Coffee, Tea or Me? (33 page)

“I used to be a stewardess, you know,” she was telling him. “I’m married now and have four children. It’s fun to be back helping.”

If only she would help.

“I don’t think I should actually serve meals, girls,” she said. “I’ve been away too long and you two are expert at it. I’ll keep everyone happy so you won’t have to bother with that.”

Today, in the jet era, the only way to keep passengers happy, to the extent they can be happy, is to give them what they’re supposed to have, and give it fast. Our forty-year-old goodwill merchant went up and down the aisle smiling at everyone and telling them how much fun it was to be back flying and so on and so on. In the meantime, the two of us struggled to get the drinks and meals served, a chore that’s hard enough to accomplish with three girls working at it.

We managed, despite our returning angel of the skies. Then she got sick. Fortunately, she made it to the lavatory.

Close to arrival time she came into the galley as we frantically tried to clean up. She said, “I know this may sound silly to you, but I’d love to make the PA announcement when we arrive. For old time’s sake, you know. I think the people in the cabin would appreciate it, too. After all, they remember when I was flying the line.”

“Why not?” Rachel answered.

We landed, and our
senior
stew got on the microphone.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is . . . This is
Miss
Caleb. It wasn’t so long ago that I was flying to cities such as this on a regular basis. In fact, many of you might even remember me. Well, anyway, coming back to serve aviation and everyone of you dear passengers is something I was most willing to do when asked by my airline’s management.”

Rachel shoved the standard arrival announcement sheet under her nose. She ignored it.

“Of course, all this new meal service has me a little befuddled. But the training we received in how to make a passenger feel comfortable in his flight never leaves one. A stewardess never forgets her dedication.”

“Read this,” Rachel said in a hard whisper, pointing to the announcement form.

“So, ladies and gentlemen, I say it is a vast pleasure to be back serving . . .”

Rachel cut the PA system, took the mike from our matronly partner, and gave the usual arrival pitch. The ex-stewardess seemed hurt, but smiled through it all.

We didn’t even bother trying to say good-bye to the passengers as they deplaned. Our retread was right there shaking hands and laughing and cocking her head in humility at their words of encouragement. She came back to the galley after everyone had departed, fluffed her hair, and stated, “Imagine that. One of the gentlemen asked me for a date. Once a stewardess, always a stewardess, huh?”

“Sure,” I said.

We flew with her again. She still managed not to do anything physical; we didn’t allow her near the PA. After the strike we asked her why she’d called herself Miss on that one PA announcement she’d made.

“Well, I think the male passengers would prefer the illusion that we’re all single. It makes them feel they might have a chance with
us,
silly boys.” And this after passing around snapshots of her four children.

Want to know some of our gripes? Here they are:

Thefts:
Our complaint is not about having things stolen from us. What does upset us is to have a supervisor grab us after a flight and say, “All right girls, empty your purse and coat pockets on the seat.” She’s come on the aircraft secure she’ll find a filet in each pocket, a dozen miniature bottles of bourbon in the purse, and a frayed copy of
Field & Stream
under our girdle. The maddening thing is that these supervisors stole the airline blind during their flying days. Now, with a newfound sense of morality, they’ve turned private eye, their targets the girls who report to them.

Being fired:
It was easy for a stewardess to be fired, until the union decided to show a little of its feminine muscle. There’s no doubt, as many a seasoned traveler will testify, that a few girls do deserve to lose their jobs. What bothers us are the good stewardesses who, for one reason or another, make one small slip in performance or regulation, then receive a layoff or even the pink slip.

There was one rather famous case in which a girl was fired for being caught in the lap of the flight engineer. What had happened was this: the girl went to the flight deck to serve coffee and was pulled into the fellow’s lap in a silly little gesture of playfulness. At the precise moment she landed, a supervisor, working the trip undetected, entered the cockpit. She immediately suspended the girl.

The union fought back. And won. The girl is still flying the line.

