ClownFellas (16 page)

The second they were in private, the madam lost her statuesque posture and went right into excited-mommy mode.

“Oh wow,” Miss Tina said when she saw the ring. “That's gorgeous.”

She took the ring from his hand and held it to the light of the crystal chandelier hanging over her desk.

“I'm asking her tonight,” Pinky said.

Tina gave her son a big hug. “She's going to say yes. I just
know
she is.”

“Yeah, but I don't know…”

“What don't you know? You two make the perfect couple.”

“Well, it's just that the guys were saying her father probably won't allow it.” Even though his words seemed glum, he still smiled while saying them.

“Jojo? That old clown
better
not object to your wedding or he's going to have to answer to me.” She rubbed her big round nose against his pink cheek. “That man can't make it one week without visiting my establishment. I wonder how he'd manage if he were banned for life.”

Pinky nodded. He knew it wasn't something he should be worried about. Jojo was a stubborn clown, but he wasn't anywhere near as stubborn as his daughter. If Taffy wanted to marry Pinky she would eventually get her way.

“Spotty was also talking about how he thinks I'll be promoted soon,” Pinky said. “Once I'm made, I'll be set. I'll be able to give Taffy the life she deserves.”

Miss Tina smiled at her son and gave him another hug. “I'm so proud of you, Pinky. I know it wasn't easy for you, growing up in this place.” She rubbed a finger gently down his half-painted cheek. “Always getting picked on for being a half clown, never knowing who your father really was…”

“I had a
great
childhood, Ma,” Pinky said. “Who needs a father, anyway? When I lived here, I had twenty mothers. And every single one of them was tougher than any man I'd ever known.”

Miss Tina smiled at her son. “You always see the bright side of everything. How the heck did you turn out that way? You sure didn't get it from me.” She pulled licorice sticks out of her hair and let the beehive hairdo fall down in long emerald-green locks.

Pinky looked down at a picture on his mother's desk, taken fifteen years ago when he was just a child. He hadn't looked much different when he was a kid, with his cantaloupe-colored hair and pink Caucasian skin. His only clown features were the rosy circles on his cheeks, pointy green eyebrows, bright-blue lips, and the red dot on the tip of his nose. He looked more like a fast-food mascot than a clown.

“Of course I got it from you,” Pinky said.

“You're a terrible liar.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Come on. Let's break open a bottle of champagne.”

“It's not time to celebrate yet. She needs to say yes first.”

“Just the fact that you're asking her is enough cause for a celebration in my book.”

“But I've got work to do.”

“Oh no. You're not lifting a finger here. I'll be damned if I let the Bozos force
my
son to clean up the mess they made of this place.”

She grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out of the room.

“I'll just help out a little bit, then,” Pinky said. “I don't want to let Spotty down.”

When his mother went into the kitchen, Pinky grabbed a broom and swept a pile of glass into a dustpan. Spotty was on the other side of the bar, explaining to Drips and Zippo how to organize the furniture for the eighth time. Nicky Bowtie was lying in a booth, reading a newspaper, pretending to be looking over the instructions on how to assemble the new bar stools that just arrived.

As Pinky swept up the floor, the front door flew open as if by a gust of wind. When he turned to look, there was a clown standing before him. He seemed to appear out of thin air. The jester wore all black with gray makeup. He hardly looked like a clown at all. He looked more like a grim reaper.

“Sorry, this place isn't open,” Pinky told the dark clown. “You'll have to come back later tonight.”

The clown in black did not respond. He just stood there, looking carefully at Pinky, examining his every step. Despite the wide smile painted over the clown's lips, his face was expressionless. His white eyes seemed empty and hollow.

“Are you Pinky Smiles?” the dark clown asked.

“Yeah, that's me. Can I help you with something?”

The dark clown pulled an envelope out of his coat and handed it to the boy. “This is for you.”

Pinky took the envelope. No matter how intimidating the clown looked, Pinky still couldn't remove the smile from his face.

“Thanks,” Pinky said.

He opened the envelope and peered inside. It wasn't a letter, as he expected. It was a card. A playing card. A black joker.

“What's this?” Pinky asked, holding up the card.

But as he looked up, the dark clown was already gone. The front door rattled closed.

“Huh…,” Pinky mumbled, flipping the card over. Nothing was written on it at all.

When Miss Tina entered the room and saw her son holding up the playing card, she dropped the bottle of champagne and it shattered on the floor.

“Where did you get that?”

Pinky shrugged. “Some clown just dropped it off for me. No idea why.”

After Pinky tossed it into the garbage, he realized everybody was staring at him. Captain Spotty had the same alarmed expression as Miss Tina. Even Nicky Bowtie was unnerved, dropping the newspaper to his feet.

“Mr. Pogo…,” Nicky said.

“Who?” Pinky asked.

“Is it really a black joker card?” Drips asked. “I've never seen one before.”

