Cloudburst (20 page)

M
rs. Duval didn't have to come to wake me the next morning. I beat my alarm clock, too, and hopped out of bed. I had forgotten to wash my hair the night before and went directly to it. I was blow-drying it at my vanity table when Mrs. Duval stopped by.

“Well,” she said when I finished and rushed to put on my panties and bra and the outfit I had chosen to wear, “I wonder what's gotten us up and ready so early today.”

I saw from the impish look on her face that she and Mrs. Caro had surely been discussing me and Ryder. Neither of them was obtrusive or obvious, but it always amazed me how little went on here at the March estate without their knowing. It was as if they had their ears to the walls. I was sure, however, that Alberto had told Mrs. Duval about Ryder and me walking to the lake. He might even have seen us kiss.

“I'm not up any earlier than usual,” I said.

“Yes, but we haven't been getting up as usual lately, have we?” she asked, hiding a smile, and left.

I stepped into the closet to finish dressing and had just pulled up my jeans when I sensed that someone was there. I thought Mrs. Duval had returned to tell me something, but when I turned, I saw Donald standing in the doorway. I had yet to put on my blouse.

“Oh,” he said. “I wasn't sure you were still in the room. Just thought I would check before I left the house. I have a breakfast meeting this morning.”

I pressed my blouse over my bra and looked at him. I could probably count on the fingers of my two hands how many times he had been in my room since I had come to live here. I used to think it was just as sad for him to see Alena's things as it was for Jordan to see them, maybe even more difficult for him, and that was why he avoided it.

“Sorry,” he said, and started to turn away.

“What did you want?” I asked.

He turned back. “I wanted to tell you that your car plates arrived in the mail with your registration. I had Alberto put the plates on, but I also wanted you to know I had put the registration in the glove compartment if and when you need to show it. Not that I expect you to be in any accidents or get pulled over for tickets,” he added. “You're driving safely. Just keep that up.”

“I will. Thank you,” I said, but I wondered how he knew I was driving safely. Was he having me watched, followed?

He stood there looking at me a moment and then nodded, started to turn away again, and stopped. I started putting on my blouse but stopped as well.

“Oh, what do you have after school today?”

Ryder had asked me to go to his house after school. I was sure I would do that today. If I came up with Donald's request as a reason not to, Ryder would surely take it personally.

“Today? I might have something,” I said. “Why?”

“I thought if you weren't busy, you might come over to the office. I wanted to show you this new campaign we're doing for the High Rollers. I'm sure you know the rock group.”

“I do, but I'm not crazy about them. They're too heavy metal for me.”

“I hate them,” he said, “but they're a very nice account. I'm trying to help them do a little more crossover, soften their image, and I thought someone like you might have some good insights.”

“Can I come tomorrow?” I asked.

“Sure. Maybe that would be better. Now that I think of it, I have a lunch that might go late. Well, enjoy the day,” he said, and left.

I stood there looking after him for a moment and then quickly finished dressing. Jordan, dressed and all made up, came down a few minutes after I had. She was as bright and buoyant as she was at dinner. Gone was that depressed air that had been hovering about her lately.

“You look very nice this morning,” she said.

“Thank you. So do you. Are you going anywhere special?”

“Oh, I've got a lot to do today. But I've set aside Saturday for us,” she added. “We'll spend the day picking
out your dress for the concert and seeing to whatever alterations are necessary.”

“Saturday?”

“Yes. Donald insisted we get it done. He said again that if for some reason he can't get the tickets, he'll get tickets to something just as good. He really is taking more interest in us,” she added. Her happiness had improved her appetite. She asked for her favorite omelette with toast and some of Mrs. Caro's homemade jam.

“Is he?” I said. I didn't mean it to sound cynical, but I knew it did, or at least not enthusiastic enough for her.

“Oh, yes, yes. He made a big point of my shopping for your dress. He said it was time you had some really elegant clothing. He told me he thought you were quite a mature young lady now, and you should have a wardrobe to complement that. I must say, he didn't take this much interest in Kiera's wardrobe when she was your age, except to criticize it. That girl seemed to enjoy wearing things that would annoy us.

“Anyway, it was refreshing to see him really interested in us. Oh, I almost forgot. He said neither of us should make any plans for Friday night. He's taking us to Castles. You know, the very hot new Beverly Hills restaurant. Usually, it takes months to get a reservation for a Friday night. Stars like your sad friend's parents are seen there all the time.”

I thought that gave me an opportunity to talk about Ryder. “I might get to meet them today,” I said.

“Oh? How?”

“I might go to his house after school. He came here, so I thought it was only fair to go there.”

“I see. Well, please let me know if you do go. I hope you'll be careful, Sasha. It's so easy to get swept along with all this Hollywood stuff,” she said.

I thought that was almost funny. She had just finished telling me that Castles was a hot reservation because Hollywood celebrities were seen there often.

“Ryder is about as non-Hollywood as anyone could be.”

“You hardly know him, dear.”

“Sometimes it doesn't take all that long to get to know what someone's really like. If there's any mystery to most of the students at Pacifica, it's only who their plastic surgeon is or will be.”

She froze for a moment. “Don't you like being there?”

“I appreciate all of the advantages it offers, Jordan, but I really don't want to be like most of the other girls. When someone came up with the slogan that beauty was only skin deep, he or she was surely talking about the Pacifica student body.”

Her eyelids narrowed, and the softness fled from her face. “I don't remember you talking like this before, Sasha,” she said. “I hope Ryder Garfield is not putting ideas into your head already.”

“He hasn't said anything to me that I haven't said to myself,” I replied. I glanced at my watch and wiped my lips.