Certainly, there have been firings that appear warranted. Annual physicals will occasionally turn up a girl who is virtually blind. Or one who is pregnant. Also, certain girls will find themselves fed up with flying and, rather than resign, direct their change of attitude against any passenger who happens to be near.

Bad letters:
It’s appalling how many airline passengers write letters of complaint about stewardesses. Again, to indicate a rational view of this situation, we must admit that some letters are justified. But most really aren’t.

Drinking or smoking on the job:
Have you ever been on an airplane when the heating system decided to stop working? We have, and a quick shot of bourbon can do wonders for the human heating system of the stewardess. But we don’t try it, even if our hands turn blue. It’s against the rules. Same goes for smoking. We can’t smoke when working a trip, even in the confines of the galley. Actually, the no drinking and smoking rules are sensible ones. But as with any rule, exceptions should be allowed when conditions warrant them.

Weight:
Every airline watches its stewardesses with the eye of a carnival weight-guesser. They feel that even a pound over your listed weight is a pound to be lost. They make it easy for you to lose that pound. They suspend you. You sit home worrying about that pound and you eat to stave off the frustration. It’s a losing battle. It’s our belief that every girl can look attractive within a range of weights. Sure, some girls do become
fat,
and that shouldn’t be allowed. But Rachel looks better when she’s about five pounds over her listed weight. That’s what should count.

Age:
Every airline has its own rulings about when a girl becomes too old to fly. Never has a ruling caused so much controversy as with those airlines that retire girls at thirty-two. True, they ensure us ground jobs if we’ve stayed around that long. But most of us can’t think of anything more distasteful than working as a stewardess supervisor. Of course, there’s always the chance to teach at the stewardess college under the guidance of Big Momma. No thanks. If we haven’t hooked a man before age thirty-two, we’d just as soon keep flying.

Many men believe a woman really isn’t in her prime, both physically and emotionally, until she’s in her thirties. But some airlines have decided we’re over the hill at thirty. We’re certainly not advocating white-haired stewardesses. We recognize the value to the airline of pretty young stewardesses. But thirty-two? Over the hill? Too old?

How about an age limit on stewardess supervisors? They all think young until they become supervisors. Then they adopt older ideas, believing their supervisor’s role calls for a mother’s approach to a daughter. OK. Let’s have a minimum age for supervisors of sixty-two. That way they can justify their actions and stay out of trouble with vice presidents at the same time.

Marriage:
Some airlines allow their girls to fly even after they’re married. This seems reasonable, especially in light of their desire that we don’t play around with the male passengers on our trips. Airlines that make you stop flying after marriage do it because they want men passengers to envision conquest after conquest when they travel. These airlines also say a married girl will find it difficult to make her marriage work without interfering with her stewardess schedule. That might be. Let us get married and when our performance slips, fire us. But let us get married—if we’ve found someone to ask us.

Anti-marriage rules force many girls to hide the fact they’re married. This is a tricky feat to pull off and produces dialogue like this:

“You devil, you. I just found out you’ve moved and are married.”

“I’m not married.”

“But what about Harry, the man in your apartment?”

“Oh, Harry. I just live with him.”

A stewardess who is married and hiding the fact must always have two telephones in the apartment so a man won’t answer. A secretly married stewardess must also conceal the fact from her parents. This can be difficult when they come to visit. Hubby goes to the YMCA and is introduced as a friend.

“He seems very nice,” says your mother. “He’d make a good husband, I bet.”

“I don’t know, Mom. He might turn out to be mean.”

Of course, there’s no way to continue the pretense when you become pregnant. They’ve got you there.

“It was quite a honeymoon,” she says to her supervisor. “Got pregnant right away.” The supervisor knows she was married long before and doesn’t buy her story.

Change of address notification:
We must notify the airline of any change of address within twenty-four hours of the change. Good rule. Makes sense. Except where Betty Elkin was concerned.

