Circuit Of Heaven (25 page)

THE
PLACE
WAS
ALREADY
FULL
.
NEMO
STILL
WASN’T
THERE
, but this time his mom spotted Justine. She half stood, waving. Justine screwed up her courage and walked up to their table. They were all, except for the redhead, much too excited about seeing her. She wondered whether Nemo had given away more than he’d intended when he talked to his folks on the phone. As Nemo’s dad held her chair, Nemo’s mom kept smiling and chattering at her. Winston looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. She felt like the prodigal son, but she was just his girlfriend.

No one thought to introduce the redhead. If this bothered her, she didn’t let it show. Her intelligent eyes took everything in. Justine reached her hand across the table. “Justine,” she said.

The woman shook Justine’s hand. “Lila.” Behind the makeup, she had a friendly smile.

“Join us in a drink, dear,” Nemo’s mother said to Justine. Justine ordered a scotch and took a good swallow from it, looking for courage.

“I can’t imagine where Nemo is,” she said. “I hope he’s all right.”

Nemo’s mother told her not to worry, because her son was always late. “But if he says he’ll be a place, he’ll get there sooner or later.” She laughed, shaking her head at her son’s quirks. “He always wants to do the right thing. He hates to be wrong. Just like his father. The hard part is getting him to admit when he is.”

Nemo’s father spoke up, as if his wife hadn’t been speaking at all. “So, Justine, can you tell us what Nemo’s big news is?”

She couldn’t very well say she didn’t know. She’d look like an idiot when Nemo showed up and told them. “I’d rather wait for Nemo to tell you,” she said, but even that answer let them know she was part of what he had to tell. All but Lila leaned toward her like a circle of vultures. She was beginning to wish she hadn’t taken that hit.

“I guess you two have been getting to know each other,” Winston said, an innocent smile on his face, but you could see the leer in his eyes. She couldn’t believe she’d slept with this guy.

Justine directed her attention to Nemo’s mom and dad. “He took me to see his room. He has a lot of pictures of you two on his wall.”

Nemo’s mom looked puzzled. “But how did you see his room? It’s—” she made a dismissive gesture “—out there.”

Justine told Nemo’s parents about Real World Tours, and they’d never heard of such a thing. Lila fixed Justine with a look she couldn’t quite read. “I’ve heard of it,” Lila said. Winston was oddly silent.

“He had a picture of your mother, too, Mrs. Thorne. He was just a little boy sitting on her lap.”

“Call me Elizabeth, dear.” She turned to her husband, and they smiled at each other. “Elizabeth and Todd.” Justine decided they’d definitely figured out Nemo’s big news. She searched the crowd for Nemo, but he still hadn’t shown. She had to talk to him before he told his parents. At any moment, they were going to start asking about her.
Tell us more about Dallas, dear. How long have you been a musician? Who is Angelina Rawson, dear?

They were all smiling at each other now, and Todd was poised to speak. Justine had to keep talking. “Nemo seems quite fond of his grandmother,” she said to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth sniffed at the notion. “He likes to
think
he is, hauling all that junk of hers down from the attic, dragging a trunk of it to school with him. Truth is, dear, he hardly knew her. Her mind was going anyway. She couldn’t remember things. She died when he was just a little boy.” Elizabeth shook her head. “Completely senseless. She had every opportunity to come in here and save herself—Winston had it all arranged from the beginning—but she wouldn’t hear of it, even after Daddy died. Newman has romanticized the whole business in his head, made her into some kind of goddess, when she was just a stubborn old woman.” She gave a nervous laugh, realizing she’d said more than she’d intended. “But you don’t want to hear about our family squabbles. Tell us a little something about yourself, dear.”

Justine took another drink. “There’s not much to tell,” she said, laughing as well, trying to make a joke of it. “I’d much rather hear about Nemo’s family. What was his grandfather like?”

Elizabeth softened at the mention of her father. “Daddy was a physician, very dedicated. He didn’t want to come in either, but there were lots of doctors who didn’t come in at first, and it was all so new when he died. He would’ve come around after a few years.” She turned to Winston. “Don’t you think Daddy would’ve come in if he’d lived?”

Winston shrugged. “There aren’t any hospitals in here, Elizabeth.”

