Coalescence - SF3 (3 page)

"Ahh, shit," Ryan slammed her fists down onto the bed. "God damn it!" She was off the bed in a flash, pacing up and down the large room in a tight oval. "Damn it, damn it, damn it!"

Seeing how upset Ryan was made Jamie immediately try to collect herself. "Honey, HONEY," she said at higher volume. "Why are you so upset?"

"Because YOU are," Ryan cried. "I was so involved in the joy of the moment, that I didn’t even consider the repercussions! That was so stupid! I can’t believe I let that happen…"

Ryan started to pace again, muttering under her breath, but in that instant a perfectly clear thought came over the smaller woman, and she looked up at her partner calmly. "It’s okay, Ryan. It’s really okay."

The pacing stopped and Ryan crossed back to the bed, climbing on and scooting across the surface on her knees. "What?" she asked in a subdued voice. "How can it be?"

"It can be because I’ve just decided that it is," Jamie said, her voice full of her growing conviction. "I’m not ready to tell my parents yet, but if they find out…they find out." She looked completely normal now, and her lips had even curled into a sunny smile. "I’m not ashamed of you…I’m not ashamed of myself…I’m not ashamed of our love. I refuse to be ashamed, Ryan," she added softly. "This is too precious a gift to ever be ashamed of."

Ryan lifted her hand and began to stroke Jamie’s face, fingers gliding over the smooth planes of her face. She stared at the earnest woman for a few minutes before tilting her head and bending for a kiss. Their lips merged in a tender touch as Ryan’s fingers threaded through her partner’s fair hair. Both women rose to their knees and continued the embrace, which was now rapidly escalating in intensity. The kisses grew more heated, more passionate, as each claimed their right to love who they chose, as they chose. Shaking with emotion, they slowly broke apart, finishing with a small flurry of tender kisses.

Ryan’s heart was filled to bursting with emotion for the gentle woman in her arms. Jamie’s heartfelt words seemed to break the shackles Ryan had used to control her desire. Her hands shook as she trailed them over Jamie’s face, lovingly touching each feature. Her eyes were dark with yearning, and her breathing had become more rapid until she was panting softly. "I want to make love to you, Jamie. I need to love you." Her grip tightened, and they tumbled onto the mattress, with Ryan’s powerful body poised over her beloved.

Summoning all of her resolve, Jamie placed her hands on the sides of Ryan’s clenched jaw, sliding her fingers across her ears and down the tightly corded tendons in her neck. "I want that, too," Jamie said, reaching up to place gentle kisses all over Ryan’s flushed face. Jamie blinked slowly, realizing that Ryan was allowing her to make the final decision. The sensations were overwhelming as she tried to calm her racing pulse, feeling the heat radiating from her partner. To her own amazement, she slowly shook her head and tried to kiss away the disappointment revealed in the dark blue eyes "This isn’t the place, Honey. Mia will be back soon, and the last thing I want is to have to rush, or be interrupted."

"But…" Ryan began to beg, her arousal clouding her judgment, "we could just not answer when she comes home…"

Jamie was firm in her resolve. "No, Honey. This isn’t what we’ve waited for. This isn’t special, or private. We deserve that," she insisted.

Ryan slowly lowered herself onto her partner, then rolled onto her side and tossed her arm over her eyes. Just then, Mia called out, "Dinner’s ready!"

When neither woman responded, Mia opened their door a few inches and said, "Let’s go, you two. I’ve got enough food for the whole building."

"Thank God you were in your right mind today," the brunette muttered, "‘cause if I was in charge, Mia would have been eating alone, and we would have missed our plane tomorrow!"

At eight a.m. Ryan’s eyes blinked open, the bright sunlight streaming into the bedroom making it hard to stay asleep. She was lying on her back and Jamie was spooned against her right side with both an arm and a leg thrown over her.

She gently pried Jamie’s sleep-heavy appendages from her body, marveling at how her partner could be manipulated in her sleep. As she stretched and flexed all of her muscles, she gratefully acknowledged how a little affection, a lot of loving attention, ten hours of sleep, and a fabulous dinner could restore her good humor.

