Coffee Will Make You Black (6 page)

I was walking home from school with Melody and Linda in the butt-kicking cold. Linda was about my height and weight. She was cute, but too dark to be considered pretty by a lot of people. When we went to the Museum of Science and Industry back in third grade, Peaches had refused to hold Linda's hand. Our teacher, Miss O'Connor, had asked Peaches why she wasn't holding her partner's hand. Peaches had said, “'Cause she too black.” A bunch of kids had laughed. Miss O'Connor had turned red, counta she's white. Linda had looked like she was going to cry, and I'd felt sorry for her. I'd remembered the time me and Mama were leaving Sears and I'd stopped to tie my shoe. I was rushing to catch up with Mama when a white woman was coming in the door with her daughter. The woman had said, “Becky, wait and let the nigger get out.” I had felt worse than if somebody had slapped me. Anyway, Miss O'Connor had ended up holding Linda's hand.

Melody was short and chubby with a round face. She was a safe color, not light enough for people to call her yellow or so dark that somebody wouldn't want to hold her hand.

Me, Linda, and Melody turned up my street. I had my long, red wool scarf wrapped around my neck, covering my mouth. My fingers felt like they were frozen inside my gloves, it was so cold.

“Say, Stevie! Say!”

“Stevie, guess what? Carla Perkins is calling you, girl.”

“Yeah,” Melody added. I could hear the surprise in their voices. I was surprised too. I slowed down, but I refused to come to a dead stop.

“Stevie, hold up, girl, hold up!”

I turned around and watched Carla with Tanya and Patrice, two cute, popular girls from the other seventh-grade class, running to catch up with me. I made believe that the three eager brown faces belonged to reporters running to catch up with a star. Like I was one of the Supremes or somebody.

Carla Perkins was breaking her neck to catch up with me on the same day she'd gotten her period!

“Girl, thanks a lot for being in my corner like that today. I really 'preciate what you tried to do. Stevie, you all right,” Carla said, pounding my back.

“Yeah, that was real boss,” Tanya cut in. I smiled; I figured Carla had told Patrice and Tanya everything.

I pushed my scarf down so I could talk.

“Carla, you welcome. But Mrs. Cunningham should've picked you anyhow. You gotta voice and a half.”

Carla smiled. I could see both of her dimples.

“Stevie, I ain't mean what I said about you not being able to carry a tune. That heifer had just made me mad, that's all.”

“That's okay.” I hunched my shoulders.

“Hey, I bet Mrs. Cunningham's face was cracked, though, when you told her to let Carla be in it, huh?” Patrice asked.

“Her face sho was cracked.” Linda tried to sound cool even though she wore glasses and was always on the honor roll.

“My girl say if Carla can't be in the shit, then she don't want no parts of it,” Carla bragged.

I liked hearing Carla talk about me like we were really tight.

“I bet neither one of y'all would've gave up y'all's spot for me, and we s'posed to be Ace Boon Coons.” Carla raised her eyebrows and turned to Tanya and Patrice.

“It wasn't no big thing,” I cut in. “Besides, Mrs. Cunningham didn't let you in it anyway.” I didn't want to start out on the wrong foot with Tanya and Patrice.

“Yeah, but it's the thought that counts, just like with Christmas presents. And you still lost out, on accounta you stood up for me, Stevie. I'll never forget that, sho won't.”

We were in front of my house now. Carla rested her elbow on my shoulder. “Stevie, I'm so glad you ain't let that stupid mess that happened last year come in between us.”

“That's right, I had forgot all about that fight,” Tanya said.

“What fight?” Linda asked.

“You heard about that fight, remember …” Melody began.

“Let it go! It's dead now, so why y'all bringing it back up?” Carla shouted.

“Don't Niecie and Michael go together now?” Patrice asked.

“Will y'all let me finish, shit! Anyway, like I was saying, Stevie, I'm glad you ain't let that stupid mess come between us, 'cause you know me and you go all the way back to kinny-garten.”

“Yeah, you got that right,” I said, glancing over at Linda and Melody. They were looking at me with new respect, I thought.

“See you tomorrow, Stevie. Check us out at recess, okay?” Carla yelled.

“Sure, see y'all.”

