City Woman (19 page)

‘You’re not
going
? What kind of a carry-on is that? He’s
going
and you’re
staying
? Have the two of you lost the run of yourselves? It would
behove you better to start a family, one of the reasons you were supposed to have entered the holy state of matrimony.’

Richard shot up out of his chair. ‘That’s enough.’

‘Don’t talk to me like that. I’m your mother.’ Sarah pointed a long bony forefinger at her son. ‘I just don’t know what’s got into you. Before you got
married, you were always courteous. Now, it grieves me to say, you behave like a corner-boy at times,’ she rebuked him.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Mother. I’m not a child. I’m a grown man and I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to America on business whether you like it or not.
There’s one other thing Caroline and I have to tell you and kindly remember that it’s our business, whatever you think of it,’ Richard said sternly, his face flushed. He would
rather face down a dozen judges than his mother, but she had to be told.

‘Caroline and I are separating. For reasons that will remain known to us alone, our marriage is over. We have started annulment proceedings and will be getting a divorce.’

Sarah went white with shock. She opened her mouth to say something and closed it again.

‘I know it’s a shock, Mother, but it’s the best thing for us,’ Richard said. Sarah gasped as if she’d been struck. Then she stood up and, advancing on Caroline, her
grey eyes slits of venom, she said in a voice that shook with fury, ‘It’s all your fault! I never wanted you to marry my son. I knew you weren’t good enough for him, you and that
. . . that dreadful family of yours.’

‘Be quiet, Mother. I won’t let you talk to Caroline like that,’ Richard cried.

‘Don’t you tell me to be quiet in my own house.’ Sarah was livid, two bright spots of red mottling her cheeks. ‘I warned you. I warned you but would you listen to me? I
knew it,’ she ranted. ‘I knew it would end in tears. All she’s done is bring disgrace to the family name by her drinking. She’s a slut, do you hear me, a drunken slut who
doesn’t know how to behave.’

In two steps Richard was across the room, and Caroline saw him raise his arms as if to shake Sarah. ‘Richard!’ she grabbed his arm. ‘Don’t touch your mother!’

‘I’ll kill her!’ He was white with temper as Caroline came between them.

‘Stop it! Stop it!’ she shouted, sick with fright.

‘I hate her.’ Richard started to cry. ‘She’s made my life a misery. She never let me have any friends. She always claimed that she was above everyone else and so was I.
It’s all her fucking fault. She interfered in everything. I wanted to be a botanist but she wouldn’t hear of it; it wasn’t good enough for her precious son. I had to be a
solicitor like Father. Didn’t I?’ he roared at his horrified mother. ‘Don’t you dare blame Caroline. Blame yourself, Mother, for all this mess, because you’re right
– I should never have married her. And I’ll tell you why, you mean-minded, selfish, horrible woman—’ He was almost incoherent with anger. ‘—I should never have
married my wife because I’m a homosexual, Mother. Do you know what that means? I love men, not women. I love Charles and I’m going to America to be with him because he’s dying. If
I never see you again, I’ll be happy.’ He pulled his arm from Caroline’s grasp and rushed from the room and out of the front door, slamming it behind him.

‘Oh,’ Sarah moaned, her hand clutching her throat. ‘Oh, Richard, what has she done to you?’ She sank to her knees and Caroline caught her as she fainted.

She thought she was going to faint herself. Dry-mouthed, trembling, she tried to haul her mother-in-law on to the sofa but she was too heavy. Leaving her stretched on the floor, she ran out
after Richard, who was sitting in the car staring into space.

‘You’ve got to come back in,’ Caroline pleaded. ‘She’s fainted. We can’t leave her like this, Richard.’

He was beside himself. ‘I hope she fucking dies.’

‘Richard!’ Caroline yelled at him. ‘Stop it. Come into the house with me now and help me lift your mother on to the sofa.’ Biting his lip and wiping the tears from his
face, he followed her back, and between them they managed to lift his mother. ‘Put some cushions under her feet,’ Caroline ordered, ‘and get me a glass of water.’ Sarah was
moaning on the sofa as she started to come round, and when Richard returned from the kitchen with the water, Caroline held the glass to her mother-in-law’s lips and raised her head so that
she could drink.

