City Woman (49 page)

‘He doesn’t live with someone else in front of the children. They don’t know of her existence and they don’t know of yours. I don’t want them to be confused and
hurt.’ Maggie sighed. ‘It’s bad enough for them at the moment. Michael cries himself to sleep at night and Mimi’s become very aggressive at playschool. Her teacher told
me.’

‘But what about me? And what about you?’ Adam’s hazel eyes flashed with hurt and resentment.

Maggie took a deep breath and looked him squarely in the eye. ‘I don’t think we should see each other any more.’

‘
What!
’

‘Believe me, Adam, it isn’t easy for me to make this decision,’ Maggie said wearily. ‘I’ve thought of nothing else, night after night. And
you
can’t
be satisfied with this type of relationship, either. It’s going nowhere.’

‘I’m not!’ he barked. ‘
You
know that. You know I want us to be together. I’m fed up with an afternoon here, an evening there. Tea in Clerys, for
God’s sake! It’s pathetic. Now that you and Terry have split, I can’t see any reason why we can’t be together, at least for three lousy weeks in the summer. Why can’t
I take my summer holidays and be with you and the kids in your mobile? I mean, it’s nothing at all to do with Terry.’ Adam was highly indignant.

‘Adam,’ Maggie explained gently, feeling miserable but knowing that what she was going to say had to be said whether he or she liked it or not. ‘My children have got to be my
priority at the moment. I have such a huge responsibility to them and I can’t forget that. When we go down to the mobile home at the end of May, we’ll be there until the end of August.
That’s three months. I can’t see you for those three months. I’m not going to get my mother to babysit in order to come up to Dublin for an afternoon under the pretence of meeting
my editor. I can’t take the deceit any more.’ Her lower lip suddenly wobbled and tears smarted her eyes.

Adam grimaced as he put his arms around her. ‘Well, I’ll wait the three months, then.’

‘Look, Adam,’ Maggie said unsteadily. ‘This is no kind of a life for you to be leading, hanging around waiting for the few hours I can spend with you. You should have a
girlfriend of your own age with no commitments. This is not right for you; you can do much better for yourself.’

‘But I love you, Maggie!’ Adam said desperately. ‘No-one else understands me like you. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have gone off my rocker when I got my manuscript
back a few weeks ago. I love you,’ he repeated. ‘I want to be with you. Why can’t you and the children come and live with me?’

‘Because I won’t do that to them. Terry calls every evening to put them to bed. He couldn’t do that if I was with you. I won’t deprive the children of their
father.’

‘Even if it means sacrificing us?’ Adam asked bitterly.

‘I don’t want this to happen!’ Maggie cried. ‘You know how much you mean to me. You must know how happy you’ve made me. But I can’t be totally selfish. I
brought those kids into the world and I’m going to do my best for them. And if that means putting my personal life on hold until they’re reared . . . well then, that’s tough on me
but that’s the way it’s going to be.’

Adam was horrified. ‘For Christ’s sake, Maggie, this is the twentieth century, almost the twenty-first. Women and men are changing partners all the time! You can’t be serious
about putting your personal life aside. You’re talking like someone out of your mother’s generation.’

‘And what’s wrong with that?’ Maggie flared. ‘At least my mother’s generation raised relatively stable families grounded in the basic decencies. It’s just too
easy now to walk away from a marriage because of a few setbacks. My mother’s generation had to grin and bear it and for the most part, things worked themselves out. Our generation ups and
runs at the first setback.’

‘You’re never going to go back to Terry!’ Adam exclaimed, aghast.

Maggie shook her head wearily. ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen between us. What I do know is that we both want the best for our children – it’s the one thing
that unites us – and if that means Terry coming home every evening for an hour or two, or coming down to the mobile for the odd weekend, I can cope with that.’

‘Well, you’re a bloody idiot, Maggie!’ Adam said in disgust.

‘Maybe,’ she said soberly. ‘But at least I’m facing my responsibilities as best I can, in order to be able to live with myself.’

‘And so I’m getting the bum’s rush?’ he asked harshly, turning his back on her.

‘Don’t be like that, Adam,’ she pleaded.

‘Well, what should I be like?’ He turned angrily back to face her. ‘Where do my feelings come into this? What about your commitment to me?’

