Cocky: A Cowboy Stepbrother Romance (3 page)

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The tears were welling up, and I had to blink furiously to keep them from falling. How could I have been so stupid? To think that I was something special, to think that our being together meant something to him. Anger and anguish crashed in waves against my insides, warring to see which emotion was going to overtake me. I had been used. Jay had treated me like just another notch in his bedpost.

A broken heart was complicated. But being angry was easy. And I was beyond angry. I was furious. How dare he! I wasn’t some doe-eyed teenager who didn’t know any better. I was a grown woman, and I would be damned before I fell for his act again.

I wanted to cry, but I wasn’t going to do it in front of Elijah. My misery wasn’t for anyone else to see, no matter how kind at heart that they were. I pushed myself up to my feet, remembering at the last moment to push my knees together. I didn’t wear dresses often enough for it to be instinct to keep my knees closed while I stood.

“I’m going to head inside and get to bed. It’s been a long day.”

Elijah was watching me with those curious, dark eyes but he didn’t question. All he did was smile at me as I clapped my hand on his shoulder in passing, giving it a little squeeze.

Now I just had to run the gauntlet to get inside and back to my room. With my sandals hanging from my hand, I started my way across the packed dirt floor of the barn, and out into the night. The sky was spread out wide, a blanket of velvety black in all directions.

This far out from the city, there was less light pollution. There were stars sparkling in all directions. It was beautiful. Being out here past the city limits had always spoken to me, and soothed some ragged piece of my soul. Even now, as worked up as I was, just taking a few seconds to turn my face up to the night sky and breathe was enough to help calm me down.

All I had to do was make it through the house. I could do this. I took a deep breath at the base of the stairs to the porch, where I could already hear music and voices mingling on the inside. If I was lucky, no one would notice me.

It wouldn’t be too hard to slip through the crowd and make my way upstairs and to the guest bedroom I was sleeping in. The second floor had been deemed off limits for this party. I would be out of the proverbial woods in no time.

One last breath and then I was pulling open the metal screen door, wincing as the hinges crowed their dismay. When was the last time someone had put a little lubricant on this door? Every head in the living room turned to look at me. I could feel the heat rising up to my cheeks. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy.

There was a moment where I stood there, frozen, and stared right back. It felt like it went on for hours, when it couldn’t have been more than a couple of seconds. Like the bursting of a bubble, conversation resumed and everyone went back to looking at each other instead of me.

I slipped behind a group of guys who were loitering near the front door so that the smoke from their cigarettes drifted out through the screen. I thanked my lucky stars none of them seemed to hear my soft-spoken ‘excuse mes’ as I twisted and arched to get around them in a ridiculous, upright version of the limbo.

My hip jammed against one of the side tables tucked into the corner of the room, and the lamp made of petrified wood sitting on it wobbled dangerously for a second before my reflexes kicked in and I was able to reach out and right it.

I stepped out of the living room and into the dining room, where there was far less of a crowd. The dining room had less places to sit, and was the furthest removed from the kitchen, where all the beer was sitting in baths of ice in the sinks. This was overflow, for the people who couldn’t find a comfortable place to sit in the living room.

There were a couple of older women sitting at the dining room table and I forced myself to smile at them in passing, just to be polite. The last thing I wanted was for someone to call me out on the redness around my eyes.

I could see the stairs. I was almost there. But all of a sudden, my heart flew into my throat and my feet stopped working. Because there was Jay, leaning up against the staircase with a beer in hand and a smile on his face. Like nothing at all had happened. Almost as if he could hear my thoughts, those green eyes tracked across the dining room and landed right on me. It was like having ice water dropped right down my spine.

This wasn’t going to happen this way. I bit down on the inside of my cheek and forced my eyes away and my feet into motion. The rest of the walk across the dining room was done with my eyes facing forward, focused on nothing but the stairs.

Jay’s laughter washed over me as I started up the steps, and even though I knew that laugh was because of something said in his conversation, I couldn’t help the way my heart clenched painfully in my chest. I took the last few steps a little faster, two at a time so that no one could see the angry tears spilling over my lashes.

The tracks of my tears burned like humiliation against my cheeks. I tossed my shoes into the guest bedroom, leaning against the door after I closed it behind me. The sounds of the party were muffled by distance, the thumping of the bass from the radio a staccato heartbeat beneath my feet.

