Clarity of Lines (2 page)

“Don’t get too excited,” I warned him. “Sofia will be there. She wants to meet you.”

His smile faded. “Sofia? Your ex-wife?”

I nodded. “Ryan’s mother.”

“She knows you’re dating me?”

“No,” I admitted. “But she’s about to find out.”

Chapter Two

Cooper took the prospect of meeting my ex-wife quite well. True to Cooper form, he was inquisitive and asked a lot of questions. “Does she know
anything
about me?”

“She knows I’m seeing someone. She doesn’t know who it is.”

“How will she take it?”

“I don’t know. I’d guess not well.”

“Do you care what she thinks?”

“Not about me. Only when it concerns Ryan.”

“And she called you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you talk to her often?”

“No.”

“Do you miss her?”

That question stopped me. “I used to. When we first separated,” I told him. “I missed my friend. We were married for almost twenty years. It wasn’t easy, particularly for her.” I looked at him and smiled sadly. “But I don’t miss her anymore.”

“Tell me about it,” he said softly. “Tell me what happened.”

“Why I left her?” I asked.

He nodded. “I know
why
you left. Tell me what made you decide to do it.”

I got up from the sofa, walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of merlot and two glasses, and walked back to the sofa. I poured us both a glass and left the bottle on the coffee table. Cooper waited, watching me patiently, and he smiled at me when I handed him the glass of red.

“I met Sofia in college. She was a driven woman, but a lot of fun. I was…curious…with guys. I knew I was attracted to them. I had a few…experiences, but I hung out with Sofia so people wouldn’t suspect I was gay. I wasn’t gay…well, that’s what I told myself.”

I sipped my wine, and Cooper curled his legs up underneath him and put his hand on my thigh, giving me his undivided attention.

I took a deep breath and continued, “My father would never have understood. He paid for my college tuition and kept a very close eye on me. He pushed me hard, and I wanted to make him happy.”

“You married Sofia to make your father happy?” Cooper asked. There was no judgement in his eyes, just curiosity.

“It was expected of me,” I told him. “My parents knew Sofia’s parents, and it was just assumed we’d be together. It was a different time then. It’s just what you did. You went to college, got married, bought a house, had a family.”

Cooper sipped his wine. “Did Sophia ever suspect you liked guys?”

I shook my head. “No. I thought it was an exploring thing. You know, in college you explore, experiment. In my twenties, I thought the attraction to men was just a phase that would pass. But it didn’t. I struggled with it. I ignored it. I told myself I was happy with Sofia and that I should be grateful.”

Cooper squeezed my thigh.

“But it got harder to ignore.”

“Did you ever”—he hesitated—“you know, with a guy while you were married?”

“No,” I said adamantly. “Never. I never cheated on Sofia. In my head, yes, a thousand times over I fantasised and dreamt about it…” I sighed. “I don’t know, maybe that’s just as bad.”

“No, it’s not,” he answered quickly. “It’s not, Tom. It’s nothing like it. Fantasising about it and actually doing it are two very different things.”

I smiled at how he tried to placate me, and I sipped my wine. “And then I hit my thirties. I knew I had to do something. I knew I couldn’t keep living a lie…but Ryan was in high school, and I didn’t want to derail him. It wasn’t a simple divorce,” I said softly. “I didn’t just have to tell him I was moving out and that his mom and I were separating. I had to tell him
why
.”

Cooper refilled our glasses and patiently waited for me to speak again.

“It was my thirty-ninth birthday and I just knew. I knew I had to come clean. I felt if I got to forty and was still living a lie, then it was all over. I don’t know why, it’s just how I felt. I’d waited and waited so long then all of a sudden I couldn’t wait any more. I felt like I was drowning…”

Cooper moved closer to me and slid his hand into mine. “Oh, Tom.”

“I told Sofia the truth, and while it felt like a weight was off my chest, I simply transferred the weight to her. She was devastated.”

“I’m sure she’ll understand,” Cooper said with a nod. “In time.”

“It’s been five years. She’s still very angry with me and I don’t blame her,” I admitted. “I hurt her very deeply. She was the one who had to face all her friends and associates and tell them her husband was gay.”

“But you didn’t have a choice,” Cooper replied simply. “You couldn’t have denied yourself happiness forever.”

