Cinnamon Twigs (39 page)

             
Children ran around the stalls as the harsh sun beat down on them. Some of them looked gaunt and undernourished. Poverty filled the air. Soraya told me about rural poverty and the favelas in the Brazilian towns. The children’s mothers haggled for fruit. Desperation sang through the stalls. Family was all they had. The world afforded no law to give them wealth.

             
I’d entered another world. A little boy tried to make money from shining shoes, his hands and face covered in tallow. He looked younger than six years old, his dark brown eyes red and puffy in the blistering heat.

             
Tears scorched my eyes. The sun blazed above me, casting uncompromising beams of light on the throngs of people. The mingled scents of herbs and spices and stinking poverty seared my nostrils.

             
‘What’s the matter?’ Soraya asked.

             
‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.’

             
‘I thought you’d like it here, away from the island.’

             
‘I guess I’m starting to realize certain things.’ I wiped my eyes.

             
‘Like what?’             

             
‘I hated the fact that fame was superficial. But I didn’t know I was so blind.’

             
‘Blind to what?’

             
‘Reality. The things that matter. All the issues I had, they seem so ridiculous, as inconsequential as the drop of a sparrow’s tears now.’

             
‘I don’t understand you.’

             
‘I’m not sure if I understand myself. But look at these children. Look at all the families here.’

             
‘What about them?’

             
I couldn’t answer her.

             
‘Come on. Let’s haggle.’

             
I was reminded of my honeymoon, when Lauren had haggled for fruit in Elounda. The pain felt unbearable, lodged in my throat. I shouldn’t have left her. I shouldn’t have left.

             
‘Have you ever haggled before?’ Soraya asked me.

             
‘No.’ I closed my eyes and let a final tear stream down my cheek. ‘I’ve never haggled…’

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR

Time’s Boundaries

The stars burned fiercely above Soraya and me. Some of those stars had died a very long time ago, but the light still reached us. We were sitting on the edge of a cliff, white sands and calm waves below us. Bi
rds sang in the trees, their sweet melodies traveling through the cool air, while yellow leaves rustled in a gentle breeze.

             
Soraya took my hand in hers and rested her head on my shoulder, disrupting our laughter.

             
‘What’s gonna happen with us?’ she asked, her voice suddenly serious.

             
‘In what way?’

             
‘Is this all we’ll ever do, you reckon? Just spend the rest of our lives on the island?’

             
‘You sound ambitious.’ I took a swig of wine.

             
‘Hmm. I guess you’ve rubbed off on me.’

             
‘You have your whole life ahead of you. You have to decide what you want.’

             
‘But what do
you
want? Are you happy staying here? I don’t think you are, Daniel.’

             
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I’ve been thinking…’

             
‘About home?’

             
‘Yeah. To be honest, I think I made a big mistake. I was selfish. I’ve always been selfish.’

             
‘You’re just ambitious,’ she whispered. ‘You know, I’ve never really been close to anyone.’

             
‘Anyone?’

             
‘Well, I’ve never been in love. Never really understood it. All I know of love is what I heard in the stories my father told me about reunited couples. It’s always been a fairytale to me.’ She sipped her wine and looked up at the starry sky.

             
‘You’ll find someone.’

             
‘And what about you?’

             
‘I’m married.’

             
‘But your wife is at home. You left her.’

             
‘Yeah, but…’

             
‘You’re never going to fall in love again?’

             
‘I don’t know.’

             
‘I watch you. I watch you sitting here, day after day like that hero on the lonely shore. And I want to make you happy.’

             
‘I am happy!’ I laughed hollowly. ‘You’ve been a wonderful hostess.’

             
‘I like you.’

             
‘I like you too.’

             
‘I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone in my whole life. We’ve been on this island together for nearly nine months now.’

             
‘You’ve been counting.’ I grinned.

             
‘And it still feels like a fairytale. I want to be yours. I think I could really love you.’

             
‘You don’t want to be with me. You’re just drunk.’ I fixed my eyes on the incoming tide. ‘You want someone young, someone who isn’t selfish.’

             
‘No. I want to be with you. Don’t you think you could fall in love with me? Or at least be happy with me?’

             
‘Soraya, this is ridiculous. There are so many guys out there. Any bloke my age would think this was a dream, having a gorgeous young girl like you tell him these things. It’s the stuff of fiction. It really is. But I know you belong to someone else.’

             
‘So you’ll never let yourself fall in love again?’ She kissed my cheek.

             
‘I don’t know.’ I sighed. ‘I just don’t know…’

             
Soraya turned away from me, her eyes suddenly wet.

