Circus of The Darned (11 page)

"Soren will sit on Finnvid," Eirik said, playing with the air conditioner. "He is small, and Finnvid won't mind."

"I am not sitting on anyone!" Soren said, backing away as Finnvid tried to grab him.

"You can sit up front, between Eirik and me," Imogen told him, pushing him toward the front seat.

"There, you see? Everyone fits. Let us go," Eirik said. "Are we going to McDonald's again, as well? Last night Isleif ate ten Big Macs. I will show him that I can eat eleven."

I sighed, wondering if anyone else ever got stuck with Viking ghosts that were addicted to

McDonald's. I climbed onto Isleif's lap, apologizing to Finnvid when I inadvertantly kicked him in the knee. I didn't mind sitting on Isleif because he had a daughter my age—or he did at one

point, several hundred years ago—but it was a tight fit getting the two big Vikings and me into the back of Imogen's car.

"What exactly—oh, sorry again, Finnvid.My foot was cramping—what exactly do you guys

want to buy?" I asked as we crossed the causeway over to the mainland. The town ofBenlös

Vessla was just a few minutes away, a nice enough place with a couple of streets of shops,

suburbs, even a couple strip malls.

"Finnvid wishes to visit Kärleksgrottan," Eirik answered, leaning back as the air conditioning blew on him.

"Kärleksgrottan?"I asked.

"Yes. It means love grotto. Finnvid has heard of something called a motion lotion, and wishes to try it."

I peeked at Imogen. She was blushing faintly, but kept her eyes on the road and said nothing. I added Finnvid's quest to my Too Much Information list.

"I wish to get a new bow," Isleif rumbled behind me. "I have seen pictures of modern bows in a catalog. I want one with a laser sight. No moose would ever escape me then!"

"Er… I don't think hunting is allowed now," I said, crossing my fingers because I had no idea whether or not that was true. I just didn't want to see Isleif hauling in the corpse of a moose some morning.

"It isn't? What is this country coming to?" Isleif grumbled under his breath for a few seconds.

"Then I will get a new hunting knife.A sharp one, with a compass in the handle."

Soren turned around just enough to raise his eyebrows
at
me. I shook my head slightly, telling him it was useless to get into a lecture against hunting with guys who spent their entire lives doing it.

"And I wish to get a Game Boy," Eirik said, his eyes still closed, a look of bliss on his face as he wallowed in the cold air blowing from the front vent. "I have seen many tourists with them. I wish to blow up tiny little people as they do."

Soren snickered.

"It sounds like you guys will be busy for a while buying all your stuff."

"Buying?" Finnvid asked. "We do not buy. We are Vikings! We pillage!"

"Pillaging is also outlawed now," Imogen said, winking at Finnvid in the rearview mirror. "You

must buy things or the police will lock you away in a very small room. It is not pleasant."

"You don't have any money?" I asked Eirik, who was sitting up now, looking around the town as Imogen drove us down the main street.

He frowned. "No. We will barter."

"Barter what?" I asked, chewing on my lower lip. I didn't want the ghosts glommed onto me forever, but neither did I want to see them end up in jail for shoplifting.

"We have gold and silver," Finnvid said nonchalantly, rolling down his window in order to stick his head out of it.

"Oh. Well that should do. OK, so you guys do your bartering thing while Imogen and Soren help me pick out a dress, and then we'll all head back to the Faire in time for the opening."

"A dress?"Eirik asked, his head swivelling around to look at me.

"For your date with the Dark One?"Finnvid asked.

"Yeah, but—"

"We will help you pick out a dress. This date, it is important to you." Eirik pointed out an empty space in the parking lot. "Vikings have good taste. You will trust our opinion."

"I will?" I asked, unfolding my legs to get out of the car. My left foot had gone numb, causing me to do a little pins-and-needles dance. "Uh… Imogen has had a lot more experience picking out clothes, and she said she'd help me first, so it's only fair—"

"Bah," Eirik said, grabbing my arm and hustling me down the sidewalk. I have to give the people in Benlos Vessla credit—they didn't bat a single eyelash at the sight of three Vikings

walking around town. Imogen was giggling with Finnvid behind us as I was marched between

Eirik and Isleif to a ladies' clothing shop. Soren rolled his eyes and followed. "Imogen is a woman and thus does not have as much good taste as we do. In this, we are superior. We are

Vikings!"