“My happiness or hers?” I asked rhetorically. “And I
did
have a choice,” I told him. “I shouldn’t have married her, I should have told her twenty years before, when we were kids in college. But we have Ryan, and he means the world to me. But I still should have told her.”

“You couldn’t,” he countered. “Your father would have disowned you.”

“He still would.”

Cooper was surprised by this. “Doesn’t he know?”

“Well, my parents know I’m divorced of course, much to their disgust,” I said. “But not the reason why.”

“Sofia never told them?”

I shook my head. “She’s mad with me, yes, but she always loved my parents. She’d never hurt them.”

“And Ryan?” Cooper asked.

“He was very upset and embarrassed when I told him,” I said. “It took a while, but he’s okay with it now.”

“He looks up to you,” Cooper said simply, taking another sip of wine. “It’s not hard to see why. You’re successful, brilliant, sexy as hell.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how Ryan sees me.”

Cooper smiled. “So the Hamptons, huh? You never told me you had a place up there.”

“I don’t,” I told him, finishing my wine. “Sofia does. I used to, but she got the apartment here in the City and the house in the Hamptons in the divorce settlement.”

“What did you get?” he asked.

“I got my new gay life,” I told him with a smile. “Oh, and I bought this apartment.”

Cooper shook his head, downing the rest of his drink. “I don’t even want to know how much money you have. This apartment alone must have cost…you know what? Never mind.”

I chuckled at him. “It was expensive, yes. But worth it, wouldn’t you agree?”

He looked around the large room. “Um, yes I would, very much. And then there’s me,” he said, putting his glass on the coffee table. “With nothing.”

“You don’t have nothing.”

“No, you’re right,” he agreed. “I have a small
rented
apartment and a college debt.”

I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “You have more than that.”

I didn’t have to say any more. I didn’t have to tell him he had me. By the way he kissed me, I was pretty sure he knew.

* * * *

“What are you thinking about?” Cooper rolled over and snuggled into my side. It was early morning and I’d been awake for a while, staring at the ceiling, thinking.

I was thinking about what to get Ryan for his birthday, but I was also thinking about what Sofia’s reaction would be to meeting Cooper. “I need to know what to get Ryan for his birthday,” I told him a half-truth.

“So you keep saying,” he said.

“Well, you’re his age, what should I get him?”

Cooper laughed into my chest then tweaked my nipple. “It’s a gift from you. You need to pick it.”

“Ooh, I know!” I said brightly. “You could give him the second ticket to that concert, and you could take him.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” he said, nipping my ribs. “Suck it up, old man. You’re going with me whether you like it or not.”

I rolled him onto his back and settled myself on top of him. His morning wood was pressed hard between us and I rocked back and forth. “Oh, that’s a shame. I would
suck
it
up all right, but I have an early meeting this morning.”

Cooper bit his bottom lip and grinned, pushing his hips up against mine. “If you suck my dick, I’ll tell you what Ryan told me he wanted for his birthday.”

I tried to act like I was offended by his blatant blackmail, but he knew damn well I’d do it. So I took him to the edge of orgasm again and again, making him beg me, literally beg me, to finish him.

When I left for work, he was still a quivering, convulsing mess, barely coherent. But I made the meeting on time, and had Jennifer make some phone calls to find out what the hell an Xbox 3D was.

Chapter Three

Three weeks later on the Friday afternoon after work, I put the suitcases and Ryan’s present into the trunk of my Mercedes R171, while Cooper got into the passenger seat. He loved my car. I didn’t drive it often—with a company car and driver for all work trips I had no need to—but outside work when we did go somewhere, he loved it.

He was oddly excited about this trip, while I was almost dreading it.

“Did you really get the new Xbox?” he asked excitedly. “From Japan? It hasn’t been released here yet!”

“Yes,” I told him. “It cost me a fortune.”

Cooper clapped his hands and kind of wiggled in his seat. “I cannot wait.”

“Did
he
want it, or
you
?” I asked, pulling the car out onto the street. “Because you said
he
wanted it.”

“Oh, he does,” he said brightly. “I just share his enthusiasm.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at him. “Remind me again why my boyfriend is twenty-two?”