             
‘You think you were reborn, but all you did was kill yourself,’ she snapped. ‘You ran away from reality. You abandoned the woman you’re clearly meant to be with. You deserted your real life.’

             
‘You’re right,’ I said. ‘I’ve been a tool.’

             
‘Tell me now that you don’t miss your friends. Tell me you don’t miss your wife. Please, tell me you’ve left all that behind, forever!’

             
‘I can’t.’

             
‘I know you can’t.’ She wiped the hot tears away from her eyes. ‘You can’t tell me those things because they’re just not true. You should never have come here.’

             
‘I’m so sorry.’

             
‘I’ve never met a man like you. You’re from a world I know so little about. But you belong in that world. Not here.’

             
‘You’re a special girl, Soraya,’ I told her.

             
‘I’ve learned a lot from you. Guess I need to see the world. I can’t hide from the unknown forever. Can’t cling on to the island.’

             
‘Yes. That’s true.’

             
‘And you, are you going home?’

             
‘I need some more time to think.’

             
‘It’s like you were sent here by God!’ She laughed softly. ‘Fate brought you to me. Maybe you shouldn’t have come, but something definitely brought you here.’

             
‘You’re probably right.’

             
I’d learned so much on the island, grasped how weak I’d been in refusing to fight for my marriage. The journalists had dictated my life, but life is full of cacophonous moments: the good, the bad, the superficial and the moments of great depth. I’d sought the unobtainable, a world beyond the confines of existence. A world beyond this world. And I’d neglected the moments that had made me. I’d deserted the most important person in my life. There had to be more moments with Lauren. Moments I would remember, always cherish.

             
Soraya and I managed to carry each other back to the house without a leg under us. I collapsed on the sofa and immediately fell asleep.

             
Things became awkward with her as the following days elapsed. She’d told me about her feelings, but I could never care for her in that way. I still loved Lauren, and I was ready to win her back.

                                          *

Raindrops dripped from tawny leaves, plummeting towards the saturated ground on that warm but wet morning. Timid sunlight slunk across the lush greens of the island. The sea still trembled from the previous night’s storm. I sat on the edge of the cliff again and rubbed sleep from my eyes. I’d made my mind up during the previous night, when I thought Lauren had stood next to my bed. The ghostly apparition puzzled me. It had to be some sort of sign, telling me to go back home.

             
I needed to make my way across water to a landline and call the number Jonathon had given me.

             
Sadness filled Soraya’s brown eyes as we cut through the trembling waves. My time on the island was coming to an end. When we made it to the shore, she guided me to an old telephone box, half a mile away from the Brazilian marketplace. My hands shook as I dialed the faded keys.

             
‘Hullo?’ Jonathon answered after three rings.

             
‘Hey, Jonathon. It’s Daniel.’

             
‘Jesus Christ! Is it really you?’

             
‘Yeah, it’s me. I think it’s time for me to come back home,’ I croaked.

             
‘I have news for you…’

             
‘What is it?’ My heart pounded in my chest.

             
‘I’ve been close to madness because of you! I wanted to tell you. I didn’t know what to do. I’m so glad you’ve finally called.’

             
‘What’s the news you want to tell me?’

             
‘Lauren’s pregnant.’

             
‘What the fuck? Whose baby is it?’

             
‘Dan…’

             
‘Yeah?’

             
‘She found out she was pregnant not long after you left.’

             
‘Oh.’

             
‘The baby is yours, you fucking nutcase!’

             
‘Oh my God.’

             
‘She’s been looking for you. Never gave up. She’s staying in Cardiff at the moment. She wants you back. It was so hard, but I never told her anything. She didn’t believe you were dead. You have no idea how much hell you’ve put me through!’

             
‘I’m really sorry, Jonathon.’

             
‘I should never have helped you do this.’ He sighed down the receiver.

             
‘I’m coming back.’

             
‘But what about the press?’

             
‘Tell them what you like.’

             
‘There’s gonna be all sorts of trouble over this. There could be serious legal ramifications. I don’t know much about the law but I’ve done some reading and you could potentially be looking at up to six years…’

             
‘I can handle it.’ I smiled. ‘Please, tell Lauren I love her. Tell her I know I’ve done a very stupid thing. My mind, it was fucked up. Do you think she’ll forgive me?’

             
‘Of course. She loves you too much for her own good. She’s due to give birth soon. You want to get back for the birth?’

             
‘Of course!’ I said. ‘Does she know the sex of the baby yet?’

             
‘No, she doesn’t want to know until it’s born. She’s found it so hard without you. She needed you. She still needs you.’

             
‘I know. I’ll never forgive myself, but I’m gonna be there for her now. You make the arrangements, and I’ll see you soon.’

             
‘Are you calling me from a public phone box?’