As Justine listened to Winston and Elizabeth take up what must’ve been an old debate, it was right there in front of her the whole time, but it still took a while for it to hit her: Nemo’s grandfather was Winston Donley’s father. Nemo’s grandfather was
Dr. Donley
. She almost dropped her glass, setting it on the table with a loud clunk. She stood up, backing away. “Excuse me, please.” She almost ran to the bathroom, leaving them sitting open-mouthed at the table.

IN
THE
BATHROOM
,
THERE
WERE
A
COUPLE
OF
GIRLS
SHARING
the mirror and talking. They took one look at Justine and left. She leaned on the counter, nauseated and dizzy. What the fuck was going on? She’d dreamed that Nemo’s grandfather had delivered her baby. She tried to convince herself that it was like Nemo said, that she’d heard the name, and her mind was playing tricks on her. But after what she’d found out about Angelina, she couldn’t believe it. There were other people’s memories inside her. No matter what Mr. Menso said, something must’ve gone wrong when she was uploaded. She tried to remember beyond her dream, but all she could remember was the pain, the flood of numbness.

The door opened behind her, and she looked in the mirror. It was Lila. “I’m supposed to make sure you’re all right,” she said. “Are you?”

“No, but don’t tell them that.” She straightened up and smiled into the mirror. “Really, I’m fine. Thanks. Stage fright. I always get it. Is Nemo here yet?”

“He’s the nephew from outside? He hasn’t showed.”

“Just tell them I’ll be back in a minute.”

Lila nodded, but she didn’t go away. She regarded Justine with narrowed eyes. “Mom and Dad don’t know what you are, right? What is it? You’re playing the girlfriend? Don’t worry. We’ll cover for you.”

Justine turned from the mirror. “What do you mean? What do you think I am?”

“Oh, shit,” Lila said. “I’m sorry. Open mouth, insert foot. I must’ve made a mistake.” She turned to leave.

“No, please, tell me. What did you think I am?”

She shrugged. “Don’t take any offense, but we figured you were like us—a Construct mistress—a little gift for Senator Donley’s nephew.”

“A Construct mistress?”

Lila arched her brows. “How long you been in here anyway?”

“I’m just in. Six weeks.” Or three days, she thought.

“You must’ve been living in a cave. We’re no big secret. You’ll hear the jokes, see us in the virtuals leading good men astray. We’re patched together from old Construct files.” She gave a bitter laugh. “We live to serve.”

“You’re Winston’s mistress?”

“This week. We get passed around from one self-important jerk to another. Winston’s the worst.”

“But why do you do it?” Even as the question escaped her lips, she regretted it, and the judgment it implied.

Lila looked at herself in the mirror, smirked at what she saw there. “Not bad, huh? Lovely Lila. Officially we don’t exist. The same assholes who put us together can pull the plug if we act up. As long as we’re Lila, good time girl, gives good head but not any lip, we’ve got a life. Otherwise, we’re history, not even history because we’ll be wiped clean without a trace.” She made a motion in the air like wiping a window, then turned it into a wave goodbye. “Life’s a tough thing to let go of once you get your hands on it.” She turned from the mirror. “We’ll go tell them you’re okay.”

“You talk in the plural, like a Construct.”

“We’re the same thing, only we’re in here, and they’re out there. We use ‘I’ with the Johns. They like it better that way. They don’t want the guys to know they’re out with a whore.”

She started to leave, and Justine laid her hand on her arm. “Wait. If I were like you, I’d know it, wouldn’t I?”

Lila smiled reassuringly and patted her hand. “After six weeks? Sure. At first, you don’t know who the hell you are, but that only lasts a few days, then you find out you’re somebody’s cut-and-paste fantasy.” She gave a bitter laugh. “Those were the days—when we didn’t know what the fuck was going on.”

“You said you thought I was a gift for Winston’s nephew?” She couldn’t keep the panic out of her voice.

Lila peered into Justine’s eyes. “You’re fresh, aren’t you? You haven’t been in here any six weeks.”

Justine could feel the fear building inside her. “I don’t know. I’m not sure anymore. But please tell me. If I was just in, and I was like you, how would I know?”

Lila shrugged. “Your lives are suppressed at first. The integration program sits on top of them like a lid. Then they start bubbling over. Are you having weird memories? Strange dreams?”

Justine staggered as if she’d been struck. She thought she was going to fall down.

Lila took Justine by the shoulders. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” she repeated as she steered Justine into a stall, and sat her down. “We’re truly sorry. That was so incredibly stupid. That was no way to break it to you. They usually tell a girl up front, you know? We’re really sorry.”

