Claire Delacroix (39 page)

He studied me, his gaze suddenly serious. He picked up a tendril of my hair, wound it around his finger and smiled crookedly at me. “You are a marvel,
chère
.” His gaze roved over me. “You are always beautiful, but there is a new radiance in your eyes on this day.”

“Indeed?”

“Indeed.” He smiled playfully. “You might be a woman in love.”

“Perhaps I am,” I teased, looping my arms around his neck and feeling uncommonly optimistic. It seemed I learned my spouse’s affection for some risk. “Are you jealous of the man in question?”

“Should I be?”

I kissed him with such tenderness as to drive any doubts from his thoughts. We parted eventually, the heat between us greater than that cast by the great Yule log.

Merlyn looked rumpled. He offered me the cup, then when I declined, took a hearty gulp of the wine. “Let me tell you of my father,
chère
. He wanted to feign his death, as I told you, to evade the results of breaking his many promises. And he insisted upon having my aid. You have seen that rocky isle just off the shore of Ravensmuir?”

“It is not that big.”

“No. And it is barren. My father said that one of his ships would arrive to meet him at the island in the night, and that all I had to do was to row there with him during the day. It was not uncommon for us to go there when we were younger, to explore the caverns, then row back at the end of the day.”

“But he did not intend to return?”

“No. His plan was that I would return alone, distraught, and claim that he had fallen into the sea and drowned. I was skeptical for all knew that he was an uncommonly good swimmer, but he insisted the scheme would work. He said the waves would be unruly and reminded me that even the finest swimmer can be overcome in a rough sea.

“We argued mightily about this lie, but in the end, I thought it a harmless enough endeavor and one that might see him live longer than he would otherwise. There was a desperation about him, and I suspected that he came close to provoking at least one of his potential clients.”

“So you agreed.”

Merlyn grimaced and sipped of the wine. “He bade me row him to the island with first light. I left when you were still asleep.”

I remembered awakening to find Merlyn gone, remembered the refusal of all within Ravensmuir to tell me where he had gone. I ached anew that there had been so many secrets between us for so long.

Merlyn’s words turned bitter. “And my reward for having done as he bade me, for being the dutiful son he said that he desired, was his betrayal of me.”

He fell silent and I nestled closer. I had no doubt that he recounted the truth, for I had seen the betrayal of which Gawain was capable. “What did he do?”

“He attacked me.” Merlyn swallowed. “He waited until we were on the far side of the island, where none might witness his deed. Then he punched me, seized me, and he hurled me into the sea.”

“No!”

“Oh, yes. He was strong, my father, stouter than me and he had surprise upon his side.” Merlyn’s words fell in an angry torrent. “I had my wits about me enough to grab at him, and we went over the side of the boat together. In fact, we capsized it. Not that it mattered. We still were wrestling in the water. My father’s arms were locked around me like a vice of uncommon strength and I knew that he meant for me to die.”

“He was mad!”

“He meant to repay me for not living my life as he had desired. I was an unfit son, to his thinking, for I spurned the legacy he would grant to me.”

“You were an ethical son.”

“I was traitor in my father’s eyes.” Merlyn grimly took a draught of wine. “On that day, I fought him, I fought for my life. I slowly whittled his advantage, for I was younger and stronger. He was desperate, though, and furious as I said. He struck me against the side of my head. He kicked me until what little breath I had was lost.

“He was more experienced in the water than me and I know that I drank far more of the sea. And we sank with uncommon speed. I was terrified and fought for my very survival. He stymied my every effort to either escape or save us both.”

I gripped his hand in horror, appalled that I had never even guessed at Merlyn’s ordeal.

“I turned once, nigh blue for air, and he was smiling at me, his cheeks filled with air and his gaze filled with malice.” Merlyn closed his eyes. “Then he lifted his hand and I saw the rock within it just as he swung it at me. Praise be that water slows a strike, for I managed to evade his blow. He snatched at my leg and pulled me down, I clawed for the surface, but my father pulled me to the depths of the sea.”

“He meant to kill you.”

Merlyn nodded.

“The villain! But you did escape, you must have.”