Betty came down with appendicitis one night and her roommate rushed her to the hospital. “Don’t forget to call the airline and tell them,” Betty said as they wheeled her to the operating room. Her roommate promised, but forgot. Betty was on a four-day break.

The roommate was out the next day when the airline called to ask Betty to come off her four-day and work a trip. There was no answer. So, they called the landlord of the two-family house where the two girls lived upstairs.

“Betty’s not here,” the owner informed the airline. “She’s in the hospital.”

A simple situation. It obviously was, except in the mind of Betty’s supervisor, who promptly wrote her up for not notifying the airline of her
change of address.
The airline reviewed the case and didn’t bring any punishment against Betty.

Conduct unbecoming a stewardess:
Now here’s a bit of vague, ill-defined, and questionable double-talk. Under this heading, we can be fired for almost anything. Naturally, the interpretation of this clause varies with the airline involved. Each airline chooses its girls for different reasons. Each airline likes a certain type of girl, and betraying her “type” would be construed as conduct unbecoming a stewardess.

American seems to prefer the all-American girl. They judge her conduct accordingly. It becomes difficult to ascertain what is an all-American girl. Hugh Hefner claims the girls in his centerfold are all-American girls, like the ones you find next door. We don’t think American has this in mind.

TWA evidently interprets stewardess conduct as that of a Vassar or Wellesley graduate. TWA girls have that air about them, and to violate that vague, questionable image would not be prudent for a TWA hostess.

Braniff, from what we’ve observed, considers a large, full bosom necessary when judging stewardess conduct and appearance. Betty O’Riley’s impressive overhang would not have violated the Braniff image. Her conduct is another matter.

United has average girls, in every sense of the word. This is good, because you can then apply average, middle-of-the-road criteria to a United girl’s performance. Average usually has a negative meaning. Not so with United. It just means their girls aren’t far out one way or the other, and usually wear medium-cup bras.

Why do National Airline stewardesses have that hard look? They’re sexy, but it’s a knowing look of sex, too knowing for most other airlines. Stew-bums say you almost expect a National girl to set an alarm clock next to her bed when entertaining a gentleman. We’re sure that isn’t true, but it is a graphic way of stating it.

PSA, that California airline, has what are probably the pick of American womanhood. Take everything good about all other stewardesses, lump it together in one package, and you have a PSA stewardess. Amazing for a smaller airline.

Air Canada naturally likes plump, British-looking girls. Their standards of stewardess conduct must be based on the British system, one that many men seem to prefer.

Eastern’s girls are improving.

Delta’s girls are Southern.

Pan Am’s girls are primarily the snobby, jet-set type. Unfortunately, many of them only strive to be this way. They don’t make it too much of the time.

Other airlines have their own standards. And as a stewardess you live up to those standards—or else.

One of the most exasperating jobs is that of a union leader in your city. We have a good friend who has held this job for over a year, and her life is a series of middle-of-the-night telephone calls from girls in trouble.

“I’m pregnant.”

“They caught me stealing a lobster tail.”

“I just got married.”

“I’ve been raped.”

“This VP is after me to go to bed with him. He says I’ll lose my job. What should I do?”

“I told a passenger he was a pain in the you know what and I’m sure he’s going to write.”

“The captain’s wife knows.”

“My husband knows.”

“The supervisor knows.”

“I know.”

And so on.

Also included in the union leader’s life are the pleas for money by a broke stewardess, confessions of an alcoholic, dope runner, aborted mother, and just plain homesick gal. It’s a tough job.

As a group, we’re reasonably happy with our pay, even though it isn’t great. Girls now start at about $345 a month. That sounds low, but the company pays for life insurance, medical bills, dry cleaning, and our hotels, meals, and cabs when we’re away from home. Because we’re home so little, we don’t really need elaborate housing or a fancy car. Then there are the fringe benefits—the $40 weekends in Europe, the mere $312 to go around the world, the hotel passes, and all the other extras. How can we really complain?