Justine was trying to speak, but she couldn’t form any words. She opened her mouth and began to wail, unable to stop. She was nothing. Old files stuck together. A pack of lies.

Lila took Justine’s face in her hands, forced Justine to look at her. “You’ve got to get a grip. You can’t let them find you like this. Come on, now. Take deep breaths. That’s right. We’ll get you some water, okay? Just sit there real quiet, and we’ll get you some water.”

Justine stifled her sobs and managed to nod, breathing deeply. Lila left her for only a few seconds and came back with a cup of water. “Drink it. Come on. There you go.”

Justine sat slumped on the toilet, drinking the cup of water, felt its coolness trickling down her throat. She’d finally discovered what she was, what was wrong with her. Now she wished she’d never been born. No, not born but made, she thought bitterly. She’d never been born. That wish was already granted. She drank all the water and crumpled the cup in her hands. “Thanks for telling me, Lila,” she murmured. “I needed to know.”

Lila put her hands on Justine’s shoulders and tried to look encouraging. “It’s not so bad, really. You like this nephew, right? Maybe you can make a steady thing of it—”

“But why? Why am I
here
? What is going on?” Justine was practically screaming.

“You’ve got to keep it down, okay? Your guess is as good as ours. You want some more water or something?”

She’s not telling me everything, Justine thought. “What do you
suspect
is going on?” she asked quietly.

Lila shook her head. “This really sucks. You’re really in love with this nephew, aren’t you?”

“With all my heart.”

“Do you think he knows what you are?”

“I’m sure he doesn’t.”

“And he’s a holdout, right?”

Justine nodded, and Lila’s hands slipped from her shoulders. Lila straightened up, shaking her head. “We’ve got a theory, but you’re not going to like it. He’s on the outside, right?” She held up her right hand. “So they plant you on the inside.” She held up her left. She brought her two hands together. “You’re bait. That’s the big news, isn’t it—that he’s coming in?”

“Not if I can stop him,” she said.

“That wouldn’t be too smart.” Lila made a motion like wiping a window. “Don’t lose your purpose in life, honey. It’s what keeps you up and running.”

“I’m not even real.”

“Can that shit. You’re as real as they are. Remember that.”

“That’s not what Nemo will think.”

“Then don’t tell him. If we’re right,
they
sure as hell won’t tell. Besides, We’re probably wrong—how could they be so sure he’d fall for you? There’s lots of pretty girls in the Bin.” Lila knelt in front of Justine and took her hands. “Look, we could be wrong. It doesn’t make sense that they wouldn’t tell you up front. Otherwise they wouldn’t have any control over you.”

The bathroom door came open, and Rick stuck his head in. “Are we playing tonight, or what?”

“I’ll be right there,” Justine said.

Rick leered at the two of them, pursing his lips. “Sorry to break up your fun, boss lady. Your girlfriend looks like a real good time.” The door swung closed on his laughter.

NEMO’D
INTENDED
TO
TAKE
A
SHORT
NAP
AND
have plenty of time to meet his parents at the club, but things didn’t work out that way. He slept right through the alarm, and Lawrence wasn’t around to wake him this time. He dressed as fast as he could and jogged to Northside Station, sticking close to the houses in case he attracted the attention of any dogs. Come tomorrow, he reminded himself, he wouldn’t have to worry about such things anymore.

He rode the escalator down to the platform and waited for the train. He calculated that Justine would be well into her first set about now. With any luck, he’d make it before she took a break. He didn’t want to leave her stranded with his family any longer than he had to. His mother’d asked if Winston could come, and he’d said sure, what the hell, let’s make it a party. She’d actually laughed out loud. He couldn’t remember the last time he heard his mother laugh like that. He was doing the right thing. He was absolutely doing the right thing.

At the other end of the platform, a Construct was checking a circuit panel. He’d seen her in the station before. Her name was Wendy, and he suspected Lawrence had a thing for her. She was small, maybe four feet tall, but her fingers were long and slender, made to fit into tiny places and fix things. She looked as if she were cast in platinum, a small-scale statue of a tall, beautiful woman. He wondered what sort of splice they’d used to make her look metallic. She held a tiny flashlight in her teeth to illuminate her work, and probed the connections with a circuit tester. Why does she do it? he wondered. Was the central computer Lawrence told him about telling her what to do? Who was telling that computer what to do?