Clapham Lights (35 page)

‘A woman,’ Craig says, calming down.

‘How old was she?’

‘Not that old I don’t think.’

There’s a long, reflective silence.

‘I still don’t understand though mate, why did you think I’d want to
kill myself
?’ Mark asks, lowering his voice towards the end of the
sentence
. ‘I’m a bit… hurt to be honest.’

Craig sighs. ‘I don’t know. Because of how you’ve been recently I suppose.’

‘What do you mean? I’ve not been that bad mate.’

‘Mate, since you stopped working, you’ve been like a different
person
, like a ghost.’

‘I thought you’d think that was a good thing.’

Craig shakes his head. ‘No, not completely. I was worried. And Amy was. I didn’t actually think you’d kill yourself, at least I hoped not, but think of it from my point of view. You’ve seemed so down for the last couple of months, you’ve barely spoken to me, and apart from seeing Amy or going to the gym you’ve just been in the house all day. You’ve not been yourself and then when I saw the note, my mind just went into overdrive.’

Mark frowns. ‘Sorry,’ he says eventually.

‘And I know when people feel a bit depressed they can do things that are completely out of character.’

‘I suppose so.’ Mark reaches for his glass and huffs. ‘I understand. I’ve not been depressed though. It’s just… the last couple of months have been a bit of a shock. It’s all been a bit… confusing. You know? Everything was going really well and then suddenly… nothing. I wasn’t sure what to do. I had loads of ideas, obviously, but…’

‘I know how it feels.’

Craig goes to the bar to get an orange juice. Mark looks deep in thought when he returns.

‘I remember how I felt all the time I was at Cinq,’ Craig says. ‘Not having any money, not being able to get another job. I felt so anxious all the time. I could have a few beers to forget about it, but the feeling always came back the next morning.’

‘At least you had work to keep your mind occupied though.’

‘But work was the problem. I couldn’t escape it.’

The boys sit quietly with their drinks, barely talking, until Amy arrives. Her cheeks are bright red and her hair has been blown about in the wind. Mark stands up to greet her but she sits down next to Craig and asks if he’s OK.

‘I’m better now,’ Craig says.

‘
You
didn’t think I’d done anything crazy did you?’ Mark asks her.

‘You shouldn’t have just gone off like that,’ Amy says bluntly.

Mark’s smile fades. ‘I did leave a note.’

‘Yeah and look what it says.’ Craig shows it to Amy.

‘Bloody hell, Mark. You could have chosen your words a bit more carefully.’ She tuts and passes it back.

‘Look, I’m sorry, OK? I really didn’t mean for both of you to get in
such a panic. I thought I’d be out and back quickly and everything would be fine.’

‘Yeah but it wasn’t fine was it,’ Craig says.

‘I’ve said sorry about a hundred times now. What more can I do? Anyway why has nobody asked me how the interview went?’

‘How did it go then?’ Amy asks. ‘You look smart. Your hair looks better.’

‘Thanks. It went well.’

‘What’s it for?’ Craig asks.

‘It’s a corporate partnership manager role.’

‘For who?’

‘The Royal Military Trust. They’re a charity that raises money for wounded soldiers and their families. They want someone with financial experience to deal with their corporate donors and, if possible, wring more money out of them.’

Craig looks at Amy. ‘That’s-’

‘That sounds great,’ Amy says, kicking Craig under the table. ‘When did you apply for that?’

‘I didn’t. I got a phone call from a recruitment agent who’d seen my LinkedIn profile and he arranged an interview.’

‘Did you have to send your CV in?’

‘He said he already had it.’

‘Where did he get it from?’

‘I think I applied for something through him a while ago. He must have had it on file.’

‘Yeah, probably,’ Craig says. ‘Did they ask you any tough questions in the interview?’

‘Not really but I had a bit of a panic before I went in.’

‘What about?’

‘Well, I suddenly realised that I didn’t know which version of my CV they had, and I couldn’t remember what I’d said on what version.’

‘What did you do then?’

‘I took a risk: I just told them the truth.’

Craig and Amy glance at each other.

‘What did that feel like?’ Craig asks.

