Claimed: Death Dealers MC Book 3 (23 page)

***Raven***

I drag my tired ass out of bed, leaving Gage sleeping soundly. Between all the sex and going out with Chrissy last night, I’m exhausted. I stand in front of the sink and inspect my reflection. I definitely look tired but other than that, my neck, breasts, and stomach are covered in hickeys. There are still red streaks in my hair, too, but I’m thinking of keeping them. Gage likes it. I’m also accumulating some pretty bitching jewelry. I have my diamond earrings, ‘12 Gage’ necklace, charm bracelet, and now my cute bow ring.

As I brush my teeth, I think about what he said last night – that I tie him up in knots. What’s he conflicted about? His feelings? Or maybe his lack thereof. Just because we’re great together and have amazing sex doesn’t mean he’s in love with me. I tried to convince myself before but without confirmation from him, I can’t be sure. If I ask him, I risk getting an answer I’m not prepared to hear. Then again, I may wait in vain if I don’t. I know he loves me – Stevie Wonder could see he does – but I need to know if he’s
in
love
with me. It seems I’m the one tied up in knots. He warned me, didn’t he? He doesn’t do love and relationships. I knew the rules when we started this game; I can’t go asking him to change them now.

Breathing a heavy sigh, I open the cabinet to take my pill. I reach in but see an empty spot where I usually keep the box. I search the other shelves, under the sink, the floor, the trash, but it’s not there. I know I didn’t move it.

I’m going to put a baby in you.

The words hit me like a bolt of lightning.
Fuck. He couldn’t have. He wouldn’t. Would he? That sneaky motherfucker!
I stomp back to the bedroom and shake him awake.

“What’s wrong?” he asks in a surprised but sleepy voice.

“Where are my pills?”

He sits up, rubbing his eyes. “What pills?”

“You know what pills. The ones you probably threw out.” I fold my arms under my breasts in annoyance.

His gaze lingers on my chest and I realize I’m still naked, but I’m getting too angry to care.

“You mean the pills you’re using to kill my babies?”

My mouth drops open in shock and I stare at him in wide-eyed amazement.
What the fuck?

“I’m not killing anything! The whole point is
prevention
. You were the one who got me on them in the first place!”

“And now I want you off,” he replies matter-of-factly. “I’m serious, Raven. I’m getting you pregnant. The sooner, the better.”

He tosses off the covers, revealing his hard-on. I start backing away, seeing the intention in his eyes. I can’t believe him. What’s happened that’s changed his mind so drastically? He stalks toward me, stroking himself, a predatory look in his eyes.

“Why?” I ask.

“Why what?”

“Why do you suddenly want to have a baby?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Do you love me?”

He stops in his tracks, giving me a deer-in-the-headlights stare.

“Well? Do you want a baby because you’re in love with me and want us to be a family, or is this some Neanderthal move to mark your territory? Am I even your territory? What are we doing? Am I your permanent, personal Hound? Or is it temporary?”

“You’re not a fucking Hound. You’re my –”

“Woman. Yeah, I know. I told you how I feel about you, and now I want to know. Do you love me?”

His shoulders droop in resignation. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t
know
?” Tears begin to form in my eyes as I watch the man I love more than life itself, fight an internal struggle over a simple question.

“Raven, I don’t know what love is. It sounds cliché, but it’s the truth. I care about you, more than I thought possible. The only other women I’ve cared about are my mom, sister, and aunt. I’ll take care of you and occasionally fuck you senseless. I want you and I want a baby with you, but I can’t give you all that extra shit. I’m not built that way.”

He’s not built that way. I knew that. I knew it and I still let myself fall in love with him. My fault, I guess. As the tears roll down my cheeks, I move to the chest of drawers and get dressed. I grab my car keys, purse, and phone, then head for the door.

“Raven –”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

The door clicks behind me and I try to concentrate on walking – one foot before the other. I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to get out of here. I bump into Dr. E and he stops me in the corridor.

“What’s going on, beautiful?”

I shake my head, words refusing to pass my lips. He pulls me into his room and motions for me to sit on the bed.

“Talk to me.”

“It’s nothing,” I finally muster. “Just a little misunderstanding.”

“Then why are you crying?”

I don’t want to discuss my stupidity of falling for a man who claims he doesn’t even know what love is, so I broach the subject he can actually help with. “Has Gage said anything to you about wanting babies?”

“Why?” He furrows his brows. “Are you pregnant?”

“No. At least, I don’t think so.”

“What did he say?”

“That he wants to have a baby. He threw out my pills.”

Dr. E is shocked into silence. Obviously, Gage hasn’t spoken to him about it.

“What do
you
want?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.” Would I have Gage’s child? Hell yeah. I just don’t know if now is the right time or if I want to do it without a solid commitment. That’s the least he could do if he thinks he’s not capable of love.

“Are you using condoms?”

“No.”

“Well, if you’re not sure then you’re not ready. We can discuss other forms of contraceptives, but we’ll have to do a pregnancy test first to make sure you’re not already pregnant,” he says, going into doctor-mode.

“Okay.”

“I see you’re on your way out. Get a pregnancy test and come talk to me when you get back. If I’m not here, call me.”

“Thanks, Dr. E.”

I leave him and try to make my way to my car but run into Lonnie in the bar, talking to Deena.
Just what I need.
I haven’t seen her since the night she returned and was hoping she went back to wherever she’s been for the last couple of months. I try to pass her, but she calls out to me.

“Raven.”