Both Moretti brothers went to the trash bin and looked down at the card. Zippo poked it with the end of his broomstick.

“What's the black joker card?” Pinky asked.

His mother stared at him with shaky eyes.

Captain Spotty went to his underling and sat him down. “This isn't good, kid.” No matter how dire the look on Spotty's face, Pinky still seemed in his same happy mood. “The black joker is the calling card of Mr. Pogo, the most deadly contract killer in all Little Bigtop. Receiving this card means that somebody put a hit on you.”

Nicky Bowtie leaned in behind Pinky, bumping into his back. “They say that anyone who's ever received a black joker has been whacked exactly twenty-four hours later, without fail.”

“What's that mean?” Pinky asked.

“It means you have only a day left to live,” his mother said, tears flowing down her rosy cheeks.

Pinky didn't know what to say. He assumed they were just joking with him. So he did what he always did: gave them a big cheery smile and laughed out loud.

Once he finally came to terms with the reality of the situation, Pinky Smiles had to figure out what he was going to do next.

“Everyone who's ever gotten a black joker always makes the same moves,” said Captain Spotty. “They either try to escape town or try to take on Mr. Pogo once he comes for them. But there's no escaping Mr. Pogo. He's got some kind of sixth sense or something. He'll find you in twenty-four hours no matter where you go or where you hide. Take a plane to a deserted island, he'll already be there waiting for you under the sand. That's how he is. He's not just a killer, he's like some kind of force of nature.”

“And there's no way to fight him neither,” said Nicky Bowtie. “The guy's bulletproof. Nobody's been able to take him on and survive more than five minutes.”

His mother was behind the bar, pouring herself a glass of wine. She didn't know how to react to the situation. Even in her son's line of work, she had no idea who would ever want Pinky dead.

“There's only one way to stop this,” Spotty said. “You've got to get the hit called off before Pogo comes for you.”

“But that's the thing,” Pinky said. “I have no idea who would put out a hit on me. I don't have any enemies.”

“Are you kidding?” Nick said. “You're a half clown and next in line for a promotion. You know how many people in this family will want to stop that from happening? I put my money on Jimmy Bozo.”

“If Jimmy Bozo has anything to do with this I'll kill him myself,” Miss Tina said, gripping her wineglass tight enough to crack it.

“I'll talk to the boss,” Spotty said. “If anyone from the Bozo Family put out the hit, he'd likely know about it.”

“Unless somebody doesn't want him to know about it,” said Nicky Bowtie.

“If anyone went behind the boss's back on this there's going to be hell to pay.”

Pinky thought about it for a minute, trying to figure out who could possibly kill him. There was only one person who came to mind.

“You don't think…,” Pinky began, then looked up at his mother. “…that maybe Uncle Jojo is behind this, do you? Maybe because he doesn't want me to marry his daughter?”

Spotty shook his head. “I doubt it, kid. You haven't even proposed to Taffy yet.”

“But I've told quite a few people,” Pinky said. “Word might have gotten around. What if he wants to stop me before I even get the chance to ask her?”

The room was silent for a moment as Spotty tried to come up with a game plan. Pinky was his best man. He'd mentored the turk since he was fresh out of high school. He'd given the kid's mom his word that he'd look after him.

“We'll get to the bottom of this, Pinky,” Spotty said. “I'm going to go see the boss and get this straightened out.” Spotty looked down at his cell phone. A cockroach crawled across the screen. “I wish Vinnie would pick up.”

Pinky stood up from his seat. “Can you drop me off at Taffy's place on the way? I want to see if she can talk to her father about this.”

“Sure, kid,” Spotty told him, then he turned to Nicky Bowtie. “You're in charge of finishing the job here. Don't disappoint me.”

“Are you kidding me?” Bowtie whined.

Spotty gave him a look. “What? You can't handle a little job like this?”

Nick just groaned in response and got back to work.

Before they left, Miss Tina hugged her son and honked her nose against his sweaty pink forehead. “I'll do everything I can to stop this. Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to my baby.”

“I'll be fine, Ma,” Pinky said. “It's just a misunderstanding. I'm sure of it.”

“I don't know what I'd do without you…”

The clowns watched the woman cry into her son's neck. They'd never seen the madam in such a frail state. She was a strong woman, but no mother was strong enough to handle the thought of losing her only son.

When Spotty dropped Pinky off at the Ringmaster Luxury Apartments, the half clown couldn't wait to see his girlfriend again. Once he was in Taffy's arms she would make all his problems disappear. Even if it was his last day on the planet, it would be a day well spent if he was spending it with her.

“Taffy?”

He knocked at the door, but there was no response.

“Are you there?”

He knocked again. He wondered if she was still asleep. Because she'd never worked a day job in her life, she usually stayed out all night drinking with her friends and then slept into the late afternoon.

“Are you awake, Taffy?” He knocked three more times. “It's important. I have to talk to you.”

Pinky put his ear to the door. Something was going on inside. He could hear a woman's cries. It sounded like Taffy and it sounded as if she was being choked.

