Clockwork Romance (21 page)

“Karina,” I say. “We should leave if we want to catch the movie.”

“The movie can wait,” she returns.

“But… as much as I would love to do this right now, I can’t,” I say, hoping this won’t turn her off for the whole night.

“Oh, that’s okay,” she says, weirdly understanding. “We don’t have to.” She climbs off me and continues, “Let me just change real fast, then we’ll go.”

I still sit at the edge of the bed, facing the door, while Karina walks to the other side of the bed to her dresser and gets dressed behind me. She walks back around, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a white t-shirt, with a black hair tie around her right wrist. “Come on, let’s go,” she says. I get up, and we leave.

The entire time on the way to my car, I keep thinking whether or not I’ve upset her. She was still wearing the necklace, so she can’t be that mad. It was truly strange. She wasn’t the least bit upset that we didn’t make love.

It was dark out now, but still sprinkling outside. We didn’t bother taking an umbrella. I didn’t mind a little water spot here and there on my shirt. While driving on the way to the movie, Karina sits in the passenger seat playing with her necklace.

“You know, when you told me not to overreact before, I think now I know why,” she says.

“You do? Why?” I question. I knew she must’ve been thinking about it, I was just waiting for her to bring it up.

“I think it’s because you were afraid I might think it was an engagement ring,” she says.

“You’re right,” I tell her. “What would you have done?”

“Huh?” she asks, pretending she didn’t hear what I just said.

“I said, what would you have done? Just for fun. I’d like to know.”

Karina took a second to respond, almost like she was searching for a reason to change the subject. But she didn’t, she was just having a hard time getting out what she said next. “I probably would have said yes. That’s what was going through my head when you handed me the box. At first, I was thinking that it could have been too soon. But… now that I’ve had a little bit of time to think about it…
I think… I’d love to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Karina has never outright told me that before. I know I have
felt the same way about her plenty of times. I wanted to tell her that. But she continued, “But maybe it’s not time yet. I mean we’ve only been dating for a little over two months. Granted, I would have said yes, but it probably would have been a spur of the moment thing. And later on, like now, maybe it’s better to talk about it and think things through. Marriage is more than just two people in love. There’s all those other things like financial issues and family planning that really determines whether two people are compatible for the rest of their lives. I mean, I wish we lived in simpler times when it was all about love. And after everything we’ve been through, I’d say we’re pretty darn compatible. But on the other hand, marriage is something we’ve never even talked about in detail, we’ve only mentioned it. So…have you ever thought about getting married? Not specifically to me, but at some point in your life?”

I think about that really carefully before I answer. Instead of just telling her how much I love her, I tell her about my dreams. The ones I’ve been having once I’ve found my new life. “Yes. I’ve thought about it before. I’ve thought about having a wife, kids, and living happy together in a big house, like the one on that hill in the suburbs. However, I haven’t always felt that way. Before I met you, I never felt that I could actually be something. I still have school to finish and still have to find something to do for the rest of my life. I’ve thought about photography quite a bit, but I don’t know. Like you said, we’ve only been dating a little over two months. We should probably allow ourselves more time. We have plenty of time. But then again, that’s what I always say, that I
have plenty of time to figure things out, but when the time comes, I still haven’t made up my mind. Still, someday, I would like to. How about you?”

“Well, I’ve already told you how I feel,” she answered.

“I know. What I mean is, have you ever thought that you’d get married someday,” I say.

“Oh, of course. I’ve always wanted to. I want to have someone who I love, and who loves me. I want a man to call my husband. You know already that I’d like kids. But the thing is, I don’t want to wait too long. We’re in our late twenties. Think about it, when my mother was my age, I was just about ten,” she says. I think about how that sounds. She wants to have a family and settle down before she feels she’ll be too old for one. “And actually,” she says,” you’re the first man I’ve pictured spending the rest of my life with.” Karina looks down and admires her necklace while I look at her and smile.

“Oh, Karina, how I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” I think in my head, not speaking those words out loud. I don’t want to wait a year, or even another two months. Part of me just wants to pop the question right here and now. But I don’t wish to unsettle her. She’s right, after what we’ve overcome, maybe we are perfect for each other.

Then a light shines on Karina’s face, and it’s not her natural glow. The light lights up the entire car. I face my head back to the road where I see a truck coming at us head on. It doesn’t attempt to go back into its lane, nor even honk its horn. I’m still in the right lane, not drifting into another. I panic, and swerve the car to the right, slamming on the brakes, taking the car into nothing but grass. The screeching of the tires almost matches the volume of Karina’s screaming.

The car stops, while my heart is pounding out of my chest. I look over at Karina to make sure she is alright. She is clenching her chest, eyes closed and taking deep breaths. Her chest rises up and down, which is enough to frighten me, since that truck must have scared her to the brink of death. I take a second for the situation to settle in, then I ask, “Are you alright?”

“Yes!” she yells. “What the hell is the matter with you?!”

“I was trying not to hit that truck. Did you not see it? It was coming straight toward us head on,” I tell her.

“What truck, Luke? There was no truck,” she says. I look around, out of all the windows, and see that she is right. There is no truck out here at all. Nothing. I can faintly hear the sound of crickets, but the only other car I hear is my own, with my engine still running.

“I thought I saw… a truck, coming at us,” I say, not sure of who I’m trying to convince.

“Luke, I don’t know what you really saw, but it wasn’t a truck. We are the only ones out here? Do you want me to drive?”

“Yeah. I think that’s probably a good idea,” I say, ever so slightly coming back to Earth. Karina gets out of her door and walks around the front of the car to mine. When she reaches my side, I get out and walk to the passenger side. When I get in, she drives the car out if the grass and back onto the road, but in the opposite direction, like she’s going back.