Maggie exploded. ‘Adam, when we first fell in love, I warned you I was a married woman with children. You knew that from the start, and you have no right to expect anything more from me.
So stop trying to make me feel guilty. You knew how I was fixed. You knew I’d always put my children’s interests first.’

‘Do you know something, Maggie?’ Adam’s lip curled in disgust. ‘I feel used, really used. You had your sex and you had all the support from me that I could give you and
now you’re dropping me like a hot potato because of your kids. Wow! This is a turn-up for the books! I never knew women did this to men, I always thought it was the other way around. Goodbye,
Maggie; you know your way out,’ he finished coldly.

Maggie was pale with shock. Not in a million years had she expected Adam to react like this. Did he not realize that she was making one of the hardest decisions of her life, a decision that had
caused her many sleepless nights. In silence, she picked up her bag and walked out his front door. As she sat into her car, she realized with dismay that she was shaking. She had expected him to
understand. Not to like her decision, but at least to understand. Kind, sensitive, intuitive Adam, always encouraging, always supportive. But he had failed her when she most needed his
understanding. A shocking thought struck her: Adam had behaved just like Terry, full of
me, me, me
, and wounded ego and pride. That, to her, was the ultimate betrayal of their
relationship. She drove through Drumcondra and turned on to Botanic Avenue. Pulling into the hard shoulder by the park, Maggie buried her head in her hands and cried her eyes out.

‘Well, to hell with you, Maggie Ryan!
And
your bloody kids!’ Adam stared angrily out the window and watched Maggie drive off down the road. He had given up
a lot for that woman – and for what? To be dropped because she felt her kids were her priority? He couldn’t believe she was such a fool. Everybody knew kids grew up and left home and
forgot all about the sacrifices their parents made for them. Oh yes, not too far in the future, her children would fly the nest and she would end up one very lonely lady indeed.

He sat down and gazed into space. He just couldn’t believe that Maggie had walked out on him. How could she do it just like that, with no thought at all for his feelings? All this time, he
thought he was someone really special in Maggie’s life and that she needed him – needed his love and encouragement and support, which he lavished unstintingly on her. How often had they
sat for hours discussing every aspect of their writing? When she hadn’t felt like writing another comma, it had been he, not the kids and certainly not Terry, who had urged her on to get back
on track. That had obviously counted for nothing, Adam thought bitterly.

A lump lodged in his throat. He had been so sure that Maggie loved him. He felt a tear slide down his cheek and angrily he brushed it away. What a wimp he was, to be crying about a woman who had
used, abused and dumped him. ‘Ah, Maggie, why did you do it? Why? I loved you. Don’t you know that? I loved you very much.’ The lump was nearly choking him and in utter misery, he
sat down and cried.

‘Daddy, will you come down and see us?’ Michael held tightly to his father’s arm, as two other pairs of eyes turned anxiously in his direction. Terry shot
Maggie a glance and she nodded imperceptibly.

‘Of course I will,’ he promised. ‘We’ll have great fun in your mammy’s new mobile, and we’ll go to Brittas Bay and into Arklow . . . and we might go to
Rosslare . . . and even on a ship to Fishguard for the day.’ There were screeches of delight at this news. ‘Go to sleep now,’ Terry ordered, ‘because you’ve to get up
early in the morning. I’m going to help Mammy pack the car.’

‘Dood night, Daddy,’ Shona held out her arms to him and Terry hugged her tightly.

‘Won’t you come down soon?’ Michael held up his face for a kiss.

‘I will,’ promised Terry.

‘I wish you still lived here,’ Mimi said angrily, and marched from the room. Terry met his wife’s troubled gaze. Maggie looked very tired and down in herself, he thought
guiltily. Maybe he should offer to take the children out more at weekends and give her a break. But Ria would go mad. She was already complaining about the way he came home every evening to put the
kids to bed.

‘I’ll go up to her,’ he murmured. Mimi was sitting on her bed, hugging her teddy tightly to her. She glowered at her father as he entered the room.

Terry sat down on the bed and lifted his elder daughter into his arms. ‘Why are you cross with me?’

‘Why do you go away to sleep somewhere else at night? Why don’t you sleep here any more? You don’t love us any more!’

‘Of course I love you, you silly billy. Don’t I come home every night to play with you and put you to bed?’ he answered lightly. ‘And don’t I come to sleep some
weekends?’

‘But why don’t you come
every
night?’ Mimi insisted.

