Claudia's Big Break (23 page)

19

T
he next morning I woke up crying, which was a little unexpected. The more I tried to stop the tears, the more I cried and the more the room seemed to crowd in on me. I was a shivering mess. The fiasco with Marcus, meeting Jack, the odd almost lunch with him yesterday, the Con business. I seemed to be digging ever deeper holes for myself.

I'd always lived in the present, assuming that tomorrow would take care of itself. And it was precisely because of this attitude that I'd ended up where I was now. I wanted to turn the clock back. Five years ago, I was happily working for Riesling Renaissance and living contentedly in my funky flat in Toowong. I was single, in a good place both emotionally and financially, and was loving life. My life specifically. I still remembered the shock at being retrenched from Riesling Renaissance, then that same week Marcus mentioned that his office manager had left. The job landed in my lap, and being one to believe in destiny and the universe having her own plan for each of us, I assumed this was her plan for me. Little did I know, Ms Universe has a perverse sense of humour.

My phone beeped. A text message from Marcus announcing that Con would come to the apartment to collect the envelope. He didn't tell me when, but the message distracted me enough to stop the tears and kick-start my thinking.

I needed to square things with Marcus — formally resign and make a real effort to find a job I could enjoy and stick with. With the economy picking up again, I was hopeful I could go back into events management. It might mean starting at the bottom and working my way up, but I could at least contact people I still knew in the industry. I wasn't totally out of the loop.

As for accommodation, I hadn't spoken to Tara about our living arrangements but I hoped she'd still allow me to live in her house, provided I continued paying rent at the going market rate. I didn't want to move out on my own just yet.

I glanced at
Things To Do Now That You're . . . 40
and reached for it. It bugged me that I was reading it, especially as it wasn't aimed at my age group, but then again, neither was
Cosmo
and I always managed to get past that.

Opening the book randomly, I found such gems as: ‘Learn to play “Stairway to Heaven” on a guitar.' Like that would ever happen! ‘Practise juggling three balls in the air and become proficient at it.' So, I assumed, once people reached forty, they had nothing better to do than learn a musical instrument and master magic tricks. As I read through all the things I would need to do once I eventually reached that milestone, I started to feel exhausted and my eyelids grew heavy.

Seconds later, I fell asleep.

It was sometime after eleven when I finally made my way downstairs.

‘Well, well,' I said when I saw Sophie and Levi playing on the patio. ‘Nice of you to finally come home.'

‘Sorry, love. I got your note. Thanks.'

‘I went to all that trouble to buy pizza and no one came home.'

‘Tara and I assumed you'd be out with Jack.'

‘Jack Spack. I was here — alone.'

‘Was it really as bad as all that?'

‘Yes. No. Not really. I went to bed early. What did you get up to?' I asked as I inspected my cut foot. I'd taken off the bandage last night to let the skin breathe.

‘After the beach, we met up with Angie and Harry. The boys played together and we ate dinner overlooking the sunset at Kamari.'

‘Nice.'

‘Sorry, Claud, had we known you were at a loose end, I would have phoned.'

I rolled my eyes.

‘Don't be like that. Leev wants to go on a boat so I thought I'd take him to Folegandros for the afternoon. It's an hour away. Want to come?'

‘Sure, sounds good.' It'd help take my mind off Jack and aimlessly hanging around waiting for him to turn up tonight. ‘I'll just knock on Tara's door and see if she wants to come.'

‘Let her sleep. She was having a raucous time when I left to bring Levi home last night. Who knows what time she staggered in.'

‘I'll come,' Tara said huskily as she peered out from behind the bathroom door.

Within the hour, the four of us were on our way to Folegandros. The name meant rocky — good call because the island was tiny, stark and very rocky. It was traditionally a place of exile and I could understand why. The island was wrapped in huge cliffs, making escape almost impossible.

Nervously, we peered out the windows of the bus taking us to the town centre as it veered precariously close to sheer cliffs. To take my mind off the treacherous road, I focused on the endless series of dry walls that had been erected over the centuries to create terraces on the slopes of the island. It didn't help with my anxiety, but nevertheless I appreciated the effort that had gone into their construction.