“Where are we going?” I ask.

“I think I’ve had enough scares for one day. We don’t have to go see a movie. Let’s just go back to your place. We can watch a movie there if you want. Honestly, I don’t think you got enough rest earlier when you took a nap.”

“How long was I sleeping, anyway?” I ask.

“Not even half an hour,” she tells me.

I close my eyes and try to rest on the way back home. What the hell did I see on the road? Could it be that I haven’t had enough sleep? But I’ve been seeing too many things for it to be just that. There’s got to something else. I don’t know, but I’m afraid to think that there might be something wrong with me. But I don’t want to tell Karina. It might just
make her have second thoughts about me. The best thing right now is for me to go home and get some rest. I only hope she doesn’t leave me by myself tonight. I don’t want to sleep alone.

I rest all the way back to my apartment. Karina helps me inside and sets me down on the couch. I’m not in pain or anything, but I’m extremely tired, in a state of shock, and have so many emotions surrounding me, I feel like my body is paralyzed.

Karina sets her things down, then sits next to me on the couch, turning on the television. She lets me fall asleep with my head in her lap. She massages my head, running her fingers through my hair. It feels soothing, taking away most of the tension. I calm down, and fall asleep. I am so incredibly lucky to have a girl like Karina to take care of me. Someone who really loves me. The smell of Karina’s perfume is lovely, almost knocking me unconscious. I just have another experience like before, when I don’t dream, instead my body just spaces out. I have no idea how long it lasts, like an hour, half an hour, or two hours. But I must say, it’s much more comfortable now that I’m using Karina’s legs as a pillow.

When I wake up, my head is still in her lap, and I’m lying on my back, facing the ceiling. Karina is still watching television, as my eyes look up toward her. I try to close my eyes again to go back to sleep, thinking I might have woke up too soon again. But I can’t. My eyes keep staring at the ceiling. Karina notices me with my eyes open and says, “Finally awake?”

My eyes shift to her, and I say, “How long was it this time?”

“About an hour and a half,” she responds. “Do you feel better?”

“A little,” I say. “I guess I must be stressed or something. But I have nothing to be stressed about.” I look at the necklace resting on her chest and breathe out a slight laugh. “You know, back to what we were talking about earlier, when I was out shopping for your necklace, I almost bought you a ring.”

Karina looks down at me and says, “What? What do you mean? What were we talking about earlier?”

“You know, when we having that talk about marriage, remember?”

Karina gives only a perplexed look, as if I’ve gone insane again. “We were talking about getting married? When was this?
I don’t remember that.”

I get up from her lap and sit facing towards her. “We weren’t talking about marrying each other, necessarily, we were sharing our thoughts on marriage.”

“When was this?” she questions again.

“When we were driving to the movies,” I remind her. “How can you not remember that?”

“Was this before or after you freaked out?” she asks, still unable to remember. I don’t know if she trying to pretend we didn’t have that conversation, but she’s making me feel crazy.

“It was before, remember?”

“We never talked about that,” she says.

“Karina, it just happened! How could you forget that?” I say, raising me voice, but not screaming. I didn’t mean to, it’s just that I don’t know how to feel right now.

“Luke, don’t yell at me,” she says sensitively. “The only thing we talked about was what movie we wanted to go see. Nothing else. After that, that’s when you swerved off the road.”

I can’t believe this. I don’t even remember the conversation she said we really had. Judging by how she’s the sane one, she’s probably right. Did I just imagine our conversation about marriage? I sit with disbelief for a few seconds, then Karina says, “Listen, I’ve been doing some thinking of my own. And with what just happened now, this is probably the best time to bring it up.” Now I’m getting nervous for what she’s about to say. She stands, then so do I. “All day, you’ve been seeing and hearing things, and it’s got me worried. First the elevator, then the ninth floor, then you swerve off the road like a madman. And now you’re talking to me about a
conversation I don’t even remember having. What I’m about to say… might upset you. Please don’t get upset. I think, for the sake of our relationship, we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”

I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Karina and I promised we wouldn’t let anything else come between
us. She looks at me with sensitive eyes, and continues, “It’s not like we’re breaking up, we’re not. I just think it’s best if we don’t text or call each other for a little bit. Maybe see other people. You never know, maybe being with someone else will make us realize how much we need each other. But right now, it’s obvious that something’s wrong.”

“See other people?” I repeat, unable to believe she just said that.

“I’m not talking about sleeping with the next girl you see, I just meant someone else to talk to for a while. Is that okay?”

I take a moment to answer. What if she’s saying is right. I don’t want to lose my mind even more and end up chasing Karina away, so perhaps some time apart will be good for us. But I still hate the idea of not being around her for a while. “Fine,” I answer.

Karina picks up her purse and walks to the door. “Listen, I’m gonna go ahead and leave now. We can call each other in a few weeks. Until then… please try to keep a level head,” she tells me. I just stare at the necklace around her neck. I don’t want her to go. I don’t know how I’ll live without her. She moves closer to me, eyes on mine. She says, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I reply. We share one final kiss before she backs away, eyes still locked. She doesn’t want to leave either, but feels it necessary to keep our relationship alive.

“Goodbye,” she says, then leaves the apartment. I can do nothing but stand there, expressionless, staring at a closed door, hoping she’ll run back in and into my arms. But she doesn’t, and the door stays closed. I put my hands on my head in disbelief, wishing that what just happened was another nightmare. What if it was? Then I’d just wake back up in Karina’s lap.