“Check you later,” Tanya said.

“Yeah, check you later,” Linda and Melody chimed in.

“Why it got to be so cold? Damn, it's cold out here! Do anybody know if the groundhog seen his shadow?” Carla shouted as I ran up the steps. I hoped David was in the window and had seen me walking home with such a cool crowd.

It looked like everybody had beat me home except Daddy; he was working swing shift at the hospital. I could hear my brothers playing with their GI Joes in their room. Mama was standing at the living-room window looking out. She'd probably gotten a ride home from one of the other tellers at the bank.

I sat on the floor and began pulling off my snowy boots.

“Who were those girls?” Mama called to me in the hallway.

“Linda and Melody?” I asked, walking into the living room in my sock feet.

“I know Linda and Melody, I'm talking about those
other
girls.”

“You mean Tanya and Patrice and Carla?” I asked, plopping down in Daddy's big bronze vinyl chair, and digging my feet into the dark green carpet. I glanced up at the mantel. Daddy had gotten a new bowling trophy.

Mama was sitting on the couch. She had changed out of her bank clothes into a blue duster. She frowned as her finger felt a tear in the plastic slipcover where gold material was showing.

“I thought that was Carla Perkins. Why does she have to be so loud? I could hear her mouth all the way in here. I've never understood why negroes have to be so loud.” Mama leaned forward and straightened out the
Ebony
and
Jet
magazines on the glass coffee table. She glanced at the smiling white faces on the covers of
Woman's Day
and
Life
magazines. “And you wonder why white people don't want their children to go to school with you.” I hunched my shoulders and headed toward my room, carrying my books.

“What are you doing walking home with Carla anyway?” Mama asked, hot on my trail. “After that fight, I thought you'd had enough of her.”

“That's dead, Mama. How much you wanna bet we don't end up being friends? How much you wanna bet, Mama?”

“You know I don't bet,” Mama said, passing my door and heading for the kitchen.

“Jean, get a knife and cut up this green pepper for the meat loaf,” Mama said as soon as I walked into the kitchen. “Wash your hands first.”

“Guess what, Mama? Carla got her period today!”

“I suppose it won't be long before she'll be pushing a stroller.”

I turned away from the sink. “Why do you say that, Mama?”

Mama frowned as she took stuff out of the refrigerator.

“Don't both of her older sisters have babies now?”

I nodded, surprised that Mama was so up on the 'hood.

“Neither one of them could keep their dresses down. So how can you expect any better from her? She'll do well to make it through eighth grade.” Mama chopped away at the onion.

“Oh, Mama, she'll make it way past eighth grade. Carla's popular but she doesn't even have a boyfriend right now.”

Mama closed her eyes to avoid the onion. “Time will tell,” she said.

“Anyway, Mama, I bet Patrice and Tanya have already started their periods too.”

“So what? Everybody gets her period sooner or later.”

“I hope I get mine sooner. Mama, how old were you when you got yours?”

“I was older than twelve, I'll say that. In my day girls didn't develop as early.”

“How old were you, Mama?”

“What difference does it make? Can't you find something else to talk about? Getting your period is nothing to celebrate. Why do you think they call it the curse? It's just the beginning of a lot of mess, you'll see. It's nothing to get excited about, believe me.”

“What kind of mess?” I dumped the cut-up green pepper in the bowl with the onion and ground beef.

Mama poured a can of tomato sauce into the mixture.

“It's messy to take care of. It's one thing to smell a man, it's another to smell a woman,” she continued. “Nobody wants to smell a woman's period on her.”

“What does it smell like, Mama?”

“Let's put it this way, people would rather smell a dead fish. Now hand me my spices.”

Boy, Mama sure could take the fun out of things, I thought as I watched her shape the meat loaf.

It was the next day and I was standing on the playground with Carla, Tanya, and Patrice. Carla had seen me and waved for me to come over. They were giggling like girls do when they talk about boys.

“I don't know who it was, but I swear I felt something up against me when we were playing Squeeze the Lemon yesterday.” Tanya giggled.

“What you feel, girl?” Carla giggled too.

“I swear I felt …” Tanya couldn't talk without laughing.