“Because I was born twenty-two years after you, my dear forty-four-year-old boyfriend,” he said cheerfully. “And because I’m amazing.”

I rolled my eyes sarcastically. “Oh, that’s right. Now I remember.”

“Is your Alzheimer’s kicking in?” he asked with a laugh. “Should I drive, old man?”

“You’re a little shit,” I mumbled. “And don’t blame it on Gen Y. It’s all you.”

He grinned, seemingly pleased with himself. “Oh, my favourite doorman Lionel said to have a good weekend.”

“Were you giving him a hard time again?”

“Of course not.”

Which meant of course, yes. “What did you say to him this time?”

He chuckled. “I told him your neighbour, old Mrs Giordano, might like to have your apartment exorcised while you’re out. Apparently she hears a man moaning at night time, for hours at a time. I told him I hear it too, but it’s really nothing for her to be concerned about.”

I stared at him. “You didn’t.”

He grinned proudly. Shit. He really did.

“Leave Lionel alone,” I told him. “The poor guy.”

“He loves me.”

“I thought he hated you.”

“It’s impossible to resist my charms.”

“Yes,” I said with a laugh. “I know.”

As I manoeuvred through New York traffic, Cooper rifled through the backpack at his feet and pulled out an iPod. He grinned at me. The kind of grin that made me worry. “What?”

“How long does it take to drive to the Hamptons?”

“Just over an hour and a half,” I answered. “Why?”

“Long enough for you to become intimately acquainted with Linkin Park.”

I groaned and he laughed. “You’ll need to know some songs before the concert,” he told me.

“Resistance is futile, isn’t it?” I deadpanned.

He connected his iPod through the car’s Bluetooth, looked at me and smiled sweetly. “It really is.”

Then he slipped his hand onto my thigh and settled into his seat and for the whole trip, we listened to Linkin fucking Park.

* * * *

I’d always enjoyed the drive up to the Casa, but it was even better with Cooper. We chatted easily the entire way, and as the city thinned with the traffic, our scenery became more coastal. Though it used to relax me to come up here, the closer we got to our destination, the more anxious I became. I took the familiar road and when we were almost there I turned the music off. “You nervous?” I asked him.

He looked surprised by my question. “No. Should I be?”

I smiled at his confidence. “I just don’t think Sofia will be very understanding. No matter what she says, just remember, I’m on your side.”

“Ryan’s mom always liked me,” he said.

“She likes you as Ryan’s friend, yes,” I told him. “But as my boyfriend…”

He shrugged. “And all the guys who’ll be here this weekend?” he asked. “All Ryan’s friends, some of my friends, they’ll all be here too. We’re meeting
them
as a couple too.”

Shit. I hadn’t given that a thought.

Then Cooper took his hand off my thigh and looked out of the window as he spoke. “If you don’t want to…”

I pulled the car off to the side of the road, right near the driveway to the Casa. I think I startled him. He looked at me, wide-eyed. “Cooper, listen to me,” I said seriously. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I know some people will have a hard time with us being together, because we’re gay men, and because of the age difference. But I don’t care. I’m proud to call you my boyfriend. For the life of me I can’t figure out why you’d want to be with me, but you do, and I’m more than happy to walk in there, holding your hand. But I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“I don’t feel pressured,” he said. “And I can’t figure out why you’d want to be with me either, but you do.”

I nodded. “Yes, I do.”

He smiled, and leaned over the console and kissed me. “Thank you.”

I sighed and looked out of the windshield. “Well, this is it.”

Cooper followed my gaze, to the stone gate posts, to the chiselled sandstone sign on the post that read Casa de Elkin.

“It’s named after you?”

I nodded. “I designed this house,” I told him. “We named it Casa de Elkin, but have called it the Casa for years.”

Cooper gave me a weak smile. “Well then,” he said, trying to sound upbeat. “Let’s do this.”

I slipped the car into first gear and pulled into the drive. I parked the car near the closed garage doors and by the time I’d popped the trunk, Ryan was walking out to meet us. He gave me a bit of a hug, then bumped fists with Cooper. “Hey,” he said. “Most of the guys will get here in the morning. Mom said it might be better if they all crash in the pool room, or wherever they pass out,” he said with a knowing smile. “But you guys have a guest room in the house.”