The elderly woman sipped the water, then lay back and closed her eyes. ‘Get me the priest,’ she moaned. ‘Get me the doctor. I’m dying.’

‘You’re not dying; you just fainted,’ Caroline said brusquely. ‘Lie back and relax, you’ll be all right in a minute.’

Sarah opened her eyes and glared at her. ‘And I don’t want any help from you,’ she hissed, and Caroline felt quite relieved that her mother-in-law was returning to her usual
form and obviously in no danger.

‘Leave me.’ She waved a limp hand. ‘I want nothing to do with either of you.’ Caroline cast a glance at her husband. He shrugged his shoulders. He was a great help, she
thought in irritation.

‘We’ll just stay for another while to make sure you’re all right,’ Caroline said steadily.

‘I want to go to my room,’ Sarah said stiffly, and in spite of herself, Caroline felt sorry for her. This visit must be like a nightmare for her. First to be told of their
separation, then to have Richard raise his hand to her and finally to have him declare his homosexuality.

‘Would you like me to come up with you?’ she asked.

‘No, thank you,’ Sarah said curtly and, drawing herself erect, walked out of the room with immense dignity.

Caroline turned on her husband. ‘You know, you’d want to go and see a therapist about that temper of yours. How could you even think of raising your hand to your mother? You should
be ashamed of yourself. That’s not normal behaviour, Richard.’

‘Well, when she called you a slut, I just saw red,’ he muttered.

‘Nothing justifies violence to a woman. Your own
mother
, for God’s sake!’ Caroline said, utterly disgusted.

‘But you don’t know how she makes me feel,’ he burst out. ‘Like a two-year-old, powerless, frustrated. She’s always done this, as long as I can remember. It’s
not right, it’s not fair.’

Caroline sighed and shook her head. She was suddenly very tired of it all. Richard’s fraught relationship with his mother had caused him serious psychological damage, and unless he sought
professional help he would never learn how to deal with it.

‘Richard, for your own sake please see someone who can help you to work through all this anger. You’ll never be happy otherwise.’

‘All right, Caroline, I will. When I’m in America I’ll do something about it,’ her husband promised. ‘Come on; let’s go home.’

From an upstairs window, Sarah Yates watched them go. She felt terribly shaky after that dreadfully angry scene. She had never seen her son so much out of control and it had
frightened her. If Caroline had not intervened, he would have shaken her. Her own son would have laid hands on her. It was unbelievable. And the language he had used. And the names he had called
her. He wasn’t himself. She must have driven him to it, that no-good wife of his. God knows what kind of pressure he was under because of her drink problem. No wonder the poor boy thought he
was . . . she shied away from that horrible word he had used to describe himself. He had been pushed to the limit, obviously. If he’d met the proper girl none of this would have happened.
Maybe this annulment and divorce were blessings in disguise. When he was finished with that woman he’d go back to his old self, the loving, kind, obliging son he had always been. Let him go
to America with Charles Stokes. Charles had been like a father to Richard; no wonder he was upset that the poor man was dying. He was so unhappy and confused he didn’t know what he was
saying.

How could he say he hated her, his own mother? Had she not made him her life’s work, caring for him, trying to guide and encourage him to be as good a man as his father was. Everything she
did had been done for him. Why was he so angry now? Sarah sat on the edge of the bed, twisting her hands together. Showing emotion was anathema to her, and a lot of emotion had been shown that
afternoon. It was at times like this that people took a medicinal brandy, but she had no alcohol in the house. She didn’t drink and she never offered it to others either. She felt the need
for something – but what? Her gaze alighted on the bottle of Lourdes water by her bedside. Her daily had brought it home to her after her last visit to the shrine. With trembling fingers,
Sarah twisted off the blue-crown and took a few little sips of the miracle water.

‘Help me carry this cross,’ she prayed. ‘Thy will, not mine, be done.’ Two tears plopped down on to her hands followed by two more, as Sarah bowed her head and wept.

‘Did you phone her?’ Caroline asked her husband the following day.

‘Yes, I did.’

‘And?’ Caroline said in exasperation.