“Come on, girl, tell it,” Patrice said.

“Okay, okay, I swear I felt somebody's you know what!” Tanya laughed.

“Somebody's thang?” Patrice asked.

“Some boy's dick?” Carla laughed.

Everybody giggled. I tried to giggle too, although I hated giggling. Maybe I just wasn't good at it. Probably it helped to have older sisters.

“How you feel somebody's thang up underneath all them coats and stuff?” Patrice wanted to know.

“Must've been your 'magination, girl,” Carla said.

“Yeah, girl, must've been your 'magination,” I agreed, wanting to at least say something.

Tanya looked at me sort of surprised, like I didn't know her well enough to be jumping on the bandwagon.

“It couldn't have just been my 'magination, cause guess what happened.” Tanya raised her eyebrows.

“What?” we asked.

“Promise not to tell nobody?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Carla said.

“I'll keep it a secret,” I said, ready to hear it.

“My lips are sealed,” Patrice squeezed her mouth together.

“Okay, well, I know it wasn't my 'magination, cause my love came down!” Tanya whispered.

“Your love came down!” Carla said, raising her eyebrows.

“Ooh, girl!” Patrice scrunched her face up and sucked in her breath.

“Oh, wow!” I said, wondering what the heck they were talking about. One day I would have to ask Mama. I was glad that I hadn't crossed my heart and hoped to die like Carla.

chapter 5

I'd seen a robin on the way to school this morning. Mama called spring the growing season. She was right because all of a sudden I had breasts. It felt strange to have two bumps sticking out of my chest. Mama had taken me to Sears to buy me my first bra. It was a size AA. She said if I took after her, one day, I'd be wearing a D cup. That was hard to imagine.

Anyway, I felt grown-up wearing my new bra, but I also felt fenced in, like I was giving up something. Now, I could never walk around the house without a shirt on. I couldn't run or jump without a bra because my breasts would bounce. Young men on the corner who had never noticed me before were saying, “Hey, mama,” or “Hey, baby.” I always spoke and tried to smile so they wouldn't call me a bitch. But I got tired of jokers asking me how I was doing or if they could walk with me. When I complained to Mama, she said, “It's all part of being a female. Men like to meddle, always have, always will. So long as they don't put their hands on you, just smile and keep stepping. Wait until you hit thirty-five, you'll be glad to get a little attention then,” she added.

I still thought breasts might be more trouble than they were worth. Growing up reminded me a little bit of Hide and Go Seek. When it was your time to grow up, Nature said, “Here I come, ready or not.” And Nature could always find you.

Carla's thirteenth birthday was coming up right after Easter. She was definitely having a party and I was definitely invited. Carla had asked me what boy I hoped I got to kiss when we played Spin the Bottle. I'd told her I didn't know what boy I wanted to kiss, but I could sure think of a few boys I
didn't
want to have to kiss. Linda and Melody had worried me to ask Carla if they could be invited too. When I brought their names up to Carla she'd said, “Sho, if they're friends of yours, okay.”

It wasn't cold enough to play Squeeze the Lemon anymore. Now it was Double Dutch weather. Last week Carla had asked me to be her Double Dutch partner. Of course I'd said yes. Tanya and Patrice were going to be partners too, and we even let Linda and Melody play. I had taken my allowance money last Saturday and bought a brand-new plastic clothesline for us to jump with. I knew a lot of girls looked up to me now on accounta my rope.

We were on the playground jumping Double Dutch at afternoon recess. Linda and Melody turned the rope and sang as me and Carla jumped. Patrice and Tanya stood waiting for us to miss.

“Fudge, fudge, fudge, boom, boom, boom, call that, judge, boom, boom, boom, boom. Mama's got a newborn baby, boom, it's not a girl, boom, not a boy, boom, just an ordinary baby, boom, wrap it up in toilet paper, send it down the elevator, kick out.” Me and Carla kicked our feet out. “Shirley Temple went to France to teach the girls the Watusi dance, first on the heel then on the toe, then split the rope and around you go.”

I felt something wet on my thigh that I could no longer ignore as I crisscrossed my legs. There was a strange heaviness in my stomach as I tripped on the rope.

“Y'all missed!” Tanya shouted.