colognes, for crying out loud.”

Edie giggled. “Yeah, they seem
very…attentive.”

“
Not you, though,” he said,
staring into her eyes. “Or are you just very good at hiding
it?”

Edie furrowed her brow. “Hiding what?”

Russell’s face was changing. It was becoming
darker, masked in shadow, and then he advanced, pursuing her. His
face was no longer his, but of someone who she didn’t recognize,
until a switch flipped, and he looked like his former self
again.

He took a step back, confused, the shadow
gone. “What were we talking about?”

“
Uh…the pop quiz tomorrow.”
Edie was surprised that she could even speak after…well…she didn’t
know what she’d seen. “I need the lecture notes, if you have them,”
she went on, hoping to jog his memory.

“
Oh, yeah, sure,” he said,
remembering.

He went to his desk, shuffled through some
papers, then came back with a stack, and handed them to Edie. She
pushed them into her notebook.

“
Make sure I get those
back,” he said in warning. “I wouldn’t want anyone to think I favor
you over the others.”

“
I understand.”

Russell and Edie had a secret. She wondered
if they’d have any more.

“
Well…I think I’ll go
now.”

“
Remember, Edie, if you ever
want to talk, I’m here for you.”

Edie just gave him a nod and left. Outside in
the hall, she hugged a wall, and breathed in and out. Before
leaving, she’d been tempted to show Russell the page in her
notebook but had chickened out. What would he think of her? Would
he call her crazy? Would he notify Principal Jennings, Uncle
Landon? What if they hauled her off to some mental hospital?

Then again, maybe I belong
there
.

She began to think of Grimsby Sanatorium,
where Jules wanted her to go on a ghost hunt. What if she went
there and never came out? What if ghostly nurses and doctors
strapped her down onto a bed, and then injected her with ghostly
needles? She shivered and wrapped her arms around her chest.

Despite her fears, she felt like she couldn’t
disappoint Jules. And she was mildly curious if there were actual
ghosts about. Yet she hadn’t totally made up her mind. Mason didn’t
want her to go but it had nothing to do with the paranormal
activity that Edie may possibly encounter; it had to do with Edie
being arrested for breaking-and-entering; if indeed Jules and her
Grimsby Paranormal Society friends were going to commit such a
felony.

She also couldn’t turn away Russell, who
seemed genuinely concerned for her. She wanted to talk about what
she’d written, what it meant, and how to stop it. Maybe he’d keep
her secret. She knew that Diana and Madelyn would too, but she
wouldn’t dare show them her notebook. If Russell wanted to keep a
sizable distance that was fine but not Diana and Madelyn. She
couldn’t bear the stretch of miles it would inevitably produce from
their lost friendships. Mason could never know, either. His loss
would be the most damaging of all. She’d be heartbroken.

Edie went back into Russell’s classroom,
still empty. She assumed this was his planning period. He looked up
from his desk and smiled. The look on his face implied he was glad
to see her again, so soon.

“
Yes, Edie?”

“
I want to talk but not now.
And not at school,” she added.

She couldn’t take the risk that they wouldn’t
be overheard.

Russell thought on Edie’s proposal, as he ran
his fingers through his hair. Finally, he said, “Well, all right.
I’d say ‘somewhere public,’ but that’d raise suspicions too. How
about at your house? With your uncle there, of course,” he
added.