Clallam Bay (A Fresh Start #2) (6 page)

I was in the middle of my third parent/teacher meeting when my mind started going numb. My emotions had run from especially nervous to sweaty dread and well-disguised anger. The only thing keeping me sane and not repeatedly flinging myself over this desk was the impromptu discussion I’d had with Coll the night before.

Who knew what I was thinking when I went over there or that I would find the answer I was so desperately seeking because I did? I had probably been intruding on his solitude. But the steady rock of his chair had beckoned me like a beacon and the moonlight led my way until the security light clicked on. And I’d sat down on the top step of his porch, facing the bay.

“What do you think about kids?” I asked out of nowhere, like he was my best friend and it was girl time. Maybe it was because I needed to talk and Amber was asleep.

“About having them or in general?”

“Both, I guess.”

“I don’t.”

“Neither? Ever?”

“Neither. Never. Why? You sayin’ you wanna have kids with me?”

His question caught me off guard and gave me a strange feeling in my stomach, but I ignored it. I knew he was kidding. He was always kidding. I could tell he was smiling by the tingle on the back of my head.

“No. I just think I made a mistake is all.”

“Mistake with what?”

“My life.”

We sat in silence for a moment, listening to the lapping waves of the bay before I spoke again.

“You ever feel like you made a mistake with your life?”

“Every damn day.”

“Do you ever think of doing anything about it?”

“What’s there to do?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Go back to school or something.”

He huffed a laugh. “No. Didn’t even go the first time.”

“Well, I’m thinking about going back.”

The creaking of his rocker stopped. “Back where?” he asked.

“To school,” I said, and the rocking started back up again.

“And why’s that? You don’t like being a teacher?”

I squinted up at the moon. “I don’t know. I thought I did, but it doesn’t really seem like there’s any point anymore. I don’t think I’m making any difference anyhow.” I shrugged.

The rocking of his chair stopped again. I hugged my legs, resting my chin on my knees.

“I bet you’re making a difference,” he said, no doubt in an attempt to make me feel better. Either that or shut me up.

Turning my cheek to rest on my knee, I looked up at him. “And how do you know that exactly?”

He stared out in front of him and shrugged. “You’re nice. The only teacher I remember is Mrs. Baker. And that’s because she was nice.”

“The art teacher? That Mrs. Baker?”

“Yeah. She still around?”

“Yeah. And she’s still nice, too.”

“Well, see. There you go. She was nice and I’m still talking about her. I bet when the kids think back on your class they’ll all say, ‘Remember Miss Wells? She was nice.’” He looked at me then. “Don’t you want to be remembered as nice?”

I held his stare as long as I could stand before looking back out over the bay.

“I’ve seen the drawings the kids made for you. They like you, so you should stick with it. Keep being nice. Maybe make them a batch of those cookies you promised me but still haven’t made good on.”

I smiled at the ground.

“I bet those would make a difference.”

“Miss Wells? Miss Wells. Hello?” There was a tap on my desk. “Are you listening?” My smile faded as Mr. Miller’s face came into view. “What do you mean my children are constantly disrupting the class? Are you actually paying attention to them or dazing off like you’ve been doing with me?”

It took everything I had not to flare my nostrils and flick my pen at him. “Yes, Mr. Miller. I most definitely am paying attention, as are the other students. I’ve had multiple complaints from other parents as well. Their kids are coming home asking them questions about specific body parts.”

“Well, hell.” He slouched back in his chair. “What is it exactly that they’re doing?”

Mr. Miller’s cheeks blanched when I told him about Marty and Molly’s risqué behavior and how I’d been unable to stop it. He left with a promise to put an end to the mayhem before they returned to school the next day. I, for one, would have liked to see him try. Still, it was the most progress I’d made all day. After learning that Kaylee’s foster parents were having troubles and could quite possibly have to put her back into the system, I’d take the small victory.

“Hey, there. How’s it going?” Alyssa poked her head in the empty classroom. I just stared at her like she should know. Walking closer, she looked me over for battle wounds. “I don’t see any blood, sweat, or tears. So, pretty well, huh?”

“No.”

“No?”

Slouching in my chair, I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and pouted a little. “No.”

So far, three sets of parents hadn’t shown up for their scheduled times. And the ones who had shown up didn’t seem all too happy to have to be there. I was dealing with a lot of attitudes, which in turn was affecting my own.

I peeked out of one eye as Alyssa leaned across my desk.

“I don’t want to tell you that you care too much. But you care too much. Just teach the kids their ABCs and one-two-threes and be done with it. No worrying about their well-being outside these walls, ‘cause if there’s one thing I learned in this life it’s that you can’t make a damn difference out there. The only difference you can make is in here and that’s on a good day. You just remember that, chill, and you’ll be fine.” Straightening, she picked at her nails. “You’ll sleep better, too.”

Once the next parent arrived, Alyssa took off for her own classroom, shutting the door behind her. I settled back in for a long day of parent conference hell.

Maybe I should have baked the parents some cookies, too.

*

“So, how’d it go? Was it as bad as you thought it was going to be?” Amber asked from her spot on the couch. Dropping my bag, I plopped down beside her.

“Could’ve gone better. Could’ve gone worse. You know how it goes.”

“True dat.”

She passed me the remote then finished up her nails before going into the kitchen and reappearing with a snack-size bag of Doritos and a Diet Coke. I almost got up to kiss her.

“Amber, sweet Amber.”

“Ew. Don’t reference me using that creepy-ass movie.”

“Did I ever tell you you’re the pagiest of all the pageboys and that I love you?”