‘It was easier than I thought it would be. I didn’t have to
remember
anything; I just told them more or less what I’d been doing. I only 
slipped up on one bit, which was the year I left school. I went through a spell of making it a year earlier on my CV and I’d stuck to that for so long that I confused myself about when it actually was.’

‘How did you get out of it?’

‘I said I’d got concussion from a bang on the head playing rugby at the weekend so I was a bit confused about dates.’

‘So you lied,’ Amy says.

‘Yes, but I could hardly tell them the truth could I?’

‘I suppose not. When do you find out if you’ve got it or not?’

‘Oh, I’ve found out already. That’s why I was in here having a beer. They’ve offered it to me.’

‘Well done mate,’ Craig says.

‘That’s brilliant. I’m really happy for you,’ Amy says.

‘Thanks,’ Mark says, ‘but I’m not sure if I’m going to take it.’

‘
Why not
? Are you serious?’ Amy says.

‘Well I’m not sure if it’s the right job for me. The bonus scheme isn’t that good and I’ve got my business interests-’

‘What business interests?’ Craig says.

‘Mark, if you turn this job down, you’re an even bigger fool that I thought you were,’ Amy says. ‘You’re in no position to be picky. How are you going to pay your rent? Your parents aren’t going to help you.’

‘They’re not even talking to me.’

‘Why not?’ Craig asks.

‘They found out about me spending the inheritance money.’

‘Oh.’

‘There are other jobs out there though, I don’t want to commit-’

‘How many other interviews have you got lined up?’ Amy asks.

‘Um, well, none at the moment, but I’m getting a few calls from recruitment people but…’

‘But what?’

‘I just want to take time and consider all my options.’

‘Mark, you’ve had the last three months to consider your options.’

‘I know, but like I said, I’m pretty sure there could be something better out there.’

‘Like what? Don’t you realise that if you don’t take this job it could be six months or a year before you get another one.’

‘Don’t be dramatic,’ Mark says. ‘I think we’ll probably be sitting
here in a couple of years, in 2010, and we’ll look back at this so-called crash and we’ll wonder what all the fuss was about.’

‘Well, you’re in a minority of one,’ Amy says. ‘And I’m not being dramatic. You need money, quickly, and who knows what state the job market might be in in a few months.’

‘And I can’t pay your rent mate,’ Craig says.

‘Craig, you’d never need to pay my rent and I know some
doom-mongers
are saying the economy’s ruined but let’s just wait and see-’

‘No Mark, let’s not just wait and see. I’m actually getting angry now,’ Amy says, ‘We’ve been busting a gut trying to help you.’

‘How?’

‘How? Are you being serious? Who wrote your LinkedIn profile, Mark? Who’s been sending your CV to recruitment agents? Who’s been applying for jobs for you?’

‘I did LinkedIn, ages ago, and all the job-’

‘We’ve been doing it you
idiot
,’ Amy snaps. ‘Why do you think you’ve been getting phone calls and emails about jobs?’

‘I just thought-’

‘Just thought that if you did nothing, the jobs would come to you?’

‘No but-’

‘We spent ages rewriting your CV, and Amy has been doing all these covering letters and application forms for you,’ says Craig.

‘You don’t realise how bad the job situation is because you haven’t been trying to get one,’ Amy says. ‘You’re not immune from this, Mark. You’re not some special case.’

Mark is visibly shaken by Amy’s retort and doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. ‘But I don’t understand,’ he says finally. ‘Why would you do all this for me?’

‘Because we care, Mark. Why else do you think we’d do it?’ Amy says. ‘The longer you’re out of a job, the harder it will be to get one, and we’re not going to let you fall by the wayside. And Craig needs a flatmate who can pay half the bills.’

‘Do you both think I’m that useless that I couldn’t get a job by myself?’

‘No, mate,’ Craig says. ‘But we just thought you might need a little push in the right direction.’

‘Well thanks, but today that was me, not you. It was me on my own
in the interview and it was my experience and my qualifications and my personality. It wasn’t anyone else.’

‘We never said it was anyone else,’ Amy says.

‘And they thought I was the best person for the job. They seemed to like me.’

