Clark, Rachel - Alicia's Awakening (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (18 page)

Too soon he moves away, ordering me to breathe as Lachlan lifts me into his arms.

“Shower time,” he says with a grin, his words and actions so loving and so similar to the way Doug has treated me for the past twelve days that I can’t help but love them both even more.

* * * *

Hours later Lachlan gazed at the sleeping woman in his arms and replayed the events of the evening in his head. He’d loved Alicia his whole life. For years they’d been inseparable, but recently certain events had pulled them in different directions.

He could still see her as a gangly kid riding her bike beside him as they tracked down adventure after adventure. He’d never let her wander far from home, but their imaginations had taken them all over the world and then some. Alicia was the only person he’d trusted with his deepest, darkest fears and wildest plans for the future. True, he hadn’t told her the more intimate details of his life lately. He’d been too worried she’d misunderstand his need to dominate. Even at the highly priced club where he’d trained to become a Dom, there had been bullies just looking to hurt and control women. Thankfully the screening process the owner of the club used weeded most of them out, but he would have been devastated if Alicia had believed him to be one like them.

Alicia was truly one of the most confident, strongest people he’d ever known. He’d lost count of the number of times she’d been there for him when he’d needed support. He’d never believed that she could be submissive.

But now he felt like an asshole. How had he not noticed her panic attacks? He’d almost missed this one. If it hadn’t been for Doug’s reaction, he probably would have.

And her response had proven that pain was exactly what she’d needed to help her cope.

Fuck
.

She was probably more suited to
the lifestyle
than he was.

“Still asleep?” Doug asked as he came into the room. This time he was fully dressed, and Lachlan found himself wondering why. He got his answer with the next sentence. “Maybe you should take her home.”

“You’re walking away?” Lachlan asked, more than a little surprised. Earlier it had been very clear that Doug had fallen in love with her. She was in love with both of them. She’d admitted that during her spanking. At the point between awake and asleep, where the mind retreats from the pain, subs find it nearly impossible to lie. If Alicia admitted to loving them both while her mind floated in subspace, there was no way it wasn’t true. As an experienced Dom, Doug would know that.

“I think it would be best,” Doug said, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching over to touch Alicia’s face. Lachlan knew that instinct well. It was an irresistible compulsion, like he couldn’t
not
touch her if she was within reach.

“She loves you,” Lachlan said quietly. For him it would be better if Doug walked away. He’d have the woman he loved, the ability to help her through panic attacks when she needed, and the future he’d hoped for laid out in front of him. But it wouldn’t be fair on Alicia. Or Doug.

“She’s probably just misunderstanding the connection we have. It happens a lot with new subs. They mistake the bond with their first Dom as love.” He seemed to finally realize he was still touching Alicia and snatched his hand back.

Lachlan could read the lie easily. Doug’s body language didn’t match his words. Not at all. He didn’t believe what he’d said any more than Lachlan did. Alicia was a strong woman—submissive, definitely—but not weak-willed or ridiculously needy. She knew the difference between love and infatuation.

“When did you stop using condoms?”

“What?” Doug asked, sounding surprised by the quick change in topic. “Oh, only yesterday. We both got tested. Alicia is already on the pill. It seemed easier at the time.”

Lachlan could sense the enormity of the decision Doug had made by discarding the condoms. He had no doubt Doug would have been certain that it was safe long before choosing to do so, but Lachlan also noticed the timing. Casey’s heart attack had affected many of the Doms at their club—whether they’d played with Casey or not—but it was Doug’s usual reaction to withdraw and deal with his emotions privately. Lachlan knew him well enough to know that if he’d been training any other sub, it was more likely he would have canceled, or at least suspended, the contract. But with Alicia he’d discarded the condoms and sought a close emotional connection.

Unfortunately the man was probably stubborn enough not to admit that even to himself.

“Is that a habit of yours? Take a sub, not use condoms?” Lachlan asked aggressively, hoping to nudge Doug into telling the truth.

“No,” Doug began in a defensive tone, but then he seemed to realize where Lachlan was heading. He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. “You’re right. She is special to me, but that doesn’t change the fact that she loves you.”

Chapter Eighteen

I lie awake in Lachlan’s arms, trying not to breathe too hard, trying not to let them know I’m listening to them argue my fate. I’m not a toy they can pass around, but I am a submissive. I know both of these men are trying to figure out what is best for me. And it makes me love them even more.

But I know my own mind, and as selfish as it makes me, I want them both.

“Yes, she loves me,” Lachlan says quietly, “and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for making that possible, but I can’t just let you walk away, either.” Lachlan is lying on his side behind me, his body touching mine lightly as he runs his calloused hand up and down my arm slowly. I think he knows I’m awake, but I get the feeling he doesn’t want me involved in this conversation. Yet.

“Surely you can see how hard this is going to make things,” Doug argues. “Society doesn’t understand our way of life as it is. Living in a triad relationship will cause all sorts of problems.”

“So you’ll walk away from a woman you love because things might get hard?”

I’ve got my eyes closed and I’m not even touching him, but I can feel the anger and frustration emanating from Doug. I wonder if maybe I’m being too selfish. Perhaps part of loving someone is knowing when to let them go. That thought makes me want to cry and I accidentally let out a shuddering breath. Lachlan is quick to reassure me with his touch, his finger catching the tear that manages to escape my eye.