“All right.” Frowning, she took back the remote. “No
Seinfeld
reruns for you.”

Amber’s threat was as empty as they usually were and she flipped the channel herself. We watched a couple episodes before I got up to bake some cookies for the class tomorrow, thinking about Kaylee’s sad situation. Passed on by three families in three years’ time. None of which were her fault. It just wasn't fair.

Sulking, I set aside a few cookies for my impatient neighbor who’d given me the idea in the first place. He was right. If I had to be remembered as anything by these kids, I wanted it to be nice.

“These for your neighbor?” Amber grabbed a cookie and sat at the kitchen table to pick at it.

“Yeah. I’m just going to run them over. I’ll be quick.”

“I’d say so since he’s not there.”

I gave her a look, having seen his truck sitting in the driveway when I came home earlier.

“His truck’s there, but he’s not,” Amber said as if she’d read my mind. “Some brunette swung by earlier and picked him up. He really gets around, huh? I’ve been thinking about how to tell you all day.”

She almost seemed relieved. Relieved but sorry about it.

I shrugged. “Then I’ll just drop them off.” Grabbing the plate, I headed for the front door. “I’ll be right back.”

The screen door slammed shut behind me and it made me feel a little better. I considered dumping the cookies in the trashcan outside his house, but didn’t. I set them down on the porch like I had every other time before because I wasn’t mad at him. Why would I be? But I was beginning to wonder if he would ever be there to accept anything I made for him in person.

When I got back Amber had another pack of Doritos waiting for me on my spot on the couch. I grabbed them and gave her a kiss on the head before heading to bed.

I was over today. Tomorrow had to be better.

*

“What exactly do you wear to a bonfire on the beach? Shorts? Jeans and a sweatshirt? Flip flops or an actual pair of shoes?”

“Whatever you want, I guess.” I personally didn’t know because I’d never been to one. Sonia’s bridal bonfire would be my first. I was glad Amber was here to go with me.

“Well, what I want to wear is a little impractical. I’m pretty sure it’ll be too cold for my new bikini.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

I thought having a late night beach bonfire on a Wednesday was a little impractical, too. People had to work the next day.
I
had to work the next day.

Amber and I settled on oversized sweatshirts and leggings. We decided flip flops were the most practical choice of footwear before making the windy trek down to the beach. The fire was already set and whipping in the wind when our feet hit the sand. We got a drink then joined Sonia on a piece of driftwood.

“I was beginning to think you girls weren’t going to show up.”

“We couldn’t decide what to wear. We’re new to the outdoorsy thing. The only parties I’ve ever been to have been indoors,” Amber said. I was just glad Sonia was the only one around to hear it.

“So where’s Jason? Shouldn’t you two be attached at the mouth or something? Isn’t he leaving tomorrow?”

Sonia nodded and took a sip of her drink before jutting her chin. “He’s over there with the guys. I figure I’d give him some space since I’ll soon be sucking out all the fun,” she said, but I had a feeling they weren’t her words.

We did our best to keep her occupied until her brother Sean walked by. She called him over.

Like Sonia and Jason, Sean had pretty caramel skin and dark brown eyes. He was tall, dark, and handsome. The most generic phrase one could use when it came to describing a man.

“Guys, this is my brother, Sean. Sean this is Hailey and her friend Amber. She’s visiting from Chicago and has never been to an outdoors party before.”

“Is that right?” Sean’s eyebrow rose with the random piece of information, and he shook our hands.

“Yeah. Crazy, isn’t it?”

Sean shrugged then shoved his hands in his pockets as the football the boys were throwing whizzed by his head and Coll slammed into him from behind.

“Sorry, man.” Coll slapped his hand down on Sean’s shoulder, and Sean shrugged it off. If looks could kill, my neighbor would be a dead man smiling. “Should probably watch where I’m going, huh?”

“Yeah. You probably should.”

Sean stomped off. Coll shook his head, smiling after him before sitting down beside me. He picked up the football and threw it from his seat. I got a whiff of the hot musk wafting off him and noticed the sweat dripping from his temple and shining on his neck.

“Pretty hot by this fire. I need some air. You wanna walk?” His breathing was labored. I found my breath had quickly caught up to match his when he turned his head to look at me.

“Yeah, let’s walk.”

I stood as he did and wiped off the seat of my pants. I had a hell of a time keeping up until I kicked off my flip flops. Once we reached the tide, I was finally able to appreciate the cool sand squishing between my toes and around my feet.

“You do like I said?”

“What’s that?”

“Bake them my cookies.”

“Your cookies, huh?”

He smiled down at the water rushing across our feet, and I smiled at him.

“Yeah. I baked them your cookies and you were right. They were a hit. Probably should have made some for the parents on conference day. Maybe if I do next time it’ll go better.”

“That bad, huh?”

I nodded. “Yeah, you remember Kaylee? The sweet one?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t think I told you before, but she’s a foster kid.”

“Oh?”

“And she might have to be sent back into the system. I don’t know what to do. I’m just really upset about it.”

“Jesus, that sucks.”

I nodded again, kicking a pile of shells. “Yeah, and this is the first foster family who’s been good to her. She’s come alive since she’s been with them. She’s thriving.”

I stopped complaining long enough to peer at him. He looked just about as sad as I felt.

“Sorry, I’m sure when you wanted to take a walk this wasn’t what you had in mind.”

“No, it’s fine. I wanted to hear about your day, good or bad. I like knowing.”

I smiled sadly at his profile before gazing down at my feet. Silence surrounded us until he cleared his throat.

“So even though it went bad and you feel like your whole life is a mistake, you’re still gonna be here when I get back, right?”