No
— her body wanted to take her brain out back and beat it up until it stopped getting in the way of what the rest of her wanted — what she
needed
.
With another press of him against her, he slid his face down to her throat, sucking and nipping delicately at the flesh. He backed up slightly and she groaned in frustration, raising her hands to his head and pushing him harder against her throat. She bent her head, exposing more flesh in complete surrender to him, stroking his soft hair and reveling in each perfect sensation.
Sliding her hands down, she went to unzip his jacket when a strange voice burst through the quiet air around them.
"Holy shit, Donnie! I think that's Wyatt McCoy. Look at where I’m pointing, ya jagoff. He’s over there, with that chick!"
"Oh my God," Jenna blurted out, whipping her head around to see two middle-aged guys pointing at them, clearly excited to have spotted the famous quarterback. She was instantly shocked back into reality and totally mortified with herself. She pushed Wyatt back, to see his eyes were full of confusion and desire.
"What the hell? Don't worry about them. They can't really see us," he mumbled against her, kissing her neck again, but she pushed him away quickly.
"I have to go. Crap. What was I thinking?"
Jenna yanked at the door, bumping both of them with it.
"Stop it, right now, Jenna. You're being ridiculous," he said.
Her whole body was shaking, and she couldn't seem to make herself create a single coherent thought other than a powerful impulse to run.
"Sorry, Wyatt. I mean it. Oh, hell."
She threw herself into the car and fished her keys awkwardly out of her pocket, starting the car as quickly as she could. She caught sight of the two men that had interrupted them coming toward them and she moved even more quickly. They really were far away, but not enough for her taste.
"I'm sorry, Wyatt. I have to go and I…I think we shouldn't see each other again, okay? You get that, right? Okay, gotta go." The words just kept babbling out of her mouth like water over stones in a creek, tumbling on top of each other in idiotic succession.
"Jenna, get out of that car and talk to me, now," he ordered, but she pulled out of the spot and drove too quickly around the sharp turns of the parking garage.
She watched Wyatt in her rearview mirror as she tried to hide her face from anyone that may be able to see her. He looked furious, but not nearly as mad as she was with herself.
"
And that is why we don't take risks, Jenna," she berated herself out loud, but there was nothing but the steering wheel to hear her, and she couldn't be sure, but it seemed pretty furious with her, too.
CHAPTER NINE
"
Hi Laney, thanks for squeezing me in for my annual. I've been swamped lately!"
Jenna gave her friend a hug and then pulled down her flimsy examination gown. The old mantra that doctors made the worst patients was certainly true in her case. The moment she walked into a doctor’s office for her own health, she immediately became uncomfortable and jittery. She was grateful that her yearly Pap smear was with one of the first new friends she'd made after moving to Pittsburgh and joining
UPMC
.
"Some things never change, right, Jenna?" Laney said cheerily, her light brown hair smoothed back in a simple ponytail from her cute face and pert nose that still somehow engendered confidence in her patients, even if she was completely adorable. "All right, you know the drill. Into the stirrups. Giddyup," Laney said, with a wicked grin and a slap of the cushioned table.
"Seriously, Laney?"
"What? Come on, I gotta keep it lively."
"I know, but
every
time…"
"Hey, you get to touch sexy injured athletes all day, you don't need humor to keep your life interesting. I, on the other hand, have chosen a life that keeps me up to my neck with lady bits all day. I like to mix it up a bit."
"If I recall correctly, you are perfectly happy with spending your private time with lady bits, too, so how can you complain…?"
Laney washed her hands at the sink and looked back at Jenna over her shoulder, "I never take my work home with me, I keep those particular lady bits separate — thank you very much. Plus, I don't limit myself to ladies, so I have my bases covered. Besides, at least I
have
a personal life. How's your dry spell coming along?"
Jenna blushed and quickly changed the subject back to mundane complaints about hating the cold weather, because she did not want to talk about any spells — dry or wet.
Lying back, she tried to ignore the discomfort going on in her southern hemisphere as Laney went through her series of procedures for the exam.
It had been a handful of days since she'd lost her mind and rubbed herself against Wyatt as if she were trying to test the flammability of their clothing fibers. Yet, she still couldn't sort out her feelings. Besides the fact that he was totally wrong for her, she had only just delivered a consult on his health. It was true that their limited medical relationship was over, but even if the ethical lines in this instance were fuzzy, there was no denying that entering into a relationship would appear highly improper. She was at a stage in her career where she needed to be above reproach.
With each logical consideration she made against pursuing anything with him, a powerful — and impractical — thought popped up in her mind, and that was her intense need to touch him again and explore this draw he had on her. No one had interested her in this way in such a long time, and it was impossible to ignore him. He'd tried to contact her with a couple voicemails and a text, but so far she had ignored them. She didn't know what to say, even though he was occupying her mind every day.