‘But why wouldn’t they like you, Mark? What’s wrong with you just being Mark rather than feeling you have to act up to this stupid City idiot persona all the time? Everyone would like
this
Mark; you’ve just chosen to keep him hidden. We’re not interested in what car you’ve got or what nightclubs you’ve been to-’

‘Or where you’re going skiing,’ Craig chips in.

‘We’d rather you just tried a bit less hard at trying to be someone you’re not and tried a bit harder with the people who care about you, like us two, and your family. Nobody is interested in the bullshit; not us, not your employers, not anyone.’

Mark gives Amy a sulky glance and his head drops. A waiter asks him if he’s finished with his glass. He drinks the remaining inch of his pint and hands it over.

He sniffs and says, ‘So you both think I’d be stupid to turn this job down?’

‘
Yes
,’ Craig and Amy say emphatically.

‘Perhaps you’re right,’ Mark says with a shrug. ‘I’m not ungrateful. I knew that somebody must have been doing something. I haven’t got to let the Trust know until Monday but I’ll ring later and tell them I’ll take it. I know I shouldn’t go on hoping something better will come up.’

‘That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said since I’ve known you,’ Amy says.

Mark half-smiles. ‘That’s a bit of an exaggeration. I’m not a
complete
moron,’ he says, leaning back in his chair.

‘You’re not a moron, Mark, just a bit… misguided. But at least you won’t be unemployed. And I bet you it’ll be a better place to work than where I am at the moment.’

‘I’d hope so. But the bonus-’

‘Will you stop going on about the bonus, it’s like you’ve been
brainwashed
,’ Amy says.

‘I’ve never had a bonus, from any job,’ Craig says.

‘OK, sorry. I know a good bonus isn’t everything and if I don’t like
it I suppose I can just get another job somewhere else.’

Amy rolls her eyes. ‘Why don’t you give the new job a few weeks before you start thinking about your next move?’

‘I suppose it’s better to be working than sitting in watching Sky all day isn’t it?’ Mark says, sounding slightly more upbeat. ‘And I’ll have more money again.’

‘Probably more than you had before now you’re not paying an
astronomical
rent.’

‘I hadn’t thought about that. There are some positives.’

‘There are lots of positives,’ Amy says, ‘I can’t believe it’s taken you so long to realise it.’

‘I do realise, honestly.’ Mark gets to his feet and gets his wallet out. ‘We should have a celebration drink.’

‘Mate, um, I don’t want to be a spoilsport,’ Craig says, ‘but I’ve got the van and we need to move our stuff this afternoon. We shouldn’t really-’

Mark shakes his head. ‘Craig, forget the van; I’ll sort that out later.’

‘But-’

‘Come on, don’t be boring. Amy, call work and tell them you’re not coming back this afternoon, and Craig, call Hannah and get her down here as well. Let’s have a drink; I owe you.’

‘Yes, but you don’t have to do it right now,’ Craig says. ‘We’ve got the whole weekend-’

‘We’ve got the whole weekend to move. Please, have a drink with me. I’ll sort everything out, I promise.’

‘Mark, I’ve got a meeting this afternoon,’ Amy says.

‘Make up an excuse and cancel it, please, just for me, I’m not taking no for an answer. We’re celebrating, come on. I’ve read about loads of entrepreneurs who’ve had things go wrong and lost all their money and come back stronger. That’s what I’ll do. This is the second coming of Mark Hunter. Now suddenly everything’s making sense. That must be worth a drink surely? Someone get me a wine list. They’ll do champagne here, won’t they? They must do, I’ll ask the barman. Can I borrow one of your credit cards?’

Thanks to Morwenna Monk; Terry and Sandra Canty; Humfrey Hunter, Robert Dinsdale, Laura Sherlock; Toby Lovatt, Richard Goldthorpe, Oliver Pearson, Rebecca Canty; Josh Monk, Chris Perry, John Scott.

Tom Canty was born in Dartford, Kent in 1981 and attended Dartford Grammar School and the University of East Anglia. Clapham Lights is his first novel. He lives in London.

Find out more at www.tomcantywriter.com,
on Twitter @tomcantywriter or #claphamlights
or www.facebook.com/tomcantywriter.