Happy to have made it into town alive and in one piece, we strolled through the market square, which overflowed with pink bougainvillea and red hibiscus. Every now and again we stopped to take a picture and wait for Levi to catch up.

He was a wanderer, that child. The slightest distraction and he was off.

We continued meandering along a maze of crazy paved alleys that were home to masses of brightly coloured geraniums and houses with brightly painted wooden balconies.

The three of us could have explored the tiny hamlet for hours, peeking into the locals' homes, checking out their décor, sampling their cuisine. But Levi quickly tired of sightseeing. After grabbing lunch from a tiny taverna offering an extraordinary range — including over twenty types of ice cream, seventy different kinds of beers, as well as traditional Mediterranean dishes such as stuffed peppers, moussaka and smoked aubergine — we sat under a row of magnificent lime trees and watched the locals go about their business. Then, at Levi's insistence, we caught another bus to a nearby beach.

‘Have you spoken to Alex again?' I asked Sophie while Levi and Tara amused themselves throwing pebbles into the ocean.

‘Not since I blew up at him yesterday.' She paused. ‘You know when you asked me the other day if everything was okay . . . well, it is. Don't get me wrong. But every now and then when these feelings bubble up inside me, I feel like I'm going to explode.' She took a breath. ‘And it scares the hell out of me. I've got to deal with it before it takes over again. I don't want to be a sick or weak person. I want to be in control of my life.'

I nodded. ‘You're one of the strongest women I know, Sophie. I can help too, if you let me. We're in this together.'

She turned and hugged me. ‘Thanks. I feel so guilty when I look back at that time when Levi was a baby,' she said as we watched Levi skip along the water's edge. ‘Guilty and selfish. It's not what a good mother does.'

‘Bollocks. You have to forgive yourself. Levi's doing fine.'

‘But what if I feel like taking off again, or worse? I have to take charge of my life, take responsibility for my actions.'

I knew Sophie was right because it was exactly what I needed to do as well — take responsibility for the way I was living my life — and it scared the hell out of me.

Tara walked over and draped her arm around Sophie's shoulder.

‘Sometimes I feel like I've been living a lie since Levi was born, like I'm somehow a fraud,' Sophie said. ‘Maybe I've been drifting for years.'

I put my hand up. ‘Me too. But when you're struggling to keep your head above water, you tend to float with the current.'

‘It's not always the most sensible option, though,' said Tara, looking at me pointedly.

‘I know, and I am going to make changes as soon as I get home,' I said. ‘No matter how difficult they are, or how much I want to avoid them.'

For starters, I had to stop acting irresponsibly. I knew I'd been coasting, not wanting to make hard decisions or, in fact, any decisions about the way I'd been living. I'd lost count of the times Tara had warned me that my laissez-faire attitude would get me into trouble because I didn't consider the consequences. As much as I loved Einstein's philosophy, I had to start planning for tomorrow and taking responsibility.

‘You're not alone,' said Tara, softening. ‘I've done my share of avoidance. I can only imagine what my parents will say when I tell them I'm taking time out to write a novel.' Tara put her hands up to her head and pretended to pull out her hair. ‘Ahhh! I have to live the way I want to, even if it means disappointing people. Besides, in the past when I've tried to avoid upsetting others, I've only ended up hurting myself.'

‘I'm so glad this holiday has been good for your writing,'

‘Good? It's been amazing. Forced me to look outside my comfort zone and explore my creativity, to really challenge and push myself. I feel like a new person. I know that sounds dramatic but I think this holiday has turned into so much more than I ever could have imagined for myself. I can honestly say I am excited about the future, the possibilities. It's fantastic.'

‘The future,' I said letting the words hang.

‘The future,' repeated Sophie. ‘We have to look to the future as having new challenges for each of us. And with the three of us exploring new opportunities, we can support each other —'

‘Like they do in Weight Watchers or AA,' I said.

Sophie frowned. ‘I guess. I know I have to take control for Levi's sake.'