"That's what you said about killing people and stuff," I said, resisting as best I could even though I knew it wouldn't do me any good. I was right. Isleif and Eirik just pushed me into the shop.

"We are superior in all things," Eirik said, looking around the store. Soren wandered in, found himself directly in front of a table mounded high with panties, gawked at them with a horrified look on his face, and ran to the other side of the store.

"Finnvid, fetch the slave—"

"Sales assistant," I corrected, spying a middle-aged lady in the back of the shop that I took to be the owner or a sales person.

"—to attend the goddess.We will pick out something for you. You sit until we're ready."

"I don't
think
so," I said to their backs as they went over to a rack of dresses. A few seconds later, I had to apologize profusely when Finnvid plopped down the sales lady he'd picked up and

carried from the back of the store. "I'm so sorry. My…
friends
… are a little enthusiastic. Do you speak English?"

"Yes," the woman said in a heavy accent, her eyes huge as she looked from Finnvid to Eirik and Isleif. Luckily, there wasn't anyone else in the shop. "Yes, I do. Er… you wish to buy

something?"

"These are charming lace panties," Imogen said, coming up with a handful of underwear. "Do you have matching bras? I do like my undergarments to match."

"Yes, behind you," the woman said, nodding toward the chair into which Soren had slumped. He looked even more horrified as he followed the woman's gaze and turned his head to find a wall

of bras next to him.

"I'll be outside," he said quickly, dashing for the door.

"Sales slave! Do you have nothing with ermine or squirrel?" Eirik called, holding a horrible slinky purple disco dress.

"Er…" the sales woman said, her mouth hanging open slightly.

" I'vefound it works best if you just ignore them," I told her in a quiet voice. "They really do mean well, but they can be a bit much if you let yourself think about them."

"Er…"

"The goddess has a date with a Dark One. She must be dressed according to her station,"

Finnvid said, holding up a pair of moss green linen capris to his waist as he checked his

reflection in the mirror.

"Eh…" The sales lady looked like she wanted to bolt.

"Fran, you mustcome look at these lace bras. They are extremely well made. I'm sure if you were to wear one of them you'd feel much more confident. Oooh!Strapless!"

"I found something," Isleif said, pulling a pink marabou baby doll nightie from a rack. He fondled the marabou feathers. "This is very goddess-like. It's short, and it will show her breasts well."

"Let me see that," Eirik said, tossing aside a taffeta promlike dress. He groped the marabou, too, for a few seconds before holding the nightie up againsthimself , smoothing it down this chest.

"Yes, this is good. I like it. Do you have bearskin boots?Ones that lace up the thigh?"

"Erm…"

"The goddess Fran will need an ax, too," Isleif told her."A nice little ladies' beheading ax with matching baldric. And a skinning knife to tuck into her boot, for emergencies."

Imogen shoved a periwinkle blue bra into my hands."Wireless underwire.Truly one of the seven modern miracles of man. Is that a negligee Eirik has? Where did he get it? Oooh, they have it in peach!"

The sales lady made an eeping sound, and started backing toward the door. Imogen hurried past

Isleif to pounce on the rack of nighties.

"Good point, Isleif," Eirik said, nodding. "She must be protected. Sales slave! I have gold Arabic coins. I will give you two of them for this goddess dress, and one more for the beheading ax and skinning knife."

That turned out to be the straw that broke the sales slave's back. The lady ran for her life as I slumped down into the chair Soren had so quickly vacated, wondering if I was going to go

through the rest of my life accompanied by twelve Viking ghosts, clad in a feathery pink nightie.

It was beginning to look like I was.

Chapter Nine

"There you are," Ben said, giving me a long look as he stood next to where Imogen had parked her car. "I thought you were going to be back early. Your mother has been looking for you. You only have a few minutes before the Faire opens."

GothFaire is a popular show even though it goes to most places just once a year. People come to it from all around the countryside, which is why we tend to stay parked for a week in smaller

towns, sometimes two weeks in big ones. So I wasn't surprised to see that the parking area was

already filling even before the Faire was officially open, although it was a bit embarrassing

having an audience as we all piled out of Imogen's car.