“What?” I answer brusquely, keeping my back to her.

“Can I talk to you?”

“
¿Qué
quieres?
”

“
Por
favor
…”

“
Cinco
minutos
.” I sigh, continuing to the door. If she wants to talk to me, it will be on the way to my car.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but…I want to apologize to you.”

I stop moving, giving her an extremely unamused side-eye.
Really, bitch?

“I know. You have no reason to even give me the time of day, but please…can we go somewhere and talk?”

Maybe I’m a fool or too soft-hearted, but she looks sincere. I haven’t even thought about her since she left, and I realize now she doesn’t affect me the way she used to. Motioning to the car, I tell her to get in. I drive to Millie’s and we sit in a booth at the back. Millie glances between the two of us and gives me an encouraging smile. We both order coffee and I raise a brow at her, waiting for her to speak.

“I guess everyone’s been wondering where I went.”

“Not me.”

She nods in understanding. “After the way I treated you, I don’t blame you.”

“What do you want, Lonnie?”

“I want…I want to let you know I’m not going to interfere with you and Gage. I see how happy you are together, and I’ve accepted that nothing was ever going to happen between me and him.”

“Oh? What made you realize that?”

“He told me. He said if it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. At the time, all it did was make me resent you more.”

She’s staring down into her coffee mug, but I can see the remorse in her expression. I’ve never seen her like this. Could she have really changed this much in a few months?

“And now? What’s changed?”

“I went home…back to Papa’s house. I did a lot of soul-searching. Being back in that house for so long brought back so many memories. It got me wondering how I became a plaything for a bunch of men.”

She raises her face to the ceiling and tries to blink back her tears. “I know Papa is so disappointed in me. That’s not the kind of daughter he raised.” I watch her swipe the tears from her cheeks and take a sip of her coffee before continuing. “What I said to you about not having a sister…I’m sorry. I was also wrong.”

She pulls something from her purse, places it on the table, and slides it toward me. I pick it up and see it’s an old photo. It’s a much younger Lonnie, sitting on our old couch, gazing lovingly at a baby in her arms.

“That’s us,” she explains. “I had this little box with a lock on it that I used to hide my diary and anything I considered valuable. I thought I’d cleaned out the house, but I found it under my bed. That picture was in there.”

I stare down at the image as she talks. I won’t lie, it’s getting to me.
What happened to this little girl? How did she turn into the monster I grew up with?

“That was the day Papa brought you home. When I found the picture, memories from that day started coming back to me. I remember being so happy to have a little sister, someone to play with…someone who would look up to me. I was going to teach you everything.”

She sniffles and I look up to see her tears flowing freely. “What happened, Lonnie?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Jealousy. As a child, I didn’t know how much time a baby needed. I felt neglected, I guess, and I blamed you.”

“I can understand that’s how you felt but you got older, smarter. Hell, you tried to kill me for riding on the back of Gage’s bike.”

“I was a bitch. I don’t expect you to forgive me,
pero
I need you to know I’m working on myself and things will be different from now on. I haven’t even been with any of the guys since I came back.”

“And Gage?” I ask.

“I won’t lie. A part of me will always love him, but like I said, I won’t interfere. I’m actually thinking about moving back to Miami. Do you know what you’re going to do with the house?”

“Not yet. I’ve been holding on to it in case I wanted to move back, too.”

Thinking about it, it may be a good idea to have her living there. She’ll be out of my hair, and I’ll have someone taking care of the house for me.

“You want to move back into Daddy’s house?”

“If it’s okay with you,” she answers hopefully.

“I’ll think about it.”

I slide out of the booth but stop after taking only one step. She seems to be trying; maybe I should, too. I turn to face her, taking a deep breath.
Fuck, I hope I don’t regret this.
“I’m heading to the mall. Wanna come?”

She smiles, wiping away the remnants of her tears. “I’d love to.”

We drive to the mall in silence. After suffering through a few awkward stops, we have a slightly less awkward lunch. I keep the conversation on ‘safe’ subjects but she’s so eager, it’s not long before I start to relax. Just a little. I’m still suspicious of her having an ulterior motive and after a few more stores, I decide I’ve had enough of her for one day. While walking back to the car, I get a call from Laurelyn. We’re in an underground lot, so the call is choppy. As we’re about to pass a big, black van, a man steps out in front of us, blocking our path – a man I recognize.

“Let me call you back,” I tell Laurelyn and hang up.

I hear movement behind me and turn to see another man. Goldie and Lip Licker.
What the hell are these Snakes doing here?

“What’s up, bitch? Remember me?” Goldie asks.

“Vaguely. I do remember Gage promising to put a bullet in your brain.”

He looks around and spreads his arms wide. “I don’t see him around. Do you?”

“Fuck off.” I roll my eyes and try to move past him, but he grabs my hand. I drop my bags and twist out of his grasp, moving into a fighting stance. Lonnie screams as Lip Licker grabs her and tosses her into the back of the van. Fear starts to take hold, but I’ll be damned if I let them take me without a fight. Goldie lunges at me, but I side-step him. When he turns to face me, I give him my left jab.

“You fucking bitch!” he groans as he grabs his nose.

I’m about to kick him in the balls when a scent triggers a memory. Maybe it’s the heightened fear of the situation, but it knocks the wind out of me. Someone steps up behind me and I know, without a doubt, it’s my rapist. There’s no mistaking the scent. I spin around, shock overpowering my fear as I stare into the face of
my rapist
.

“Can’t you do anything right? Get her in the van.”