Terry prayed for guidance. He smiled at the cross little face in front of his own. ‘You know your friend Catherine and how her daddy’s a detective?’

Mimi nodded.

‘And you know that sometimes he has to work at night. It’s called doing night duty.’

Mimi looked at her father earnestly.

‘Well, I’m doing a lot of night duty,’ Terry fibbed lamely.

‘But
you’re
not a detective,’ Mimi protested.

‘Oh, but lots of people do night duty. Nurses. Doctors. Telephonists. Lots and lots of people.’

‘Well, I wish you didn’t have to do it,’ Mimi said. But Terry could see that his explanation had given her something to think about.

‘Sure, we all have to do things we don’t like.’ Terry kissed his little girl and tucked her up in bed. ‘Now, go to sleep as quickly as you can and then, before you know
it, it will be morning and you’ll be off on your holidays.’

‘Do you wish you were coming?’

‘I sure do,’ Terry declared, and, to his surprise, he did.

An hour later, the quilts and pillows that Maggie had bought for the mobile home were neatly stashed in the back of the car, and the cases containing all their clothes were arranged neatly in
the boot, along with an array of buckets and spades and swimming rings.

‘Well, you were always able to pack a car, Terry,’ Maggie admitted.

‘One of my many attributes,’ he said modestly, and his wife laughed.

He closed the boot and locked it. ‘Is there anything else you want me to do?’

‘If there’s any post for me, will you send it on?’

‘Sure. Of course.’ He paused a little awkwardly. ‘Hey, listen. If you like, I could go down on Friday nights and you could come up to Dublin. It would give you a bit of time to
yourself to do your bits and pieces and . . . ah . . . I suppose it would give you a chance to meet your chap.’ He was a bit surprised at himself for saying that, but fair was fair. Maggie
had the kids seven days a week and he knew there was no way she’d ever meet the bloke in front of them. They had agreed that their respective lovers were not to be paraded in front of the
children.

Maggie’s face flamed in the dark. ‘Thanks for the offer, Terry . . . but, actually, I’m not seeing Adam any more. I finished it,’ he heard her say quietly.

‘Oh! Oh, I see. Well, the offer still holds if you feel like a break.’

Maggie smiled at him. ‘That would be nice, I could meet the girls and have a gossip, and I know the kids would love to have you all to themselves.’ She caught his eye.
‘Won’t Ria mind?’

‘Kids come first,’ Terry said firmly. ‘By the way, Maggie, Mimi thinks I’m on night duty like Catherine’s da. It mollified her a bit. They’re too young to be
explaining things to them, aren’t they?’

‘Yeah,’ Maggie sighed, ‘but we’ll have to tell them some time. Although we can explain things to them until we’re blue in the face. They won’t want
explanations; they’ll just want us to be together.’

‘Let’s say nothing for the time being. Let’s give them a good holiday and see how it goes. Have you said anything to your ma and da?’ he asked.

Maggie shook her head. ‘No, I told only Devlin and Caroline.’

Terry had to laugh. ‘Well, that goes without saying!’ He’d never seen such close friends as the three of them were. He’d felt a right prat when Maggie showed him the card
from Devlin that had accompanied the roses he had thought had come from her boyfriend.

‘Have you told your mother?’ Maggie asked.

‘No,’ he admitted. ‘I just can’t bring myself to.’

Maggie sighed. ‘I know. I just don’t want to upset them. And it makes it seem all the more final when you actually say it to people.’

‘Will we leave it until after the holidays? I’ll stay here every few nights. Alone,’ he added quickly when he saw her face. ‘Just to keep an eye on the place. I
don’t like it being empty. And when I’m down in Wicklow with you, we can visit your parents’ and pretend for the time being that everything is normal.’

‘OK,’ Maggie agreed, much to his surprise and relief.

‘Right! I’d better be off, then,’ he said with false cheerfulness. ‘Enjoy your time in Wicklow. You look whacked. Try and take it a bit easy. I know that’s all
right for me to say – I don’t have the kids day and night. But I
will
come down and give you a break – that’s if it’s OK with you. I have a sleeping bag and I
can bunk down on one of the settees.’

‘That would be much appreciated,’ Maggie answered. ‘And the kids will enjoy that; it will be good for them. I think it’s best that we try and be as normal as possible
under the circumstances.’