“I did.” Merlyn drank grimly. “My boot pulled free. He snatched after me, but I was given new strength by this chance to live. I broke free, desperate for air. He lunged after me, but I kicked, felt the blow connect and did not look back.”

Merlyn swallowed.

I covered my mouth with my hands, horrified.

“I broke the surface gasping and shaking, chilled to the bone.”

“And?”

“There was no sign of him.”

“What did you do?”

Merlyn frowned. “I went back for him. I had to. He was my father, however misguided he might have been. I realized that I must have kicked his head. When I finally spied him, he was sinking fast, faster than any man should. By the time I managed to dive deep enough again, he was limp and drifting with the current. He was so heavy, I could not pull him to the surface. I had to choose whether to die with him or to leave him alone.”

“He was probably already dead.”

Merlyn bowed his head and his next words were hoarse. “Possibly. His body washed onto the rocks below Ravensmuir three days later.”

“Gawain said his pockets were weighted with stones.”

Merlyn nodded. “That was why he sank so quickly. He meant to pull me under, I have no doubt, then empty his pockets and return to the surface. He was a powerful swimmer. I have no doubt that he could have held his breath longer than me. Perhaps his ship still did come in the night. I do not know.”

I realized my own deeds had done little to make matters better for Merlyn that day. I grimaced as I met his gaze. “Because you returned from this ordeal to find your wife gone.”

Merlyn touched the silver ring. “The sole token I had given her laid in the midst of our bed, so that I could not misconstrue the extent of her rejection.”

“I am so sorry, Merlyn.”

“No. We both erred in this.” He pulled me closer. “I should have told you that he had come to Ravensmuir. I should have sought your counsel.”

“Why did you not pursue me then?”

His lips tightened “It was upon my return to Ravensmuir that I realized how clever my father had been. Gawain met me at the shore and called me a murderer.”

“I come to intensely dislike your brother,” I said with irritation.

“You believed him once.”

“Yes, but he is too smitten with his own charm and too concerned with his own advantage.”

Merlyn shook his head. “I think he believed this tale,
chère
. My father had shown his usual skill of accommodating all eventualities. Gawain insisted that our father had told him of my threats against him, threats supposedly rooted in my father’s refusal to invest in my growing trade. It seemed that he would not buy me a ship of my own.”

“Was that true?”

“I had no ships of my own at the time, that much was true, and it was also true that I could not have afforded one then.” Merlyn spoke with heat. “It was not true that I had demanded my father fund one, or that I had threatened him, but he had told so many souls as much that it was as fact.”

His words turned bitter. “And this was when I learned that it matters less what a man has done - it matters more what others believe he has done. Whether I died or whether I survived my father’s attempt to kill me was immaterial - I was marked as a murderer and my reputation was gone.”

He shook his head. “That my father had left every coin in his treasury to my hand provided confirmation to any who might have doubted of my scheme to gain my inheritance early. Perhaps he feared the outcome which did come about. Perhaps he knew that I was stronger than him.”

“Perhaps he wished you to believe that you killed him.”

“I did kill him. I could not save him from himself nor from the sea.” He shook his head. “My father’s was an artful scheme.”

“And he destroyed your alliances for trade.”

Merlyn nodded. “A man can only trade in legitimate goods if his reputation is impeccable, and mine no longer was. The shop in Venice faltered for lack of clients. None in the East wished to make agreements with me. Whatever trust I had cultivated over the years was stolen from me.”

“But how did they know? Ravensmuir is not so central as that.”

Merlyn smiled, though his expression was without humor. “My father hinted at trouble beforehand, it is clear, perhaps on the journey when he sought me out. And Gawain, in his bitterness, was a very effective messenger. He and my father were close, two of a kind, and he blamed me for cheating him of his own blood.”

“You were gone two days,” I said softly.

“I came ashore far south of here.” He frowned. “And I did not hasten in the walking, for I dreaded having to tell you of what I had done. Then Gawain met me beneath Ravensmuir and I had to consider how best to proceed.”

“You should have protested your innocence, Merlyn! You could have told the truth of the tale and cleared your own reputation!”