She found her sweats and padded into the living room, looking for Mia and a little snack. Their hostess, dressed in running shorts and a tank top, sat on the balcony sipping from a large Starbucks cup while she flipped through the L.A. Times.

"Hey, Ryan, I brought back coffee for you guys." Ryan had poked her head around the doorframe when she spotted Mia, but pulled it right back in when she realized that a cup of coffee was waiting for her somewhere in the kitchen.

A delighted moan reached Mia’s ears when Ryan found the huge cup sitting in the microwave. "God, I’ve missed this," Ryan groaned. She spent a minute figuring out the mechanics of the machine and then turned it on for two minutes, watching the cup twirl around, her anticipation building. She pulled it out when the timer rang and closed her eyes, taking a big sip, then holding the cup up in adoration, "Aaaah, I’ve missed you so." She walked back out to the balcony and kissed Mia on the top of her head. "You have my undying gratitude for this." She hoisted the cup again, gazing at it like a long-lost friend. "I think I missed caffeine more than anything else," she admitted wistfully.

"I’m really surprised they don’t provide coffee for you guys," Mia commented.

"Oh, they do, but it’s a diuretic. It’s hard enough to keep fluid in me without peeing it out unnecessarily," she replied.

Mia giggled when Ryan’s statement reminded her of something. "I’ve gotta tell you, Ryan. I was the most surprised person in the world when Jamie decided to do this, but when I heard that she was gonna have to use a porta-pottie for a week, I knew she had lost her mind!"

Ryan gave her a smirk as she was forced to agree. "I don’t think either of us will have fond memories of those little beauties. You’d be surprised at Jamie, though. She can rally when she needs to."

"You don’t have to defend her to me, Ryan. I love her like a sister."

"She feels the same about you, Mia. I’m glad she has you."

A massive smile lit up Mia’s already sunny demeanor. She was touched that Ryan knew how close she and Jamie were, and very happy that Ryan supported their friendship. "So, what are your plans for today?" Mia was interested in the kind of things Ryan liked to do for fun. "Do you want to go to the beach?"

"I would love to spend some time playing in the surf," Ryan wholeheartedly agreed. "I want to go to church first, though."

"Church? Really?"

"Yeah, I’m going to St. Monica’s, just down California. Would you like to go with me?" She was teasing Mia, already knowing the answer.

"Gosh, I’d love to Ryan," she said with innocent, wide eyes, "but I wouldn’t want to break my record of never having been inside of a church except for funerals and weddings."

"Far be it from me to try to convince you to give up your beliefs," Ryan joked. "Hey, isn’t your mom Italian?"

"Yeah, her parents were both born in Italy. Why?"

"How did you escape being Catholic?"

"Oh." Her laughter acknowledged that it was an anomaly. "My mother was raised Catholic, but she had a big fight with her parents and the Church over something and she quit on the spot. She’s not the woman you want to piss off," she said with a chuckle.

"What were they fighting about?"

"Not sure. Maybe my dad, he’s a heretic Lutheran, you know." She laughed again.

"So you didn’t go to his church either?"

"He belongs to the church of the holy dollar sign," she scoffed. "He believes God lives in Ft. Knox."

Ryan shook her head, trying to imagine what it would feel like to have no religious background. "Must be funny to have no organized religion growing up. How do you know what to rebel against?"

"Yeah," Mia laughed. "That’s about it, isn’t it? Jamie is the only one of my friends that goes to church, and I think most of them were raised in some religion. I guess you don’t miss it if you don’t know it." She gazed at Ryan thoughtfully for a moment. "So, you and Jamie are both regular churchgoers? I hate to admit it, but I wouldn’t peg you as religious."

"Jamie attends much more regularly than I do, but I get a lot out of a service if I’m in a receptive mood. I guess you could call me religious, even though I do break more than my share of commandments."

There was a brief moment of silence, and it gave Mia an opportunity to decide to take a plunge. "Do you mind me asking you a really personal question?"

"No, not at all." Ryan gave her a curious grin.