‘She told me to go and see a doctor about the stress I was under and said that maybe a trip to America would be a good idea after all.’

Caroline’s eyes widened as she digested this piece of information. ‘Well, that’s good news.’

‘Hmm,’ Richard said non-committally, unable to recount to Caroline that his mother had also said that the Lord above would fully understand his reasons for seeking an annulment from
his totally unsuitable and unwifely wife. Caroline was the cause of all his problems, according to his mother, and once she was out of the way everything would be back to normal. Richard just
hadn’t bothered to argue; he hadn’t the heart. If his mother chose to deny what he was, and blame Caroline for everything, nothing that he was going to say would change her mind one
iota. Sarah Yates was an expert at denial – he had learned that skill from her.

‘Is Charles all organized?’ Caroline raised her eyes from the shirt she was ironing and glanced at her husband.

‘He’s closing the sale of his house today. That will be a sad moment for him. He loved that old house.’

‘I wish he’d come and stay with us for the couple of weeks before you go,’ Caroline said. ‘I feel awful thinking of him going to a hotel. It’s so
impersonal.’

‘I know,’ her husband agreed as he stapled several typewritten pages together. ‘The O’Gradys asked him to stay with them too, but you know Charles, he can’t bear to
think he’s putting anyone out.’ He stuck the papers on the cork notice-board beside the phone. ‘These are our telephone numbers in the States, and there’s our address and
also the bank manager’s number and the number of Martin Kenny’s mobile phone in case you need to get in touch with him. I’ve instructed Martin to lodge a cheque into your account
every month, and I’ve left John Baldwin instructions for taking care of Mother’s affairs. I don’t foresee any problems but if there are, call me immediately and I’ll sort
things out.’

‘I’ll be fine, Richard. I wish you’d stop fussing. I’m not a ten-year-old,’ Caroline said irritably. Now that the time of their departure was approaching, she
wished it would hurry up and come so that she could be finally done with it. It was unsettling the way things were.

‘I’m only trying to help,’ Richard said.

‘Sorry, I know you are. I just feel a bit on edge, and no wonder, after yesterday.’

‘Well, Mother’s fine, believe me,’ he reassured her. ‘And I
will
go for some sort of therapy. I know my behaviour isn’t exactly adult and rational. No
doubt whoever I go to will unearth plenty of repressed fears and emotions; that’s their game, isn’t it?’ he smiled ruefully.

Caroline put down her iron, went over to her husband and gave him a hug. ‘But if it helps, it will be worth it, won’t it?’ she said comfortingly. ‘And it might help you
to be more comfortable about your sexuality,’ she added.

Richard sighed. ‘I don’t think so. I bitterly resent being homosexual. Nobody could convince me they want to be like this. All it causes is misery.’

‘Charles has always been at ease with it,’ Caroline said gently.

Richard smiled. ‘Charles is an exceptional man.’

‘Yes,’ his wife agreed, ‘he is.’

‘I want you to have this and when you have the collywobbles I pray that it will help you as it helps me.’ Charles pressed a little leather folder into
Caroline’s hand. ‘My mother gave it to me and I would like to give it to you.’

‘What is it?’ she asked, intrigued. They were standing waiting for Richard near the escalators in Departures.

Charles kissed her cheek. ‘It’s something that has been very special to me and there is no-one I would rather have it than you. You are very precious to me, Caroline, and your
generosity knows no bounds.’

She opened the little leather wallet and saw a page of vellum with the finest, most beautiful script she had ever seen. As she read, tears welled in her eyes. It was a prayer, a beautiful
prayer:

‘Oh, Charles, I’ll always treasure it. It’s beautiful. Thank you,’ Caroline flung her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

‘It got me through many a tight spot and it will do the same for you. God be with you always, Caroline.’

‘And with you, my dear, dear friend,’ she echoed warmly.

Richard, who had been buying some dollars, joined them. ‘I think we should go to our departure gate.’

‘I don’t think I’ll go with you,’ Caroline murmured. ‘It’s best if I stay here.’ As it was, she was having a hard enough time trying to maintain her
composure. She didn’t want to make a complete show of herself at the boarding gate.