I grow tense in the quiet, wanting to know what each man is thinking, but unwilling to interfere.

“Your life would be easier if I did,” Doug says in a sad voice I’ve never heard from him before. With me he is always bossy but indulgent, firm but loving. I don’t remember a time when I’ve seen him unhappy. Even at the hospital when he’d been concerned, upset, and angry, he’d been happy that I was with him. Is that a gift I can give to him? Do I make him happy, or is he still hiding his needs from me? I hate the feeling of not knowing, of not understanding. And damn it, I can feel another panic attack coming on. I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want to ask more from Lachlan and Doug than they’re willing to give.

But I can’t just lie here and say nothing.

I move slowly, pretending to wake up, but Lachlan laughs quietly as he leans over to press a kiss to my temple. “I think Doug needs some convincing. Why don’t you go see if you can suck some of the stubbornness right out of him?”

I nod, breaking protocol by looking up at Doug’s face. He seems frozen, perhaps only just now realizing that I’ve heard every word. “Do I make you happy?” I ask, needing to know the answer, needing to quiet the questions in my head.

He reaches over, cupping my face as I crawl toward him. “More than you know,” he says with a sad smile. “More than I deserve.”

“Deserve?” I ask again. I know I shouldn’t be talking. Here in Doug’s bedroom I’m supposed to be quiet, do as I’m told, listen to my Dom, but this just feels too important. All three of us seem to want the same thing. If I can convince Doug to stay, maybe we can all be happy.

“Little one,” he says as I reach for the zipper to his jeans, “I shouldn’t have let myself get emotionally involved. I knew all along that you belonged to Lachlan.”

“But you love me?” I ask, holding my breath as I wait for his answer.

“I do,” he says on a deep exhalation, “and I want you and Lachlan to be happy.”

“We want you to be happy, too,” I say as I reach into his jeans and pull out his already-hard cock. I go to lower my mouth to him¸ but he places a hand under my chin and lifts my face so that I’m staring into his eyes once more.

“Be careful what you wish for,” he warns me in a deep, angry tone. I tremble in his hold, but I’m not frightened. I know this man. “If I stay, you’ll have two bossy Doms who’ll use you every chance we get. You’ll be lucky to leave the bedroom. And then you’ll probably be so swollen and raw that you’ll walk bow-legged.”

I moan at the thought. Being able to give them both what they need would be wonderful. But I also know them well enough to know that they would care for me as well. Yes, in the bedroom I’ll be their submissive, but I’ll still have my own life, my own choices outside of it. Neither of them would ever try to control every aspect of my existence.

“I think
our
sub likes that idea,” Lachlan says as he moves to kneel behind me. He presses his jean-clad cock against my ass, moving slightly as he rubs the rough material against my swollen pussy lips. “Go on, Alicia. Doug needs to mark you with his cum. Give him what he needs, baby.” I squeeze my hand around Doug’s cock, whimpering with need as he fists his hand in my hair and stops me from taking him in my mouth.

“Be very sure, little one,” he says as the three of us seem frozen in time. “Once
our
collar goes around your neck, there will be no backing away. You’ll be ours forever.”

“Forever,” I say on a sigh, “sounds perfect to me.”

I have but a moment to enjoy the amazing feeling of being exactly where I belong before Doug pushes me onto his cock. I take him into my mouth, licking and laving him as he slides in, swallowing when he reaches the back of my throat. I hear Lachlan unzip his jeans, the crinkly sound of a condom being ripped open in haste, and then he’s inside me, too, fucking me joyously, his movements in perfect synch with Doug.

They begin to fuck me wildly, using me as they said they would, bringing me more joy than perhaps they even understand. I can feel my orgasm building, my body reacting exactly as it should, the wicked, thrilling ride to orgasm faster than ever before. But I hold off, shaking in reaction, needing my Doms’ permission.

Doug pushes me down, holding me trapped, his cock deep in my throat. “Swallow,” he growls as his orgasm begins. I do as he says, moaning as Lachlan wraps his hand underneath me and pinches my clit. I’m about ready to explode, shaking, shivering, groaning as I try to force my orgasm back.

“Come for us,” Doug says, using that indulgent tone once more.

He holds me close as climax rips through me, every cell in my body dancing crazily as the most incredible, most amazing, most awe-inspiring sensations ripple over me. Lachlan grips my hips harder, slamming into my pussy as it squeezes around him. I feel his cock throb with his release, filling the condom, the rough material of his jeans against my ass and thighs making me twitch with aftershocks.

Finally, liquid heat flows through my veins, the glowing lassitude of incredible orgasm somehow overshadowed by the feeling of contentment. They both love me. I love them both. It will take a lot to make a relationship work, but the details can wait.

I relax into their care, loving the feeling of being held by them both, and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this is exactly where I belong.

Epilogue

Lachlan smiled as Alicia moaned in arousal and Doug refused to let her orgasm. Over and over Doug tormented their beautiful sub until she was so frustrated Lachlan could see she was considering mutiny.

He dangled the nipple clamps in her line of vision and he smiled when she quickly changed her expression.

They were both really pleased by their sub’s progress. Alicia finally trusted them enough to let herself be completely immobilized. Using the Japanese bondage technique of Shibari, Doug currently had her suspended from the ceiling, her legs wide open, her pussy and breasts exposed, her ass already filled with a butt plug.