"What are your um...intentions...towards Jamie," she finally got out.

"My intentions?" she asked with a frown. "Ohhh, my reputation...." she said, as realization dawned on her. "You want to know if I’m going to ravage her thoroughly and toss her out when I’ve finished with her," she said with a double eyebrow waggle.

"Well, I wouldn’t put it in quite those terms, but I have heard that you really get around, Ryan. I’m just concerned about Jamie, because this is all so new to her."

Ryan put her cup down and raised her face to the sky, composing her thoughts so that Mia would understand her completely. She turned so that she faced the small woman squarely. "I’m deeply in love with Jamie. I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her, if she’ll have me. I have been with a lot of women, but none of them has ever affected me like she has. She’s one of the nicest, sweetest, most generous people I’ve ever met, and I’m honored that she’s chosen me."

Mia sat in stunned silence; regretting that she had put Ryan on the spot, but grateful that she had responded so openly.. "God, Ryan, I had no idea you were that serious." She reached out to grasp Ryan’s hand, giving it a friendly squeeze. "I knew Jamie was wild about you, but I was afraid it might be a little one-sided." It was not an easy admission, and an apology was in order. "I’m really sorry that I assumed that about you."

"I have no one to blame for that but myself," Ryan grumbled. "I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone, but I know that quite a few women were hurt by my inability to form an attachment. I can’t change what I’ve done in the past, but it will never happen again. I’m going to put every ounce of my energies into making this relationship work," she added firmly, her resolve evident in her clear blue eyes.

Mia leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "I’m really glad that you found each other, Ryan. She doesn’t know this, but I was really worried about her when she decided to marry Jack. I mean, he was a really great guy and all, but it was obvious that she had no real spark for him. With you, she really acts like a woman in love. It’s great to see her so happy."

Ryan paused at that statement, and uttered a small, wry chuckle. "You know, sometimes I feel so sorry for Jack that it just makes me want to cry. If he loves her anything like I do, I can’t imagine losing something that precious." She shook her head at the thought, allowing herself to feel how devastated she would be if Jamie no longer loved her.

"I know he said he loved her, Ryan, but how much can you love someone who doesn’t love you back in the same way? I think he may have been in love with who he wanted her to be, rather than who she was." She added confidently, "I think you love the real Jamie."

‘The real Jamie is so much better than anything I could fantasize," Ryan fervently declared.

"Could you
be
any more wonderful?" came a soft voice over her shoulder.

Ryan’s face lit up in a luminous smile as she turned and caught Jamie’s loving gaze. "C’mere, Sweet Stuff," she commanded, as her partner came out onto the balcony and curled up into her lap. Ryan placed several small kisses on her lips, smiling through the tender touches. "Hey, guess what Mia brought?" She provided a fairly large clue by holding up her cup.

"I just changed my mind," Jamie declared, getting off Ryan’s lap and climbing onto Mia’s. "I love you the best," she said as she snuggled against Mia’s chest.

"Looks like you were worried about the wrong person’s fidelity," Ryan joked to Mia as she left to prepare her partner’s coffee.

"What did she mean by that?" Jamie asked with a quizzical look on her face.

"I um...kinda made the mistake of assuming that she wasn’t as serious about you as you were about her." The admission was accompanied by an embarrassed grin.

"And I assume she set you straight," Jamie replied.

"Completely," Mia agreed, rolling her eyes. "She said the sweetest things about you, James. It was really darling. I just had no idea that she was so open about her feelings."

"I’ve never known anyone who was so connected to how they feel," Jamie said. "It’s really easy for her to express her feelings, if she trusts someone."

Ryan came back onto the balcony just as Jamie finished speaking. "I’m going to Mass just down the street at 9:30, Jamie. Do you want to go with me?"

Jamie checked her watch and saw that it was just 8:45. "Yeah, I’d like to. Do I have time to take a shower?"

"Sure," Ryan replied. "We don’t need to leave until about 9:10."

"Oh, but I don’t have any decent clothes," she said as she did a mental inventory. "I didn’t know we were going to church."