Wyatt wasn't making it easy on her either. Whether it was a funny text or a picture of a restaurant he wanted to take her to, he just wouldn't let up. It was all starting to wear her down, but she'd made it this far without giving up, she could go a little longer.
"Jenna, your pelvic exam looks good. I'm just going to feel your stomach and do a breast exam, and then we'll be done."
"Great, thanks, Laney."
"You're welcome. So how's work? Have you talked to your boss about that fellowship?" Laney asked, as she pressed on Jenna's stomach and made her way to her breasts.
"I did. It didn't go very well. You know Richard, he likes to act like he's everybody's dad. He just said…"
Laney's face turned very serious and Jenna suddenly felt nauseated.
"Laney, what's up?"
"Jenna, have you been doing your home breast self-exams?" Laney asked seriously, moving her hands to the other breast and then to Jenna's armpit.
"Yes," Jenna answered, with a bit more confidence than she felt. "Maybe not for a couple months, but yes, I generally do. Let me think…"
How long has it been? I try to be so good about this. Oh God, it's like when the dentist asks if you've been flossing. You always say yes, but can you really remember every time? And Aubrey loves to hog the bathroom… Dammit, focus Jenna!
Laney started examining Jenna's right breast again, and then the left…and the crease between her eyebrows worried Jenna.
"Jenna, you've got a few concerning lumps here."
Jenna sat upright and suddenly felt dizzy. All of the humor was gone from Laney's lighthearted demeanor.
"I'm going to refer you to an oncologist. I'll want you to go ahead and have an ultrasound and mammogram, too, but I don't want to take any chances here."
All previous distracting thoughts of Wyatt quickly left Jenna’s mind as she started to panic internally.
This cannot be happening to me.
"Of course. I understand." And she did, all too well.
Laney sat down at her desk and started jotting down information while Jenna yanked the gown down across her suddenly shaky body.
"I'm going to send you to Dr. Raj Kannan. He's the absolute best. He is in pretty high demand, but he should make accommodations for another physician, and he's a friend of mine, so drop my name like it's hot, okay, Jenna?"
"What? Oh yes, I've got it. I appreciate it."
Jenna felt as though she were a mile above the ground. Everything was quiet and hollow — so disorienting.
Laney stood in front of her and went on, her lips moving, though Jenna could only barely hear her.
"Jenna, you know most of these lumps turn out to be benign. Just nature's way of being an asshole and keeping us on our toes…but with your family’s history…"
"I know, we can't take any risks."
"Right, come on, hop on down and let me get his information for you."
Jenna nodded and slid her body to the floor, but her feet were numb and she just had to hope she'd find her way home.
Jenna walked into her apartment still on autopilot after her appointment with Laney. She had to get a series of tests done and then wait a couple days to get in to see Dr. Kannan for more poking and prodding. Going to an oncologist right away was aggressive, but no one wanted to take any shortcuts with a doctor, let alone one whose mother died of complications from a catastrophic and particularly challenging form of breast cancer at almost her exact age.
The holiday season made everything slower and more difficult, though Jenna felt like she wanted to put it all off for a while — maybe forever.
She threw her coat and purse down in the living room and made her way to her bed, only to find Tea on it, sprawled on her back, her massive head of hair lying like a beautiful halo across the pillow.
Her body was flopped on top of the duvet, and brochures and bridal magazines were strewn around her like wedding rice.
Jenna rolled her eyes slightly at Tea's position and said sarcastically, "Is it Southern lady drama hour in my apartment? Let me guess, have you 'taken to your bed, Miss Scarlett?'" Jenna teased, invoking the name of the original Southern drama queen. Like many women from the South, Tea had a tendency to be pretty emotional, and it always left Jenna at a bit of a loss.
"No, Jenna, I've taken to
your
bed."
"What happened?"
"I've started to plan the wedding. Griffen got really excited, which was great. Then he said he wanted me to take his name and that he planned to adopt Johnny, too. It was so sweet, but…"
"Wow, he just went for it all right out of the gate, huh?"
"Exactly."
"Did he say why?"
"No, and it was so much to have to digest all at the same time, I just… I wanted a little break. I didn't want to worry him, so I headed over here." Tea closed her eyes until Jenna sighed and flopped down beside her.
"Are you okay, Jenna?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"What else is new?" Tea grumbled at her.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You never want to talk about your own things, Jenna."
"That's not true."
"It sure is. You pushed me to open up and move on with my life. You tell Aubrey to be honest and open about things, but you won't let us ask you anything. You've always been closed off on your own stuff, but you push, push, push everybody else. Maybe we have a diagnosis for you once in a while, Doc."
"Don't call me that," Jenna grunted out at her, unable to deny what she said, but still angry regardless.
Tea and Jenna were lying on the bed with their arms crossed and faces looking bitter and angry when Aubrey bounded into the room.