He regarded me wearily. “Yes, I could have told the truth. I could have sworn to the veracity of my own tale before any magistrate in the land, I could have shouted the truth of what had happened from any hilltop in Christendom. But my family’s wicked repute is well known and you have seen yourself how quick men are to mark us all the same.” His eyes glittered. “I could shout myself hoarse, denying the testimony of my own brother and the damning facts piled against me. But who would believe me,
chère
? Who?”

My heart ached for what Merlyn’s father had stolen from him - the precious gifts of believing in the good of others, of trusting the pledge of others, or relying upon others for any matter at all. His father had not only betrayed and tried to kill Merlyn, he had stolen his life.

I cupped his face in my hands and held his dark gaze as I whispered the words I most wanted him to believe. “I do, Merlyn. I do.”

I barely saw his answering smile before his lips closed over mine. His arms surrounded me so tightly that the breath was driven from my chest, but I did not care. I surrendered to his embrace and returned his hungry kiss, loving him, trusting him, welcoming all he had to give.

* * *

XVI

I pulled my husband back to the solar, determined to have the lovemaking so long overdue. I had never seduced a man but the approval in Merlyn’s smile told me that I fared well enough. I recalled suddenly Fitz’s jest about all the women his lord had bedded during our separation. It was no matter - I resolved to drive the recollection of each and every one of them from Merlyn’s memory forever, and to do so on this day.

I unbuckled my own belt and cast it aside, hooked my fingers beneath my pelisse and discarded it without care for its cost. My robe immediately followed, then I loosed the tie of my chemise beneath Merlyn’s avid gaze. I strolled across the chamber, knowing that the light from the candles would glow through the thin linen of my chemise, and locked the portal.

“Now there is no escape,” I whispered.

Merlyn grinned and appeared unlikely to protest.

The neckline of my gossamer chemise was gathered onto the tie at the neck. The garment was generously cut and as I walked back across the chamber, I loosed the neck until the chemise could slide over my shoulders. I paused before Merlyn, held his gaze and dropped the chemise to puddle around my ankles.

He caught his breath.

I then lifted my arms over my head and removed the pins from my hair. He watched my breasts, studied my face, as I loosed the length of my hair from the braids. I combed it with my fingers until it cascading down my back in a coppery mass that fell beyond my buttocks. I shook it, knowing that it would snare the light, and approached him with purpose.

When we stood there with barely the width of my hand between us, I let my hands drop to his belt. Merlyn did nothing either to help or to hinder me. His eyes gleamed as I unfastened the belt and dropped it to the floor. I removed his tabard and his chemise, letting my fingers trail across his tanned flesh.

I pushed him back on to the bed and he surrendered with nary a struggle. Indeed, Merlyn smiled. Propped on one elbow, he reached out with his other hand and captured the key that hung around my neck. He gently tugged me closer by the red silken cord around my neck and I could see how his gaze had darkened. I let him steal one kiss, one kiss so tender and sweet that it nigh melted my bones, then pulled away.

“Not yet,” I murmured. “Not yet.” I wanted this to be a coupling we remembered with great fondness, the first of our new covenant, the union of honesty that should have been ours five years past. I wanted to surrender everything to Merlyn and I did not want to make haste about it.

“But soon.”

“You cannot retire fully dressed,” I chided teasingly. I kissed each palm and set his hands back upon the mattress. “Let me.”

Merlyn inhaled sharply. I could feel the tension within him, but he waited.

I straddled his leg and granted him a fine view of my bare buttocks as I pulled off his boot. His hands landed upon me as I repeated the deed with the other boot. He caressed the curve of my rump, then slipped his hands around my hips, drawing me closer to him. I laughed as I tumbled atop him, then rolled across the mattress to seize the laces of his chausses with my teeth.

He halted, eyes glittering, and watched me.

I used both teeth and fingers to unfasten the lace, the heat and the hardness of him urging me to hasten even as my impulse was to linger. On impulse and with uncommon boldness, even for me, I took him into my mouth. Merlyn gasped and whispered my name in a most delicious way.