Pinky cried, “Taffy? What's going on in there?”

She screamed louder, crying for help.

Thoughts raced through Pinky's head. Maybe the same person who'd put a hit on him was going after Taffy. Like her cousin, Jimmy Bozo, she was always getting herself into trouble with all sorts of the wrong people—maybe she'd seen something that she wasn't meant to and somebody put a hit out on her. Then put a hit out on her boyfriend, Pinky Smiles, just in case she told him anything.

Pinky yelled, “Hold on, Taffy. I'm coming!”

He slammed his weight into the door repeatedly until he broke through. Her apartment—decorated in fuzzy pink furniture and brightly colored wall paintings of abstract nudes—was a disaster. Clothes and underwear were thrown all over the floor. A lamp was knocked over. Two wineglasses were broken on the kitchen floor.

“Taffy?”

Her cries came from the bedroom. She shrieked at the top of her lungs. There was a man in there with her, laughing like a maniac.

“Get away from her!” Pinky yelled as he ran down the hallway.

When he broke through the bedroom door, he saw her lying on the bed. The man was on top of her, holding her down.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Taffy cried.

When he saw the clown's fat white butt bouncing in the air at him, Pinky finally realized what was going on. The male clown honked his horn and shot clouds of confetti into the air. Pinky's girlfriend, the love of his life, the woman he thought he'd spend the rest of his life with, moaned and wiggled beneath the chubby naked man, crying out like she was having the best sex she'd had in her life.

Pinky was dumbfounded, standing at the edge of her bed with such an awkward look on his face. He felt as though he were the one at fault for intruding on them.

“What's going on?” Pinky said in a soft voice they barely heard.

He didn't know what else to say.

“Pinky?” Taffy cried. “What the hell are you doing here?”

She pushed the naked clown off her.

“Hey, what's the deal?” the man yelled at her. “I wasn't finished over here.”

Pinky's eyes met with the clown who was boinking his girlfriend. Even without the massive hats on his head, Pinky would know his face anywhere. He couldn't believe it. Of all the guys Taffy could have cheated on him with, she'd chosen the most obnoxious jerk of a clown Pinky had ever met.

“Hats Rizzo?” Pinky yelled. Then he looked at his girlfriend. “You cheated on me with Hats Rizzo?”

Hats looked at Pinky and just laughed out loud. “How ya doing, kid? I didn't expect to see you here.”

Although Hats was completely amused by the situation, Taffy Bozo glared at Pinky as though she wanted to dig her fingernails into his face and rip his eyes out.

“Get out of here.” Her bright-blue eyes turned cold and icy. Her purple button nose wrinkled with anger.

“Why…” Pinky was so flustered he didn't know how to get the words out. “Why would you do this? I thought you loved me.”

Hats laughed even louder when he heard Pinky's meek response. He put an oversized novelty cigar in his mouth and puffed on it.

“How could I possibly love you?” she cried. “After what you did…”

Taffy covered her naked marshmallow-white body with a blanket as if Pinky were some strange pervert who'd walked in on them.

“What did I do?”

“Don't act dumb with me. I'm through with your lies. I can't believe I was with you for two whole years and didn't even realize it…”

“I'm serious. What did I do? What's going on?”

“Pinky, we're through.” She threw her pillow at him.

Pinky caught it and put it back on the bed. “But you have to tell me what I did.”

“My daddy told me all about it,” she said. “He said you're a rat.”

“A rat?” Pinky cried. “How am I a rat?”

“You're working with the cops to put my father and uncle behind bars. You
used
me the whole time just to get to them.”

“I did not. I'm no rat. No way.”

“Do you know how embarrassing that is for me?” Taffy said. “Do you know what people are going to say when they find out I've been sleeping with a rat for two years?”

“Wait…,” Pinky said, putting the pieces together in his head. “Is this why I got a black joker card today? Because somebody thinks I'm a rat?”

“You got a black joker?” Hats chuckled so hard he almost bit through his cigar. “Wow, they didn't take any chances with you, did they, kid? You're one dead clown.”

Pinky tried to go to Taffy. He wanted to hold her, at least one last time, at least to say good-bye. But she cringed when he took one step in her direction.

“Get out,” she cried. “I never want to see you again. I can't
wait
until Mr. Pogo gets his hands on you.”

Pinky couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. He wanted to scream. He wanted to let out all the tears he was holding back.

“I promise you, Taffy,” Pinky said. “It's all a mistake. Somebody's setting me up.”

Taffy stood out of the bed and pointed at the door. “I said get out!”

Hats chuckled. “Yeah, get out of here you stinking rat, before I whack you myself.”

Pinky didn't know what else to say. He turned around and walked out of the room, his heart crumpling up like a wad of newspaper in his chest.

As he went for the front door, he said in a voice too low to hear, “I'm no rat, Taffy. And I'll prove it to you if it's the last thing I do.”