The three of us sat quietly staring out to sea, thinking about our conversation. In particular, I was thinking about whether we had the strength to see our resolutions through once we were back home and faced with the reality of our lives. It was easy to be full of grand ideas here on this amazing island.

‘Speaking of which,' Sophie said, interrupting my thoughts. ‘Where is Levi?'

The three of us stood up and looked around.

‘He was here a moment ago,' Tara said. ‘I was throwing pebbles into the water with him.'

The colour drained from Sophie's face. ‘Levi!'

‘He can't have gone far,' I said. ‘He's probably skimming stones down the beach a bit further.'

The trouble was that all along the winding beach there were multiple hiding places for young boy adventurers. There were also scores of sun worshippers and umbrellas dotting the landscape so it was impossible to get an uninterrupted view.

‘I can't see him,' said Sophie, twirling around. ‘My God. He's not here.' She ran along the beach, shouting Levi's name.

‘Tara, I'll go this way,' I said, pointing in the opposite direction to where Sophie had run. ‘You head up there.' I pointed to the pathway directly above us. Tara took off and I started jogging along the water's edge, looking for Levi and a lifeguard.

Along the way I asked people whether they'd seen a small boy. ‘He's lost,' I explained in Greek.

‘
Ochi!
No!' person after person replied.

I peered behind thyme bushes and through caper flowers in the hope that he was hiding. Back along the beach, I searched as far as I could go, calling out for him. But after ten minutes I hit the bottom of a precipice. Definitely not a hill that could easily be climbed — this was a sheer drop. Looking back along the length of the beach, I figured there was no way Levi could have wandered this far in such a short time. He'd been out of our sight five minutes, seven maximum. It would have been virtually impossible for him to get here so quickly unless he'd been carried.

I started back along the way I'd come, hoping that by the time I returned to the others, Levi would have been found. As I walked, I strained my eyes as far as I could see, hoping to spot Levi's little pixie face. In the distance, I could see Tara. Sophie was holding Levi's red cap but Levi wasn't with them. I ran the last forty metres. When Sophie saw me alone, she burst into tears.

‘I'll never forgive myself if anything's happened to him,' Sophie cried as she hunched over and wept. At her side Tara was describing to an official-looking Greek man what had happened.

‘Claud, can you help?' she asked, stepping back so that I was standing next to him. He was wearing a navy uniform and he clearly wasn't on surf patrol.

I explained that we'd lost sight of Levi fifteen minutes earlier and that when he'd gone missing he'd been throwing pebbles into the water. I wasn't sure how accurate my Greek was, but the officer had a good grasp of English, so between us we managed. I gave the details about Levi's height, age and the clothes he was wearing, and the officer jotted down notes on blue paper.

‘He was wearing a green T-shirt,' I said.

‘It was blue,' said Sophie. ‘Blue with dolphins on the front. Bare feet, navy board shorts.'

‘
Perimene!
' he instructed us.

‘
Efcharisto
,' I replied and he turned to walk back up towards the path while shouting in Greek on a two-way radio.

‘What did he say?' Sophie said, her eyes flickering nervously.

‘He's asked us to wait here.'

‘Wait here? For how long? What did you say back to him?'

‘Thank you.'

‘Thank you!' Sophie screamed. ‘For what? I can't wait here. I have to find my baby. He's lost somewhere in this.' She pointed at the beach activity around us. ‘I can't just stand here doing nothing. We have to look for him. He's a little boy. He doesn't know where he is and he can't swim to save himself.'

‘Leev's a great little swimmer,' Tara said in a low, calm voice, trying to soothe her. ‘But I don't think he's in the water. I asked him barely twenty minutes ago if he wanted to go for a swim and he put his toes in the water and yanked them straight out again, saying it was too cold.'

Relieved, Sophie inhaled deeply.

‘Tara's right, he's just wandered off to where we can't see him.'

‘Really, Claudia,' Sophie said, her voice suddenly sharp and hard. ‘And you'd be happy about that, wouldn't you? Levi's been pissing you off all holiday.'