"It looks like a clown car," Mikaela said as she strolled past swinging two chainsaws.

I had to admit, she was probably right. As Isleif, Finnvid, and I tried to squeeze our way out of the back, laden with packages that didn't fit in the trunk of Imogen's car, I just knew the people waiting in line for the ticket booth to open were getting a good show.

"Goddess, you are on my hand—"

"Sorry. Isleif, my shirt is caught on the edge of that bow. Can you—ow! That was my head!"

"Who has the french fries?" Eirik asked, peering out from beneath a mound of packages. The Vikings were not content with their success at the dress shop (although they pouted over the skirt and top I finally picked out, claiming they were lacking in both the feather and breast-presentation departments), and had spent another three hours going to just about every store in Benlos Vessla. We might have been able to stop them after just a couple shops since the

shopkeepers didn't take ancient gold coins, but then they spotted a coin dealer who bought

precious metals, and all bets were off. "Soren, you are spilling my McShake. If it stains my new silk suit, I will gullet you and hang your intestines to dry in the sun."

"I hear eating," Isleif said behind me. He shifted and the huge hunting bow (with laser sight) smacked me in the head again. "Finnvid is eating our Big Macs!"

"I told you boys, no eating in the car," Imogen said. As the driver, she alone was not laden with packages, but she had been wedged in pretty tightly next to Soren and Eirik. She yanked open

the car door behind me, sending me spilling out with my bag containing my date outfit

(including a new pair of shoes, nylons, and a froufrou undie set Imogen insisted I have), two

bags of men's clothing, a box containing five different flavors of fudge, a Game Boy box and

several cartridges, and a cup of Diet Coke. I fell onto the grass with Isleif not far behind me.

"Aha! I knew it! Finnvid is eating our Big Macs!" Isleif shouted as he got to his feet. Finnvid looked guilty with afrench fry hanging out of his mouth, but he didn't wait around to explain why he was scarfing down the Vikings' dinner. He threw down all the packages but the seven

McDonald's bags, and bolted.

"
Torsvänstra tanagel
!" Eirik erupted from the car, bags and boxes and packages scattering all over the place as he ran after Finnvid. He almost reached him when Finnvid suddenly turned

invisible. Eirik shouted again,then did the invisible thing himself. Isleif grunted as he got to his feet, fading away to nothing.

The line of people waiting to get in applauded, evidently believing the Vikings dematerializing was part of the show.

"
Tors
what?"I asked, brushing off myself as I stood.

"
Vänstra tanagel
.It means Thor's left toenail.'" Ben handed me one of the bags that had fallen with me.

"Oh. Thanks. You speak Swedish?"

"Yes. You're late," he said again.

"We were delayed by the Vikings," Imogen answered for me, coming around the car with her arms laden (she did as much shopping as the Vikings did—it's a wonder even half of it fit in the car). She kissed Ben on the cheek and hurried off toward her trailer, calling for Soren to bring her things quickly. He limped past me carrying the remains of Imogen's shopping, giving Ben a

dark look as he went by.

"So was it Swedish Mr. Laufeyiarson was speaking to you the other night?"

Ben looked surprised for a moment. "Yes, it was. Why?"

"I'm curious why he was talking to you when he knew I was Tesla's owner. What did he say to you?"

It took a few seconds for him to answer. I knew for some reason he didn't want to tell me, but I was less worried about offending him than finding Tesla. "He asked if you were my Beloved. I told him you were. That is all."

"Hmm.You look better," I told him, heading for my trailer. I had just enough time to drop off my things and get my palm reader's clothes on (basically, a gypsy outfit that I'd bought

inHungary ).

Ben walked beside me, holdinghimself stiffly, as if he still hurt. "I told you I would be fine."

"Was that before or after you died?"

"Fran."Ben stopped me, sighing. "I'm sorry
I
frightened you, but you of all people should know it takes more than a little blood loss to kill me. You overreacted to the situation. Despite

appearances, I was not near death."

I shook his arm off and reached for the trailer door."Oh really? Is that why you didn't answer me when I did the mind thing with you?"

He blinked but said nothing. I gave him a knowing look and ran up the steps to the trailer to