I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get to sleep, but I was going to try. I needed to get away from this day, to put as many mental miles between myself and the feel of Jay’s hands on me as I could.

I slipped out of my dress and stood looking at myself in the mirror. I could see those little round bruises rising up on my hip bones, stark against the pale milk of my skin. I still ached between my thighs where he had filled me, a steady throbbing that made it impossible to think about anything else.

I brushed a thumb over my nipple, feeling the twinge of pleasure that raced through me. If I closed my eyes, I could almost feel Jay’s mouth against my skin again, and the way his teeth scraped against the sensitive nubs.

No. I wasn’t going to sit here and dwell on it. What had happened was wrong. It had been a terrible mistake born of bad decisions, no matter how good it had felt. Just like that, I was angry again. How dare he be such a good lover. Jay had always cast a shadow over the guys I dated. Now he was going to cast a shadow over my sex life? Just what I needed.

With a huff, I moved away from the mirror and into the connected bathroom. I needed to take a shower and clear my head. Maybe if I stood beneath the heat of the spray long enough, I could wash away the way Jay made me feel.

I scrubbed my skin until it was pink and tender, paying special attention to my breasts and my thighs. I didn’t want any remnants of Jay’s touch left on me. I didn’t want to think about how sweet his mouth had tasted, or how good his cock had felt as it stretched me open. I just wanted to be free from all of this, from all of the sinful things I’d done today.

I stayed beneath the spray until the water ran cold. It would be a while before anyone else could take a warm shower, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. The towel felt too soft and too forgiving as I rubbed myself dry. I wanted to punish myself, to wipe away every last positive thought I had about my time in the barn loft with Jay.

The sheets were a cool comfort against my heated skin. It was a relief to burrow beneath them and pull them up to my chin, and to rest my head on a soft feather pillow. This day was almost over.

Come morning, I would get my things and get back to the city. The more distance between myself and Jay, the better. My eyes felt heavy as I focused on going over a checklist of everything I needed to do in the morning. Lists had always calmed me.

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I didn’t hear the door open, but I heard it close. The guest bedroom was dark, the moon fat and high in the sky, casting its light across the wood floor. The house was quiet, the pounding of the music and lull of conversation gone. The clock on the nightstand next to the bed said 3:24 a.m. There was the shape of a person in the doorway, though I couldn’t make out much more than their outline as I tried to rub the sleep from my eyes.

“Callie.” That rough voice cut right through my haze of sleep. It was Jay. He stepped out of the darkness and into the square of moonlight streaming in from the window, a hand already raised towards me with the palm out in a placating gesture.

“It’s just me. Don’t yell or nothing.”

Yell. A scoff slipped past my lips as I sat up, pulling the sheet up and over me. I wasn’t sleeping in the nude, thankfully, but I still wanted that extra layer of protection between me and him, like a buffer. “I just wanted to come talk to you, alright? About earlier.”

My stomach did a little somersault in spite of itself. For as much as I had talked a big game internally about shutting him out, it was so much harder to follow through when he was actually standing in front of me, lips pressed tightly together and expression pulled down into something guilty.

What did he want to talk about? Well, there was only one way to find out. With a sigh, I gestured him forward, patting my hand against the bed in an invitation for him to sit down by me.

“What happened earlier, it was—” Jay lowered himself to sit, taking his time to try and keep the mattress springs from squeaking under the added weight. “It shouldn’t have happened, Callie. I lost control. I let my dick do the thinking for me, and it got out of hand.”

His hands twisted and turned in his lap, before Jay planted them against his thigh and blew out a breath, steeling himself. “I fucked up. I’m not going to touch you again.”

Just like that, it felt like I had no say in it whatsoever. Jay had always had a strong personality. It was in his nature to be a leader, to tell people what to do. That confidence had always been a big part of why it was so easy for you to go along with whatever he wanted you to do.

But I wasn’t feeling much like a follower right then. I was upset. I was angry. How dare he come into my room in the middle of the night and tell me how things were going to be. He wasn’t going to tell me how to live my life.

I turned away from him, pulling the sheet up and over my shoulder. With my back turned, I had said everything I wanted to say to him. There was a long, awkward moment of silence that I almost gave into before Jay stood again, the mattress shifting at the sudden loss of weight. He was walking away. Even with my eyes on the blank white of the wall, I could hear the retreating sound of his footsteps.