“Don't get cynical on me,” she warned as I started to rise. “You sound a little too much like Kiera.”

I paused. Did I? I realized it was something Kiera might have said, but she would laugh about it, whereas I meant it.

“I'm really very happy to see Donald suddenly taking a greater interest in your welfare,” she continued. “He's a
great deal wiser than I am and will be a valuable adviser for you. We saw a little of that yesterday when he met Ryder. Donald has a wonderful eye for trouble and for avoiding it,” she added with a tone of caution intended for me.

Donald has a wonderful eye for trouble and avoiding it?
How quickly she had turned from criticizing him, I thought. The cruel voice inside me was clamoring for me to say,
If that is true, how do you explain Kiera? What about all the times you blamed him for letting her run wild, making excuses for her, getting her out of trouble?
If I did ask these questions, I was sure she would burst into tears. Ironically, even though she was keen to point out frequently how fragile I still was, she didn't see how fragile she was.

When I looked at her now, I wondered, was I looking at myself in years to come? Would I eventually choose to blind myself to all of the dark and negative things in my life and see everything through those famous rose-colored glasses? Would that be for me what it was for her, a way to survive, maybe the only way to survive? She had never looked as pathetic and lost to me as she did at this moment, and the irony was, she thought she was happy again.

“I don't want to seem ungrateful,” I said. “I do appreciate his interest in my welfare, but he can't say he believes I'm more mature for my age and not trust in my judgment, too.”

She nodded. “You're right. We're just so worried all the time. I don't have to tell you why.”

“I'll be all right,” I told her, and gave her a kiss on the cheek and started out.

“Don't drive fast,” she called. “And let me know if you're not coming right home after school.”

“Okay,” I said.

When I stepped out of the house, I felt a sense of relief and wondered, was this what Kiera always felt when she finally was able to get away from her parents? Was this what made her even more rebellious? Everyone knew the best way to get someone, especially a teenager, to do something was to tell him or her not to do it. It wasn't something true only now; it was true always, and if Jordan and Donald looked back at their own youth and how they had behaved, they would admit it, too.

But I wasn't interested in Ryder just to be defiant or prove I was master of my own fate and captain of my own soul. I was drawn to him for so many better reasons, the most important of which was kinship. I sensed we were alike. We did have similar pain and were haunted by some of the same demons. My curiosity about his parents didn't come from the glamour and entertainment magazines. I wasn't thinking of them as being celebrities. I was thinking of them as being his parents, and failed parents at that.

Maybe he was as excited about school today as I was and for the same reasons. When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw that he was already there. His sister had gone in before him. He was waiting for me. There was something about the way he had dressed and brushed his hair that looked different, too. He simply looked sharper and, dare I think it, happier.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey.”

He reached for my hand, and we started toward the entrance. Other students driving in glanced our way. Some gaped. Mona Kirland nearly drove into another car.

“So, can you come over to my house after school, or is that going to create a March earthquake?”

“No problem,” I said. “It's educational.”

“Educational?”

“An arts-and-crafts exhibit.”

“Huh?”

“Your model planes, ships, and cars.”

“Oh.” He laughed as we entered the school and went to our lockers.

“I can't believe there are no locks on these lockers,” he said.

“You didn't read your contract when you entered.”

“No,” he said, laughing. “I don't think I did. Why?”

“First, you should know that no one steals from anyone here. If anyone wants something someone else has, he or she just tells his or her parents, and they get it.”

He laughed.

“But more important, the school wants the students to know that the staff can go into your locker at any time and search for drugs or cigarettes. Cigarettes are not permitted on campus.”

“I guess I'll leave my porn magazines at home, too, then.”

Our laughter drew even more attention, but neither of us cared.

Because of the rules about cell phones, I couldn't use
mine until lunch. I called Jordan then, but she was already at lunch with some of her friends. When I confirmed that I'd be going to Ryder's house, I thought she said a strange thing.

“I'll have to tell Donald,” she said.

She hadn't ever said that to me before, whether I asked if I could go or told her I was going to a party or to another friend's house. I wanted to ask her why, but I didn't.

“Be careful” was the only other thing she said.

I guess my deep thinking about it was written on my face. When I joined Ryder at the table, he immediately asked me what was wrong. Of course, he followed that with, “What, they don't want you to go to my house now?”

“No, chill,” I said. “Everything's not about you.”

“Well, it should be,” he said, trying to joke about his hair trigger. “So what's the problem?”

“Look, here's the problem I live with,” I began. “Because their older daughter was equivalent to a time bomb, they measure everything I do now against what she did. They look for resemblances.”

“Are there any?”

“I hope nothing like the things they're looking for,” I said.

“You don't sound so sure.”

“I'm sure, Ryder. Damn.”

He stared at me. I thought his lips actually trembled. Now I was the one with the hair trigger. We were really alike, and maybe because he saw something more of himself in me, it bothered him. He already knew what he was capable of doing and not doing.

“Okay. Let's drop it. I've got to warn you, my parents will probably be home.”

“Why do you have to warn me?”

“You'll see for yourself,” he said.

After he said that, I couldn't help being nervous the remainder of the school day. When I looked at him in class, I thought he looked nervous, too. Now that the shoe was on the other foot, I realized how much he had been worried about what the Marches thought of him. Maybe that was why he had been antagonistic with Donald almost immediately. I was sure Ryder had brought other girls home. Perhaps none of them was good enough for him in his parents' eyes, or maybe his parents were just too protective of their own celebrity reputations. Whatever, I was concerned about what they would think of me. Had he told them anything about me? Did his sister know he was bringing me to their home today? Did she learn anything about me, and was she telling her parents things? I worked myself into such a mental knot about it all that I almost decided to cancel.