“Jay, wait.” My pulse was picking up. What was I doing?

Swinging my legs around the side of the bed, I let my bare feet touch the floor, even though it was cold enough to send a shock right through me. I had to keep going or I was going to lose my nerve. I couldn’t do that. This was about standing up for myself, and being a strong woman.

As much as I liked the idea of Jay leading me around in the bedroom, I didn’t want him to think that I was going to be that person all the time. Like he could come in here and tell me that everything was over, and have the nerve to not even apologize.

Jay was standing near the closed door, his hand already wrapped around the knob. But he was turned in to face me, waiting for me to say what I had to say. That patience only seemed to bolster my confidence.

What had started as a walk across a small room had turned into a saunter by this point. The shirt I was sleeping in wasn’t as sexy as the dress I’d been wearing earlier, but I still felt like a goddess as I stood in front of him, lifting up onto the tips of my toes to jab my finger into his chest.

“Now you listen to me.”

I squared my shoulders, looking up to meet those gorgeous eyes. Jay’s face was rife with surprise, and it took all I had not to focus on the soft shock of those lips.
Focus, Callie
. I had a point to make here.

“You don’t get to come in here and tell me what to do, do you hear me? I’m a grown-ass woman. I made a decision out there just as much as you did. I’m taking responsibility for my actions. But I’ll be
damned
if you’re going to walk in here and tell me it’s over and done, without allowing me to have any say in it whatsoever.”

Some of that shock on Jay’s face was starting to wear off. I could see his eyebrows knitting together, lips pulling down into a sharp frown. He was getting angry. Good. I was glad. It was about time that I wasn’t the only one having an existential crisis about sleeping with my stepbrother. He shifted his shoulders and stood up tall, so that he was towering over me, even with me standing up on my tiptoes. What a bastard.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” His words were starting to lift up in volume, and I made a hurried shushing motion, trying to get him to keep his voice down. The last thing we needed was someone to come in here and interrupt us. “I told you that it wasn’t going to happen again. What the hell are you even getting pissed off about?”

Jay took a step away from the wall, closer to me. It forced me off the balls of my feet and back onto my heels with a soft thud.

“I—” I put both hands on the muscled plane of his chest, giving him a firm shove. He didn’t budge an inch. What a showoff. “I’m the one who says when we’re done. Not you.”

There was that look of shock again, eyebrows shooting upwards. But Jay was quick to cover his dismay with anger. He always had to get the last word in, always had to be the guy with something to say. But I wasn’t going to let it happen that way. With both hands on his chest, I surged forward and pushed myself upwards until our lips were smashed together in a heated kiss.

It wasn’t the type of kiss that you saw in romance movies on television. It wasn’t soft, nor was it sweet. It was a kiss fueled by years of repressed passion, the flames fanned by anger and proximity. Jay kissed like a man starved, like he would never get another chance to get his fill, and it made me feel wild on the inside.

I returned the kiss with the same fervor, and none of the careful thought and reason I’d used the first time around. I didn’t care if anyone saw the marks I left behind, I just wanted to leave them.

Gasping for breath between heated kisses, I moved to start kissing my way along the stubble on his jaw. I loved the way it scraped against my skin, just that hint of pain along with the pleasure that was going off beneath my skin like fireworks on the Fourth of July.

No other guy could make me feel like this. So wanton, and so full of desire. I let my teeth scrape against the side of his neck, delighting in the hiss that slipped past his lips. Jay’s hands wrapped around my slim hips, giving them a tight squeeze.

“Harder.” I breathed the word out against the muscle of his shoulder, and punctuated it by sinking my teeth against the tanned skin of his neck, right over the dark lines of his tattoo where they were peeking out of the collar of his shirt.

I was in charge now. Uncurling my hands from where they had twisted into fists against the worn fabric of his t-shirt, I let them smooth out against his chest, and I gave another shove. This time, he took a stumbling step backwards.

My heart thundered in my chest, soaring along like a bird of prey. Another shove, another step backwards. Twice more, until his back was pressed up against the closed door to the bedroom. Jay had nowhere to go now. He was at the mercy of my hands, my lips, my desire.